Accepting places vs not

[JessHaust]

Good morning ladies, how is everyone? I've been reading threads again that set me thinking, so it's time for one more of my rants!

I see all the time here in posts that 'X' city, or state or region is just not accepting of transgenders or cross-dressing, and those living there would do well to keep as tight a lid on it as possible or terrible things will happen!
Then 2 or 3 threads down I will read a post from some one from that very city, state to region describing some situation where they had a fabulous experience with the general public there. Invariably someone will tack a post on to that saying that they were lucky to live there because they are from 'Y' city, state or region and it's just not that way there!
This cycle will continue with a thread or post sometime later from 'Y' city, state or region and a positive report, and we move on to 'Z'.....

So my question is to those posting about how their particular city, state or region is definitely unaccepting , and the questions are these:
Have you ever actually experienced a negative reaction to Cross-dressing yourself?
And I mean you personally, not 'heard it from a reliable source' or 'saw a news report about something terrible happened to a transgender...'

And as a followup, when you read here of someone who is in you city, state or region who has had a fabulous time, how does that correlate with your beliefs that your area is unaccepting ?

[VickysBFF]

Interesting question Jess. Personally, I have only opined on cities/areas where I have lived for a good period of time (i.e. a couple of years or longer). Personally I wouldn't comment on a place that I have only visited for a day or so as that is not really long enough to form an opinion.
Also, I think that people need to step back and take a "helicopter" view of the situation to determine if it is a "localized" problem (such as a particular neighborhood or store) or a more "generalized" problem (such as a larger city/metropolitan area or chain of stores where you have been to several different stores in different areas/cities and had the same experience).
I have also posted that it is difficult to make broad generalizations about places and businesses because sometimes even when at large a particular area or business may have a "friendly" reputation you might encounter the one "bad" store or employee that gives you an unpleasant experience.

[suzy1]

I can’t resist it Jess, I have to put in my two penny’s worth. And you know what that means.

First I have never gone out as you know.
Second question, how do I react at reading that someone in my part of the world has had no problems or bad reactions [noticed or not noticed, i.e. behind there backs] I struggle with my grip on reality. But I soon get it back again.

Suzy in her dark miserable closet.

[Kaitlyn26]

I'm not getting into details, but yes I have. The south-eastern united states is not accpeting in the slightest. If you go anywhere beyond trans friendly clubs, expect it.

[JessHaust]

Suzy, girl my respect for you grows every day! You are one of the most honest girls on this site and I appreciate your responce. Maybe I'll never see you out of that closet, but I hope I can help make it less miserable.

Kaitlyn,
I know that Texas is not consitered south-east U.S., but I believe Tennessee is so have a look a Amanda's post about making two new friends. I am sorry to hear you gad a bad expierence.

Vickey,
You certianly bring a very valid point in that there are always going to be good spots and bad spots. But honestly I avoid the bad spots en drab, so they are less a transgender issue, and more a general society problem.

[RADER]

Suzy in her dark miserable closet.

I am in a closet also, however about 8 years ago, I added a large room addition to my
little bigger closet.
Jess; In answer to your question, It all depends on what your are, Rather then where you are.
Lets say I am near Chicago IL. Now it the city, you could be a bearded man in a dress, and barley
get a strange stair. Go out to the Burbs like me, way up north, and unless you are almost letter
perfect, you will get stares, and maybe some comments.
Like some one said, the south eastern States, and along with the south central (Bible Belt),
You might even get looks if you are dress gender appropriate.
There is no one place that is totally OK with dressing, just some more tolerant than others.
Rader

[Amanda22]

This thread is so appropriate. Love it. I just don't want to say some areas are more or less tolerant than others, because there are many excepts either way wherever you look. I do think it's easy for people to claim, "My area is intolerant." I used to say I wanted to move to another area (I'm in Tennessee) so I could be around a more tolerant population. You know the punch line. I've found nothing but an abundance of tolerance right here in the bible-belt south. I guess I'm leading a charmed life.

[STACY B]

You know Im coming in with my 2 cent ,,, Its all in where ya go ! If you go to the Burn Barrel around ya ol good time buddys ,,,SURE ya gonna get it ,, You go somewhere that has alot of Redneck Simple minded goof ballz Yea your gonna get it ,,, Sports bars,, Sporting goods places ,,Any real manly place your probily gonna get alot of stares an comments ,,But if you stay with in the confines of the female world ,,As I do mostly ,,Yull be fine ,,Small clothes stores with mostly woman ,, Small convenent stores ,,Coffee shops ,, Even the Mall is not that bad cuz you can go to more stores an duck an dodge all the places you dont want to be ,,,But for the most part you make it what you want use your head an just be safe an if someone does say something as hard as it is just blow it off an move on ,,Were ladys rememeber . There are alot of places to go safely ,,Nail Salons, Hair Salons,, Beauty an makeup stores ,, Small clothes an shoe stores ,, Jewely stores ,,Wig stores ,, Fabric stores, Fleamarkets ,,Yard sales ,, Thrift stores ,, Antique stores ,, Chinna shops ,, Book stores ,,No danger haveing a redneck azzhole in a book store ,,,LOL,,,LOL,,,

[sissystephanie]

I have been crossdressing for over 60 years. That time period covered living in California, the Pacific Northwest, Texas, and where I currently live in southeastern U.S.A. I have been out in public crossdressed in all those areas, and NEVER ONCE have I had a negative remark made to me. And the even more interesting thing is that for the past 7 years I have been out in public almost every day dressed totally enfemme, but with no makeup and no wig. People do talk to me, but not in a negative way. There may be non-accepting places here in Georgia, but I have neen all over the state and have not yet found one. And BTW, I go everywhere dressed enfemme. My attitude is that I dress to please myself, not the rest of the world. If you don't like what I am wearing, then say so. I won't pay any attention but you will have had your say!

I will probably get flamed for saying this, but most of the problems that CDs think they have are brought on by their own actions, or the way they are dressed. Any man who a 40 or 42 inch chest and wears falsies that give him a DD bosom is just asking for trouble.That is way too big, yet a lot of CDs do it! And then they wonder why they are not accepted? I have natural 40 B's and have worn a bra since I was 9 years old!! But my breasts fit my body size!

[suzy1]

Suzy, girl my respect for you grows every day! You are one of the most honest girls on this site and I appreciate your responce. Maybe I'll never see you out of that closet, but I hope I can help make it less miserable.

Kaitlyn,
I know that Texas is not consitered south-east U.S., but I believe Tennessee is so have a look a Amanda's post about making two new friends. I am sorry to hear you gad a bad expierence.

Vickey,
You certianly bring a very valid point in that there are always going to be good spots and bad spots. But honestly I avoid the bad spots en drab, so they are less a transgender issue, and more a general society problem.

It’s not miserable, I was joking! You take me [and life?] too seriously.

I love my life.

[Amanda22]

I will probably get flamed for saying this, but most of the problems that CDs think they have are brought on by their own actions, or the way they are dressed. Any man who a 40 or 42 inch chest and wears falsies that give him a DD bosom is just asking for trouble.That is way too big, yet a lot of CDs do it! And then they wonder why they are not accepted?

Stephanie, bravo! I totally agree.

[StaceyJane]

Jess, I live near you in Central Texas and I've been out in Dallas, Fort Worth, Austin,Waco, San Antonio, etc... and I've never had a problem. I've been to the heart of redneck country in Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, I've been to college basketball games on the Baylor campus which is the most homophobic place around, I've been to a minor league baseball game in Austin which was full of families with children, I've been in the Texas State Capitol building and even a Dallas Cowboy training camp practice.
So as far as I'm concerned Texas is a very CD friendly place.

[Jackiefl]

i agree totally with sissystephanie!

[sterling12]

At least here in The States, you can find Area's/Neighborhoods/ business districts/entertainment zones of most any mid sized to major metropolis that are LGBT Friendly/tolerant. And, you can probably find friendly establishments in most of the smaller area's too. But, you can also find plenty of opportunities to get in trouble in even the most liberal of cities and town's. You can go to N.Y.C. and find Redneck's and Religious Haters. Don't imagine you could go anywhere in "Accepting Massachusetts," and your person would always be safe. And Obviously, if you travel into town and you can see smoke from all The Whiskey Stills, up on The Mountainside on the way in, your chances of being non-hassled diminish.

And so, most of us Gurls who go out on a regular basis practice "situational defense methods." We prefer numbers, (at least two of us together....find a friend) we NEVER go into someplace unknown without a group of us, and we know when to leave if "The Vibes" ain't right. You have to develop a bit of Radar to pick up on direct animosity, but it's a very useful skill to cultivate. About 99% of the time, no hassles at all. No matter where you are, but you have to always be aware, and vigilant. Have a social drink or two, and then stop! If your being loud and belligerent, AND your not "aware" because your too drunk, it invites trouble. Same thing for back alleys, and dark parking lots. A lot of this is common sense!

The World isn't that evil or threatening. You just have to use some logic to stay out of bad situations. Could you get whacked on The Head for no reason, and it seems to come out of nowhere? Sure! But, it's not likely. You could miss a whole lifetime of good experiences, if you let minuscule probabilities rule your life.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sierra_g]

The amount of acceptance is dependent on
where you go
how you are dressed
if you are looking to battle the non-accepters
if you talk to random people a lot
how you carry yourself (are you walking, talking and acting like a lady, or like a guy in a dress?)
if you are paying them to be nice.

Are you going to go to a high school football game, a low income and high crime area, Disneyland, or are you headed out to coffee, lunch, shopping, or a club? I recommend not going to your local biker bar, or someplace like that.

I realize that anywhere you go, there can be idiots, but they are rare, and most times even they will decide it just isn't worth it.
The most I have been out in so far is some very light facial makeup, and we went to Chick Fil-a, Runway Fashion Exchange, and Walmart. Chick Fil-a had a family that was eaves dropping, and gossiping about my SO and my conversation. At Walmart, a few high school girls were huddled talking about me very obviously, but that was it. I expected much worse. I can't wait till I can go out.
BTW, the area that I am in is not progressive at all. There are more Mormon churches than gas stations and they all have multiple sermons and all are jam packed. If you aren't Mormon, you can expect a visit from their goons about once every month or two. I wish I could time it right so that I happened to be dressed when they came to the door.

[Lorileah]

I have never had any negative attitude toward me but I will qualify that I don't hang in places where machismo is high (i.e. areas of town where drinking, drugging and fighting are requirements not just recreation...but then again I don't go there when I am in male mode either). I have had strange looks and double takes. But I don't get harassed and often get compliments. In the Denver Metro area there are just a handful of places I would never go and many that I would never worry about when I went. Nor have I heard anyone say anything like that. I don't think it would be a good idea to dress as I do and go to rural Colorado though. I also know that those areas still have issues with certain ethnic groups and even GG's. Logic prevails on where you go

[NathalieX66]

I wasn't going to try that biker roadhouse off the highway in rural Tennessee, or show up Sunday at a KJV-only Baptist church in North Carolina.

[Cindy J Angel]

I live in dinver nc and go out quite often to morevills and outher places. And have not had enty trouble. been to the VA for a xray dress on one said entythink the ladi at the pay windo gave me a hard look but sad have a good day. Now we have a place in Va Beach and yes i thought it was not a place to go out (navy,air force ,usmc, u get were i am going. But that was not the cass it was all me. what i thank it was for me was a LOT MORE PEOPLE. Now i do try to do my best and not to bad at it but i do not pass close up give me 20 ft and u have to look hard. What i have leard from aver body that gos out on hear is be confundent. I dont l;ook down I look people in there face with pride. for the post part thay will look a way. I went to ihop on sat 19 and by my self because i was hunger and have not done that yet cheek that off. And had to go to the drs after the lady called mr howard and i got up and went . doc came in and sadi mam knowing that i was not. As i was liveing aver body said by. so how far southeast do i need to go for the bad Key west not been there too veary good post.

[PretzelGirl]

I feel it is as much about our attitude about other people as it is their attitude about us. I have started similar threads like this.

I do find it interesting that so many can tell me that where I live is an unaccepting area. And yet I get out quite often and go to any place I want (I am not a bar/lounge person). Why does everyone think it is unaccepting? (Take note Sierra) It is because everyone has a preconceived notion about the predominant religion in my area. So while we sit here and believe people aren't giving us a chance, sometimes we aren't giving them one either. Some of the people I have come out to are staunch conservatives, rednecks, and strict religious people. I haven't yet found where that, by itself, makes them unaccepting.

The nutshell is that we all see our areas based on our own perceptions. All it takes is one comment from another or one situation and it isn't hard for our minds to start applying it to everyone. And being safe when you are unsure is a real good path until the confidence comes.

[Diane Smith]

There are tolerant and intolerant individuals everywhere. The vast majority are in the first category. The ratio may vary slightly from one part of the country to another, but probably not by as much as we sometimes think based on our own individual good or bad experiences. There are places in any town that I would obviously avoid when dressed, and whole swaths of territory are rightly off limits after dark. But in general, you can find acceptance anywhere. Present yourself honestly and with dignity, and dress appropriately to the setting and situation, and the likelihood of problems is slight, wherever you happen to be.

- Diane

[JessHaust]

Great responses everybody. Looks like it running 18 to one. Out of all the posts so far, only one girl has said that she actually had a personal bad experience.
I think the world is a much more tolerant place than we know.

[Dana921]

I agree Jess!

I have had many positive experiences going out! I also agree with those that think we can bring negative remarks our way by presenting both in clothing or attitude an unsightly, unfriendly or argumentative stance. Even if it is not our intention to do so.

Dana

[BRANDYJ]

I don't get this geographical divide from acceptance to non-acceptance. People are people regardless of where they live. True, there are small areas of any city or state that might have more or less tolerant people then the average. But rural California, rural Indiana, rural New York,Rural Florida, or any other rural area in any state might meet with less tolerance then urban areas of those same states. Then as already pointed out, in any given city, there are places to stay away from in drab or dressed.
I feel the same way when I read about how the SA in say Dress Barn, Lane Bryant, or any chain store are so accepting. I say bull! Some of you just happen to find a SA that happen to work ion any one of those stores that just happen to be accepting and helpful. I guarantee that is not the norm for ALL of the stores in any given chain. That is unless they have been trained and ordered to handle Transgendered people juust as they would anyone else. I have not heard of ANY chain where that is a policy. It comes down to the ONE SA you delt with that happens to work for that one particular store. You can't say one chain is better then the other. You can only say that you happen to have been waited on by an understanding SA.
it all comes down to people, not geographical area or a certain chain of stores.

[JessHaust]

.... I have not heard of ANY chain where that is a policy.

From Wikipedia on Mac Cosmetics
"In 2002, MAC began to offer Good Spirits "make-overs" [7] to communities. Make-overs are free and designed to teach men and women, including transgender people"

Also see "Macy’s worker reportedly fired for not allowing transgender shopper into dressing room" -http://blog.chron.com/believeitornot/2011/12/macy’s-worker-reportedly-fired-for-not-allowing-transgender-shopper-into-dressing-room/

But the real point of people commenting on SA's is that ALL stores have a policy to make money, and they can't do that by refusing a sale.

[Jorja]

Most of the problems with TG/TS/CDs going out is in the individuals head. Too many think they are going to attract attention. The truth is, most people are too worried about thier own little world to worry about yours. Yes, undoubtedly there will be one jerk in every crowd. There are several ways to handle him but the best is to just move on. He isn't worth a confrontation. I have been in biker bars to ice cream shops. I rarely have had anyone say anything except positive things to me. We tend to use this as an excuse not to leave the confinds of our closet. And yes Suzy, there are those that do not want to ever leave thier closet. That is OK too.