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Thread: Courage

  1. #26
    ...don't encourage me Josie M's Avatar
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    As many others have said, the need to express yourself as you are overrides fear and you just need to be able to get out. Going out far from home may make you feel a little more confident. You can also pick a place where crossdressing wouldn't be that out of place. Going out with friends or a support group could help as well.
    Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -- Mark Twain

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  2. #27
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    A lot of great advice so far. I used to hate giving public speeches, at school, at work, wherever. Now people who know me today in male, and especially in female, mode, will not believe that as I am frequently called Chatty Cathy by more than a few friends. I still do not like giving public formal speeches. I learned to get over that as best that I could do by thinking that I had a 10-15 minute speech and that was all. My exposure to embarrassment was basically limited to those 15 minutes. That helped a lot, i.e. realizing that my time in the spotlight would be very limited and then the spotlight would shift to the next person. The other thing that really helped the most was just doing what I dreaded as much as possible, when the opportunities arose. From that I learned that I was scared and physically upset for the initial times in the spotlight, and then I began to feel less worried and afraid the more I did it. Lesson learned, the more times you do something you are afraid to do, the easier it gets to do it again. So, now echoing the other recommendations, start with activities that may cause you concern as related to crossdressing, like shopping in male mode for women's clothes, accessories, makeup, whatever. Then do those little short time outings en femme like driving, walking somewhere, and slowly increase you contact with the real world and real people, not by talking with them, just by walking past and among them. I recommend evening outings, because there is something about the dark that gives a sense of security, real or imagined. If you want to go to a drag/gay/lesbian bar, then scope it out in male mode to see where everything is and to later be able to enter a place that you have been before. Over the long or mid term you will find that your fears are much less (courage is going up) and that your self confidence (in my opinion the key ingredient for a successful outing) will start to increase greatly. Go at your own speed and take the risks that you determine are worth it. Good luck.

  3. #28
    Member Starr's Avatar
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    Well my courage seems to have come from letting my hair grow.. i was out of work for about 4 years started my retirement a little early so had money to pay bills just not to get out much so no one who knew me saw me much during that time. While i was off i never got my hair cut, it is now half way down my back and i dyed it red.. it was a salt and pepper.. with more and more salt..lol.
    Anyway, once it got out where i could make it look like a girls hair when i dressed it was pretty easy.. it was me, yea i had on make up and carried a purse.. i wore a bra and forms.. topped with a blouse and skirt.. but it was me..
    I stood tall..lol i'm 6'... and looked at people, smiled and went about my business. The long hair, make up and generally appearing to be an older female is enough that most people don't give a second look because they don't look good on the first one and simple take me for what i appear to be at first glance .. an older woman out shopping.

    I have talked with people in stores when shopping, i have tried on dresses in stores, and generally enjoyed being out in public in a way that makes me happy.. and being happy is what really matters..

  4. #29
    JUST A GIRL Katrina Black's Avatar
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    It still scares me every time for the first 3 seconds then im good ... find the support meet up group in your area .test the waters ... next go to a gay friendly bar ,if there is one near you ,, they will completly accept you and its just a quick walk from the parking lot to the door ... then your safe .. baby steps
    "Girls will be boys ,boys will be girls its a mixed up world its a shook up world" {Kinks}

  5. #30
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    To me courage comes from considering the cost of doing nothing.
    Chickie

  6. #31
    Member Delila's Avatar
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    So many amazing replies to this thread that I can't respond to any one. I will admit that a large part of my concern is because I live in a townhome and there is a very real possibility that the instant that I walk out of my door I will be made. There is also the fact that I am married and we live in what could be called a small state where any city withing reasonable driving distance one or the other of us would know someone. I would love to live in a place where options exist to go to a somewhat distant town and dress sadly that does not exist. I am also not aware of any groups in my area though I would welcome them openly. I live in lakewood colorado if there are any groups in this area I would absolutely welcome an invite. Again I would like to say thank you all for the input it all was welcome and the vast majority made sense. Thanks.
    Love like you've never been hurt,
    work like you don't need the money,
    and dance as if no one is watching.
    Delila

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delila View Post
    I will admit that a large part of my concern is because I live in a townhome and there is a very real possibility that the instant that I walk out of my door I will be made.
    Just tell them you are the cleaning lady. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

  8. #33
    Member Ms Mira's Avatar
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    Though I don't know your exact situation, being 'outed' can be one of those things that takes on EPIC proportions in your mind that's not nearly so bad in reality. I know in my case it was hard to even say the words "I'm a crossdresser" in a room by myself for a long while. But then I told that first person (which took a couple HOURS, haha)... then the next, then the next, and now most of the people who matter to me know about Mira.

    I couldn't even imagine trying to go out before I was cool with myself though. It's kind of... jumping steps, which will bite you eventually. And to get to that point of being totally confident in my skin, I needed their help.

  9. #34
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I live in a town home community and am friends with all my neighbors. Also my son used to live with me but mainly stayed in his room. I just dressed almost completely in the bathroom, put on baggy men's clothing with my base makeup already on too and walked out the door and drove away to a nearby parking lot to finish up the process. I was never caught and that never stopped me from getting out and enjoying the fresh air and real life experiences. It can be done very successfully!

  10. #35
    Senior Member Jamiegirl1's Avatar
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    I found the courage to go out dressed,because I cannot dress at home.......I keep all my clothes in my truck and all my makeup.....it is sooo much fun to be out dressed,drive around,go into stores....I have learned to ignore laughter from ignorant people,I have gotten a few nice compliments from women,and some men....the most important thing to remember is listen to your intuition and be aware of your surroundings....I won't get out of my vehicle and go into a store if there are a couple of teenagers around,they will feed off each other and things could get ugly.....I will keep driving to another store or wait til they have left.....anytime there is a chance that something could be a bad situation,leave immediately.....Most of the time you won't have any problems,people in general just don't care......I have alot of fun dressing and could not imagine never being out in public........Hope this helps..Have fun...Jamie Oh,and by the way,I work and dress in a city that is about an hour from my house,not too worried about anyone recognizing me,except I was spotted by a coworker a couple of months ago,he asked if my wife was in town and driving my truck,this caught me off guard,I said no,he must have seen a different truck.....not likely,I have a one of a kind old truck......I should have just said it was my wife.........I'm sure I will be found out one of these days,but the reward is worth the risk........
    Last edited by Jamiegirl1; 07-11-2012 at 02:13 PM.

  11. #36
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    One thing you have to decide is if you are here to please other people or are you here to discover who you are. The answer will determine what you will do next.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  12. #37
    Member Lorenqt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by linda allen View Post
    Where do you find the courage?
    I find my courage in a bottle.
    Proud Daughter of the South
    http://www.facebook.com/loren.smith.581

  13. #38
    Member Cindy J Angel's Avatar
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    it just what outhers have said. once u get out its not to bad. people just have outher things to do life now is allways in the fast lane. for me its getting out my own door, and i go out quit a lot just to do aver day things went out today. what i do is take pic and look at them first just to see what aver body elas see. remamber your makeup, less is more blend dering the day woman put less on then at night.act like u went to be there and when u do get read our some one dose say something just own up and tell them this is what i like to do most time that will work. but most time people will just do there own thing. and leave u a lone. my heart stell pounds at times so keep working on it and it will come if u went it.

  14. #39
    Member Chardonnay Merlot's Avatar
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    Sometimes you are in a situation where you just don't have a choice. That is how my neighbors found out. I was running late for my support group meeting and my neighbors were all outside...so I had to walk to my car...I didn't notice everybody saw me until the next day.

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