It appears my colleagues know.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Just wanted some opinions on this.

I was busy working when a colleague asked if I had been to a certain club. When I said yes, he told me he had seen a picture, and that he thinks actually he may have seen me anyway. "I don't make a sexy girl" was his comment. I didn't say anything other than thanks as a response as I didn't know what else to say. He didn't say anything else about it but he did laugh about something un-related but I think it was more aimed at me.

Anyway my thoughts are it'll spread now and everyone will know soon enough. I knew this would happen eventually. Not sure what to do now. I think all I can do if I'm confronted is say "Yes, so what?"

I know I'm going to take some stick for this. But it's my own fault really.

Hugs x

[RainyNightGirl]

Oh hon, try to not worry about it too much. You should not need to explain, apologise or answer to them for who you are. I hope things work out OK for you, I am pretty sure it will within a couple of days.

Really thinking of you Mikayla!

Hugs
Natasha

PS: Contrary to your colleagues comments, I think you like really great in your avatar photo.

[Kaz]

This is the problem with going out dressed and especially locally - you may be clocked. What sort of club was it and why would he be there? I think saying that you don't make a sexy girl was a bit off whack... 'so what' is a good response, as is 'lighten up and enjoy life - haven't you ever done anything risque?'. Laugh it off... Another option is to get something on him so he goes quiet. Self-confidence is key!

[Rebecca W.]

Mikayla,
I wish you all the best on this issue at work and I hope that it does not affect your job. People can be really cruel or it could be a passing comment. Has anyone at work said anything to you in the past? Also, is there one person at work that you can confide with on this potential issue? Stay firm with your answers to the smart comments and hopefully it will just pass by like a storm.

Take care and best wishes on this being a non issue with them. Also, you do look pretty dressed as a woman so dismiss the rude comments.

Rebecca XO

[sandra-leigh]

Workplaces are strange. Sometimes they are odd for what does not happen.

About 6 years ago, one of my co-workers said he'd seen me at a park near-ish work, and in a few words indicated where precisely enough for me to be sure he had seen me. I was wearing a skirt that day; he made some remark about my Scottish heritage. I replied, "Uh, something like that" -- and that was it, and he hasn't mentioned it since.

I've been going to work dressed on the female side of androgynous for the last 5 years. My hair is long, I have earrings, my breasts are a small A-cup, I've worked with acrylic nails, I've worked with nail polish -- and my boss of the last 25 years is still clued out.

I don't have any idea how many people at work know about me: people are either not perceiving it, or ignoring it, or don't think it's worth mentioning. In the last year, only one person has said anything to me about the situation.

[PretzelGirl]

I can see my future in your experience. I go out in my area and I am not worrying about if I get busted. In fact there is one person that may have busted me. He just is giving me looks and doesn't appear to be saying anything. He is probationary so that may be affecting his reaction.

But I am with you. Any one of us who takes one step out the door is subject to being busted. The best thing to do for me is to own it. If you can blow it off, it isn't a bad move, but you will always know it is out there and it can work at you. If you own it, you know where everyone stands.

Ultimately, you have to do what you are comfortable with. You can sit back and see what develops. As long as nothing is getting escalated, time can be a friend.

[Wildaboutheels]

Depending on the type of club it was, he might not say anything to anyone, since he was obviously there although he could make up some story about being there with/for a friend.

If anyone else mentions it why not tell them "I am conducting research." [Which you ARE doing. You do participate and contribute to this Forum] You could also throw in "Apparently Mr XYZ [blabbermouth] seems to have a large interest". "It has nothing to do with my job performance or any of my coworkers".

Being YOU and dressing how you want is not your "fault" btw. It is simply being you.

Everyone will get "caught" sooner or later.

[Raquel June]

Seriously? If this was a gay bar then you need to laugh at him and ask him what the hell he was doing at the club. And if he has some lame excuse that his girlfriend drug him there then you can give him all kinds of sh*t about being the kinda puss who would go to a gay bar just because his girlfriend thought it would be fun.

Well, that's not exactly the way to put it. I'm just saying if he's going to accuse you of stuff it's pretty easy to turn it around on him. If he's the super-manly guy who is going to give you a hard time for being there then why was he there?

On the other hand, if he's a cool guy who is open to that sorta thing, then why would he care what you were doing or how you were dressed?

The worst thing you can do is act like you're ashamed of it. Because if you're ashamed of what you do on the weekend then that will make you seem creepy or perverted. And that's the biggest thing we have to work against is people's prejudice that we're creepy and perverted.

So don't make a big deal about it, but don't shrink away and be embarrassed. And try not to justify it with some kind of excuse that is obviously a lie. Because lying about it means you're trying to cover it up which means you're embarrassed about it which means you must be a creepy pervert who likes to put on a skirt and get picked up by guys on the weekend but wants to pretend you're something else at work.

[Launa]

Yeah this can suck. I have an aquaintance of mine and this young guy holds a faily high position in a company we do business with. One day his boss came to him and showed him a picture of him doing a hooter shooter. His boss is ultra conservative. I said what did he say, my friend replied what could he say? I asked if he knew who took the picture and he said he didn't know. I said well there are lots of loosers that have to do this kind of thing. Anyway I know that theres a possibility it may happen to me some time but instead of a hooter shooter, I would be caught in a dress. I'm going to just own it if it happens and say what do you want to do about it? I will say loosers worry so much about what other people are doing. I will also say these people have no life themselves.

[Raquel June]

Yeah this can suck. I have an aquaintance of mine and this young guy holds a faily high position in a company we do business with. One day his boss came to him and showed him a picture of him doing a hooter shooter. His boss is ultra conservative. I said what did he say, my friend replied what could he say? I asked if he knew who took the picture and he said he didn't know. I said well there are lots of loosers that have to do this kind of thing. Anyway I know that theres a possibility it may happen to me some time but instead of a hooter shooter, I would be caught in a dress. I'm going to just own it if it happens and say what do you want to do about it? I will say loosers worry so much about what other people are doing. I will also say these people have no life themselves.

That's an awfully shady situation. What is your boss doing showing you pictures of you and someone chick's big boobs? That's one step away from your boss whipping out a picture of you and a naked stripper and saying, "What's the meaning of this?" You're the one who should be offended that people are following you around photographing you and then giving out the pictures without your consent. So who the hell took the picture? Unless the boss opened the conversation by saying, "I had an anonymous photo show up in my inter-office mail today," then he's obviously lying and he knows exactly where the picture came from, and he needs to question what that person's motivation was, and if they think it's so bad that you were in that environment then why were they also in that environment -- and taking pictures?

[Kate Simmons]

Just one person's opinion Hon. If he doesn't pay your salary, I wouldn't worry about it.

[reb.femme]

I was busy working when a colleague asked if I had been to a certain club. When I said yes, he told me he had seen a picture......

I'm assuming that this was a standard club but you were dressed? If it is, I suppose this type of outing is to be expected at some point.
You don't sound overly worried about the outing, more about the level of grief you might receive? I have to admit not having my work colleagues know about me is good, as I have raised crossdressing on a couple of occasions and the scorn espoused ultimately gives an indication of the reception I would get if outed.

Sounds like a "sit it out and brave the storm" situation should it arise. I think Sue is correct in her advice to "own the situation" but easy for me to say!
Anyway, fingers crossed that this doesn't escalate beyond the comfort zone for you!
Femme look in your avatar too!

Rebecca x (Fellow Southerner)

[Beth Mays]

Workplaces are strange. Sometimes they are odd for what does not happen.

About 6 years ago, one of my co-workers said he'd seen me at a park near-ish work, ...............
......... people are either not perceiving it, or ignoring it, or don't think it's worth mentioning. In the last year, only one person has said anything to me about the situation.

If you are get'n the job done I am sure they dont really care what yoiu wear to work!

[Launa]

That's an awfully shady situation. What is your boss doing showing you pictures of you and someone chick's big boobs? That's one step away from your boss whipping out a picture of you and a naked stripper and saying, "What's the meaning of this?" You're the one who should be offended that people are following you around photographing you and then giving out the pictures without your consent. So who the hell took the picture? Unless the boss opened the conversation by saying, "I had an anonymous photo show up in my inter-office mail today," then he's obviously lying and he knows exactly where the picture came from, and he needs to question what that person's motivation was, and if they think it's so bad that you were in that environment then why were they also in that environment -- and taking pictures?

Hi Raquel, this actually happened to a guy I have to do business with on a weekly basis, it wasn't me. He would be what I call a "working buddy" but we don't hang out with each other. When I was quizzing him on the whole thing he just laughed his head off about the situation. I would have taken it a lot more personally than he did. We work with a lot of high profile people all the time. He has to be intimate with over 500 people a year so who knows where the pic came from.

[Raquel June]

You dont make a sexy girl? LOL. The jerk was obviously wrong. Or maybe he actually did find you sexy, and that confused and threatened him a bit. Hmmmm... methinks he has secrets too.

Could be. We still haven't gotten to the bottom of why he was there in the first place.

I've got a friend who I swear wants me to be a guy because he doesn't trust himself around me as a girl. He doesn't talk about things that much, but when he's drunk the craziest stuff comes out of his mouth. Like, "You don't make a very good girl," but just awkwardly like he's trying to lead up to something that he never quite gets to, then a couple drinks later one time he said, "I'd f--- you. I wouldn't be happy about it, though."

When I put it like that it sounds like he's a horrible person, but it's actually hilarious. And somehow charming, because he's the one who's all weird and uncomfortable about it.

[sterling12]

You can try The "I misunderstood you" Defense. Try something like this: "The other day, when you were talking about "The Club," you did mean The Rod and Gun Club, didn't you? I often go there, so that I can shoot small animals, and arm wrestle with my macho drinking buddies!"

Seriously? Let it go! The more you react, the worse it will get. Unless you have some real Oafs that you work with, it will all be "Forgotten Ancient History" within no more than three months. Remember, most people can't remember major news events more than a few days after they read or learn about them. Trust me, your just not important enough for them to spend time brooding over your Gender Status.

I know it seems like a very big deal right now. But, try to really visualize it's importance in just a very short time. It's probably going to be just about like some other piece of gossip you heard about somebody else in The Past. Now, your beginning to understand!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Vanessa Storrs]

I don't worry much anyof more about being obsered. The more people who know about Vanessa means the less i have to hide from.

[Stephanie47]

Unless there is a clarification to the statement, if he told you he had seen a picture (of you), that can mean someone else saw you and took the picture and showed it to him. He can also be stating he may have seen you anyway, as in a separate sighting away from the club. It very well may be he is not the originator of any 'outing' at work. Just speculating.

[Sophie_C]

"I don't make a sexy girl" was his comment. I didn't say anything other than thanks as a response as I didn't know what else to say.

I'm utterly confused at the comment. Did he say that he didn't make a sexy girl, or that you didn't? And, was the club gay or trans-centric or not? Everything depends on that.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Yes, he said that I didn't make a very sexy girl. Sorry for that confusion. I don't read too much into his comment as this was before I could do proper makeup. So what you see in my avatar is alot better than how I looked on the night. I looked like a wierd guy in womens clothing lols.

The club was just a normal one, lots of different people there. Including a few other people who were either CD/TG/TS. So I'm not worried about being outed so to speak, more about being made fun of all the time. Chances are it will stick with me for my time there.

My work is a very male orientated enviroment, and I would say that there are a lot who aren't anything more than overgrown school boys who find that making fun of people is the best game to play. At the end of the day there are only a couple of people who I would still talk to and have a laugh about it with if they found out. The rest can just go to hell. Hope that doesn't make me sound too nasty lols.

And finally, I didn't mean CD was my fault, I meant it was my fault for pictures being taken and ending up online. So from now on, no more pictures when I'm out except if I take them. And they'll be uploaded here

Thank you for your replies, it means alot to know I'm accepted here and can get advice from so many wonderful people in my situation.
Hugs x

[Sophia Claire]

You know, if it turns out that you're already outed, there's no reason to be defensive or deny it. Some advice from a professional in the art of winning conversational battles (yeah, it's part of my job): Just be icy cool (not haughty, but very confident and almost bemused by the situation) about the whole thing. Go in there in a great mood and a big smile and don't let the questions or the looks bother you. Don't deny anything, but don't go out of your way to confirm. One of my favorite things to do is to say very sweetly "Here's a fun exercise: what if I said that I am a CD? What would you have to say to that?" Making them answer a question puts them on the defensive. Which, combined with a cool, unruffled attitude, puts you firmly in charge of the situation. Normally, people will back off at this point. In a work environment, I think this is probably safe, but I'm super paranoid so I would recommend keeping an eye on them and maintaining a wider-than-average personal bubble. Nobody likes to get punked, and some people overreact to this situation. Also, one thing that I think really works in your favor is if you have a really strong ability to arch your eyebrows. With the proper application of an arched eyebrow and intense eye contact, people can be made to feel extremely stupid about basically anything. My sister is the Bruce-*&$^%$*ing-Lee of this maneuver. She can make you feel stupid EVEN WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT. Just by looking at you. I've dedicated my life to learning this technique. I'm... not quite there yet.

In the end, you can't do anything about this. If the dude wants to say something, then he's going to say something and there's not really anything you can do about it. That said, why shorten your lifespan by worrying about it? Everything will be fine. We're here for you!

Hugs,
Sophie

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Hun dont worry people talk alot in the beginning but in a few days everything will be back to normal.

[Cheryl T]

Firstly, it's NOT "your fault". You haven't done anything but be yourself. You should accept no blame and let no one place it on you.
As to your response if confronted...that's as good an answer as any....and will probably shut them up quick.

[BRANDYJ]

I think I would have said, " well if you saw me there, why didn't you come over so I could have at least bought you a drink?"

[Jenny Doolittle]

I agree with the others, Don't worry about it. You seem to have the right attitude about it already.