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Thread: Open letter to newcomers

  1. #1
    Lurker extraordinaire almisami's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Open letter to newcomers

    Hello and welcome,
    If you’re here reading this post, it’s likely that yourself or someone you care about is or appears to be a crossdresser. I do understand that many concerned individuals will be flabbergasted when turning to the crossdressing community for understanding and are left with more questions than when they began. I therefore decided to put together this short introduction letter to serve as an introduction and stepping stone to the community as a whole.

    Firstly, any newcomer will have to understand that the members of crossdressing society (and the greater pool of users on the forums) come to crossdressing for a myriad of reasons including, but not limited to, fetishes, love of feminity, gender dysphoria or, in my case, a fondness for soft tactile stimuli. A single individual might be drawn by one or many of those reasons and may actively disagree with others, but while the ends are initially various it is the means that glue the crossdressing community together.

    Regarding the universal case (Specifics should really be discussed with the individual about the specifics, as forum lurker like myself can only piece together general trends amongst the vocal elements of the community.), you will likely find a crossdresser’s feminity gradually creeping into every aspect of his life over time as he accepts crossdressing into his life (the actual speed, magnitude and sphere of interest varies from individual to individual). This is inevitable and repressing it never leads to anything good. This is not to say constructive criticism shouldn’t be applied (as most are waltzing into it just as blind as anyone else), but the psychological burden relieved from the individual through crossdressing usually leads to a more nurturing, relaxed and happier person overall barring hostile environmental factors.

    While most who greet the community quickly understand that there is no correlation between crossdressing and homosexuality, many are worried by the fact that many crossdressers decide to wear full-time or turn out to have been repressing some form of transsexuality. This is usually not the case, but it is true that crossdressing often serves as a psychological gateway towards further change that neither the crossdresser nor his partner may have been prepared for. If this is the case, professional counseling (both individual and couples’) is really the best available tool to help you come to terms with the situation. (This is still the individual you know and love, just viewed from a new, more inclusive perspective.) Realistically, though, most crossdressers end up quite content with their masculine sexuality and only find that the discovered feminine aspects complement and enrich it rather than the popular perception that they end up sexually neutered by their effeminacy.

    While it is true that some crossdressers dress mostly due to a sexual kink, many do not. Even amongst those who do, many different reasons exist. For example, while some find feminine clothing directly attractive in and of itself (transvestic fetishism), others fetishize the feminine image they project while dressed (autogynephilia) and a third group would be aroused by silken fabric regardless of color or gender association even if it happens to be associated with women. While these aren’t the only categories the general trend amongst those who crossdress for sexual gratification is that they’re harmless paraphiliacs whose choice of accessory happens to be a little frillier than, say, leather enthusiasts (although some combine the two surprisingly well)

    Given its status as one of the most misunderstood hobbies around the world (and rightfully so, to some extent), it can be difficult to balance someone’s crossdressing and social life. Many are afraid of some kind of societal penitence should they be exposed as one of those weird perverts on TV. In reality, however, one has to realise that, when it comes down to it, we’re talking about cloth here. Many would be hard-pressed to find a solid argument against the fact that it’s hardly more medically necessary for a small-chested woman to wear a bra than it is for a man to do the same. In fact, even if it wasn’t for the various anti-discrimination laws in effect in most countries, states and international retail branches, it would be nigh-impossible to codify without bringing ‘’X gender should not wear Y article of clothing’’ into congress, breaking several gender equality lawn into question. Crossdressers must simply live with the truth that the animosity towards them is a purely irrational one, and this may never change during their lifespan.

    Although lengthy this is but an introductory outline that does not approach specificities. I have tried to answer most general questions without going into in-depth explanations regarding specific issues. If you do harbor any queries feel free to message me or the community at large and we will try to answer to the best of our ability.

    Peace to all,

    ~Scuzzy & Azurielle

    P.S.
    If anyone feels this document is in some way misleading (skewered perceptions do happen) or that some important aspect has been omitted, feel free to let me know and I’ll edit it in during the next revision. Keep in mind this document is intended solely as a stand-alone introductory material. (This is V1.4)
    Last edited by almisami; 07-17-2012 at 12:25 PM. Reason: Grammatical mistakes have been pointed out, credit given to co-author..
    Truth does not fear investigation. Society, however, cowers before both.

  2. #2
    Complex Lolita...
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    [SIZE="2"]Since I am the author of another “open letter” floating around at the moment, I just had to read YOURS. I wish to make a few brief comments…[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by almisami
    ...the psychological burden relieved from the individual through crossdressing usually leads to a more nurturing, relaxed and happier person overall barring hostile environmental factors.
    [SIZE="2"]This is an idea, based on the truth, that is rarely addressed in these parts. However, it takes a lot of personal courage to overcome these “hostile environmental factors” you refer to. Nearly everyone in the RW is gripped by fear of deviancy, and crossdressing is a highly deviant thing to do. I can honestly say that I have become more nurturing, relaxed, and happier through CD’ing, but I came to crossdressing through inner happiness, and not by a long and torturous route…[/SIZE]

    Given its status as one of the most misunderstood hobbies around the world (and rightfully so, to some extent), it can be difficult to balance someone’s crossdressing and social life.
    [SIZE="2"]You may get some flack for calling crossdressing a “hobby,” but what would you call it? I’ve taken some stick for calling it an “activity!” For some it may very well be a hobby, but if your life revolves around dressing up and the attendant feelings it produces, it’s WAY more than a hobby. These days I call it a type of alternative lifestyle, if I call it anything. To quote Quentin Crisp, “I’m in the profession of being,” and BEING involves a change of clothes…[/SIZE]

    If you do harbor any queries feel free to message me or the community at large and we will try to answer to the best of our ability.
    [SIZE="2"]I was wondering if, by saying “we,” you meant you and the community, or perhaps you refer to yourself as a merged entity. However, I see you are two people, correct? [/SIZE]

    [SIZE="2"]Please keep up the good work, and, whatever you do: [/SIZE]

  3. #3
    AKA Miss. B. Haven Erin McShea's Avatar
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    WOW! What a great post! Nice job!
    As someone who has been CDing for as long as I can remember, I have just recently become comfortable with it. Luckily I have a wife who has been as compassionate and understanding as I could ever have hoped for.
    As a new member to the forum and community, I thank you for the insight and info you have written.

    Erin
    "Never explain- Your friends don't need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway"

    "It's Never too late to have a Happy Childhood!"

    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision."
    -- Eleanor Roosevelt

  4. #4
    Lurker extraordinaire almisami's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frédérique View Post
    I see you are two people, correct?
    Well as I'm personally a horrible speaker I had my SO Scuzzy help out typing it. He uses the account to lurk about as much as I do. Although, in context, I wrote that in the idea that I'm part of the community at large, although I really do sound rather MPD there.
    Truth does not fear investigation. Society, however, cowers before both.

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