need advice

[Soccer21]

so here is the problem...i was dating a girl a while ago we were living together when i had the talk with her about my CD she was ok with it and many times i would just walk around the house in her clothes. it was great. however thigns went south with the relationship and we broke up. i have been dating someone else for almost 2 years now. we also live together, it came up that i dressed up a couple of times in my past relationship, she doesnt knwo the full extent of it. and she seemed ok with it a little bit. then one night when i was doing the dishes she asked me how come you have never dressed up for me? and my heart skipped i made some non chalant comment to pass it off like it was nothing. later after i got out of the shower i put on her panties bra and a dress of hers and walked out she cracked up laughing in a very positive way. i went back in changed into another dress and came out, she excalimed i looked better in it thast she did, i did this a third time she made the same comment as before then said it was getting little weird. i want to open up to her about this but that last comment scared me off a little bit and im not sure how to bring it up again or talk to her about it. anyone help!?

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'd be careful about wearing her things, unless she explicitly wants you to. For some GGs, wearing their clothes (as opposed to your own) can be a real turn-off. Ask her how she would feel if you had and wore your own femme clothes.

[bridgetta]

dont ever wear her stuff.. crossdressing is a state of mind and you must be considerate of other minds in the process..

[BRANDYJ]

Based on what you told us, I'd have to say you blew it. When she asked why you never dressed up for her, you should have told her that she never asked. Then you should have asked her why she asked. At that point the door was open for you to tell her that you enjoy it and did not know how she's feel about it and that you wonder how she'd feel about it. But no, what you did was show her by dressing in her bra, panties and her dress. Did she tell you too? Did you ask her if it was OK? Did you ask her if she wanted to see you dressed? Unless you asked her if you could dress in her clothes, or she asked you to shower and put on her things, then I think you made a big mistake and blew the opportunity to discuss it further with her and find out how'd she feel about it. I can picture you coming out of the bedroom wearing her clothes without makeup and a wig. In my opinion, there is nothing as ridiculous looking as a guy in women's clothes while having the face and hair of a man. She might have felt the same way. But that's my opinion and may not be shared with her. But then to make 3 changes into her other dresses was pushing it even further...unless she asked you to. Maybe you left that out of your story. I can see where she said it was getting a little weird after 3 changes of clothes. it would have made me feel weird too if I had not been warned about you being a CD. I have wondered what's up with this!

OK, so you did this all wrong and are now asking for advice on how to bring it up. First I'd apologize for wearing her clothes without asking. Then tell her that you did not have any of your own (if that's the truth)
Then tell her she opened the door by asking why you never dressed for her and now you want to explain just what it means to you to dress and to what extent. Of course you will want to make it clear that you are straight and that you do not want to become a woman etc. Tell her how you'd like to dress again, but in your own clothes. Tell her she does not have to be a part of it, but you'd like it if she was from time to time if it did not turn her off. But for the sake of the relationship, now that the subject came up, you just don't want any secrets between you and her.
Basically I'm saying it's time to be open and honest and quit making non chalant comments to pass it off. It's time to come clean and the both of you will be better off if you do. I wish you luck.

[Cynthia Anne]

It might be a good idea to get your own things! Let her know you would like to dress for her sometime for the fun of it! Good luck!

[jillleanne]

Just come out with it in a nice way to her and explain how it's a gift you were born with. Educate her. . And stop wearing her things. Chances are she won't want to wear them now as she will envision you in her mind if she does. I think she'll be fine with it all.

[Soccer21]

I did leave out parts of it now that you mention certain things. When I made the comment to pass it off. I said "I don't know never came up. I just did it with her once or twice.". She brought up her lace panties and made a comment about me wearing them ( I wish my memory was better on the exact conversation). So when I got out of the shower that's what I did. When I came out the first time she said "you should wear something with a little more cleavage. Which is why I came out the second time. And third time was more on my own. She wasn't upset or grossed out I wore her clothes and she has since worn what I did.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Just take things slowly, soccer, see if she will ask again. Next time just say "I don't own ____ (whaterver she asks you to try on)." If she tells you its ok to wear her stuff, you're fine.

[Ressie]

I had the same image in my mind that Brandy mentioned. You came out of the bathroom only wearing a couple of items. Anyway, I find it difficult to bring up cross dressing with a SO and have it come out the way I want it to. When she said it was getting weird, you should have asked what she meant by weird. My belief is some women think it's fun for their bf to put on some lingerie - if it's done as a joke. But if you approach it in a serious manner, it's weird or viewed as a problem. Everyone's different though, so ya never know.

[Soccer21]

All very true and very wise. I suppose I'm not the most patient person in the world. I just want to have the conversation now and her to be ok with it. I have no problem restarting my wardrobe (I did a purge a couple years back). I can dream and hope for the best.

[RiverdanceGirl]

The fact that you stopped when she was finding it a bit much is good. I'm pretty sure she will initiate the talk sooner or later. When you're telling her how you feel don't act like it's a part of you that you're ashamed of or that you think is wrong or strange. How she feels about it will be shaped by how you present what is essentially a part of who you are. I have only a tiny amount of experience with relationships and they haven't lasted long. One girlfriend I told early on that I frequently wore tights for practical reasons and that I found them a lot nicer than long underwear. I also told her I had an interest in women's clothing which worked out well as she would let me pick out her outfits. She just accepted it as part of who I was. It ended before it was time for the talk but so far as it went, she accepted it because I presented it as a simple matter of fact. She was even okay with me talking about dressing as a ballerina for Hallowe'en although it never happened as she dumped me in August.

[Soccer21]

I guess what I don't know is how much apart of me it is. I am still exploring that. On reference to the comments before. I'm not sure if I want full makeup and wigs. I've entertained the idea and maybe I'm still early on. But the fact of the matter is. I enjoy women's clothes more than men's. I ole the panties the bras. The tighter shirts and the skirts. The dresses. It just feels so much better. I hope she brings it up again. I wish I can talk about it like I should or am supposed to.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Soccer,

I believe at this point the biggest problem you have is not that you wore her clothes, it's that you have not told her you are a crossdresser. The loss of trust and how she feels about you not telling her, is what is weird. If you have serious feelings for this girl, you owe her the truth. She deserves to know and make informed decisions. I am sure she is not going to be happy that you have waited until she is this invested to tell her. You are going to have to deal with the trust issue as well accepting that you are going to have to rebuild trust and it's not her fault.

Good luck,

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Kelli Ca]

The only thing I can offer is my own story. I am married and like you hinted around a bit about my past cd. One night I was admiring a nightie and she asked if I wanted to wear it, the door was wide open so I lept. Go slow after she's seen you now you can have an open discussion about it, always take her feelings into account and take it easy. For me clear boundaries were set so as not to move too fast for her. After some time now we are at a point. Where we are talking about going out with me en femm. So I Guess the point issues seen you so go. With it slowly. Oh yeah the. Only problem she did have is that I did wait so long to tell her.

[Soccer21]

All really great advice. I tried hinting at it again ever so slightly she didn't bite so I dropped it. I am now here waiting hoping she brings it up again so I'm not the one who is forcing it.

[lingerieLiz]

You need to get it out on the table, or you are going to try and keep "your secret" from her. That is not good she deserves to know.

[Soccer21]

I hear a lot of opposite ends of the spectrum I feel like. Some of you say don't rush it but tell them. Don't force it but bring it up. I feel like its a very fine dance that has to be played out. Do I bring it up and slowly go into without being like "hey I like to wear women's clothes" or do I wait for her to bring It up and the. Slowly explain myself. What is the best route? I just feel really confuses scared and anxious all at the same time

[Kat42]

I'm out to my SO. She knows and apparently has decided I'm worth keeping. I stick to a couple hard and fast rules. #1, I don't wear her stuff. And I get kinda torqued off when she wears mine (mostly T's, occasionally Jeans). But I don't say anything. #2 is I won't do anything that would cause her or our family embarrassment.

Bottom line, I don't like it when she wears mine, so I don't wear hers. I buy my own (and dream of the day she buys something for me!)

[Soccer21]

I need to know the best way to do it. The best way to bring it up and talk about it. I've never told anyone before. We are in our mid twenties and have been dating almost two years. I just have really no clue how to even start it

[Esteafanie]

Progresses, wait till you start trying on heels, make up, wig, full femme is the best part!!! exhilarating!!!! try and see what it feels like, I know it takes time, but if you enjoy the clothes, you will rejoice in femme. Keep exploring!!!

[anonymousinmaryland]

A lot of people already told you: Go S-L-O-W.

[Karren H]

Guess you now know that the third times isn't a charm?

[suchacutie]

Actually, you don't really know what she meant by "weird". Just you wearing her clothes could be weird, not the fact that you are transgendered. This is not the time to be sharing clothes.

If I were trying to bring up the conversation at this point, I'd focus on wanting to know what she thought was weird, and what could be done to make it not weird, and then would she go shopping with you (if it all goes in a positive direction). Bringing her into your feminine life is the best of all worlds.

tina