Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: small step forward / 5 steps back

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Kathy4ever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    697

    small step forward / 5 steps back

    If you ever read my posts my wife caught me a few years ago and was not too happy about it. over the past three years I have progress that I'm totally shaven, wear panties, wear womans sandals (not too fem), wear womans pants, and many types of woman tanks and toenail polish out into the open. I also have been letting my hair grow now since December and only just got my second trim two days ago. My wife wanted me to get it short but I opted for just getting the split ends trimmed off. So I take my son to get his hair cut in the style she wanted me to get and she starts on me a little about be a sissy boy and wearing my hair like a girl. She even has called me wig boy before. I luv my hair and want it longer so I can style it different like a girl has the option to. Anyone else go through this and does your SO ever get it over it or will the hair always a talking point? I think if I ever get through that awkward hair style she will be okay but that awkward style she can't seem to get over.
    Life is too short not to be happy!

  2. #2
    Member joan47's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Melbourne Beach Fl
    Posts
    396
    My wife's main "talking points" is my thin arched eyebrows and long arylic nails

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    1,944
    Just do what makes you happy; it's your hair. Tell your wife you want her to grow her hair extra long and curl and style it every single day in the mornings when she gets up, you know, so it doesn't look so masculine. I suspect she will get the message quickly.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Kylie4's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    small southern town, USA
    Posts
    72
    Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.

  5. #5
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    South Miss
    Posts
    2,908

    Kathy,,,Kathy,,,Kathy,,,

    Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  6. #6
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    8,393
    You are lucky to have hair. When I get a hair cut, it is just that, "a Hair" cut, and
    the rest is simonize.
    Rader

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    Seems like you and your wife have issues beyond the length of your hair. Better start talking seriously with her.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2,559
    Agree with Kim. Is the hair just a focal point for something deeper? You could do the experiment and trim the hair then see what she does. Hair will grow back. Isn't it worth short hair for a while to see what peace may follow?

  9. #9
    Member melissakozak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    254
    Your issues are strking a chord with me because I had fairly long hair until recently, got tired of the mess it was becoming in boy mode, and I had it cut a lot shorter. By the way, I also got a French pedicure, etc. There is only so much you can do to your body in boy mode before you start looking gender queer and frankly, 'odd.' I was feeling pretty damn odd inside, not relieved or liberated but frankly, strange as hell because it was an in between state of body which led to an inbetween state of mind. Needless to say, my wife lost it when I came home with my French pedicure. If your wife is upset over these changes, you need to discuss them with her. I have decided that my marriage, and a little compromise, is more important than me going down that road of what I call....yes, partial transition. Yeah, I shave my body. Yes, I keep myself fit. But I had to draw a line in the sand somewhere and when I started with the hair and nails, I quickly realized I was making my wife uncomfortable, etc. I backed off. I want it to be plainly obvious I am male in boy mode. And as for the hair and nails, I keep my toes polished clear, my hair short, and my body shaved. I look like an Olympic swimmer. From your post, it sounds like there is a lot going on with you and this is probably having some negative consequences on your marriage. Marriage requires compromise no matter what. Being married to a transgendered husband is not easy.

  10. #10
    Member Lainie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Sugar Land, TX
    Posts
    481
    She calls you a sissy, but if your hair were more feminine, you think it would be ok with her? You crazy, girl. Talk to her. More important, LISTEN to her. Maybe you can save the marriage, but as James Taylor says, "you got to shower the people you love with love"!

    Lainie

    You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!

  11. #11
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    S London UK
    Posts
    2,281
    I'm only about 6 months in from 'full exposure' to my wife. She was very accepting at the time but as aways warned, that acceptance wains somewhat every now and then. She teases me about little aspects but she isn't bitter when saying it, we go shopping for stuff together and even share dresses, skirts and cardis. I'm assuming that your wife is a little more cutting? There definitely appears to be an issue here, which needs to be discussed. Personally, I keep male mode for the world, as I don't want my wife to feel or be compromised in any way because of me. I think this is something you will have to consider soon too.

    I've been progressively trimming my eye brows so as not to present a complete change in one go. This morning as I cuddled my wife, she leant back and looked at my brows. I saw her eyes dart left and right a couple of times, then she continued the cuddle. Nothing said, but a whole load of communication going on. Plus, my mascara also needs a couple of sessions to remove so my eyelashes appear a little more defined.

    She has asked me to dress now and again so that she gets used to seeing me totally en femme, but I can sense that she is not fully OK with it. However, as I said, only 6 months in and I can only describe her so far as fantastic really, as my revelation was obviously a big jolt for her.

    As aways, for everyone it's somewhere between DADT and Absolute Acceptance.

    Rebecca x
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Kathy4ever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    697
    I did that in december. I grew it all last year. She liked I did not. I don't tell her how to wear her hair or how to dress. It's the old adage why must I be told how to wear my hair or what to wear. She has progressed a lot this year with what I wear and the nail polish. I've complimented many times how proud of her i was o bring nicer. All of a sudden she is strating to revert to her negative ways.
    Quote Originally Posted by Laura912 View Post
    Agree with Kim. Is the hair just a focal point for something deeper? You could do the experiment and trim the hair then see what she does. Hair will grow back. Isn't it worth short hair for a while to see what peace may follow?
    Yea i do test the waters some. I am careful when i go out and not make her uncomfortable. Such a case happened two weeks ago when I already had removed my nail polish because we had a function to go to. She thought I might of put up a front to not attend due to still having nail polish on. She had said she would take the kids and i could rest, since I had to go to work due to an emergency. I said it will only take a minute to on my swim suit and then she blurts out whats on your toenails. I said nothing i already took it off. Then we all finally went.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kylie4 View Post
    Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.
    Great idea, maybe I should put my fishnet stockings, heels and a sexy dress and she will forget about the hair.!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-23-2012 at 05:25 AM. Reason: Merging 3 consecutive posts. Please use the multiquote button at the right bottom of each post.
    Life is too short not to be happy!

  13. #13
    Member danielletorresani's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    281
    Quote Originally Posted by Kylie4 View Post
    Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.
    Rightfully so, I think.

    When there's other people who will be affected by my decisions, ESPECIALLY children, I don't think the primary deciding factor should be to just do what feels good for ME.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Dawn cd's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    698
    I'm not clear about the tone of voice your wife uses, but words like "sissy" and "wig boy" sound like taunting to me. These are deliberately hurtful words, not dialogue. You and your wife need to have serious conversation.

  15. #15
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Southern US
    Posts
    2,790
    Kathy, most of us make some compromises with our wifes. Mine likes a hairy chest, thats her thing so no shaving there. Short hair? No problem that is what wigs are made for, plus you can change hair style in a second. But I agree you might need a good conversation with your wife to set boundaries.

    Hugs
    Jolene

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,781
    Hi Kathy, With my wife it's that my nails are too long they look likr girls she says.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Kathy4ever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    697
    We are in the same boat of the DADT part of this. It ihas progressed with the a lot of things and thankfull for that. I guess I still want more. I want the some of the things you get to do and more. The hair thing is faze in this process. It might always be her problem area. She might be on the kidding side of it with a twist of a knife as well. I give her what she needs and if she wanted to talk about I think i could discuss it better than I did 3 years ago. She doesn't seem interested in talking about it so I don't push that envelope.
    Quote Originally Posted by reb.femme View Post
    I'm only about 6 months in from 'full exposure' to my wife. She was very accepting at the time but as aways warned, that acceptance wains somewhat every now and then. She teases me about little aspects but she isn't bitter when saying it, we go shopping for stuff together and even share dresses, skirts and cardis. I'm assuming that your wife is a little more cutting? There definitely appears to be an issue here, which needs to be discussed. Personally, I keep male mode for the world, as I don't want my wife to feel or be compromised in any way because of me. I think this is something you will have to consider soon too.

    I've been progressively trimming my eye brows so as not to present a complete change in one go. This morning as I cuddled my wife, she leant back and looked at my brows. I saw her eyes dart left and right a couple of times, then she continued the cuddle. Nothing said, but a whole load of communication going on. Plus, my mascara also needs a couple of sessions to remove so my eyelashes appear a little more defined.

    She has asked me to dress now and again so that she gets used to seeing me totally en femme, but I can sense that she is not fully OK with it. However, as I said, only 6 months in and I can only describe her so far as fantastic really, as my revelation was obviously a big jolt for her.

    As aways, for everyone it's somewhere between DADT and Absolute Acceptance.

    Rebecca x
    Life is too short not to be happy!

  18. #18
    wishing on a star! Rebecca Star's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    463
    Quote Originally Posted by Kathy4ever View Post
    I give her what she needs and if she wanted to talk about I think i could discuss it better than I did 3 years ago. She doesn't seem interested in talking about it so I don't push that envelope.
    From my take on it, the hair is just a catalyst, an excuse to nit pick you. Not that I profess to know how women process things, but what you've described indicates to me, there is a much bigger issue(s) here.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Seems like you and your wife have issues beyond the length of your hair. Better start talking seriously with her.
    Yep I agree with Kim.
    Last edited by Rebecca Star; 07-23-2012 at 04:02 AM.
    ~ it's not how the world sees you but how you see yourself that counts ~
    free professional make-up tips and self help videos | free professional hair styling videos and tips

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Kathy4ever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    697
    As always you ladies give good advice. Communication is a two way street. At times she can put up a wall that I don't think communication could happen. I'm just just the same and put up a wall of defense to block off the attacks. I don't think our marriage is in trouble because she is a caring lady and does luv me and I her. We have made lots of progress over the past year and half and it is one of those things that she just reverts to. I think our neighbor helps her or me with her attitude. There are no grudges on either end. It is not like she says everyday or every week, it is just something that pops out of her mouth. In some ways I get a kick out of it . Maybe I like being attacked some. Just maybe I am sick. Maybe it is like the kid that is bad that is trying to get attention I guess.


    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!
    I just luv your humor. Keep it going girl.
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-23-2012 at 05:26 AM. Reason: Merging 2 consecutive posts. Multiposting is not allowed here.
    Life is too short not to be happy!

  20. #20
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    4,924
    Kathy, Reading the first post, my thought was you don't have much of a marriage, just two roomates with benefits. In later posts you seem to backtrack a little so it's hard to understand your situation.

    I do think your marriage needs serious work on both your parts. She needs to understand where you're coming from, but more importantly, you need to understand where she's coming from, especially where it concerns the children.

    As for the hair specifically, in some communities and in some occupations, long hair on a man, especially a younger man would be fine. Think artist, musician, etc. In other communities or occupations, long hair will make you stick out like a sore thumb and may hold you back in your career. As someone mentioned, wigs work great.

    If you want to stay married, you have to work on your relationship. When you complain on a forum that your wife "won't let you ........." or calls you names, it's clear you're not doing that.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  21. #21
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    1,051
    Kathy, you're asking for trouble with this line of thinking! Be very careful, you don't want to push so far that you lose the family.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State