How many of us are JUST crossdressers?

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]According to the masthead of this site, this is the “#1 community for crossdressers, their family and friends.” I used to be on a site in the UK called Rose’s Forum, and, just for the heck of it, I checked in on that site to see if it still exists in some capacity. It does, although there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot going on these days, if the amount of threads is any indication. I was struck by the masthead of THAT site, which states “This is a forum for transgendered persons, their friends and families.” This got me thinking – I can’t (or shouldn’t) really be on that other site. Why? Well, I’m not transgendered, am I? I’m just a crossdresser...

I’m a male that likes to wear women’s (or girl’s) clothing – that makes me a crossdresser, specifically a MtF crossdresser. I have no desire to be a woman, and I have no desire to live my life AS a woman, 24/7, in lieu of SRS. Calling me transgendered is like calling Pablo Picasso a surrealist – to other surrealists he is (or was) one, at one time, depending on how you look at it, but he didn’t think of himself in those terms. Confused? Let me tell you, I get confused when transgendered individuals say I’m transgendered just because I crossdress...

Back in 2005 I went looking for crossdressing websites, and I stumbled upon this one. I tried to join, thrilled that I would soon be amongst my purported peers, but something went wrong with my registration and I couldn’t get “in.” What to do? I eventually looked around for another site, found Rose’s, and I wrote about my crossdressing adventures and opinions on that site for a year. I met many friends all around the world, some of them CD, some of them TG, and some of them TS. It was never clear who was who, but there were times when it became obvious that “plain old” MtF crossdressers were far down on the pecking order...

I would write about crossdressing, and TG’s would “dress me down” in no uncertain terms. Was I blind? I now realize I was amongst a preponderance of TG’s, so this is why I felt isolated within my own sub-genre of gender exploration. I left that site and never looked back, except for a few brief glances like the one I have already mentioned. When I moved to my current location in 2006 I tried crossdressers.com again, and this time I was successful! At last I would be able to “meet” other MtF crossdressers like myself, at least that was the original idea...

So, here I am, a few years later, and there are several transgendered individuals on my ignore list who either don’t like ME, don’t like what I represent, or don’t like what I write. Relax, there are plenty of crossdressers who dislike me, too, but I’m trying to make a point. If this is supposed to be a discussion forum for crossdressers (see above), shouldn’t we (somehow) be allowed to discuss our crossdressing without incursions from the transgendered “community?” I’ve written a lot about this, mainly because I can’t help but notice it – there is a BIG difference between a male who dresses as a woman for tactile or sexual reasons, and a transgendered person who may be way more serious about what they do. Some of the latter “dump” on the former to a certain degree...

I’ve seen it, time and time again, in this very MtF crossdressing section. If you crossdress, you MUST be transgendered, or on the road to being transgendered, or transgendered without knowing it. To others, the act of crossdressing makes you transgendered. Apparently I, the MtF crossdresser, have certain obligations to fulfill – I cannot let down the "community," even though the community looks down on me. I can’t just dress to please myself, stay within my zone of safety, and live in a fantasy world of my own making; I MUST get out there and put myself in harm’s way like a true TG, come what may. If I don't, I’m not to be taken seriously, no matter how well I can plead my case for fairness...

Like I said, there are many TG people on my ignore list, specifically the ones who scoff at “hobbyists” or part-timers like us. I don’t need this kind of abuse, especially on a site CALLED crossdressers.com. Many times I’ve written something for US, namely the glorified panty fetishists, and it will generate a condescending post like this: “Frédérique is entitled to her opinion...” Yes, I am, but isn’t it queer that I, a crossdresser through and through, has to be defended on a CD site? I get the feeling I don’t belong here, but what else is new? Since I put on women’s clothing (and underwear) on occasion, paint my nails, paint my lips, don my hosiery of choice, don my wig, slip into my cute shoes and cavort in my chosen space (in or out), I feel like, just maybe, I am entitled and justified to be on a site like this. As it is, I still have to fit my CD opinions in edge-wise and hope I’m connecting SOMEWHERE. Alas, many of my threads are peppered with comments I cannot see, let alone read, because someone who looks down on me is taking the time to do just that...

I have many TG friends, of course, but, to put it mildly, there is little to talk about. Based on past experiences, I feel inferior. MY very BEST friend is transgendered, or she is convinced she is, or others tell her she is. Subsequently, she is confused. Sigh. If anyone out there is JUST a crossdresser, happy to be so, and you’re either as confused or frustrated as I am, PM me – I’d like to meet you...

Are you JUST a crossdresser?

PS – I’m NOT trying to stir the pot, I’m just telling it like it is. Something is wrong when a MtF crossdresser (me) feels like an outsider on a site with “crossdresser” in the title... [/SIZE]

[Desiree2bababe]

I suppose you would call me just a crossdresser although the activity did lead me into homosexual avenues at times, I remain married and straight with bi-tendencys. I would never transition, I like my male self too much for that. When I was active about town, I found it perculair that transvestites were looked down upon in the gay community, or maybe ignored is a better word but I understand why as most gay males are after the he-man type. Only places I felt at home were at show bars.

I would love to be your friend, feel free to pm to discuss anything. I see you as a very thought provoking person.

[Debglam]

Like I said, there are many TG people on my ignore list, specifically the ones who scoff at “hobbyists” or part-timers like us. I don’t need this kind of abuse, especially on a site CALLED crossdressers.com. Many times I’ve written something for US, namely the glorified panty fetishists, and it will generate a condescending post like this: “Frédérique is entitled to her opinion...” Yes, I am, but isn’t it queer that I, a crossdresser through and through, has to be defended on a CD site? I get the feeling I don’t belong here, but what else is new? Since I put on women’s clothing (and underwear) on occasion, paint my nails, paint my lips, don my hosiery of choice, don my wig, slip into my cute shoes and cavort in my chosen space (in or out), I feel like, just maybe, I am entitled and justified to be on a site like this. As it is, I still have to fit my CD opinions in edge-wise and hope I’m connecting SOMEWHERE. Alas, many of my threads are peppered with comments I cannot see, let alone read, because someone who looks down on me is taking the time to do just that...

I have many TG friends, of course, but, to put it mildly, there is little to talk about. Based on past experiences, I feel inferior. MY very BEST friend is transgendered, or she is convinced she is, or others tell her she is. Subsequently, she is confused. Sigh. If anyone out there is JUST a crossdresser, happy to be so, and you’re either as confused or frustrated as I am, PM me – I’d like to meet you...

Are you JUST a crossdresser?

PS – I’m NOT trying to stir the pot, I’m just telling it like it is. Something is wrong when a MtF crossdresser (me) feels like an outsider on a site with “crossdresser” in the title... [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Freddy, I know friends who have left this forum because of the very small minority of "mean girls" you refer to. Bottom line is keep ignoring them, I do, they aren't worth your mental energy and clearly have their own problems. When they are not claiming superiority to the crossdressers, and anyone else below their level of transsuperiority, they fight amongst themselves. Spend your time and energy on the vast majority of beautiful, nice people all across the trans spectrum on this forum instead.

Cavort away!

Debby

[nvlady]

I will offically throw my wig in the ring.
I am a crosdresser. Period. I don't want to transition, I don't want to dress full time, I don't underdress, I don't even want to go outside in anything but my drab clothes.

[DonnaT]

Crossdresser falls under the transgender umbrella.

I wouldn't crossdress, if I wasn't trans on some level.

IMHO, it is the trans characteristic/need/urging, that can only be satisfied/calmed/sated/appeased by crossdressing.

[Huntress]

Hiyo Freddy,
Just a crossdresser, although I mostly dress when I'm in a good mood, not just when I'm cross.

If an over arching clinical or social umbrella needs to be put over crossdresser...let them make themselves tired. Pfffft.

Your posts always merit a mandatory click because they are thoughtful, funny, educational and oftentimes poetic.

I'm not into the naming of names. I'm into action, because I'm an action guy/grrl. You CAN raise my ire by calling me late for dinner.

All this naming/category stuff is a disservice to us all. What color is your gender/sex parachute is a divisive tool generated from within and without to keep us fractionated. Divided we fall.

I ignore the edicts of inter-web bureaucrats/experts, Psychi wonder kids, trolls, and nattering nabob-bery that often crops up. Life is too short. If they get too obstreperous, I surf on or log out and go fire up one of my pricey diversions.

De Oppresso Liber,
Huntress

[dragdoll]

I consider myself "bi-gendered", or just androgynous. I don't even consider what I do crossdressing anymore. I look at most of my casual wear as unisex clothing, regardless of which gender it was designed for.

[Eryn]

Frédérique, in any group of people you will have some that are obnoxious, opinionated, blunt, and/or overly competitive. You are under no obligation to pay attention to them. The vast majority of people here are friendly and supportive of all. Concentrate on the good, ignore the bad.

[Mythic]

I'm just a crossdresser. I can't say I feel like the opposite gender. I just believe I can wear any piece of fabric I damn well please. Weather it's a skirt or jeans.

[busker]

Frédérique,

I'm logging in to add my very femme name---Busker--to the list of just plain old vanilla crossdressers. I'm not any different in my attitudes dressed in drab or drag, I don't have another personality, if my body was awash with any chemicals when I was a child , it would have been flouride as my 6th grade class acted as guinea pigs for the flouride tooth fairy ( and probably Dow chemical), I was born exactly at the moment expected, not a minute to soon or too late, my crossdressing started at the same time as puberty and is likely more related to a psychological issue than a genetic malfunction, it disappeared for a large stretch during my adult life, came back with a whimper, I lost a lung to cancer but I got 38B boobs as the booby prize (from gynecomastia) and wear a bra for real but never feel that I want to be a woman, I'm just enjoying my tights, which at the grand age of 69, are partially responsible for keeping me upright. I guess in this day of specialization, just being a plain old crossdresser no longer cuts the mustard ( or is that must turd?). Umbrella groups have been formed and though they include us, it does seem begrudingly so.

[Cynthia Anne]

Wow Frederique! This hits home! I am very TG and I DON'T pick my friends based on tg or cd! I do tend to stay away from hatred! There is a lot of love showin' on this site! But I will never know why one group thinks their better then another! I was NOT put on this earth to judge! As always HUGS!

[Lucy_Bella]

I am only a Cder every other Sunday ,Tuesday and Fridays,, ..I am a TG every four years on Feb 29 th.. Any other day I really don't count ..

[Anne2345]

Freddy,

When I intially joined the forum, I believed I was wholeheartedly a happy go lucky crossdresser. Nothing more, nothing less. But a funny thing happened thereafter - I was attacked in various posts of mine for being too fearful, weak, and naive. I did, however, fight back, and I did so on several occassions as the circumstances warranted.

In particular, there were certain, consistent "attackers" that challenged my beliefs, that challendged my being, and that were quite rude, harsh, and uncompassionate in doing so. My intital inclination, along with those that supported and believed in my position, was to ignore these members. I even took it a step further - I attempted, and in certain instances successfully so, to discredit such members. Despite the hostile and irresponsible attacks I was subjected to, I to this day regret using my words against those that should be with me, but were not.

The funny thing is that I have since learned that I am transgendered. Not only do I consider myself transgendered, but I take it a step further - I consider myself to be transsexual.

As does Freddy, I have many friends that occupy both sides of the aisle. The aisle, ideally, should be at peace with each other, and look out for each other's interests. Although true both groups interests are divergent, and not technically the same, as far as I can tell, society lumps us in all together regardless. And despite this, I believe there is enough commonality between the two groups that we should encourage each other, not fight against each other.

At the end of the day, I simply see no benefit whatsoever to dividing the issues and enganging in in-fighting.

Back to the original question though - I do believe there are differences between the TG, the TS within the TG, and the CDs. I also believe that these are issues that and differences that should be easily rectified among the groups between educated minds. There is too much at stake not to view it otherwise.

But even beyond the politics of it all, one must consider the humanity of the moment. For example, taking Freddy, my dear, fantastic friend Freddy as an example. She is a self-professed cross-dresser. Nothing more, nothing less. She is beautiful, magnificent, and wonderful unto herself. She engages in the magic of crossdressing, and experiences it for what it is - pure blessed enjoyment, satisfaction, and personal growth. I, on the other hand, identify as a TS. I am no better nor no worse than a CD. The reverse holds true, as well. The only distinguishing attribute between the two is the intent, the mission, the goal, and the end result.

If the CD is about fun, satisfaction, the pursuit of beauty, and the satiation of a specific need, then the more power to them. I have my own issues. They are no less important, but some of my goals certainly overlap with the world of the CDs. Personally, I love it all. Be yourself, to the extent you can. Offer yourself to the world. Or in the alternative, enjoy yourself in the comfort of your magnificent, imaginative, brilliant closet. I am not one to judge. I have run the gammut. But even if I had not, it would be no matter.

We are all beautiful people, blessed with certain attirubutes and gifts. Granted, there are many, many days that I struggled not to see me gifts as a curse, and the pain can be merciless, but at the end of the day, when all of the smoke clears, I still seek out that beauty, that magic, that makes life worth it. But for that, I would have given up long, long ago. Do not give up. The world is out there for us all. I have learned much over the past year. I have gone from a "can't" attitude to a "can" attitude.

But to address Freddy's issue, neither she, nor any one like her are inferior to the TGs. In fact, as one of these so-called TGs myself, Freddy can write circles around the concepts, meanings, and ideas I write about. She leaves me in the dust with her imagination, intuitiveness, and creativity. Even though I believe I am different from her, and those such as her, I have learned much. And even beyond that, and more importantly, I have gained more through friendship, compassion, and love, than I could have ever imagined possible before.

There is definitely a benefit to maintaining a diverse group of friends. There is an even larger benefit, no matter their backgrounds, to maintaining a better, closer group of friends that are able to be there through thick and thin on any given issue.

And Freddy, thank you for being just such a person! A magnificent, brilliant, amazing friend and person whom I respect and love tremendoulsy . . . .

Anne

[Barbara Ella]

OK, now my paranoia is kicking in, but I guess there are likely a log of ignores out there. I really do not know what I am as i am so very new to this experience of donning women's clothing. I am a crossdresser and that is why I am here. Why I do it is the topic of discussion for which i want opinions from everyone, and weigh them all equally as I try to sort out where I am. I have some girls whom I would consider friends, and yet i do not know, where many of them would classify themselves, others I know because we have discussed our positions. i guess they are friends because they have never made me feel inferior. Those that might do that have probably not tried to become friends with me.

Am I transgendered? I suspect I am, but I really dont know enough yet to know what that means to me, or how to recognize it in me yet.

So, what I am is a confused crossdresser. This lets me answer your last question in the positive, at least partially. I truly wish you did not feel like an outsider, because that definitely does not correspond to my impression of you as one of the more inside (my head) people here. Just don't stop being.

Barbara

[KellyJameson]

Frédérique

For myself I was relieved to learn that most who crossdress are not driven to surgically alter their bodies.

In my opinion anyone who suffers from gender dysphoria and would want someone else to have GID is a sociopath that needs others to suffer so they somehow benefit.

Many of the same forces that go into creating genius also go into creating madness and I think there are similar forces at work with crossdressing versus being transsexual

In my opinion CD's and TS's are born from the same soil but each arrived at a fork in the road and a few went left (TS's) while most (CD's) went right and we end up calling the soil transgendered and forgetting about the individual but the soil (conditions) placed everyone on the path without choice because we were born into it.

I see CD's as transgendered (umbrella) as distant consins where we share the same blood but yet are very different and this can be measured in pain. Most who crossdress do not suffer torments imposed internally but externally by others where with GID it is the pain of the internal made external so the pain comes from the opposite direction and so is different but with similarities.

I suspect I enjoy crossdressing for many of the same reasons crossdressers do, I like color on my nails, enjoy the touch of silk and appreciate feminine fashion and have experienced a touch of autogynephilia if admiring my form as a sexual object is what qualifies me for this disgusting label.

Often in the words of someone who identifies as being a crossdresser I see hints of what appears to be "gender longing" that feels eerily similar to what I experience as GID but the motives are different just as fantasy and reality are different.

I personally have never met a transsexual who did not start out crossdressing and I have met a number who at first identified as someone who crossdressed without any of the gender identity problems but the crossdressing in time pealed back deeper truths that had been buried usually from social conditioning intersecting with the survival instincts and desire for love.

The clothes can be used as tools for powerful self exploration or they can be nothing but clothes and I have a bearded friend who does nothing to feminize his appearance but likes to wear a dress now and than because it is pretty and he likes pretty things.

I see the word transgendered to include anyone who bends gender and hope someday that every single person will fall under this umbrella because gender binaries divide and polarize society creating violence.

Those who have attacked you are coming from a place of pain and fear, this does not justify their behavior but may lessen the sting of their actions.

You bring a great sensitivity to the forum but the forum is in many ways a place of pain for those who have been unfairly injured by circumstances of fate and as such can be a volatile place as all war zones are.

I suspect your words heal more than they harm and hope you continue offering up your wisdom, imagination and insights. Those in pain are usually more vocal but it does not make them necessarily more important just more likely to be selfish.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Yes, i am just a crossdresser, nothing more. I have no gender issues.

[Jolene Robertson]

I cross dress only, I am married and have a supporting wife. I enjoy being a genetic male but I have a fem, side too. I love the way a woman looks and sometimes I like to look and feel like I am one of them. It make me feel complete, the clothes are liberating and feel sexy (to me). When I was younger it did cause me to have to question myself though, but I came to accept myself the way I am. Just a lady inside sometimes.

[Marie-Elise]

I will offically throw my wig in the ring.
I am a crosdresser. Period. I don't want to transition, I don't want to dress full time, I don't underdress, I don't even want to go outside in anything but my drab clothes.

Ditto...except for the going outside in anything but drab clothes. I would love to just once got out en femme. Doubt it will ever happen but who knows?

[SusanQ]

I like to wear women's clothes, but I have no desire to be a woman, nor to have a sexual relationship with any men. So I guess I'm plain old vanilla too.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I'm a straight crossdresser. Both meanings of the word straight.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Fredierique, I to am just a happly married crossdresser who is glad to be your friend.

[LeaP]

Freddy,

While everyone is different, some people seem to inhabit their uniqueness. You are no outsider, but you do stand out in many ways - all good, I haste to add. Still, you are pulled to community, but in this case to what is evidently the simple crossdressing margin. Your descriptions of that place are peaceful and happy, however, and you create a sense of place and time in your posts that tugs the fringe into a center of your own making, one that I'm happy to visit from time-to-time.

Who could be less of an outsider than one who makes such a contributution to community?

[mcvste]

[SIZE="2"]I met many friends all around the world, some of them CD, some of them TG, and some of them TS. It was never clear who was who, but there were times when it became obvious that “plain old” MtF crossdressers were far down on the pecking order...[/SIZE]

That's sad.
I'm TG rather than CD but most of us are nice, so don't worry.

[Marlana]

So this thread has really struck a cord with me. I too am a crossdresser. When my wife is away, i like to dress in womens clothes and go about my day in the comfort of my home. Would I like to go to the store, wash my car, do whatever in public? Sure. Just to see how it feels, to see if I'm comfortable. Truth is, I don't have what I need to do this so I don't foresee it happening. But I still long to try it. What does that make me?

What I'm reading sounds familiar. Like asburgers is to the autism umbrella so crossdressing is to the transgender umbrella. But because one likes to sporadically wear womens clothes, that means we're transgendered? I'm not so sure of that. I personally feel that since I've been doing this since I was 13, I may be TG, deep down and just in denial. I underdress nightly before bed. My wife knows I have an issue with this, but doesn't want to see/talk about it. My son is autistic and needs a male role model. I love them both more than myself so where am I going? I'll tell you, right back in the closet when she gets home.

I really enjoy reading the posts here and sharing my feelings with you all. Thanks for staying with me.

[Teri Ray]

Hey folks lets all get with the potilcally correct terms for 2012.........................I am not a crossdresser ......................I am apparal dysfunctional................but that would make a crummy website name wouldn't it...........ok I pick door #1 ................I am just a crossdresser............final answer?