Wife told....her mother???

[franlee]

The advice already given pretty well covers most all the angles. The one thing in common is do what ever you decide to within your own time and comfort limits. It is already a non issue on her finding out and telling someone else, she can do that regardless. The door is open and now it's just how wide? I personaly would make a effort to follow through ASAP befor there could be any bad influences from outside sources, in other words "get it while the gettings good" (acceptance). Besides the fact that everyday you procrastionate is a day lost to enjoying being who ever you want to be and sharing. Time and life are always to short. Don't look back wishing you had, look back remembering the experiance, good or bad it's better than not knowing in most cases.

Fran

[Eryn]

I think that your MIL's reaction is great, but I think that you need to have a private discussion, in drab, with her. Explain to her how you appreciate her acceptance and how you honestly feel about dressing in front of her. A picture might be nice, but make sure it is tasteful and conservative.

I'm somewhat opposed to the Halloween party idea. While Halloween may be a fun thing for many of us, our normal CDing is not a costume party and it would not be good for your MIL to view you as simply getting dressed up in costume as a woman.

[Marleena]

The way I see it the cat's out of the bag now anyways. An understanding mother is great, but an understanding MIL is huge! Hiding from her now will make her think you are embarrassed by who you are as was mentioned already.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jessica, Now you've got a lot of great advise so do let us know how it goes.

[Chickhe]

...you know what my answer is...keep it fun for them. Let them see you on halloween or something...

[DonniDarkness]

Talk it out. Be yourself, answer questions honestly and youll do fine. They know now, Thats the hard part. the rest is just owning who you are.

Good luck,
-Donni-

PS CHickhe has great advice above ^^

[TeriAnn]

If her Mom is cool with it show her a picture first and if she is good with that then show her the full girly you. You might be surprised. Never know what kind of Christmas presents might be under your tree this year.

[WifeofWrenchette]

My husband's mother had the exact same reaction. We thought she would be judgmental or horrified, but she wasn't. She said the same thing. She wanted pictures and we sent pictures. She loved them and even told some of her friends and shares pictures with them. She isn't ashamed at all.

It's great that she is accepting!

Show her pictures first then wait a while to show her yourself en femme when you are ready.

[linda allen]

Jessica, only you know your mother in law, the rest of us don't. My MIL (RIP) and FIL were and are pretty "old school" and I never in a million years would have let them know I was a crossdresser, much less shown them a photo or visited dressed.

Your MIL may be verry different and very open you your dressing. She may even help with suggestions.

It's a decision for you and your wife to make.

[Amanda22]

Jessica, I would be planning my "coming out" outfit before my wife finished telling me that news. That's so exciting and I see it as an opportunity. If you go for it, please let us know how it goes. I would not hesitate...

[Jenny Doolittle]

First, I appaud your wife for being so open minded and forward thinking. I agree with the advice give about going at your own speed and most important for you is to feel comfortable.

I liked the idea of a Haloween party, or my suggestion is, if you would like to proceed sooner, do so at your own home, affording you the oppertunity to change back into more comfortable clothing. A person alwasy feels more comfortable at home.

I wish you the best luck in allowing others to get the know the person you really are inside.

[Jo-Ellen]

I think it's too bad your wife outted you. That wasn't a very nice thing to do. If your wife has accepted your CD side that is admirable and to her credit but secrets between spouses should be just that... But on the brighter side...maybe you won't be getting those screwdriver and wrench sets on your birthday and Christmas anymore...

[Jessica86]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have been so busy with work, I haven't had a chance to check up on this. My mother in law hasn't mentioned anything to me about it. I'm guessing because my wife told her not to. I have that stereotype in my head of having to be the macho guy to the wife's family. I think her step dad will freak out. He's a down home red neck that is so stubborn. Thanks BT for your advice. I really am acting that way. I am okay that it happened now, but was upset my wife said something behind my back. So, this weekend, we are going to her mother's home. My wife has already told me "My mom says you and her have the same dress size!" Ohhh jeeze. I guess....make the best of it. Really, it's about her step dad. I just know all the "fag" and "gay" comments are coming.

[Mollyanne]

I think your wife "went over the line" here!!!! Informing or telling people of your alter ego MUST come from you and no one else!!!!! But now that's it out of the bag so to speak, a picture first is the most logical step. See as to where it goes from there but be careful!!!!!!

Molly

[Marlana]

I would be upset with my wife as well. If my MIL wanted to see me dressed, I would start with a picture, so if she decided to criticize anything it's just a pic and you can stick it in your pocket and be done with it. Just do it on your own schedule and don't let em push you into it.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm in a different camp about your wife telling her mother. She knows her mother and trusts her reaction or she would have never told her. My SO is free to tell whoever she wants. I trust her judgement 100%. Of course she is a very private person as I am. So she would have a very good reason to tell anyone to begin with. She has only told her very close friends that she trusts. I would hope you can also trust your wife's judgement on who to tell. I also believe your wife trusts that her mother can and will keep this secret. I don't see her telling her husband since you wrote: "My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue". So I don't see a worry there.

Your MIL asked to see you dressed. OK, I get it that you are not ready or comfortable with that. So leave the subject alone and it may pass and you will not be asked again. However if your MIL and or wife bring it up, express how you feel about it. Then and only then, if she then asks to see a picture, and you are comfortable with it, show her one. Maybe your wife has already shown her one by now.

I would not be mad or upset with your wife for telling. She is as involved with your crossdressing as you are. But calmly ask her not to tell anyone else for any reason without first checking with you. But let her have her mother as a knowing confidant. Trust her judgment.

Like others, I would have loved to have a MIL that knew and accepted like your's does. Says a lot about how much she thinks of you.

[Badtranny]

I just know all the "fag" and "gay" comments are coming.

Maybe, but you can handle it, just change your perspective. If you were into yoga, or some kind of dance, or gymnastics, they would call you a fag for that too, so how would you handle that? Crossdressing throws you off balance because you're ashamed of it. Don't be. Make jokes about it, don't let "them" define who you are, especially to yourself. If you are a straight macho dude, then be who you are. If they kid you about having shaved legs, then kid them about having f'd up teeth, If they kid you about wearing panties or whatever, then just grin and say "the wife and I have a good time with it". If you like hanging out with the ladies instead of the gentlemen, then just admit it. "what can I say Bob? I can only stand talking about football and your truck for so long before I need a little more interesting conversation"

The main thing is attitude. Don't be a jerk about it, but don't be ashamed of who you are either. Do NOT put on an even more extreme macho act. If you're really a sensitive and compassionate guy, then let people see that. Even the most hardcore alpha dude will come to respect you for being brave enough to be honest with everyone. Enjoy your life, it's the only one you have.

[Foxglove]

Excellent reply, Melissa.

It's funny. If someone were to call me "gay", that wouldn't bother me in the least. I'd just tell them, "Nope, I'm not gay". As for "fag", I think I might say something along the lines of "Fag? Depends on what you mean by it. I'm trans. So if it's important to you to insult me, call me a 'tranny', not a 'fag'. At least get it right."

Annabelle

[BRANDYJ]

I really like your post Mellssa. Makes a lot of sense. I still think the step-father inlaw is a non-issue since the MIL is planning on divorcing him. So I don't think she would tell him. If it was a good marriage, maybe she would.

[Amanda22]

I think your mother in law can handle your step father in law, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Choose him as the first person you're going to deal with as "I don't care if you like how I dress or not." I don't think it's realistic to think everyone you have contact with en femme will approve. So just do what you want and they can deal with it.

[larry]

To have a Wife (and) a Mother in law both know and support your crossdressing has to be a paradise.
I do not see the problem here. Just tell them both you do not want to have the (soon to be ex) father in law
find out so lets all be cool till he is gone.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Having read all of the quotes above, Why not have your MIL come to YOUR house? and proceed with the agenda? No pictures. She wants to SEE and I believe she is interested in your (wife and your) lives. I believe it would go better with all of the participants. You feel at home, and she still gets her request taken care of. Then move slowly. Only one opinion. Please post the proceedings.

[audreyinalbany]

One way or another, her seeing you dressed changes your relationship forever. Probably in a good way, but maybe not. It may not be an earth shattering change, but even if the change is subtle, it'll still be, well, different. So just sit with the idea for awhile before you make any decisions. I think the picture is an okay idea, because it still allows you to somewhat distance yourself, but the point is, how ever you proceed, YOU need to be comfortable.

[DaphneGrey]

I'm in a different camp about your wife telling her mother. She knows her mother and trusts her reaction or she would have never told her. My SO is free to tell whoever she wants. I trust her judgement 100%. Of course she is a very private person as I am. So she would have a very good reason to tell anyone to begin with. She has only told her very close friends that she trusts. I would hope you can also trust your wife's judgement on who to tell. I also believe your wife trusts that her mother can and will keep this secret. I don't see her telling her husband since you wrote: "My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue". So I don't see a worry there.

Your MIL asked to see you dressed. OK, I get it that you are not ready or comfortable with that. So leave the subject alone and it may pass and you will not be asked again. However if your MIL and or wife bring it up, express how you feel about it. Then and only then, if she then asks to see a picture, and you are comfortable with it, show her one. Maybe your wife has already shown her one by now.

I would not be mad or upset with your wife for telling. She is as involved with your crossdressing as you are. But calmly ask her not to tell anyone else for any reason without first checking with you. But let her have her mother as a knowing confidant. Trust her judgment.

Like others, I would have loved to have a MIL that knew and accepted like your's does. Says a lot about how much she thinks of you.

When you tell a spouse and nobody else who can she talk to? You let it off your chest feels good right? It is kind of selfish to pass all that weight off to your wife to carry around.

She needed to tell somebody and obviously she chose wisely.

[Amanda_P]

My wife doesn't like my dressing but my mother in law loves it. When we go to goodwill or such me and my mother in law are looking for clothes acceceries for me. We laugh and say halloween is just around the corner even tho it is months away. My wife on the other hand hates it.