Question on coming out to friends.

[Julie1123]

I know there have been people that have come out to friends and have had great reactions and been happier for it, and I know that there have been people who have come out to friends and had bad reactions to it.

Has anyone come out to a friend, got a positive reaction, and later still regretted telling people? A cat's out of the bag sort of thing.

The reason I ask is because lately I feel like I'm trying to balance on a teeter totter when it comes to telling more people. Of course this is all moot at the current state, considering my girlfriend would rather people didn't know and I wouldn't want to break her trust by telling people without her being on board. Especially considering she knows both the people I would want to tell.

Ho hum.

Edit: Since I don't think I conveyed this in the original post. The issue isn't whether or not to do it, regardless of my girlfriend's position on it. The issue I'm having is that I keep going back and forth on whether or not I want to. Just feel a bit unstable.

[kimdl93]

People have had all kinds of reactions and some later experienced regrets. That really shouldn't have any bearing on what you do. In the end you need to decide what's important in your life and in your relationships....and where this part of your identity belongs within your life.

It does seem that if your GF would rather keep it private, that you need to consider her position. And if you want to tell someone, talk it over with her and explain your reasons for wanting to do so.

[Jorja]

There are two schools of thought about coming out. 1.) Keep it quiet unless they need to know or until it is quite obvious to others. 2.) Tell everyone and anyone.

Personally, I think you should keep quiet unless there is a reason for someone else to know. Once you put it out there you can't take it back like nothing happened. I do believe if you are in a relationship or are married the sooner you tell the better for all involved.

If you GF wants you to keep it quiet then you better talk it over with her beforehand. Only you can make the decision.

[Julie1123]

Thanks for the reply Kim. I think the main problem I'm having right now is that I feel so wishy washy about whether or not I even want to tell other people. I definitely wouldn't go for it without talking it over with my girlfriend. In fact I have mentioned before that I had thought about telling two people and told her the reasons why I would tell them. She said she wouldn't be comfortable with it. She's not really the issue here. I think I would feel better if I knew one way or the other what I wanted to do. Even if it was a yes I want to tell people but needed to hold back because of her, I think I would be not as frustrated as I am now, not knowing what I want to do.

Sorry if I'm rambly today, its one of those kind of days.

[Marleena]

I would always go with the GF's wishes. You could end up embarrasing her if it goes wrong and ruin a relationship. If you were single it would be your choice. My wife says nobody needs to know since I'm not 24/7 and I repect that because I feel the same way. I don't need permission or support.... or worse from family and friends.

I don't get why so many people need to tell others that they CD?

[Julie1123]

Hello Jorja. Cool name spelling by the way. I'm assuming its pronounced like Georgia.

There are two people who I would consider telling. Both are very trustworthy and I know would keep the secret if I wasn't going the everyone and everybody route. One is my next closest friend besides my girlfriend, I'm more just interested to see what he says about it. The other is a friend of ours that my girlfriend met through school. She's very fashionable and has a great personality. I think she would be fun to go to for help with dressing.

Hi Marleena. I completely agree. As this affects my girlfriend's life as much as it affects mine and I want our life to continue to be together, I will always take her into consideration.

It's really not about going through with telling other people. It's more the confusion on whether or not I actually want to tell other people that is getting to me.

[Barbara Ella]

You are in a relationship. One of you has a definite opinion, and the other is wishy washy. That tells it all.

If you are wishy washy, no way you should do it or even talk about it. If and when you become firm in your want/need to come out, then you sit down and discuss it. If at that time your GF is still against it and you can't change her mind, honor her stake in the partnership.

Barbara

[Wildaboutheels]

DON'T.

No one at this site or any other site or anywhere in the world is infallible in predicting HOW other people will react to ANY "hot topic" issue.

Most reactions? Yes.

ALL reactions? NO.

Of course, if you can live with the repercussions of a friend possibly blabbing to the world, then it is not a problem. You can't know for sure that your girlfriend hasn't already confided the secret to someone.

[Badtranny]

I don't get why so many people need to tell others that they CD?

Some people just don't like having a secret life. I think it would be fun to be a cross dresser and I would definitely be out about it. My friends would know for sure because I would probably be wearing something femmy all the time. Of course that's easy for me to say since I'm not even sure why guys do it in the first place.

It just SEEMS like it would be fun to get such a kick out of dressing up.

[Marleena]

Hi Marleena. I completely agree. As this affects my girlfriend's life as much as it affects mine and I want our life to continue to be together, I will always take her into consideration.

It's really not about going through with telling other people. It's more the confusion on whether or not I actually want to tell other people that is getting to me.

Well your girlfriend has your answer Julie. I would keep it private but that's just me. People talk and before you know it many people know. The others are right, once done you can't undo it. Nobody can predict accurately how it will turn out.

Some people just don't like having a secret life. I think it would be fun to be a cross dresser and I would definitely be out about it. My friends would know for sure because I would probably be wearing something femmy all the time. Of course that's easy for me to say since I'm not even sure why guys do it in the first place.

Well first off, very nice profile pic.

I actually put others first before me with this, I always have. I don't want to embarass family, kids and friends if it went bad. If I went 24/7 then we would all have to deal with it.

[Cynthia Anne]

I don't tell anyone! I let them see for themselves! That way I find out who my true friends are!

[Laura912]

Everyone has a friend to whom they can tell something confidential and they just know it will not be repeated. Think about it. Friend A tells friend B. Friend B has that special friend C whom they tell etc. It will happen. It is a factorial equation so a lot of people will know.

[Kate Simmons]

You have to be selective about who you may tell about yourself. There are many opportunists who will use that information for their own gain. For example people I know in the Intelligence Community can be TG but have to ensure that that information could not be used to compromise them or their position. Personally, I approach the issue the same as UFO's do. I only reveal myself if I want someone to know.This puts me in control of things. This has worked well for me so far.

[Ms Mira]

I'm at a point where I have told almost all of my close friends. And I gotta tell ya, the view looks pretty good from here. For me, it made a huge difference in my bonds with them to be able to just speak openly about Mira, even if I don't tell them everything (though I am pretty open at this point... more than I could have imagined even a year ago).

You don't know how they're going to react, true. But do you want friends that would disown the relationship due to crossdressing? And, if you're not ashamed of yourself, why act ashamed of yourself? A lot of it is in how YOU carry it.

[Lainie]

I don't tell any of my friends, partly because my wife insist on staying in denial. I do go out, never pass (mustache). In some circles people are well aware, in others totally ignorant.

How crazy is that?