This has been eating at me for a while and the post below has been written, re-written and re-written again. Please don't crucify me for it but I hope you will take it in the spirit it is written
[SIZE="3"]As MTF cross dressers we sit outside the mainstream of “society” because of what we do and the lack of understanding of why we do it - because as men, society does not allow us to wear clothes designed, styled and coloured for the opposite sex. Women can wear male or more masculine clothes thanks in part to the sexual revolution that has taken place over the past 30-40 years. We, as cross-dressers, sit in a similar place to where homosexuals sat say 90 years ago. We are seen as abnormal, somewhat immoral and frankly weird/perverted. Remember homosexuality was once seen as a medical illness which needed “treatment and curing”. It took a lot of time, and effort to convince the majority that it was normal, acceptable and nothing to fear. Even now we are not fully there, there are elements which don’t want or fear them. From my experience male homosexuality is less tolerated than female homosexuality – and the sex industry has played a large part in this perception.
And so in our part of the spectrum we also face barriers and problems. MTF cross dressing is seen with an element of distain, distrust and perhaps fear. Female cross dressing can often be seen as power dressing, smart dressing, being assertive. I know and understand there are FTM transsexuals who are probably treated as badly as we are at times, but as the largest section of cross-dressing is MTF – so it is that section that has become synonymous with it. FTM cross-dressers can also hide in plain sight a lot better than a MTF transsexual can, there are a lot of males who have a feminine look to their faces. Sadly we as MTF cross-dressers are instantly placed in the same area as homosexuals by society as it has this initial conception that anyone who wishes to dress in female clothes must also be homosexual which is more often than not incorrect. I would guess at least 90% of us who have come out to female partners have had that question asked or put to us. Perhaps as other posts here have suggested we are lumped into this “LGBT” community to give us a place or sense of being part of something when most of us who are cross dressers (and not transgendered) do not associate with this community as it is not related to who we are. As a straight, heterosexual man – I want as much to do with this LGBT community as a 4 year old child wants to sit in an opera house and listen to Beethoven for 4 hours.
The other large issues and stigma we face is that cross dressing can be seen as a sexual kick thing. While this has an element of truth for some again for the majority it is wrong, but the public only sees what it wants to at times and finds it easy to explain something like this as some sort of perverted fantasy/fetish/kick.
There are many degrees of cross dressing and reasons for doing it and this is perhaps what makes it so hard for the mass public to accept or understand. With something like homosexuality it is very simple in respect of what it is (you are attracted to the same sex), it is also understood that it is do with a person’s genetic makeup. It is also something that happens (mostly) behind closed doors – thus the public can largely ignore it or pretend it does not happen. While cross dressing is initially a very private thing, it can also become very public. Some do it in the privacy of our homes under strict circumstances, hiding even from those we love. Others - myself included - venture out into the wide world. So this then leads me to ask if we - the people who actually cross dress & venture out into the wide word - are part of the solution or are we actually part of the problem with regards to the stigma attached to what we do.
I think that society is ready and able to accept that men wish to express a more feminine or softer side. Some years ago a man wearing a pink shirt would have instantly had him branded as homosexual and shunned, but now we can wear them at any point in the day - formal or casual – no one cares. But I think the issue comes when we try and be something we are not. Whether we are doing that so that we can have the freedom we desire, the ability to wear what we want or because we want to be part of something we cannot otherwise take part in. I think that is where the public perception and tolerance comes to an end. When someone is being what they want to be and expressing who they are it is fine, people can grasp that – they may not like it but they can grasp it. Remember when punks & hippies came into the world. People hated them and where scared of them at first, but eventually it was seen as a sign of expression as most of the people where perfectly decent – they just had a point to make and they did it well. But when someone tries to be something they are not, that is when the problems start. I wear women’s clothes. My reasons are sound – it is an expression of who I am, how I feel and a way of saying I WANT to be able to do this. But at all times I give the appearance of being male. Sadly even I sometimes look at a man who is trying to pass as a woman and think that they are taking a step too far. That they are making it hard for people like me to have the freedom that I... that THEY desire by trying to be something they are not.
Society has limits of tolerance. These are constantly being pushed to allow more people to live a happy, fulfilled and complete life. But changes come at a cost. Someone, somewhere will always loose out. Homosexuals became accepted, but could not marry or show affection in public. Homosexuals where able to marry/be formal partners, people questioned the sanctity of marriage and the foundation it stands on. So with cross dressing, people may accept the reasons, but not the actual act. People go “en femme”, re-enforcing stereotypes and hinder the progress of those who do not. I don’t mean to be rude but I am willing to place money on my next statement: You could get 4 average cross dressers who go out fully “en femme” and put them with 6 real women in a line up. Most people will get at least 2-3 if not all 4 of them. Most simply do not blend in that well. You look like what you are. Men dressed as and trying to look/act like women. And this is where I feel the public have the issue. I watched a TV programme a few nights ago and in it they introduced two women and instantly I could see they were male and this was before they had opened their mouths or the presenter had said anything – and I was right as it was explained 30 seconds later they where two transsexuals. This is not a nasty comment, just a point about the how people can see things others feel are hidden.
So what is the solution? Sadly I don’t think there is one. We have no great cause to get behind or help us. We have no single reason for being the way we are, nothing we can use to prove we are “normal” (It is not like it is a simple gene being swapped or damaged or we would all be the same in our reasons for dressing). We are fragmented in what we want out of it and more importantly how best to achieve it.
So I will go and leave it with this thought: Before you walk out the door ask yourself: Are you helping or hindering progress. Are you part of the solution or are you part of the problem? Personal I think I am both in that I am trying to break down the barriers but in doing so I am therefore part of the problem.[/SIZE]
Originally Posted by Klaire Larnia
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My name is Carol.
