Wife and Shoes

[linda allen]

For those who have followed my story, I have some things that I bought and wore before I "came out" to my wife about crossdressing. Among these things (and they are the only ones I really care about) are three pairs of shoes, flats, low heeled pumps, and a really cute pair of ankle height high heeled boots, all from Payless.

Now my wife knows about the bras, panties, blouses, and skirts that she has given me or that we have bought when shopping together, but she doesn't know about the other items including the shoes that are well hidden.

She has been kidding me about wearing heels and I've been hinting about it but I don't want to tell her that I already have some. I would rather go shopping with her and buy new so she doesn't think I've done anything behind her back.

The problem is, Payless apparently no longer carries the boots and those are my favorites.

So, assuming that at some point she says "I want to see you walking in high heels.", if we can't find them in a store, how do I get the boots out of hiding and into my closet?

And while we're at it, how do I get her to take me shopping in Payless (since I know they have my size and most stores do not)?

[STACY B]

Go an take a ride an say you bought um at the thrift store or a yard sale ?

[Leslie Langford]

...Now my wife knows about the bras, panties, blouses, and skirts that she has given me or that we have bought when shopping together, but she doesn't know about the other items including the shoes that are well hidden.

She has been kidding me about wearing heels and I've been hinting about it but I don't want to tell her that I already have some. I would rather go shopping with her and buy new so she doesn't think I've done anything behind her back...

How is this a problem? Your wife is clearly aware of your crossdressing and is not only accepting, but also rather supportive of it based on what you are telling us. So you bought your own heels. Big deal. Do you need your wife's permission to buy your female clothing on your own, or is she so controlling that you can only wear her hand-me-downs or what you have bought together?

[Tina B.]

Good plan Stacy, let's start with a lie! As for where to shop, go on line, look at shoes, check store sizes, fond stores that carry larger sizes, go there, payless will be on the list. Throw away those old favorite shoes, and start fresh with the wives approval. You might not be able to replace the boots, but it's easier to break in new boots, than to break in a new wife.
It sounds like she is on your side, keep her there.
Tina B.

[Sara Jessica]

How is this a problem?...

That was my first impression but sometimes, the women in our lives find it distressing as things appear to progress. Wigs and forms are examples of issues that we've all read about before. It's not too far of a stretch to think that shoes can cause a similar feeling.

That said, it does seem like you are out there enough Linda that shoes should be a subject that can be discussed with your wife. She may not have an issue with it. Heck, she has been kidding about it, sounds like it's time to go shopping!!!

As for the shoes you have, even though they are your favs, there are always new favorites out there to be had. I'd pitch the old ones and shop away.

[kimdl93]

Just tell her you bought some heels and other shoes. You don't have to mention when....and it won't be a big deal.

[monica.missil]

In my opinion, her acceptance is based on honesty. Is it worth coming up with a "story" as to how you came by the boots. Besides as Sara said, always new favorites out there.

[VickysBFF]

And while we're at it, how do I get her to take me shopping in Payless (since I know they have my size and most stores do not)?[/QUOTE]

This part is easy. Payless is very friendly to our community and most of their stores are set up in this way.... the larger sizes of both the men's and women's shoes are on the same aisle. Right across from each other. There is usually a seat somewhere in the middle of the aisle. It is easy to look and grab whatever shoes that you want to try on and you won't draw much attention because the aisle is primarily men's shoes. Sometime there are guys trying on guy shoes and you might have to wait a bit before trying on some heels but you should not have any problems.

[Krististeph]

have her sit with you as your look through Ebay or Zappos. check to see if sizes run small or large, if in doubt- get the next half size or full size larger- you can always add a little stuffing...

[Alice B]

I see no problem with telling her since she already knows you dress, supports you and wants to see you in heels.

[Stephenie S]

So, assuming that at some point she says "I want to see you walking in high heels.", if we can't find them in a store, how do I get the boots out of hiding and into my closet?

Pick them up, carry them to the closet, and say, "Hey look, the shoe fairy was here!"

Seriously, why don't you stop lying to your wife? She sounds like a keeper. We don't like our men to lie. Really! If you plan on a long term relationship with her, stop lying. Throw those shoes away if you have to.

And while we're at it, how do I get her to take me shopping in Payless (since I know they have my size and most stores do not)?

OK, are you five? Do you have to be taken shopping? TELL her you want to buy some heels. Ask her if she would like to go along.

Honestly now, you guys need to talk. What MOST wives get upset about is not the crossdressing (really, women are quite accepting if you give us a chance), it's the deceit.

S

[cdtraveler]

Have to agree with the advice regarding being honest. It's the lies that kill trust. Better to throw the old shoes out and see it as a net positive trade off, I.E. I'm giving up shoes I love, but get to retain the trust my spouse has with me (priceless) and I may also be able to get a fun shopping date out of it with my SO too.

Bottom line: Get over the shoes, focus on what's most important and how lucky you are to have a supportive spouse. That is not something to take lightly just play the tape out in your mind regarding the potential damage should/when she finds out you're still hiding things from her.

AMANDA

[Cynthia Anne]

Put the heels on and say; hon look what I got!!!!

[Jolene Robertson]

Linda; I was just talking with my wife about your question and... Since you dressed before your wife knew, I would just tell her that you have these shoes and explain to her what you have already stated here. I had done the same thing (kinda) before my knew I had a really nice jump-suit (also the first item I ever bought for me) but when she asked about it I said it was an old girl friends that she left at the house. Of course the wife did not want it around so I pitched it rather than own up to it. We both laugh about it now.

[reb.femme]

Hi Linda,

Just a brutal choice I'm afraid, you can either ditch the footwear or come clean. After all, your SO is OK with you dressing, so I don't feel there should be an issue here. Personally, I would confess all and reveal the "illicit stash". You can explain the problem you had with revealing the previous purchases, all the while keeping your shoes with the net gain of having an honest relationship.

Hope it all goes well.

Rebecca x

[Joan_CD]

Dear God now there are two threads that I will follow. The suspense is killing me!!!

[sherib]

If she know you have bra's, panties and blouses the next obvious step is heels. My wife doesn't want to know what I buy. Thank God, when something comes for me, all she says, there's a pack for her.

[kendra_gurl]

Dear God now there are two threads that I will follow. The suspense is killing me!!!

Putting my money on the fact that the wife has already discovered the 3 pair of shoes and is wanting him to come clean by saying I want to see you walk in heels

[Stephenie S]

Not that I have the space for 100 pairs of shoes, but I gotta agree with Purple on this one.

S

[Joan_CD]

Linda, how about wearing them when she comes home and just say, well you wanted too see me in high heels and Payless had a pair. I don't think it's being dishonest? Just another thought. If she doesn't mind you wearing them, maybe you can start wearing female shoes around the house all the time, but not just heels. Mix some flats, sandals and some low heels to show you don't want just high heels. Just a thought!

[JenniferR771]

Why didn't you show her already? Because you fear a negative reaction. You know your wife. I think you are right. Keep them out of sight. Let her take you shopping when she is ready. Not feeling wierded out. Give her time to adjust. Restore her confidence in you. Next year when she is ready you can show her, if you still want those old shoes.

[sterling12]

You are obviously needing some classes in "Sneaky 101." Yes, it's a lie, but try this ploy, and no one will be harmed. "Honey, look what I picked up today at The Thrift Store!" "You knew I was going to stop by there to look for some 8-track "gems" in The Ten Cent Bin, when I happened to notice these boots for a buck and a half.....aren't they cute!"

You have now painlessly integrated your old treasures into your current wardrobe, and nobody gets hurt! You aren't exactly cheating on her, and you haven't "betrayed" her caused by an affair with your old boots. My question would be: "Is it worth a lot of potential problems on a very, very, small deal like this?"

If you think candor would have consequences on something as small and inconsequential as some old shoes you bought a long time ago; why not just wait to have "an encounter" for something that really counts? My opinion says, "Save Truth or Dare until such time when it really would be important!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kathy4ever]

Wait till the next time she say she wants to see you walk in heels. Then go in and get them on and show her how you can walk. Sometimes I think that they watch to many movies that show men looking like we can't walk in them. The first time I put them on it seeemed easy and like i had worn them forever.

[linda allen]

Well, the responses are all over the place and obviously I can't follow all the advice, but a few points:

My wife is not "controlling", I can do most anything I want to. If I want a new table saw, computer,TV, whatever, I can just go buy it. So yes, I could just go buy a pair of heels, but I want to consider her feelings because I love her and don't want to hurt her. By shopping together and letting her determine how far and how fast I go (with my gentle pushing), she is part of all this.

It would be out of character for me to come home with clothing from a thrift store or yard sale so telling her a lie about where I got the shoes would be just that, a lie. I'm not good at it and it would be on my concience.

Telling her that I bought the shoes without her knowing about it in the past would open a can of worms that I would much rather leave closed.

I'm pretty sure she hasn't found any of my old stuff because she would have to go to an outside storage area, move and climb a ladder, and then move some boxes. That's not something she's likely to do. If she needs something from a high place, she typically asks me to get it.

I'm pretty much resigned to abandoning the old shoes and buying replacements, Im just dissapointed that Payless stopped carying that style. There are others of course.

What makes this a little more difficult is, she doesn't wear heels. Never. She might have a pair an inch or so high that she would wear for a wedding or funeral. She has foot problems. So, without her wearing heels, I can't just say "I wish I had a pair like yours."

I appreciate the responses, it has been interesting. I'll get there someday, just maybe not as soon as I would like to.

[TGMarla]

Just come home with them and tell her you found them at a thrift store. How hard does this have to be?