A shade lighter colored wig and a different style, try and keep that smile up, I know it can hurt after a while but your avatar is great.
I know you can't walk around with your head on one side all the time.
Destroyed confidence, that is hard and I feel sorry for you there.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Could it be that she clocked your walk, rather than anything specific about your clothes/hair/makeup?
Hi Bree, Your mirror can be your best or your worst friend.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Everyone has to give you a lot of credit for getting out there and being your CD-self. Rough day, but seems like you have the right attitude---get back on that horse, so-to-speak. LOL Better luck next time!
Everyone should feel overwhelmingly sexy now-and-then.
Hi Bree. It goes without saying, going out in public always comes with the risk of someone making a comment, giving you the eye or whispering among themselves. It is going to eventually happen, and the more you go out, the higher the chance it will happen. I suspect you caught the woman in the dressing room off guard, and the words were out of her mouth before she realized it. It was probably more of a rhetorical question. Since she quickly retreated back into the dressing room, I bet she was startled and did not know what to do. I think we have all be caught in social or public situations where we did not know how to react, what to do or what was acceptable to say.
I disagree with getting in her face about it. As others have suggested, stating you are transgendered, if a conversation occurred, would be the way to handle it. Leaving her with a negative (i.e., hostile) impression would not help matters much and would generate future fear if she ever encounters another transgendered individual. Taking the high road and defusing any tension or fear would pay much better dividends in the long run. She did say "are you a man?" and not "you are a man" so it was more of a question than a statement.
Another way to look at it is, does it really matters if she only thought it and reminded silent? Sure, you would not have felt as bad about it, but you still got read. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but ignorance can also be dangerous. If she made a scene about it then that would be a different matter. IMHO, it was more she said something out loud than what she said. A comment about a GGs weight, appearance or other "negative" characteristic would have been just as inappropriate.
One thing to keep in mind about contouring with makeup is it does not make a masculine face look feminine, but makes it look less masculine. Contouring is all about light and dark and playing with shadows. Lighting makes a huge difference, thus contouring is more successful in pictures where lighting is controlled than face to face where you are working with ambient lighting (natural or artificial). Beard cover, unless it is caked on thus obvious, works only so well and for so long. After a few hours, the blue-black tinge of facial hair starts to show through. Again, lighting makes a big difference.
It's great you are getting back out there and not letting one setback knock you down too far. Even the best, fail sometimes.
Last edited by Melissa Rose; 07-02-2012 at 09:57 AM. Reason: Typo repair
Do y'all feel that even though we are anatomically male, we even have the right to be in a women's changing station just because we are presenting as the opposite gender?
That just does not make sense to me.
We generally go by the customs of the society in which we live. And since gender flexibility has not been at the forefront in our culture, in fact it is still deeply closeted, society has been slow to acknowledge and embrace the idea that a small percentage of the total population experiences a need to present in the gender opposite than birth.Originally Posted by bimini1
Although I'm all for education and I believe there is no better way to do this than to change laws giving the genetic males who need to express femininity access to spaces that have up until now been strictly allocated for women, I think it is wrong to blame the women who've had no exposure to the CDing and who have no way to frame it other than what they've read or seen in the popular media (which is not stellar in many cases), if they question a feminine looking man who is in the ladies changing room. If they saw CDers in there all the time it would be a different story, but they simply don't.
I think an excellent solution is for major department stores to follow the lead of the trendier boutiques. They have banks of changing cubicles at the back of the store for both men and women. This also makes it handy for couples who are shopping together, or a parent who is accompanying a different sex teenager.
Reine
I agree that it's the wig. The center part and the puffiness don't work. On the wig in your avatar it has a side part and is smoother. To me, it is obviously a wig because of the color. It does not match your natural coloring. Try darkening your eyebrows with a brow pencil a bit and see if that helps.
If we're being idealistic, wouldn't it be best if men were more accepting of crossdressers in their own dressing rooms?
I admit that if I saw a guy in a woman's dressing room (or bathroom) my first thought would be "pervert" rather than "transgendered", no matter what clothes he had on.
Well, there's that too!
But, I think that homophobic men will be the last to change.
Reine
To be brutely honest, ditch the wig for a more realistic age appropriate style. Its to slick, stiff, at the part in the middle and it screams "MAN" to me.Its just to 'wiggy' looking ! I've been going out in public dressed for over 50 years and I have found that over the years the main determining factor of being read ' man' was an i appropriate wig. I have 3-4 now that are perfect for my age and face and get them professionally styled by beauticians who compliment and comfirm second opinion that it ' looks right. You can't do anything about the obvious square jaw but a shorter softer more frazzeled natural looking wig with earrings would draw attention away. You can do it, just tweek your face and hair and style some. Go Girl
Just how old is Bree and what would "age" appropriate be? I really dislike that phrase as we are as old as we feel. My wigs are long and vary in color from auburn to platinum. All are shoulder length.
Bree, get the wig styled. the middle part makes your forehead larger. The wig can be made to work, just have someone style it for you.
We all have bad hair/makeup days. It happens. And when things go south, we take them all the way to Antarctica. Maybe it was the weekend because I didn't like how I looked Saturday either. Blame the 100 degree plus weather.
BT gave good advice, it is about color and not thickness. Smoke and mirrors. Highlights and low lights. Darken what you want smaller (you think it is your jaw) and brighten what you want to "pop" (cheeks maybe? Between the eye lids and the brow). I use two to three different colors of foundation. Move the part of the wig to the side (instead of middle), fluff it some, sweep the forehead to soften it (Bangs are so 1980 but lowering the forehead helps). And smile. the smile photo looks wonderful.
Truthfully what my first thought was "why are you in my kitchen?" The floor and cabinet layout and color and stove placement are just like mine
(and continuing the off topic discussion...why is it that women in Men's restrooms are not Perverts but victims of not having enough stalls? Hopefully when your clothing is not covering "whatever" you are in a stall and no one sees it anyway)
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
It's because of the differences in our sizes and physical strength. Historically, more men have raped women than the reverse and so women feel more threatened when they see men in their spaces. It doesn't occur to them (or they don't understand) about cross-gender identity and the natural reaction is to believe that a man is there for nefarious reasons, since most men that women know would not be caught dead wearing women's apparel.
There's a huge lack of education out there about gender non-conformity.
Reine
For my contribution, a slighty shorter wig, not so dark tilted to one side to move that parting, nose, jaw line.
Query, the make up look in pic #1 is so very different to pic #2. What happened / lighting or what ?
~S~
Hi,
Some interesting points raised. Im not sure i can see this from a males point of view or as one who dress's & out in public.
What has been raised is in how you interact with , in this case women in a close up eye to eye contact. even at 15 feet. .
Yes i know i have differences about what who i am so ill leave that,
now as you see in my pic i dont wear a wig just my head wear. no make up only lippy & eye brow liner. thats it. okay my face is different yet still masculine though most would say yes to that yet they see me as a woman yes i know that i am still.
One of my many women friends told me after watching me for some time . & told me she never saw me as any thing other than a normal women in how i walked interacted with others in my normal day to day activitys, she watched me for a bout 1 / 2 an hour if not more & has done so before, she's stright up to the point & no messing about .
Now my clothes most of the time are just my normal day wear, yet my point is its in how you project your self your demeaner, its you as a person okay the clothes can help yet thats only a miner part of the whole its the whole package . more so if your male features are more male ,
Now i dont pass or blend in yet what im being told is i do just not in a femminine way as many are, so we can be some what different so maybe the right make up colours eyebrows & as said a foundastion cover for the beard cover. i would look at a styled wig that suits you get help for that & make up as well not to hard a colour a bit lighter,
Okay allso as said you were coming in to our domain our granddaughter would have said to me had she seen you thats a man . so you see even though your dressed in womans clothes she would see through in her eyes the masqrade ,
Now make no mistake Dejarn has spent a lot of her life with us & been around trans people dresser's & many others so she knows . from a child who allso understands in her way what this is about, shes now 9 y 6 m.
this may help or just give you some thing to think about,
...noeleena...
Back from my trip and it was awesome. I even got some Bree pictures in the campsite. Anyways...
I'll see what I can do about restyling or at least moving the part. Thanks to all who suggested it.
Thanks Barbara. I do hope this thread has been useful to more people than me. Lots of good stuff here. I sure hope you get yourself back out there too. Your stories have been wonderful.
Hmm, I don't think she would have had the time to see me walking. However, I probably do have a manly 'strut' if I'm not paying attention. I'll have to think about that more when I'm out.
I guess I wondered the same thing. Is the hairstyle to young/old? Does a hairstyle even have age?
It's my M.O. I sneak into other people's kitchens to take pictures and slip out with them none the wiser. Thanks for letting me borrow yours!
Truthfully what my first thought was "why are you in my kitchen?" The floor and cabinet layout and color and stove placement are just like mine
The makeup is the same. Lighting (flash/no flash and maybe a bot of natural light) is the only difference.
We all have days like this, and I hate them. I often wonder why some days nobody notices a thing, and then other days you get "sir"
Just keep trying improving and evolving into the woman you want to be. Remember how awkward we looked when we started. All women have to work at being stlyish, pretty and feminine.
As for advice, I believe foreheads can be very masculine, I suggest bangs. That said you make a very convincing women,
The first thing I notice is, the more you smile, the more feminine you look.
Yep, I agree. And it's been said a million times, a smile is worth a million words. Your avatar pic looks very femme. I'm sure you have also read many times, it matters not what we do, or how well we do it. The probability of being read is simply a reality. We just aren't shaped the same, our mannerisms are different and without intentional practice and lots of it, we will be read. I get read all the time. I've just gotten used to it and think nothing of it. The part of it all I find the funniest is it almost feels like reality is travelling in slow motion when being read. Someone stares at me for 20 seconds trying to process it all in their brain and I can see it all happening at the time as if in slo-mo. lol I just smile at them and let them do their best impression of, " is that a ...............?" Sometimes I even get lucky and get a nice comment usually from a woman.
You have probably already heard/read all this, but...I totally like the dress. I would wear that dress! I think some of it is a confidence thing. That woman made you feel bad and after that you wanted to run and hide. As for your eyebrows, I don't think they are that bad...I wax mine every 5 weeks when I get my hair done and I don't like the uber-feminine ones. I get mine waxed so it looks natural. Sometimes, I think they are a little bushy, but I want to look nice without having to try too much, plus I have two young children. I cannot tell you have chest hair either. I can tell you do have a square jaw line. I was doing some research on my own face (I have a fat round face) and looked up hairstyles that are flattering for any face type. Try to look at that advice and choose a different wig or take it to a stylist that might could re-style it another way. I like the color of the wig and it does look nicer than others that I have seen (it is not really shiny looking...more natural.) I hope this helps.
Thought I would share what my husband said. When that women replied you were a man, you should have said "Not today ma'am." I really liked that.
I'll just bet she felt ashamed of her reaction to you once she had some time to think it over. I think that you looked just fine, a little better shaping of the wig would have framed your face better and concealed some of the "male look". The wig looks fine in some of your pics. Just the fact that you go out and try clothes on in the store is a plus for you, don't ever let anyone steal away your confidence. I would have said " Yes I am but I am trying to see how the other half lives, can you give me any pointers.
I want to be this girl!
Well, don't think I can give much advice regarding your look... though I do agree with the girls on here commenting about your wig.
I do think, however, you should try to base less of your confidence on passing as a genetic woman. Sometimes you will, sometimes you won't, and to some people you will and some you won't. *shrug* I'm not saying to stop trying, by all means doll yourself up till you feel great. I am just of the belief that in all situations true confidence comes from inside yourself and not what other people think of you. If it's based on what you think other people think of you, it's always going to wildly vary (and there will always be people like the woman who made that comment to you).
When you have more of an internal confidence (a "feminine confidence", as my BFF once described it as), then you'll be way more able to laugh bad days off instead of letting them drag you down.
Wow, just great to know I have so many boosters on here. I've been out since and am feeling pretty good (all the awesome news from my wife sure has helped too!) but it's wonderful to know that if I ever do lack that confidence to hit the town I can count on all of you to pick me off the floor. I really appreciate it.
Hehe, I really like this too.
Hearing that from a woman is always a boost. Thanks! Too bad it's hard to do anything about the shape of my jaw and other parts of me while I apparently do fairly well with what's easy to change.
Also, wow does this post ever have legs!
Hi Bree,
I've taken a look through your flickr photos and picked out a few I consder you look really beautiful in. Forget about the clothes I just looked at the make-up. IMO these photos would lessen the chances of your being clocked. Personally, if I saw you in these out, I'd think, hmmm she's pretty
http://www.flickr.com/photos/breewag...in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/breewag...in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/breewag...in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/breewag...in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/breewag...in/photostream
I do however agree with the other ladies, you need a fringe (bangs) to soften your forehead. I'd maybe even go slight lighter in hair colour, that or even try for a wig with soft highlights through it, again soften your face and draw attention away from your jaw. I'd also go with a similar length but some wave (not curls).
In the mid 90's one of the most asked for styles (was a hair stylist) was the Jenifer Aniston look. the most appealing aspect of that cut was the texurised, long layered sides and lightly chipped into sweeping fridge. It was a look that could be varied so much to suit most women.
My point is, using these techniques to soften appearences works wonders. I believe incorporating a style with similar attributes would definitely help you achieve a much softer appearence
hugs
Rebecca Star
Last edited by Rebecca Star; 07-11-2012 at 05:35 AM.
~ it's not how the world sees you but how you see yourself that counts ~
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