Locked in the closet.

[Wildaboutheels]

Sorry but I just ain't buying it. There seems to be a very common theme at this Forum that ALL CDers want to/will want to eventually leave their house "dressed".

I believe there are probably many that are perfectly happy to dress and stay at home no matter how much home time they spend dressed as a female. No matter how much effort, or time or money they spend trying to appear as feminine as their bodies or budgets will allow them.

I do realize of course that a number of ladies have opined in various threads that when they started CDing, they never thought in their wildest dreams that they would someday want to venture out of their homes "dressed".

[Karren H]

I was perfectly happy being in the closet.... Then 9 years ago.... BOOM.... Something happened and things just plain escalated out of control... Next thing I remember I was dressed enfemme and walking through the mall! Pretty sure there was some missing time and maybe an alien abduction! Lol. Doesn't mater what you do as long as your happy.. If I never dress again I'll die happy... Mainly because my happiness isn't dependent on the clothes I wear. But that's just me...

[Kaz]

I was happy in the closet for years, but then when I started with the wigs and make-up I reached a point where I thought I looked okay and when staying away in hotels I started to walk about to get the feel for walking around dressed. I always ran a mile when anyone appeared! I was excited about just walking around places, feeling the swish of the dress etc... then I started getting closer to where the people were and heading back to my room once I tried the elevator and literally bumped into a guy as I was getting out. He gave me the sort of smile I have NEVER seen from a guy before. When I got back to my room that was it. A few days later I was walking around a busy 'mall' - well in the UK we have these big outside retail 'parks' - one of these. Amazing experience!

BUT... I know loads of great people on this site who are firmly in the closet with no desire to go walkabout. And to be honest, if I couldn't go out anymore or felt that I couldn't/shouldn't it wouldn't bother me so much. The closet is not a bad place - but it is what you make it!

BTW Great avatar Karren!

[Dana921]

I agree with Karen.

Not all want to transition and not all will someday feel the need to go outside their home! Each of us, is on our own path with the appropriate timetable in doing it as the individual feels the need. Though we may have similar themes for our journey, it still is an individual's path for that person to decide.

In the end, being happy with the choices we make is the best we can hope for!

[Barbara Ella]

The great thing about dressing, is that we are free to do exactly what we want to do at the moment we want to do it. The only thing standing in our way is realizing what it is we want to do. Whatever that is, in a closet or out, full or andro, or even just as a dude in a dress, doesnt matter, what is important is you are doing what it is that you want to do. That is the greatest accomplishment anyone could hope for. And if for some reason you are not happy, you really need to rething if it is really what you want to be doing.

And from the posts here, there are a whole lot of happy dressers who stay at home, and that is great. I was happy at home, but a switch was flipped, and just had to go out. Only gone out 4 times, and now have jumped deep back in the closet for cover from the shock, so who knows. I could die happy tomorrow as i now know who I really am and know that my woman inside me has established herself. OK, in typical female fashion, has dominated the conversation...lol

Hugs, Barbara

[Lorileah]

I guess you can put me in the oblivious category for years. Back then it was mostly just a sexual kick. Now I go where I want when I want.

Float your own boat. But the kick wears off and one day you say I need a new rush. You may be 100 years old by then though.

[Rachel Renee]

It's definitely a different strokes scenario. I can totally understand the various reasons why one would have no desire to go out in public. For years I was certain that I would never ever need or want to. But there's a whole bunch of stuff that I swore I'd never do that is now very important to me. Speaking purely for myself, I have learned to never say never.

[bobbie c]

great comments....having a year plus under my belt of saying hello to "bobbie"...i am discovering my own path and that is embracing the new me...while being intune to those around me whom i love and care about. my path is mine and it is not only chosen times at home,but going out to a few lbgt clubs for fun and dance....i love the rush and the thrill of 2 lives...one with my guy tie ,suit etc and the other flamboyant side of bobbie...it makes life very fun and pushing the envelope gives you something to look forward to if you chose....and karen...you look great!...and kaz...always great insight!!!..similar paths!!...hugs to all

[Kate Simmons]

I think it has something to do with being "All dressed up and nowhere to go."

[Linda St. John]

I'm with Rachel : Never say never !!"

[AndreaS]

Not sure why, but I had a strong urge to go out dressed at a young age. I took the keys to my older sister's car and drove to a nearby convenience store while wearing one of my sister's dresses at the ripe old age of 14. You know the urge is bad when you're not even old enough to have a learner's permit yet, but you're risking a lot to get out of the house for just a few minutes while dressed.

[Julie1123]

For me it feels like I'm standing in the middle of a teeter totter, trying to keep my balance. Somedays I feel like I want to tell more people or go out in public dressed. Other days I think that it would not be as great as I imagine it to be. It worries me that this means I'm not quite accepting of myself as I think that I am.

As an aside, I do believe someone can be completely accepting of themselves and still stay inside.

[sandra-leigh]

Sorry but I just ain't buying it. There seems to be a very common theme at this Forum that ALL CDers want to/will want to eventually leave their house "dressed".

It cannot be disproved. We can, after all, claim that at the very least, in your dying seconds, when your life flashes before your eyes, you will think "I wish I'd gone out dressed".

About as disprovable: "Everyone wants to or will want to, perform Karaoke."

[Vanessa5]

I agree. Not all want to venture out. I have gone out. Didn't really float my boat. Quite fine just staying home.

[whowhatwhen]

It's on the "have to" list, but I'm in no rush since there are more important aspects of myself to deal with first.
It's not a race :P

[Chickhe]

I don't ever say what anyone else should do...except do what you need to do to answer the questions you have...whatever is holding you back, find out how to get past it. The main thing I think anyone needs to work on self acceptance...maybe the world doesn't understand me, but I'm doing no wrong... in fact if you spin it right, what we do if pretty darn cool!

[AllieSF]

I disagree with your theme/premise. Change "ALL" to "most" or "the majority" and then I would agree with you. This is not a new discussion topic here. If one is happy in the closet, i.e. the one that keeps them in the house and not going out into the real world, that is more than fine with me. I think that there are some, the minority in my opinion, that truly have no latent desire to get out of the house. The rest that stay in the closet may be due to fears, looks, lack of self confidence and courage, opportunities, et al. I do not see these reasons as excuses, but as valid justifications for them to live with their status quo. When and if they are ever ready, they will find that with the right attitude, it is an awful lot of fun being out there.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I'm not sure if i want to go out dressed or not. Maybe if I find a supporting or accepting SO, I'll experiment. These days, I'm finding a strong want to just put on a skirt for work, just for the feel of bare legs, I know I can get away with bike shorts, or even brief running shorts, ( another guy used to do that and got no complaints from management ) also want to try a naturist group, clothes, (particularly male ) are really beginning to bug me from a comfort point of view.

[suzy1]

I know that I will always be totally happy and fulfilled not going out in public dressed.
The annoying thing is that several times individual members have told me, [yes told me!] that one day I will want to go out dressed. Like I don’ know my own mind? [Yep, scroll down to The Veronicamoonlit post]

I do get the impression that the members that are dedicated to going out and encouraging others to do the same post more than the ones that are happy in there closet.

[Wildaboutheels]

I don't think it is any accident that the ONLY Forum allowed to the public is the MtF one.

But is that an "enticement" of some kind to get folks to actually join?

[Marleena]

It's a personal choice. I have no problem with either. Do whatever makes you happy.

[bimini1]

If you go out that first time you may become like a crack addict chasing that elusive "first high". Then maybe not, some people can do drugs once and then just walk away from it.

I went out a couple of times years ago with both positive and negative results but for me it was not worth it at that point. I always say the price of admission was not worth the payoff.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I know that I will always be totally happy and fulfilled not going out in public dressed.

I'd be careful making absolute statements like that. I made that one myself once. That's right, I said once that I'd never go out in public.

The annoying thing is that several times individual members have told me, [yes told me!] that one day I will want to go out dressed.

Fair enough, but imagine the inverse. Seeing someone say they'll never go out and a couple years later say they want to go out, and then do. It happens quite a bit. I did it myself, I've seen it happen, here, other boards, USENET, IRC, you name it.

Like I don’ know my own mind?

Some crossdressers don't. I didn't. They're in so much societal pressure to conform they engage in self-denial. We've seen examples on this own board of it happening. Crossdressers who believed they'd never tell anyone their secret, telling. Crossdressers who thought they'd never go out, doing so. People who adamantly said they were crossdressers at one time, deciding they're Transsexuals. People change and grow.

Now if someone says that people "must" go out, I would disagree with that. I think that it is in genral a good idea, for the most part, but the person needs to be mentally ready. Going out when they're not really readdy for it can be bad too. Personally I think going out was a good thing for me, but I made a bad choice as to exact day I first did it, a couple of weeks before or after would have been better.

I do get the impression that the members that are dedicated to going out and encouraging others to do the same post more than the ones that are happy in there closet.

Most certainly, I agree with that.

VEronica

[Cynthia Anne]

We all be different! When I left home at the age of seventeen I was dressing and going shopping! I've never wanted to stay in the closet!

[Eryn]

If one can be satisfied in the closet and never feel the need to go out that is a wonderful thing! You avoid a lot of expense and anxiety!

OTOH, some of us have a need to express ourselves to others, and that often involves going out.

When I first came to grips with my CDing I was a "no way, I'm too big, not in a million years will I go out that door" person. That has obviously changed!