I don't understand why women dislike us so much. I am still single, maybe because I am just honest about what I do. I do not dress often. Just because women know about this they wont give me the time of day, Tough I do not push this on anyone that doesn't accept nor I would dress when I go on a date. Am I being honest to quickly or are people just that closed minded and nasty? any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
I think it's mostly because people view all CD's as gayunforunate, but true.
I'd love to find a girl who would enjoy dressing up together and making eachother over...that would be fun
GOOD POINT! i dont know either! but.. my last girl felt she was not woman enough for me.. which is ludicrous.. i think woman are very complicated creatures with many layers of emotions that we as men can only begin to access occasionally..
Women find it to be a threat to them.
As my wife explained it...women grow up in competition with each other for everything from clothing, appearance, boyfriends, attention. They view us as the "competition" and invariably compare themselves to us. If we are thinner, have nicer hair (even if it's a wig), look better in a certain style ... we are the enemy...
We don't see it that way, but they do. I'm not saying all, but certainly a lot and particularly if you are in a relationship with them.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I would never say I could make a blanket statement to that effect. A lot depends on the individual woman and the circumstances. There is a lot to consider oftentimes. We kind of sell women short if we feel they all think this way.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Maybe I am the exception. Most of the women with whom I associate have absolutely no problem with me crossdressing.
Inside every good man, there is a good woman.
That is ridicules! The very last thing that women have to worry about is competing with a man in a dress! The truth of the matter is that most women don't find cross dressing and acting feminine as a traits they'd like to see in their man... or any other man for that matter. Even here in the 21st century women still expect men to behave like men. Actually it's you who see it that way... not women. Do yourself a solid and go out into the real world and ask women, and I am betting that outside of support forums and accepting SO's ..... you'll get an ear full.Originally Posted by Cheryl T
But doesn't this statement fly in the face of the stereotype that GGs love gay guys because either (a) they can interact socially without a sexual component or (b) they can "reform" them into perfect boyfriends?
I don't think tht most GGs have an opinion at all about CDers. They just don't think of us. If prompted and they are ignorant they might jump to the stereotype that "CDer = sexual deviant." If they are a bit more worldly they really don't see us in a negative way at all. They might be amused by us but I don't see that as hostility.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
You haven't said when you tell a potential partner you CD. Though given the context of your post, I'm guessing you bare your soul quickly. If that's the case... Then in my honest opinion, your giving away too much information off the bat.
So why are you shooting yourself in the foot over an issue which, as you state, is not a regular gig for you!
Let me put it this way about honesty in relation to your post.
Women expect their partner or husband to be honest. They get really jacked off if they discover their SO has lied to them. This is especially true when CDing enters the ring. You only have to take a cruise around this forum to get a cross section of women's feelings on the subject of betrayal, to understand why they feel extremely hurt et...al.
However, with regard to your honesty, I'd be cranking it back a few notches. If a women pushes all the right buttons for you and you feel chemistry between you both, just enjoy getting to know her. If you end up going on a date, she doesn't need to know you CD.
If I was you, I'd be throwing subtle feelers (nothing too dramatic or obvious) out there. It's an ideal way to test the waters. If it turns out the lady your dating or are interested in dating is stuck back in the middle ages concerning her views on Transgender issues, then you'll know it probably wont work. Hence, you can end it before either of you fall in love, which will save you both a lot of future heartache, disapointment etc.etc.
However, if she responds in a positive manner to your subtle feelers, then it's possible she'll be understanding when the time comes to tell her about your CD'ing. BUT...give it time before you tell her. When I say get to know her and her to get to know you, that means, enjoy each others company. There is no need to tell her everything about yourself straight up.
Continue doing what your doing and the chances are you'll remain single. Follow my suggestions and it's likely you'll find a lady who is accepting of you, warts and all. But taking things slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwly, is the operative word here.
ciao
Rebecca
PS Telling most women who hold romantic feelings for you straight up about your CDing, is a bad move. I'm sure there is a hell of a lot more to you than just CDing...I'm sure you have a lot of admirable qualities. That's what she needs to see. It's these character traits which will ultimately have here falling for you.
Hence, when the time comes to tell her about your CDing, she'll know all about you and be attacted to these qualities.
While the CDing will probably still be a hurdle, it will hopefully pale in comparision to all the qualities she admires in you. Telling her straight up about your CD'ing, is like holding a loaded gun to her head and then wondering why she becomes hysterical.
Last edited by Rebecca Star; 07-15-2012 at 03:57 PM. Reason: PS
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I have to admit from my little experience I find the opposite to be true. Ok on my few outings that have been organised by my local trans comunity the GG's there have been very welcoming indeed. Ok they are partners or friends of friends but I've enjoyed chatting to them. From what they have told me most women are just curious.
I dont think women dislike us at all. Starting off in a relationship of course is an all together different set of circumstances of which I have no experience.
First of all we do not find you a threat, geez why would we.
For a lot of women they only know about crossdressers from how society views you ie all cders are gay, they don't understand the ins and outs of what a crossdresser is and don't bother to find out and educate themselves about the community. For those who do, the internet is a poor source of information due to it being linked to porn. Of course there is those who do try but still cannot come to terms with this, and that is fine we can't all be the same, but at least those women tried.
Sandra
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you can't possibly be serious..
Not all women, girls etc hate Crossdressers ... it depends on how they see you ... i see you girls as girls and nothing else ... i suppose i am open minded and tolerant to all ... just me xxxx
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On the gay theme... someone at my place of work is openly 'out' and has been for about a year. He comes into work dressed most days (but not always)... make-up, the works BUT no wig and no pretend girly voice. He has expressed that this is who he is and he is accepted by enough work colleagues to make it work OK. The whole situation seems to be normalising well.
I was at a meal recently with some colleagues and the subject of this guy came up. It was a positive conversation but when a close colleague of his said that he was hoping to find a girl now, whereas before it had been difficult for him, the conversation became 'interesting'. At work I am in the closet I hasten to add - just for context.
Is he more or less likely to find a girlfriend if he dresses openly in public?
He is a delightful guy and I hope he finds her... he clearly is being open before the relationship! But it does highlight the OP's point... most people at this meal were astonished that he was looking for a girlfriend... they didn't explicitly state 'gay', but they clearly had some cognitive dissonance going on! BTW at the meal there were 3 guys 2 women and me. Many educated/tolerant guys will accept CDs but the issues may not be so dissimilar...
Kaz xx
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First thing, I think I understand your feelings, although I think your a bit misdirected, and even though your engaging in hyperbole. ALL Women do not hate us, nor do the majority, and I would imagine that the one's that might "hate" crossdressers are a very tiny minority. Most of The Women I run into at Clubs are somewhat curious, and they believe that we might be a bit more empathetic. Now, I have seen women who have married a CD, and feel betrayed because they were lied to, from The Get-Go. Are those The Women you are speaking of?
I'm not qualified to really venture an opinion about what All Women do. The only thing I can safely say is that when we use terms like "all," or "every" about People, we engage in generalities that just about guaranteed to get us in trouble!
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 07-15-2012 at 04:11 PM.
Ack!! Not the jealousy thing again!! Not possible, sorry.
I don't think they really dislike us but they're looking for alpha males. It has to be hard for women to grasp why we do this. I always met potential GF's in guy mode. If we clicked and things progressed I'd come clean. Once they get to know you as a person and know you're not gay things get better (usually).
Every time I ask myself why my wife wouldn't be more interested in this... I think about it this way.
For example, I would LOVE to sit and watch TV with my wife while I was dressed.
But...
Suppose she wanted to throw on a pair of crappy mens work jeans, shove a sock down her pants, and bind her chest and wear a mens football jersey and watch the game with me....? I mean, I would enjoy the company, but MALENESS is not attractive to me as a hetero CD.
Let's face it... many MTFs cross dress (including me) because we idolize the female form and want to emulate female qualities or feel closer to women etc etc... sorry, but this is NOT just about clothes when you add the breast forms and wig to the equation.
So when you think of a NON TG woman... I think it's simple that they are just not WIRED to be attracted to other WOMEN, and when we are EMULATING that, it just doesn't make sense to them.
Now, love conquers all, and in many cases, women can come to understand OUR need and can accept it and encourage it or at the least tolerate it unseen (DADT), but at the beginning of a relationship, this can be an odd thing to deal with...
It's hard to flip the coin and see it from their NON TG perspective, since we ARE TG (at one end of spectrum or the other) ... many of us might actually enjoy the scenario above (not all, but some for sure), but a NON TG guy would probably be turned off and be like "WTF??"
Insert standard disclaimer about this just being my point of view and understanding that of course this doesn't apply to everyone, just throwing my hat in the ring here.....
VS Fan
I totally agree
There are some women who are attracted to the Alpha male. Whereas others, prefer a guy who is laid back, easy going and not fussed if his partner takes the lead. Sames goes for both sexes.
That's my point exactly, when they get to know you as person. By the time things progress and it's time confide in them, you've formed a decent enough relationship to be 100% honest and be in a position to fill in the blanks.
~ it's not how the world sees you but how you see yourself that counts ~
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I agree
CDs are usually portrayed as either gay, some kind of strange weirdo or a massivly overblown negative characature. The only possitive CD figure (gay or otherwise) that I can think of who's regularly in the media is Eddie Izzard.
Once people get to know you as a person, then they are a lot more open to accepting the CDing side of you too. I think anyway
As it may be true some women don't don't like us many women that are open minded have no problem with us! There are many factors to consider here! Such as there religous beliefs and there upbringing! I think in general women are openminded enough to except cd's! But there many reasons why some don't want to be married to one!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
Having just spent two night son the town, I don't think women hate us. Friday night I was invited to join a bachelorette party with 10 very lovely women. They treated me wonderfully. Last night several women sat next to me and talked to me. Seems if we were hated that would not have happened
I have never seen a woman who hated me when I was dressed. Some express their concern? that I can wear something they don't think they can. They suggest changing little things. Some ask where I shop. Two have asked if they can watch me get ready. A few have asked if they could go with me when I go out.
I should say that some have said they hated me because I was tall, or had nice legs or my skin was nice. But I don't think they really "hated" me.
I think you are confusing disapproval for hate. Why do they disapprove? Mostly lack of understanding
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“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Its been my experience that women are more friendy to CD's than are men. The men who consider themselves 'macho', are especially hostile, as are teenagers, be they male or female. More mature women kinda like us, at least this has been my experience.
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Why did you put the focus of "hate" as being women? Why did you not chose "people"?
Just one Q for you. Is your CDing something they NEED to know about? Especially right up front?
Or is it possible that you simply feel pressured TO TELL by the very few GGs who participate here on a regular basis?
I think you mean, "Why do SOME women dislike crossdressers?" There are many women on this forum as well as crossdressers with accepting wives, me included. But frankly, I can understand why crossdressing would put women off: it's weird. I don't even understand it, why should a woman understand it? I think the way one informs an SO or potential SO, it the critical thing. You can not expect them to understand. It is incumbant on us to explain and explain and explain.
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