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Thread: The REALITY of passing?

  1. #1
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    The REALITY of passing?

    People at these Forums often allude to spotting other CDers [men] "dressed as women" out in the RW. Or people you THINK might be CDers. I am only asking about men going the whole nine yards - wigs, makeup and clothing. They are doing their BEST to blend in and not be noticed. Let's just leave out people wearing very short skirts, 5 or 6 inch heels or purple hair. Clothing most would consider to be screaming for attention.

    I have never noticed even ONE person in my sixty years on the planet and I think I am at least as observant as most people which brings about a few questions.

    1] Are you actually LOOKING for them when out in public no matter which mode you are dressed in/as?

    2] Maybe it is the place or places you are "looking" for them? Particular bars, etc.?

    3] Or maybe SOMEthing gave them away? You had cause to speak to them perhaps or they were wobbling around on 2" heels?

    I just find it odd that I have yet to "spot" a CDer. I think living in Florida where major skin is displayed 9 or 10 months out of the year might have something to do with it. So many body shapes and sizes of every imagineable "ratio" constantly on display.

    I DO happen to know a GG with a very deep masculine voice. I am guessing most people in a tele conversation with her might not be able to tell she is female from her voice alone.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    IMHO nobody passes 100% of the time even if they are TS and have had FFS.

    Don't judge the girls by the picture gallery. Most are all dolled up and made to look sexy. My recent set would be ready to go to an upscale restaurant etc. not a mall. Most try to blend in the real world so it's usually dressed down. Keep in mind many of the girls go to clubs that the average person won't go to (gay clubs, TG bars, etc.) Keep looking I've seen some Cder's out there.

  3. #3
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    I believe men are generally less observant than women. This would explain why I can't find something in a drawer that my wife can easily retrieve. My wife has told me of serval occasions where she saw a crossdresser. I have Noticed other crossdressers only on two occasions I can recall. They were dressed appropriately and yet quite unmistakable as men.

    The fact that you haven't seen any others out in the world might be explained by sheer probability, there are few of us and even fewer venture out and observation skills.

  4. #4
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    "IMHO nobody passes 100% of the time even if they are TS and have had FFS."

    But you don't see those who do. There are several on this forum, actually.

    S

  5. #5
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    hell most people have hard time just passing as humans......
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  6. #6
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephenie S View Post
    "IMHO nobody passes 100% of the time even if they are TS and have had FFS."

    But you don't see those who do. There are several on this forum, actually.

    S
    Nice..I have seen "I got read comments". So it is possible for 100% passability. I learned something today.

  7. #7
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    The only place where I was fairly confident that the people I "read" were CDrs was at a local gay club during a drag show. Some of us showed up, of course, and a few were clearly less skilled in presentation than others, and so were pretty easy reads. (I'd be a pretty easy read, I think, given that I'm 6'2" and a bit too thick.)

    The only other time that I was pretty sure I spotted a fellow CDr was at the local HEB grocery. She was older and taller than me, painfully thin, with quite angular facial features...and no shape whatsoever...straight as a board. Plus she wore what I thought was a really inappropriate outfit for grocery shopping...kinda a shiny gold top with black silk slacks....looked like something an older woman might wear to a holiday party, but not the produce section. My wife spotted her, and said "Bless her heart" and that's the attitude I tried to have about her too. Whether male or female, she was minding her own business and enjoying a day out in what might have been her favorite outfit.

  8. #8
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    I believe men are generally less observant than women
    Usually unless it is a car or boat or sporting event I know that at least twice at the mall my GF noticed a celebrity and I totally missed it. One was John Elway! How could I miss that!?!

    I agree in real life men have an agenda. A mission and looking for CDers isn't on the list. 'We" notice more discrepancies because we are tuned. I have seen CDs out in public. Usually it is something small that grabs my attention (usually the fearful prey attitude where they are all hunkered down and and eyes darting and walking as fast as they can). Men and women come in all sorts of different packages. Unless it is something blatant, we all have our own agenda and unless someone interferes with our agenda we don't really care.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
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    I don't think many of us pass very often, and agree with Kim, assuming people are paying attention. I'm not one who pays a lot of attention to people in public spaces, I'm usually in too much of a hurry or am busy thinking about something else to notice much about anyone. I have noticed CD's many times, usually it's not just one thing, but rather the feeling that something is a little different about that gal that gives it away, whether its the jaw, facial structure, wig riding too high or low, shoudlers, etc. It's just really hard for a CD to overcome everything about natural body or facical structure.

  10. #10
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    I have to say that in our smallish town, and for the short time I have even been aware of crossdressing, I do not feel I have identified a CD. I also am probably too busy most of the time. When in restaurants, where there is time to study people, I do notice features and clothes as i am always on the lookout now, not for a fellow CD er, but for hints about what is going on in the real world. So i do notice that GGs come in all sizes and shapes, and any of us could fit right in, given the right moment and place, even with some of those male features that cant be totally hidden. Passing. no. Fitting in and functioning, yes.

    Barbara
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    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

  11. #11
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, I've seen 'em but don't pay it much mind.The truth is I have a kind of built in "CDar" as I'm empathic and can receive feelings from others. Not to mention body movements, facial expressions and gestures and mannerisms, not even talking about voice.To most observers it doesn't seem to be an issue anyway, other that the occasional chuckle or knowing smile.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  12. #12
    Lurker extraordinaire almisami's Avatar
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    I can pass until I open my mouth. My speech tone and pattern are just too alien to sound particularly feminine.
    Truth does not fear investigation. Society, however, cowers before both.

  13. #13
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    My understanding of how people perceive things is they quickly pick up pieces of things they see and fill in the blanks to complete something AI folks call a frame - unless something is glaring out of place people stick with their frame selection as long as possible before trying a new one (this is why we misread words or why two people's descriptions of things they are not sure of differ wildly form one another and why suppose we get mam'd sometimes even endrab)

  14. #14
    Member Tess's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if the people I've seen have been TS or CD, but I've seen several. It isn't that I'm looking for them but that they usually stand out. Maybe I've got "CDar" too. Generally the giveaway has been height and masculine features. That leads to a second glance where other things stand out. It doesn't happen often but I can recall at least a half dozen over the last several years.

  15. #15
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Before I became engaged in the local tg community, there was a bus driver that stood out for some reason. She looked, sounded and acted feminine (so she did "pass") but there was something that just had me intrigued by her every time I hopped on the bus she was driving. Lo and behold there she was at the crossdressing social group's meeting (was my second meeting). She was a transsexual that had her operation back in the 80's. Perhaps it was somewhat a sixth sense that triggered my interest.

  16. #16
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    So it would appear that visual cues were primarily the "dead giveaways" for those of you who noticed other CDers?

    No one was "fooled" UNTIL they heard the CDers voice?

  17. #17
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
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    Over the years, I have spotted a number of cd's out and about. The usual giveaway is that they are overdressed for the venue. The other big giveaway is how they stand, walk, their gestures, lack of eyecontact, and lack of a smile.

    These are unable to be noted in pix on this MB.

    Jodi

  18. #18
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Well, it's not like I run into a sister every day!

    I've only run into 3 that I recognized. All three passed perfectly well. It just so happened that I was in a line in Starbucks with one, in a line at a grocery store with one, and on a train with the third, so I had a lot of time to notice things. If I hadn't had the time, I would have never realized who it was in front of me.

    It may be that I run into our sisters all the time, but just don't notice them.

    Oh, and I'm not counting those who I might see in a bar scene that is friendly to TGs.

    tina

  19. #19
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    I spot them in 'fits and starts' (never knew what that meant! )... I haven't clocked one of us for nearly a year (maybe that is a function of the British weather?)... but when I do it is because the dress is inappropriate, or the mannerisms are wrong... TBH they would have to do something to draw my attention... so they stand out as being different... And now we are into the blending argument...

    I am also talking about street life not night life!
    Kaz xx

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  20. #20
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    I think there are some that will pass and some that will not. Let's face it, if you are over 6ft and built like a guy, it will be difficult to pass. The smaller in height and weight, the more you will blend in. Then there are the clothes. If you are dressed for the location and event, you will blend in better. If you dress too "fancy" or too sloppy, you will be read. Also, some will pass at a distance but not up close due to beard shadow (even with heavy makeup, which is another giveaway!). I have been out only a few times with some local CDs and TG/TS and some passed, some did not. I think usually I spot a CDer because they are wearing panty hose or hosery in the hot weather when no GG will wear them or 4" heels to shop in!
    Michellecd9999

  21. #21
    Tall girls rock Darline's Avatar
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    It doesn't seem to me about dressing or doing one's makeup or hair that can be a give away as much as attitude. At first a person may give me that look, "That's a guy." but when I let my personality take charge they change their mind.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Of course I'm looking for other CDers when I am out and about! Anybody who is tall, mannish of build, deep voiced, etc. gets special, but inobtrusive, scrutiny.

    For all my looking I've never been 100% certain that the person I'm observing is not a GG. I might say 90% certain, but I know a number of GGs who would also rate that appraisal if I did not know them very well.

    Now, the ordinary person on the street isn't thinking the way that I do. They aren't evaluating every woman over 5'10" as a potential crossdresser. They go with their initial impression of gender until they are presented with overwhelming evidence to the contrary. That assumption, not perfection, is what allows even 5'14" girls like me to do what we like to do.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  23. #23
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    Nice..I have seen "I got read comments". So it is possible for 100% passability. I learned something today.
    Yes I believe it's totally possible, just extremely difficult to get there.

    Passing 100% is like my Mt Midoriyami. Seemingly impossible but totally doable with enough effort and commitment. I believe I'm roughly a year away from my goal and I'm optimistic if not patient.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
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  24. #24
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post

    Passing 100% is like my Mt Midoriyami.
    American Ninja TS Watch those swinging balls
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  25. #25
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    I see them from time to time. Drug stores. Walking down the street. Attending a local arts event.

    I am not considered observant.

    There are, though, on the order of 125 transgender or TS individuals currently being treated at the local clinic, which closed its waiting list when it got to 53 people, and I know of other people who are waiting for the list to re-open again. So that's a good 200 in treatment or wanting to be. Based on statistical studies, this city probably has a good 1000+ more out there. And that's not the "just for fun" cross-dressers.

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