The Rules of MAN CLUB

[Anne2345]

Society begins the separation of gender at birth. Boys wear blue, and girls wear pink. Starting at a very early age, all are eventually expected to adhere to certain unwritten rules and conditions promulgated and enforced by the masses, and conform accordingly within a narrow scope of predetermined and predefined “acceptable” behavior, without deviation, transgression, or question.

The concepts of “femininity” and “masculinity” are likewise assigned very specific meanings, and tenets have long been established and applied separately between and to the genders. Crossing from the jurisdiction of one gender into that of the other is typically met with disapproval, misunderstanding, ignorance, and fear. Deviation from the “norm” is frowned upon.

Unfortunately, I was born a genetic male. Not knowing any better, my parents, family, friends, schools, churches, and community did their collective best to raise and condition me to be a manly man. Manly men have huge balls, big swinging <cough, cough>, muscles ON muscles, are full of machismo, enthusiastically engage in the time honored practice of flatulence, and believe expressing any genuine emotion at all is a huge ass character flaw.

The thing is, I don’t like many of the rules I am expected to follow as a genetic male. In fact, given my recent evolution and acknowledgement of self, I say f*** the rules, because the rules have f***ed my life up for too long now. I want to be me, and I am going to be me. The rules be damned. They no longer control my life, they no longer matter as they did before.

And let’s be honest about it all. Many of the so-called rules that males are expected to abide by are just plain stupid, nonsensical, and barbaric. I just don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. But you know what? I am glad that I don’t get it. I am relieved that I don’t get it. Because these rules suck. They are terrible. They are embarrassing. They are debasing and steal true, legitimate meaning from lives that should otherwise be validated through acceptance, love, compassion, and understanding.

For reasons that I shall not address in this post (you all know THAT post is coming, and it's just right around the corner - I apologize in advance), I have thought much about the “rules” lately. I do not like the rules. The rules are not fair. The rules strip those such as I of my purpose, self-worth, and humanity.

Coincidentally enough, I was lost in thought the other night, contemplating the very nature of the male rules of conduct, mindlessly flipping through television channels with not particular interest in mind (a male behavior to be sure - D'OH!!!), when I randomly came across the movie Fight Club. Way back in the day, when I bought in to the expectations that were placed upon me (or rather, I hid deeply within and conformed to the expecations for fear of discovery, rejection, and losing everything important to me), I watched and let it be known that I reveled (ha ha) in this movie.

Seeing some of it now, years and years and years later, I was instantly struck with the inspiration for this post. The rules of Fight Club were intense, violent, macho, and set in stone. Violate the rules at your own risk. The rules of Man Club are not so really that different. And in the same vein, it's violate the rules at your own risk. FWIW, here’s my satirical take on the rules of Fight Club.

The Rules of Man Club:

1st Rule: You always talk about MAN CLUB, sports, chicks, and the large size of your . . . .
2nd Rule: You ALWAYS talk about MAN CLUB, sports, chicks, and the large size of your . . . .
3rd Rule: If someone questions your MANHOOD, it is time to fight.
4th Rule: Every MAN for himself.
5th Rule: A MAN goes to the bathroom one MAN at a time.
6th Rule: No blood, no foul.
7th Rule: There is no crying in MAN CLUB.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at MAN CLUB, you HAVE to blow something up.

As consistent with Fight Club, I have only listed eight rules. But there are sooooo many more. Feel free to cite any rules that SHOULD have been on this list, or COULD have been on this list, or that you just have a problem with . . . .

[Debglam]

Go Anne, go!

I played by the rules, beat the game, and learned that I'd rather be me! I'm sending back the trophy for my tiara!

Hugs,
Debby

[Marleena]

I don't like any of the 7 Rules Anne. I'm out to break them all, in fact I already did. So I guess I left the club already. I hope this doesn't fall under the category misandry or however you spell it..

Psst...1 & 2 are the same rules.

[Cynthia Anne]

Anne if there's one thing I love about you is that you are not afraid to speak the truth! The problem with ''man rules'' is that they were written by MAN! They have no bearing on each person born male! Love your strong attitude! Hugs my friend!

[Ava Tryptyk]

You're better off hanging out with like-minded men who also don't believe in following such rules. You probably already do. The kinds of guys that constantly rave about beer, sports, and getting laid are for the most part outside of my social circle, so I don't really have to deal with that kind of thing on a daily basis. The most important thing is to be true to yourself - don't ever try to act "macho", because you'll hate yourself for it. If you legitimately like being the "manly man", then go for it, but don't do it just to please anyone, not even a spouse/lover.

[Cassandra86]

Idk first off let me say Fight Club is one of the best movies of all time. I use to want to look exactly like bradd pitt in that movie. Now with that out of the way im all for the man rules when im not Cassandra granted theres always a lil fem side in everything i do. But most days im the manliest man u can meet. I weightlift, i train in combat full contact sports. And u better believe if u step up to me or my wife im knocking u out lol. I dont talk about how big my stuff is but i do like to blow things up on occasion. Now when im cding i obviously dont follow the man rules but again u mess with me or wife when im out as cassandra my heels are comin-g off and im throwing down and will make u pay for my beautiful pink nails u broke lol

[ReineD]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I've got to say that I see the world of men way differently than you do. Around me and those like me, they are well behaved. They even put napkins on their laps when they eat. And they chew their food with their mouths closed.

They talk about anything that I want to talk about: politics, philosophy, (gossip about mutual friends ), kids, hobbies, the arts, travel, food, painful moments in their lives. Some of them like to cook and collect stuff. And I've even seen one of two of them cry.

[KellyJameson]

I never became a member of the man club because I have not been able to relate to men as a man or women as a man because I'm both but neither.

It is a question of expectations, imagined or otherwise that we fight against and this is equally true for women as for men. The difference is in the expectations not there absence.

The potential for guilt and shame is equal between men and women because both have been controlled for the "greater good"

It is a relationship between good and bad and to have a good relationship with ourselves we must be "good" but what we think we need to do to be "good" kills us.

Some men think they are "bad" (weak according to others) if they cry.
Some men think they are "bad" (perverted/sick according to others) if they wear a skirt.
Some men think they are not men unless they want to have sex all the time (virility as status to others)

The list is endless for both men and women but it is always relational, we use others to feel "good" about ourselves and thats what does us in, you cannot learn to love yourself by being loved.

A happy person is the one utterly unselfconscious because they have gone back to the beginning when they were free in the first years of life before they were made aware of others through shame but there is only one way back to this time and that is to act unselfconscious which is to risk everything.

When you have this freedom back again you lose your fear of people and usually they stop fearing you because they sense you do not fear them and they will be drawn to you trying to have what you have (freedom from selfconsciousness)

Many adults resent children because of this innocence (unselfconscious) and try to kill it because it was stolen from them in childhood. Teaching them shame, putting them on the path to become sick adults and always with the justification that it is for the greater good.

Respect life but live unselfconsciously.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Id like to say Mum gave me & allowed me to do what i liked with out being told what to do as far as i was concerned.

There did come a time i was with in a group & they were siteing idears or thier rules concerning men . & this is not the first time , I walked & refused to be told what i could or not accept & my thoughts were ,.....To hell....with thier teaching & again bloody men & thier stupid made up rules, so i left & i keeped on walking ,

Then one day quess what i go to another group, some 15 years ago a group of men again yes dressing up. tryed to get along with them , till i said to Jos why did i try again it did not work because im a woman,

dont get me wrong they were guys i had no issue with them was not those men in this case, it was me , a woman not relateing to men . i was never a man to start with. so i tryed & again i walked,

I was never at home around men no matter what they wore, & as you know thats very deep seated, from birth,

Those rules, never keeped them or tryed in fact never knew there were any ,

No 7 i did not hide being emotionanlly inclined what would i be called . stop being a girl. ...why.... i was / am one .

As to the others , long gone over my head.

...noeleena...

[STACY B]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I've got to say that I see the world of men way differently than you do. Around me and those like me, they are well behaved. They even put napkins on their laps when they eat. And they chew their food with their mouths closed.

They talk about anything that I want to talk about: politics, philosophy, (gossip about mutual friends ), kids, hobbies, the arts, travel, food, painful moments in their lives. Some of them like to cook and collect stuff. And I've even seen one of two of them cry.

Hey I love to cook ,,An me an my SO talk about everything ,,, I used to be like the others but not anymore ,,lol,,, Ive been saved my the LADYS ,,, An moved over to the other side . An for the last time I wasn't crying ,,, There was something in my eye ,,,, Geez,,,,,,

[Laura912]

The trouble with stereotypes is that they are stereotypical. Almost every one, when confronted with stereotypes, say to themselves, ah yes, I know someone like that ergo, it must be true. I do not know anyone like those on your list. Maybe in my next 70 years..... One could just as easily make a similar list for GGs, but of what value is that?

[Jonianne]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I've got to say that I see the world of men way differently than you do. Around me and those like me, they are well behaved. They even put napkins on their laps when they eat. And they chew their food with their mouths closed.

They talk about anything that I want to talk about: politics, philosophy, (gossip about mutual friends ), kids, hobbies, the arts, travel, food, painful moments in their lives. Some of them like to cook and collect stuff. And I've even seen one of two of them cry.

Spoken like a GG who sees the world through lovely, non-biased eyes. I know you have corrected me a few times on this very subject.

[Marleena]

I think Anne is talking about the old traditional male role. You know.. the old stereotype that us older folk were raised with. Anne can correct me if I'm wrong.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Anne, Rules what rules we don't need no stinking rules.

[Kate Simmons]

Only one thing to say-ta da! Rules were meant to be broken. From what I've seen the rules of liberated Women's club aren't much different.Sometime you have to fight fire with fire though. In fact if you adhere to the rules of the Men's club as a woman, men quickly get grossed out and sometimes see just how idiotic and barbaric the whole thing is. Mostly it's just plain laziness and an excuse to act irresponsibly.

[dizzy]

Apperiently you have to dress and act corectly too. yesterday I was told I handed in my man card because I have a purple cover on my phone, that my kid picked out for me and was given a ton of grief because I wear girls jeans, this was all at work. I hate rules!

[NicoleScott]

Anne, maybe you should copy your post over to the misandry thread, to serve as a good example.
So you've just described typical male behavior, the result of millions of years of evolution, and it seems to be working just fine.
It's how we're wired. And not just in human males.
I'm a deer, a buck. My antlers are bigger than yours. I'm a stud, and you're not, so I get to breed and you don't, not while I'm around. If you don't accept this, we can lower our heads and go for it. But you should look at my other studly behaviors, taking them as a clue for you to back off if you know what's good for you. I'm on top around here - don't make me prove it.
Nature just made us this way.

[Dawn cd]

I don't think Anne was talking about all males, but about "macho-ness." However, the rules of the Man's Club are culturally conditioned and change from place to place. There may be one set of rules for rural Tennessee and another for urban Los Angeles or New York. Gordon Gekko was a smooth Wall Street broker but lived by the rules of the Man's Club.

I think we must acknowledge, too, that misogynism is an essential tenet of every Man's Club. They are all anti-women. The vested clerics who run the Vatican may be cultured gentlemen, but they are card-carrying members of the Man's Club.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm a happy member of the man club. I get your point about how some men, not all do or say some cross things. I am free to be manly if not macho, but that does not mean I don't engage in enthusiastically in the time honored practice of flatulence, gross, and I don't even like jokes about it. I don't like fighting, but will if the reason is significate and there is no other way to settle it. I don't even watch the fights, wrestling or other bar barrack over the top macho things. I've been known to cry, even at a sad movie. I never saw the movie Fight Club and would switch the channel if it came on. I don't call my wife or SO, the old lady or worse like some men think is cool. I don't brag about the size of anything. I love women and respect them. I open door, pull out chairs and act like a gentleman at all times around any women. yes, I'm a member ofr the man club and proud of it. Oh, did I mention I am also a CD?

[kimdl93]

The rule I recall was "go outside and play". And this was the rule summer or winter in western MN. When I think of the men in my own family, what seemed to be Man Club rules were "react to stress, frustration, fear or failure with anger" and unfortunately I emulated that one. And another was, all social activities must revolve around alcohol, which as a teenager and young adult, I complied with to excess.

But even despite the above, the men in my life were good, hard working, honest and responsible people, as were the women. Maybe part of the problem was that as a young person, I presumed that I chose to emulate the worst of the Man Club rules and suppressed the other, more constructive rules.

[bridgetta]

My thoughts lately are that. Woman average to live ten years longer than men. I think that is because woman are allowed to pay attention in ways men are not.
For example. I have dry skin on my lower leg. Its very hard to moisturize with hair all over it. Shaving makes it easier. So men are taught to be tough. To endure However this is not the best approach. There is a reality to cd'ing that comes from breaking some rules but the rules are ridiculous.

[Kelly Smith]

A few comments on "The Rules":
1st Rule: Be prepared to intelligently discuss any subject: Art, history, religion, politics, sports, chicks, or anything else of general interest. I have never been in a conversation with a MAN in which my penis size was discussed.
3rd Rule: If someone questions your MANHOOD, inform his designated driver.
4th Rule: MEN evolved to pursue common goals through cooperation.
5th Rule: MEN do indeed go to the bathroom one MAN at a time. I am good with that.
6th Rule: Spit on it and run a lap.
7th Rule: Physical pain doesn't hurt that much but you are expected to get a little drippy during "Marley and Me".
8th Rule: Most MEN prefer to build things.

[ReineD]

I think Anne is talking about the old traditional male role. You know.. the old stereotype that us older folk were raised with. Anne can correct me if I'm wrong.

OK. I'll buy that and quietly slip into the background now.



Edit

And thanks also, Joni. But to be fair, I do think that men behave differently with one another than they do when they are with us. I always took it that men were truly themselves when they were with their mothers, wives, and families, and only put on the macho mask (for those who do this) in the presence of other men.

Maybe part of the problem was that as a young person, I presumed that I chose to emulate the worst of the Man Club rules and suppressed the other, more constructive rules.

Brilliantly said! I've noticed at times when other members describe themselves in guy mode, they don't give themselves permission to engage in the (softer .. for lack of a better word) behaviors that men who do not CD engage in, after they've moved beyond the ritual of proving their young manhood and have become more secure in themselves?

[Foxglove]

Wow! Anne, you're such a sweetheart, but this post is truly unworthy of you. Don't worry about it. We all have our bad moments. As probably everybody here knows, I've had plenty of my own on this forum.

There's currently a thread on this forum on "Misandry", and some people were actually trying to deny that there is any of that here.

Anne, maybe you just grew up in a backward part of the world, or maybe you misunderstood, but where I grew up guys were taught to study hard, to work hard, to be good to their women and children, to be honest, to obey the laws, to be kind--and also to play hard, because playing is fun and it's even more fun when you really go at it. And there was nothing wrong with a bit of culture, exploring and enjoying things like books and films and music. Oh, and also, flatulence wasn't considered to be a manly virtue.

Anne, just because we don't want to be men doesn't mean we have to try and tear men down. It's like this: doctors are great people, but I never wanted to be a doctor. Firefighters are great people, but I never wanted to be a firefighter. Teachers are great people, but I learned pretty quickly in my youth that I didn't want to be a teacher. And most guys are OK, too, even though I never wanted to be one myself. Just because we don't want to be something doesn't mean we have to hate it and misrepresent it and try to destroy it. We can try to appreciate its virtues, even if we don't want to share those virtues ourselves.

Anne, this post is no good. Why not consider deleting it?

Best wishes, Annabelle

[sterling12]

I think you might be confusing The Man Club with The Brute Club!

Like women, Men come in all flavors, and your depiction is perhaps, simplistic? I know many men who enjoy The Opera, men who take an interest in many other things aside from flatulence! For every Macho Man, there's a Frazier. And, yeah I get it! I know your venting!

One of the current threads that's in this section, is taking us all to task abut Misandry. We should be a little more careful with this kind of "bashing," or oversimplification, it might just verify what The OP of that thread is claiming. I think people around here are intelligent and rational. I think the same thing about yourself. But, I think we need to stop, and think about some of these things. The World is filled with both sexes. We may be unhappy with our gender, but that's no reason not to get along! When we generalize, or characterize all people as this or that, all we do is alienate, and cause anger and problems.

Peace and Love, Joanie