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Thread: I am a lost married cross dresser

  1. #1
    New Member Fancypants's Avatar
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    I am a lost married cross dresser

    I have been married over 40 yrs. We raised our kids. All along she knew I crossed dress. She played along with it sometimes but now we don't share. We do what she wants. I like ladies I can share my feelings. I have even wanted to take hormones but don' t know the 1st step.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member ronda's Avatar
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    sounds like you need to sit down and have a long talk with your SO and discuss your feeling with her and find out where she is with what you want to do. hrt is a serious thing to think about best i can say is talk to your doctor about that get to know the side affects first then if you still want to do that move foward with your doctor to advise you Hugs Ronda
    hugs
    Ronda

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by ronda View Post
    sounds like you need to sit down and have a long talk with your SO and discuss your feeling with her and find out where she is with what you want to do. hrt is a serious thing to think about best i can say is talk to your doctor about that get to know the side affects first then if you still want to do that move foward with your doctor to advise you Hugs Ronda
    Agreed! See a gender therapist to see where you're really at with all of this. Keep your wife in the loop.

  4. #4
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone else, your wife and you need to discuss all of the issues that are going on. If you aren't communicating, she might think that everything is fine.

    Good luck!
    Dana Ryan

  5. #5
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    You have been married for over 4o years, then you must be getting close to 60 something. Going all the way at this stage in life is not impossible, but a little
    hard on the body.
    Have a talk with your wife and your doctor together; maybe you will get a strait answer as what you can and cannot do.
    Rader

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
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    A step at a time, friend. You bring up three or four importnat things to consider, fancypants. 1) You have dressed with her knowledge but now she isn't interested in participating. This seems to be pretty common, but if you still can dress, with her knowledge if not her participation, you're still better off than most. 2) Not sure if the dressing is related to the fact that you do only what your wife wants to do, but that could be a very big problem. Is what you want to do related to dressing all the time? If so, then try to think of other htings to do as acouple. Is she just insisting on her way, even if dressing has nothing to do with it? If so, you need to let her know how this bothers you. 3) You found the right place to share your thoughts! 4) Hormones suggests you really need to think about what you want- are you feeling like you're in the wrong body? Do you really want to change your body? Think about these things, then talk to her about it.

  7. #7
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    Hi FP, One thing to think about is, Is this going to wreck your marrage is that something that you are ready for at your age.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

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  8. #8
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    So a show of hands.... who has been married 30 plus years and doesn't do "what she wants"? lol.
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Like others have suggested, you may be well served by having a conversation with your wife....make that more than one. She can't read your mind and you can't read her's. But before you start talking, do some research. There are a number of threads here on how to talk with your SO about CDing. Start there and begin to appreciate the kinds of issues, objections and fears that are likely to come up. And be prepared to answer these questions.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    So a show of hands.... who has been married 30 plus years and doesn't do "what she wants"? lol.
    Karren
    You Rebel.

    Fancypants
    Friction is sometimes good in a relationship but must be handled with kid gloves, Your wife comes first always. Sit down and disscuss your feelings for her and your respect for her and then share your feelings with her.

    Wishing you peace of mind

    Thera

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    Karen I am always the boss at my house as long as the wife is away at the time..42 years and counting

  12. #12
    Girl underconstruction Paulette's Avatar
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    OK ladies just to set the record straight, I wear the pants in my house(men wear trousers) and I am the boss, because my said I could call my self that. I also run the house ,the vacuum,dishwasher, and the washing machine. I to have 43 years and yes, Karen my hand is up in fact both are in the air in answer to your question.
    Just and older girl trying to experience all that life can bring.
    "Life is not a dress rehearsal"

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kendra_gurl View Post
    Karen I am always the boss at my house as long as the wife is away at the time..42 years and counting
    and she gave you a noterizied note... lol.
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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  14. #14
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    [SIZE="4"]This is another of those threads that sort of confuse me. Like is there a question here? Is the question about HRT, or about a relationship going downhill? Or both? Or just a rant to get attention?

    About the only thing I can address here is the statement "We do what she wants". Stand up to your wife and be a man. Take charge and problem solve. Don't be selfish, and also don't let her be selfish either. Most of all, be the man she fell in love with rather than the wimp who begs her to dress up like a girl. Look at that one from her point of view. No wonder she has taken charge herself, you can't be trusted to lead.
    [/SIZE]

  15. #15
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fancypants View Post
    I have been married over 40 yrs. We raised our kids. All along she knew I crossed dress. She played along with it sometimes but now we don't share.
    Stop and think "what did it do for her?" Did it gain her anything but you dressing, doing YOUR thing and then having a snack or falling asleep? I may be totally off base here but on average the guys who do this tend to be sort of self centered. They want it THEIR way. Now..
    We do what she wants.
    That happens after you have your way for years.
    I like ladies I can share my feelings.
    Then I suggest you start sharing. See most the posts above. When you don't talk you don't share.

    Now this is the real kicker.
    I have even wanted to take hormones but don' t know the 1st step.
    And THIS is why when GGs come to this site they freak out and have concerns. You are not a cross dresser if you want hormones, you are a transsexual (although I have doubts there too...somehow I believe all you really want is boobs. or you somehow believe that if you are on hormones you will magically turn into a woman). What do you want from your wife? Do you want a wife? Or do you want someone who will play your games with you? BTW the first step in hormones is knowing that they are not reversible. When you go and get changes, you get to keep those changes. This is the classic GG worry...she didn't marry a woman.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn Marie View Post

    About the only thing I can address here is the statement "We do what she wants". Stand up to your wife and be a man. Take charge and problem solve. Don't be selfish, and also don't let her be selfish either. Most of all, be the man she fell in love with rather than the wimp who begs her to dress up like a girl. Look at that one from her point of view. No wonder she has taken charge herself, you can't be trusted to lead.
    Although I agree with the sentiment this will lead to a bigger train wreck than the "I wanna dress up". You don't force your partner to do anything. It is not what a marriage "is". Turning the tables won't help and will likely just widen the chasm (or poor FP will be back next week telling us how her wife of 40 years is now her EX-wife). The man she fell in love with liked dressing. That was stated. I am trying real hard to stay away from what was described as "misandry" in another thread. Why would being gruff, macho and forceful be the correct move here? That is virtually what most TGs here are trying to get away from.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn Marie View Post
    [SIZE="4"]This is another of those threads that sort of confuse me. Like is there a question here? Is the question about HRT, or about a relationship going downhill? Or both? Or just a rant to get attention?

    About the only thing I can address here is the statement "We do what she wants". Stand up to your wife and be a man. Take charge and problem solve. Don't be selfish, and also don't let her be selfish either. Most of all, be the man she fell in love with rather than the wimp who begs her to dress up like a girl. Look at that one from her point of view. No wonder she has taken charge herself, you can't be trusted to lead.
    [/SIZE]
    Lynn Marie
    You are so right. Take charge of the situation and put your foot down.
    Now, that this little problem is handled let go blow something up

    Thera

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member TeresaL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thera Home View Post
    Lynn Marie
    You are so right. Take charge of the situation and put your foot down.
    Now, that this little problem is handled let go blow something up

    Thera
    I only got help when I took a stand. Still have to have talks, though.

  18. #18
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    My goodness, Fancy! I can't imagine ANYONE who's been married NOT thinking, "Over 40 years together? That's AMAZING!"

    You've done your duty, raised your kids, been a good, faithful hubby, (I assume). If u want to do your own thing now, with the few healthy years u have left, why shouldn't u?

    Is there a SUPER SAINT here willing to throw the first stone? I certainly HOPE NOT!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Member max's Avatar
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    Nm not gonna discuss that here.
    Last edited by max; 08-02-2012 at 02:17 AM.
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