Why do women dislike crossdressers?

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I've been on a dating website for several years now, both before and after I openly came out about my crossdressing. In that time I have experimented with both having and not having it mentioned on the site. I have now committed to having it on there because I do it too often and it is too much a part of my daily life that to not would be dishonest I feel. But to be honest I can't say that I have discovered a significant difference in the amount of responses that I do get from girls I will message on there when I do or don't list it. And, I can definitely say I've had much more success in parlaying the responses that I do get into an actual date, and never in the dating situation has my clothing been the issue of why or why we don't continue.

Now, consistently the girls have joked that their biggest hesitation with me was being worried I'd look better than them in a skirt, though I always feel this is a joke and doesn't actually lend credence to the "competition" argument.. And one girl, my ex-girlfriend that I broke up with when I moved from Ohio to California, did tell me she needed to go slow with me dressing with her in public, because she was really skittish about being the focus of attention. I think this one is a pretty real concern. Like it or not, we attract eyes and whispers and not a lot of people are okay with that. But what ended up happening is she randomly called me one day when I was out, she found out I was nearby where she was and asked if she could join me, and I had to warn her, yes but I'm wearing a skirt. She said she wanted to see me anyway and she came, and once she saw it was really no big deal, she was fine with it from then on. The point being that if you can be patient and sensitive to her concerns and her speed and comfort levels, it can really help with the acceptance.

[Noemi]

Because Women want a big strong man.
The more masculine the more feminine they feel. And we know that feels nice.

Why do feminine ladies attract men? What about that petite shapely woman, with great hair, she makes you feel masculine, strong, ready to protect her and provide for her, how does she smell so good.

But look out here we come some where in the middle. How will we make a woman feel?
How will we make a man feel?

Women are not so hard to meet. They want to be met. Make them laugh, take them out to a concert, to dinner, buy them a gift. Then if the sex is good, they are less likely to mind about the cd'ing.

Tell them at the beginning of the relationship, when it begins.
When you are cooking her breakfast, not even yet. When you have been together a while and things seem as if they could go further. Then you tell them, when she has enough info to make a decision.

♥
Noemi

[Sam-antha]

In general I do not believe that women hate crossdressers. Some possibly do, but there are probably more who dislike men.....then there are those who cannot stand crossdressders who cannot dress properly.
Samm

[sometimes_miss]

It's not that they dislike us, they simply aren't attracted to us, and attractive women are all accustumed to the sad truth that when they give any guy any positive attention at all (even just a smile from her can do it, salesgirls are used to that fact alone), he usually automatically thinks 'she wants me!'. The ladies are simply avoiding giving you the wrong impression. They're not trying to be cold, they just don't want attention from guys they're not attracted to.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]Crossdressers are not the "hunky boy" image women have in mind for their mates. Also, somebody who actually looks better than they do is sort of an insult. What else can you say?[/SIZE]

[Pythos]

What Rye said was quite heartening. I don't do dating sites....yet, but I am sure if I do, I will be quite open about myself. No hiding. I think that is the deal. Hiding shows a form of insecurity (and not unwarranted, to be sure), and women want confident males, no matter how they dress or look. They however at times and too often mistaken Bravado, and Macho for confident. To me Bravado and Macho exude insecurity, and are yet another form of hiding.

I know the disintegration of my relationship had NOTHING to do with my style, but instead more to do with my anxiety when too long a time went by with no return of a text or another. Which is also a rather messed up reason, but there we are. People (not just women, and not just men, but people) are messed up.

Also, somebody who actually looks better than they do is sort of an insult. What else can you say?

Then I see a line like this. This sort of thinking though on the surface seeming right is actually so far off the mark it is not funny. If the woman is self confident herself, then you looking "better" than her would not phase her on bit.

[melissakozak]

Not all women dislike us. Some actually enjoy us. Some tolerate us. Some ignore us. Some admire us. Some are disgusted. Some of them accept us. Some of them......get the point. But for those of them who don't like us, NOT MY PROBLEM!!

[ReineD]

I think it's mostly because people view all CD's as gay unforunate, but true.

I'd love to find a girl who would enjoy dressing up together and making eachother over...that would be fun

Angela, I don't mean to pick on you, but I'm quoting you to illustrate one of the issues GGs have with the CDing. They don't want their lovers to be girlfriends. They want a lover (male if they are hetero, or female if they are lesbian) who WANTS them and wants to be WITH them. Also, after the teenage years, the act of getting dressed and putting on makeup is utilitarian for GGs, not unlike showering, shaving, and putting on clothes for a guy. It's just not an activity we see as being "fun", unless a girlfriend has a technical question about something, but we don't spend hours and hours dressing and putting on makeup together.

Also there's nothing more discouraging for a GG who likes a guy, than to discover he only wants to spend time acting like her other girlfriends who have no romantic interest in her.

… BUT, if the GG has NO romantic interest in a CDer, then there won't be any issues!

… AND, some GGs who like a CDer and who want him to be attracted to her, will play along thinking that playing girlie together is sexual for the CDer and she hopes he is also interested in HER. But she'll be devastated when she figures out that the CDer is not interested in anything other than dressing and putting on makeup.

In other words, a GG does not want to bond with a lover in the same way that she wants to bond with a girlfriend.

A cross dressing friend of mine has voiced the opinion, based on years of observation and experience, that cross dressers as a group are among the most selfish and self-centered she has encountered. Unfortunately, I agree with that statement. Of course, there are exceptions. Often it is driven by "pink fog" which does not always fade or disappear.

And there's that too, for people who are in longer term relationships! It accounts for the changes in acceptance levels among many GGs.

Women find it to be a threat to them.
As my wife explained it...women grow up in competition with each other for everything from clothing, appearance, boyfriends, attention. They view us as the "competition" and invariably compare themselves to us. If we are thinner, have nicer hair (even if it's a wig), look better in a certain style ... we are the enemy...

We don't see it that way, but they do. I'm not saying all, but certainly a lot and particularly if you are in a relationship with them.

This is just so NOT true.

You're speaking in general terms, so I'll respond with a general comment: the only time a woman feels threatened by another woman, is when she feels the other woman will get the guy that she wants, or will steal her guy away from her. GGs know that hetero men are not interested in CDers since CDers are missing some fundamental things that hetero men are interested in. There is NO competition there, believe me.

That said, do we ALL envy people who are in better physical shape than we are, whether we are men or women? Certainly. But this is a different matter.

[Antoinette]

There are some who do like it but the majority of course wouldn't. I honestly don't blame them for not liking it. I feel that if my girlfriend wanted to dress as a guy (facial hair and all) I would react the same way she did to me. Shocked, confused and a bit angry but if she could talk to me about it eventually i'd tolerate it. Think about it, your sexy and ever so beautiful woman wants to look like a tough and rugged man. <(*-*v) So if you flip the issue around you can probably understand why. It took sometime for my gf to tolerate it. But. For any reason she decides to leave me because of it, I wouldn't be mad at her
.

[Rebecca Star]

Friday night I was invited to join a bachelorette party with 10 very lovely women. They treated me wonderfully. Last night several women sat next to me and talked to me. Seems if we were hated that would not have happened.

Frankly, going on your avatar pic your 100% passable.
However, if you looked like a guy in drag I don't think you'd experience the same reception or hold the same perception... just saying.

[kendra_gurl]

As Usual ReineD NAILED IT

They don't want their lovers to be girlfriends. They want a lover (male if they are hetero, or female if they are lesbian) who WANTS them and wants to be WITH them. .

I don't know the actual precentage of women in this world who are bi sexual. Simple logic would make one think that for a GG to enter into a relationship with a Male who tells her he sometimes like to crossdress before she gets to know and understand him very well would first think to herself, Oh I don't want to even thing about sex with another female, I am not a lesbian and I would never think about even touching one of my girlfriends in that way.

This was the largest obstical my wife expressed when she first found out about my dressing. She just has NO desire to be intimate with another woman. It took years to convince her I was not her girlfriend or another woman but just her husband dressed and looking different every now and then. Intimatsy with a CD is more along the lines of what loving couples do in Role Play or Fantasy nights for theirs partners benefit rather than their own.

My Guess is that when two total strangers (male and female) meet and a chemistry begans that when the male brings up that he even experiments at all with crossdressing the female would have to have had at least some fantasy of being with another female for that news to excite them.

[Sam-antha]

I wonder if it means anything when I mention that no woman has ever refused to take my photo out in public and i have had many taken by complete strangers. On the other hand, refusals do happen have ahppened when I ask a man and then the response is of the variety that I have more to do than be bothered with you. I should add that most responses from men are enthusiastic, while those from women are extremely variable. No dislike, never. The locations of such photo requests range from coffee tables, through streets to tourist spots where a photo would be considered normal.
~Samm

[Shananigans]

Maybe it has nothing to do with crossdressing...maybe the women just aren't that into you as a person...

Or, maybe she sees some sexual component in it with you, and isn't into doing anyone that looks like a girl. Or, if she is a bisexual girl that turned you down, maybe she doesn't think you would make a very attractive woman.

I'm open to dating crossdressers...I'm bi...I'm currently dating a crossdresser. But, can you imagine how picky that makes me? Not only do you have to be attractive to me as a guy, but you also have to be attractive to me as a woman. On top of that, I have to think that you are interesting and not a sh*tty person.

[Kate Simmons]

Wow Shan, You are a "tough sell" my friend. Not only do I have to be a cute guy but a cute girl as well. Works for me Hon.

[Duana]

I have many wonderful, supportive women friends and in general find women much more accepting than men. I've never heard a woman say, "Nice purse" in a sarcastic tone but I've sure as hell heard a man say it. I've never had a woman scream "faggot" at me but I've sure as hell heard a man say it.

Thinking back on 18 months in public, other than one particular genre of females (which I won't mention because I'm not interested in starting THAT debate), I haven't had a bad interaction.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Then I see a line like this. This sort of thinking though on the surface seeming right is actually so far off the mark it is not funny. If the woman is self confident herself, then you looking "better" than her would not phase her on bit.

I agree with you Pythos. If a woman is confident in herself the looking "better" wouldn't phase her. I'm not even particularly confident in myself and it doesn't phase me when my husband is "better" looking than I am en femme.

[jsunic_1978]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I would not expect a GG to be lovers while I'm dressed. I want to be a lover in male mode and of course the other female friend of hers while I'm dressed. I don't expect a woman to see me in CD mode at all really. I just don't want to lie about it nor hide it and I don't want to hurt anyone. I do have a lot of fun when I go out shopping. Maybe i should just keep it at that, just get in my car to another suburb where people do not know me and just keep it to my self?

[jsunic_1978]

Yes, most women really are supportive, but just want to be friends and that's cool. Most guys really don't say much to me or they just look the other way and avoid me for the most part and its OK with me, since I don't like guys. most all of the few percentage of people that say sarcastic remarks ARE IDIOTS and insecure with them selves and they would just pick on an old lady trying to drive, yell at a little kid crossing the street, bitch at the cashier. Since these idiots happen to see us for that moment, of course they are going to try to make them selves feel better by acting like an idiot! Anyone that is secure with them selves will say a SUPPORTIVE remark, just mind their own business or hook us up with females they know LOL. Also, if people really want to prove how ignorant they really are, they just have to run their mouths.

[jsunic_1978]

I really love playing with women's shoes and the more I dress, Im starting to find CDs pretty attractive and i would like to have an experience with one while were both dressed. I'm a little BI now to. It feels pretty good

[Lorileah]

Also there's nothing more discouraging for a GG who likes a guy, than to discover he only wants to spend time acting like her other girlfriends who have no romantic interest in her.

… BUT, if the GG has NO romantic interest in a CDer, then there won't be any issues!

… AND, some GGs who like a CDer and who want him to be attracted to her, will play along thinking that playing girlie together is sexual for the CDer and she hopes he is also interested in HER. But she'll be devastated when she figures out that the CDer is not interested in anything other than dressing and putting on makeup.

In other words, a GG does not want to bond with a lover in the same way that she wants to bond with a girlfriend.

So true and really one on MY pet peeves. I realize that for many CDs this is very similar to when a GG is finding herself in her tweens and teens. That is when GGs share the make up the clothing suggestions, the how to get a guy and what to do with them This site becomes a giant slumber party sometimes. And when a CD is dressed and thinks they are female it really does become less romantic and frankly sometimes sleazy. It is nice when a GG does fill the "girlfriend" niche but why should they? I get so many requests to make a CD over. I can really sympathize with the GGs on this. It isn't like we (and sorry but I am lumping me into this group this time) have nothing better to do than play dress up and make up with you. If "we" (sorry GGs again) wanted to do that we would get jobs as make up artists or Mac sales reps.

Frankly, going on your avatar pic your 100% passable.
However, if you looked like a guy in drag I don't think you'd experience the same reception or hold the same perception... just saying.

Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I love when people say that, it makes me feel so good. But what you see there is a still, a snapshot (OK a posed photo that took at least 5 minutes to set up). I am 6' tall, I have men's shoulders, and there is little doubt when you get within 10 feet of me that I am male. A pretty male but still a male. In fact two of the women kept slipping up all evening and calling me "he". I try very hard not to look like a man in drag, that is another pet peeve for me, the blatant drag queen look. I try and look presentable and classy. The GGs appreciate that part. But trust me, even though they had been drinking...a lot...there was no doubt they knew what was tucked away.

[max]

I get so many requests to make a CD over. I can really sympathize with the GGs on this. It isn't like we (and sorry but I am lumping me into this group this time) have nothing better to do than play dress up and make up with you. If "we" (sorry GGs again) wanted to do that we would get jobs as make up artists or Mac sales reps.

Yeah I know the idea that someone might want a friend who could help them with something that friend was good at is ridiculous! I mean nobody asks their computer-literate friends to help them with their computer, or car-savvy friends how to fix their car, or carpentry-proficient friends how to or help with building something. I mean geeze, who would do such a thing? Has the world gone crazy?

[jsunic_1978]

Maybe I should tell women i see only as a friend and she sees me the same? thanks for the advice When i go on dating sites, I think ill keep my CDing private.

[jsunic_1978]

I just like to make people think. LOL

[jsunic_1978]

I do get a lot of complements by women that don't know im CD when im a guy. Em just not interesting enough to make a date happen and i don't just say hey, lets go out sometime. I keep thinking there is a special scientific/computer programming language (rocket science) to get women to go on a date.

[Badtranny]

Its just too much work and manipulating.

...and that's why you're having a hard time.

I've noticed that discomfort around women seems to be a hallmark of CD's. I find this to be incredibly interesting.