Have you ever been humiliated by female Sales Assistants when shopping?

[BillieJoEllen]

Two times come to mind very quickly. Bought a wig at K-Mart years ago and I didn't like the way I looked in it when I got it home. Took it back and the return lady asked me very caustically and loudly, "Didn't it fit"? I felt very humiliated.

A few years later I went to Lane Bryant and looked at a dress. Didn't buy it at that time because of lack of funds. Went back the next week to buy. Quite a few people in line when I went to check out. One of the SAs came walking by and proclaimed very loudly that she had seen me looking at that dress last week and that I would be very happy with it. Everyone stared at me. I could've melted into the floor.

[dragdoll]

I left her shop knowing I was never coming back. Over the years I have purchased a least 50 wigs and not one from her again. By word of mouth I also discouraged others from going there. She is no longer in business.

Yep. It seems like a lot of these people don't realize how much money they're losing until its too late. People need to put their personal feelings aside and realize that anyone who comes into their store with the intention of spending money is helping them stay in business/employed and we are not "bad customers". when they start discouraging certain people from shopping there they deserve to go out of business.

I have had a few experiences...first at a Local payless...there was a change in the shoes for a friends wedding that my wife was in a few days before the wedding, and unfortunatly my wife was a away at a conference so she told me what to get and what color...the male associate was particularly rude to me. I was in full male mode...am obviously not a size 8 shoe but he kept loudly insisting these were custom shoes and i had to try them on because they wouldnt refund colored shoes. I explained the situation to him but he didnt relent insisting i try on the shoes, so i told him to stuff it and went to another local Payless and was treated with respect and curtesy. The other Bad incidents both happened a a local Katherines. I went in was the only customer in the store and the sales associate asked if she could help me...i told her I was just looking...she then proceded to stand int eh middle of the store and blatently stare at me no matter where i went...i got angry not embarrased and left and did not come back for about 6 months to that particular store...at the same store a while after the six months i aasked to try something on and was told no as there was a female customer in the changing rooms...I was ok with that answer and just bought the item...next time i came in as i was leaving the SA says to the ther SA.."The last time he came in he asked to try something on, can you believe it?" This preempted another long boycott of that particular store. I started then travelling an extra 17 miles to go to the next closest Katherines where they have treated me with nothing but fondness and respect even chiding me on being gone for so long lol.

These scumbags should be confronted/reported/given an attitude adjustment because that is just wrong. Business owners should not let garbage people like this run their stores. Some of the stuff you posted is just straight up discrimination. In this economy, stores should be thankful for any business they get and the employees should understand how fortunate they are to have a paying job. This thread has prompted me to go out and buy a bunch of fem stuff today. If anyone gives me a hard time, they're going to get quite the lecture.

[Foxglove]

I've found this a very interesting thread. I wouldn't be the most experienced shopper by any means, but I've been around a bit and haven't had any bad experiences. I've had a couple of quizzical looks. Not long ago I spent about an hour in a pharmacy choosing lots of cosmetics and when I got to the checkout the (woman) cashier gave me a big smile. She had to have guessed that all the stuff was for me. But nobody's ever said a word to me. (Fortunately for them: I'd give them a look like a flamethrower and they'd go melting into the floor like the Wicked Witch of the West.)

I will point out that most people are simply clueless about crossdressers. . .

If you decide to tell her, how you do it is important. I think that it is better to educate rather than berate.

If you say nicely "I crossdress and most of the nice bras need an extender to fit me" the salesgirl will remember the polite crossdresser that she waited on.

If instead you come up with a snappy putdown the salesgirl will remember how shabbily she was treated by that nasty crossdresser.

If I'm the next crossdresser that enters that store, I know which situation I'd want to walk into!

This is an interesting observation, Eryn. In principle, I'd agree with you. It depends on what's said, though, I think. If it is something truly outrageous, I don't know, some people might find it hard to keep their cool, and I think the chances are excellent I'd be one of them. But it's a good point. I'll need to think about it some more.

Annabelle

[Jennifer Devine]

As long as they are making money on what you buy, what should it matter to them who is buying it? Any predjudices they have should be left at home as they should still give you the same amount of customer service as anyone else.

[Sally810]

I get my meds at Wal-mart and there is a clerk that loudly says 'Junior' especially while I'm enfemme. I usually pick up my meds and speak softly giving my initials and last name. It is irritating but not enough to change where I get my meds. I've gotten some strange looks from the North Florida 'crackers'

[JamieRog]

The closest I have ever came to being "humiliated" while shopping was simply being directed to the men's dressing room to try on female clothing. I really didn't mind, as I was not really en femme. Otherwise most sales people, in most stores have been quite nice and eveven offered up advice on what different style's might suit me.

[Tracii G]

One time Louisville Ky at Victoria's Secret.
Looking at the nice undergarments in drab and the older sales lady gave me the "OMG this guy is a perv" look with a scowl on the face.She told me men are not allowed in this section of the store.I walked out towards the front of the store and one sales lady said may I help you? I said no thanks I'll never be back.
Kind of humiliated but felt more pissed than anything.
I get emails from them all the time with sales and I email back no thanks your store blows ******.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've had the occasional SA that seemed a little awkward about it, but no overt hostility or unprofesional behavior.

[chelle]

I just recently bought some lipstick in a General Dollar store. At the register, the lady there said we charge double when men buy things like this. I was nice but wanted to ask would she tell me wife that she would be charged double if she bought something for me.
Chelle

[max]

One time Louisville Ky at Victoria's Secret.
Looking at the nice undergarments in drab and the older sales lady gave me the "OMG this guy is a perv" look with a scowl on the face.She told me men are not allowed in this section of the store.I walked out towards the front of the store and one sales lady said may I help you? I said no thanks I'll never be back.
Kind of humiliated but felt more pissed than anything.
I get emails from them all the time with sales and I email back no thanks your store blows ******.

If you really want to change something you should write a letter to Victoria Secret's corporate office describing your experience and if possible the SA who treated you like that.

[whowhatwhen]

I just recently bought some lipstick in a General Dollar store. At the register, the lady there said we charge double when men buy things like this. I was nice but wanted to ask would she tell me wife that she would be charged double if she bought something for me.
Chelle

Isn't that insanely illegal and grounds for a suit?

[Eryn]

...[If] The SA that are real nasty, I think call back to the store and reporting them is better that going down to their level and call them names.

Very wise words. Your method will lead to positive change, attacking the SA directly only confirms their prejudice.

[at Victoria's Secret]...She told me men are not allowed in this section of the store....

That SA really needs to be educated in the history of the store!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victori...Secret#History

At the register, the lady there said we charge double when men buy things like this.

Isn't that insanely illegal and grounds for a suit?

One thing I've noted in this thread is that some of us seem to be taking offense at statements that were probably intended as humor. Reacting negatively in those situations certainly doesn't do our public image any good. I think that giving the benefit of the doubt is better for our blood pressure and for the way the next male or CDer who purchases a feminine product is treated by that person.

[Marcia Blue]

The only bad experience I ever had was in an Ulta store. I was totally enfemme. The male SA checking me out said, rather loudly, "That will be $48.52 SIR". The que behind me was rather large. I really did not apperciate the unwanted attention. I paid the SA and left.

I called the store later and talked to the manager. On my next visit the same SA bent over backwards, being nice, and using only female pronouns.

It pays to make your complaints heard

[eire emma]

Earlier this year I was restocking after a purge(stupid thing to do)! Anyway was looking for a denim mini had searched a few places and went into a store and found a perfect mini and also denim shorts. I was in drab and went to the counter,the store was empty and the SA asked if I was ok.I said ya but would you mind if I tried these on? She left out a burst of a laugh but composed herself when she saw I was serious! She replied no we only have female dressing rooms,I replied fine returned the shorts to the rack but bought the skirt because it was so cool,don't know if I thought her a lesson but I'd love to go back there en femme to see how she would handle it.

[DaphneGrey]

Never had a bad experience I have taken people by surprise and was called sir once but it wasn't malicious.

[RainyNightGirl]

Yep. It seems like a lot of these people don't realize how much money they're losing until its too late. People need to put their personal feelings aside and realize that anyone who comes into their store with the intention of spending money is helping them stay in business/employed and we are not "bad customers". when they start discouraging certain people from shopping there they deserve to go out of business.

I agree completely, however we should be treated civilly and respectfully regardless of our money.

Natasha

[darla_g]

i never had any problems in any retail stores, they can sometimes assume that men buy things for their SOs. My only incident was in a Salvation Army where one of the male clerks kept trying to direct me to the men's part of the store. I just ignored him and continued shopping.

[Plasibeau]

It has been my experience, to date, that SA's tend to be more curious. If I go into a place that I haven't been too before I usually get questions like; "Where do you perform?" And stuff like that.
Now I have had several bad experiences with other customers and in this example it was the owner who backed me up and I now work for her every spring at the Renaissance Faire. I was trying on a full womens costume (bodice, chemise, two skirts and bloomers) when a male customer in the leather part of the booth loudly stated he wasn't going to be buying anything if they were going to let faggots try on womens clothing. I have thick skin so it didn't faze me, but to the booth owners credit she stopped helping me and whirled on the man and said, "That's okay because your money is now worthless here, get the f**k out of my booth before I call security." . . . I've worked for her for the last three years. :-)

Edit: It makes me smile because this woman is less than five feet tall and the idot was about as tall as me. Shoulda seen the way he tucked tail and ran.

[dragdoll]

I agree completely, however we should be treated civilly and respectfully regardless of our money.

Natasha

Absolutely. Prejudice should never be tolerated in any way.

It has been my experience, to date, that SA's tend to be more curious. If I go into a place that I haven't been too before I usually get questions like; "Where do you perform?"

Oh wow this just reminded me of an absolutely horrific experience that I endured in my early CDing days that I completely blocked out of my mind. I went into an Eckerd drug store in full fem to buy an eyeliner pencil and the girl at the register asked me the same question ("Do you perform somewhere?") and I'm like "What? Seriously?" But that wasn't the worst part...As I was exiting the store the security alarm went off and the male manager and his female assistant mgr directed me to a room in the back where they performed a search on me. I was wearing a longish leather coat, but underneath I was wearing a very skimpy outfit (a matching halter top/short-shorts combo with open toe platform sandals) so as the male mgr was searching my coat, the female mgr was saying "I don't think anything can be hidden or concealed underneath this outfit its so skimpy, no need to pat him/her down" (I agreed). Finally the male mgr found a security tag/sticker stuck way up inside one of the sleeves and that was the culprit. He handed it back to me and sarcastically said "Thank you for the inconvenience." I won't even post what I said in response but let's just say I was beyond pissed. I even considered filing a lawsuit with the store where the jacket was purchased from but it was at least 2 years old and I obviously had no receipt or anything to back me up legally. I never knew the thing was there but what a horrible way to find out.

[Shannon C.]

I have had nothing but positive experiences with SA when I go shopping. Just the other day I was shopping with my friend and we headed to the dressing room to try some things on. She was in front of me and was shown a room and I was immediately helped next. The SA asked if the clothes I was holding was for my friend. I politely said no they are for me. She was taken aback for a split second apologized for the assumption than showed me to a room. During the same shopping trip but at a different store I was holding a few skirts I was going to purchase while my friend played with the makeup in the store. A SA commented that the skirt I was holding would look really cute on me. I smiled at her and said thank you. I didn't take her comment in a negative mean spirited way. I actually find it fun because if they only knew the truth behind their comments they probably wouldn't have made it to begin with.

I hope to never have to experience SA that go out of their way to make me uncomfortable. I agree with what many people have stated here that the best thing to do is be polite and bring your complaints to their supervisor/manager.

[Darla]

I agree with the "it takes two to be humiliated" thing, but honestly, I've fought more with my own insecurities over the years, and rarely had to deal with any SA's. Shopping around New York, the SA's have seen it all, and it depends on who you get. I once was shopping at a dancewear store and picked out a few pairs of tights and a leotard, and brought them to be rung up. I got a "these are women's tights" from the salesgirl, and practicing my best confidence said yes indeed, with a brief smile. I think dancewear stores have a chip on their shoulders sometimes as they're used to serving dancers - who are a haughty breed, and don't like pretenders - male or female.

But to relate another wonderful story, I remember buying a pair of Spanx and getting rung up I was so nervous and flustered. The cashier saw the mental distress I was under, and she had this look of sympathy on her face, basically trying in not so many words that it was okay. It was a brief exchange that sort of renewed my faith in the world. Maybe she had a brother who came out, maybe she was just a genuinely empathetic person.

Long and the short of it - I feel like if I feel proud of who I am, then whatever is reflected back by anyone else is on them.

Darla

[Pretty Nails]

I have had good shopping experiences. So far I have always shopped in male mode but the SA's I have encountered have been professional. Some have the "deer in headlights" look for a moment, when I say "no, its for me" but then have been friendly and kind.
At one used clothing store here, Junkee Clothing Exchange, the owner and most of her SA's all know I'm a CD and they have been nothing but kind and helpful. One day while looking at a beautiful long pink gown with bows and other girly frill I was asked politely if I would like to try it on. I was shown to a dressing room and the clerk looked perfectly normal while some of the clientele looked shocked and amazed. The dress fit nicely, except over my shoulders. When I went to put it back the supervisor/manager woman asked about the dress and when I told her she said that "we don't normally do this, but if you take it somewhere and they cannot alter it to your liking just bring it back and we'll give you a refund".
I love shopping there. I buy jeans and panties at Target as they have always been nice to me.

[Sarah-Ann]

One time Louisville Ky at Victoria's Secret.
Looking at the nice undergarments in drab and the older sales lady gave me the "OMG this guy is a perv" look with a scowl on the face.She told me men are not allowed in this section of the store.I walked out towards the front of the store and one sales lady said may I help you? I said no thanks I'll never be back.
Kind of humiliated but felt more pissed than anything.
I get emails from them all the time with sales and I email back no thanks your store blows ******.

Forgive my ignorance, I obviously don't shop at VS, but why would men not be allowed in a certain part of the store? IS there some mystical female zone where only females are allowed, and men are turned to bubbling ooze if they cross the threshold? I am simply curious. It sounds like a lot of hokey to me, and I would def. recommend writing to the corporate office, you may even get a nice coupon for some half off lingerie ^_^

I haven't really had any negative experiences that I can remember. Lots of embarrassed moments, just because I thought everyone in the entire store was staring at me while I was making my choices, or purchases. As I have gotten used to making purchases in public stores, I find that most other customers don't give a hoot why I am in the women's department, and most of the SA don't either. I was cursed with a very manly stature, so I figure most think I am simply buying for my SO. I do remember one time I purchased a pack of 3 plain white cotton hi-cut panties while working on the road once. The woman at the register smiled and asked, " and who are these for?" I turned beet red, and smiled back at her. She rang me up, smiling the whole time. It wasn't a smile of trying to humiliate me, but rather a smile that said, " I understand these are for you, and I think that is cute." I have had one other such incident, almost cookie cutter to that one at another store. Never a negative experience so far though. My main worry is that a member of my work might show up to the store, ( I live in a small town where everyone knows each other, but try to shop outside of the town limits). I think I would melt right there if a co-worker asked why my cart was full of panties, bras, make-up, and women's clothes. They may believe that they were for my SO, but they would heckle me at work.

I feel sad for those who were treated poorly while shopping. If these stores would stop and think in a business sense, they could almost double their profits if they catered to, or at least welcomed CDs and the transgender communities. Having women buy the clothing, ( which most women's clothing is generally more expensive than men's), plus having the CDs and TGs buy them would present a large profit margin for them. I suppose the ones who have employees which heckle customers don't care to stay in business for a long time, or sadly enough, they are simply enough a large enough corporation that they simply don't care. Good luck to all of you beautiful girls.

[Kathy4ever]

I have bought many fem items over the years. I have never noticed or heard any negative comments or facial reaction. At one drug store i was buying 4 or 5 nail polishes and one associate walked up to me and asked if i got the white one. I said no and we chit chatted a few seconds about the nail polish. It was the only thing i was buying and never any negatism from the anyone. I think the only close call was at Kmart and got a puzzled look from a customer when I was purchasing nail polish and some make up. I think sometimes cashiers aree just trying to be funny when men are buying things that are fem.I don't think most don't want to hurt your feelings. We got to remember that most men probable are embarrased when purchasing something fem because they are afraid that others might feel it is for them. I remember when I was younger hated to buy tampons for the wife, but now it does not bother me at all. I thought it was funny when I brought them home she was happy because I bought the right ones without her explaining to me what kind to get. You see with my more fem nature i am in tune to others needs now.That is progress.

[Beverley Sims]

One time Louisville Ky at Victoria's Secret.
Looking at the nice undergarments in drab and the older sales lady gave me the "OMG this guy is a perv" look with a scowl on the face.She told me men are not allowed in this section of the store.I walked out towards the front of the store and one sales lady said may I help you? I said no thanks I'll never be back.
Kind of humiliated but felt more pissed than anything.
I get emails from them all the time with sales and I email back no thanks your store blows ******.

A similar thing has happened to me in a VS in Los Angeles, I spoke to the manageress about the shabby treatment and we both confronted the sales assistant concerned.
No real fuss, I had explained to the manageress about public relations, assumptions made by staff and a myriad of other perceived observations.
I was given a $50.00 voucher as hush money I think because I had quietly pointed out serious shortcomings.
None of this was to do with CD'ing either.
Just a male being looked on as a dirty old man.