Fighting the urge

[Sarah Doepner]

At times, life sucks. Don't know why but it does. At times life is nothing but joy. Don't know why that happens either. I don't think I earned either one of those things but I am convinced that both the good times and bad times are something that I pass through. Most of the time I pass through it looking like a guy, but sometimes I make the journey looking as pretty as I can. Sometimes it turns out that what happens has something to do with my crossdressing, but it takes a little time to sort out what really has happened.

My only suggestion Lori, is to be patient. I only know you through this site, but from what I've seen you deserve to be happy and need the opportunity to experience life with a bit of a feminine emphasis. We care about you and it looks like we are all in this together. Take a deep breath, sort out the problems, help your friend the best you can and keep moving. While other people may close doors on us, it doesn't seem to be a good idea to close doors and eliminate our own options just because the negative seems to be the trend.

[KaTanya]

Lori, it looks like you're combining three different stresses into one big Gordian Knot. Maybe taking a step back and going into guy mode for a week or two would simplify things so you can better focus. Besides, purging would simply waste time that would be better spent with your friend.

[StarrOfDelite]

There's an old joke which goes something like this. The Philosophy Professor put only one question on the final exam which simply asked, "Why?" The most brilliant student in the class looked at the question and thought about it for an hour until, just before he had to hand his test booklet to the preceptor, wrote, "Because." The final grade was A+.

If you want to know why to fight the urge, think of the practical aspects. The dollars you'll need to replace everything you purge sometime in the next year when the pink fog reappears.

[Lorileah]

Thank you all. I knew I had lots of friends here and you all came out to show it.

All this is just (I Think) the emotional dam bursting. I am sort of tired of driving the bus if you know what I mean. I want someone else to be in control for awhile. Learning that some people say one thing and do another is the worst.

I'll be OK, then you all will be sorry when I come back with a vengeance This weekend was a catharsis. An epiphany. And to answer my question (after crying myself to sleep last night) I do it because I like who I am. If others don't that seems to be their problem.

everyone

[Thera Home]

The question always arises "why do you do this?" Like we choose to be ostracized get those side long glances and even the pretend acceptance. Why would anyone choose to be a part of a minority.

So remind me again, Why the H*ll do we do this?

Dear Lorileah
You are not part of a minority,but part of this family and all of us become one. Without you we will be missing some important internal part which will make this family ill. We need to focus on moving forward but knowing whats right and wrong before we make our choices.
We need you here to LIVE with us sister.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfnpWNHAHVs

Thera

[Allisa]

Seems you had the answer all along,sometimes the bad things in life only strenghten our resolve.Your comeback is anticipated with baited breath.Best wishes, Lisa.

[Bootsiegalore]

I was to that point last week! I had the urge but suppressed it! Now today I could not wait to dress up again! Up at 5 dressed and working on the computer. I do a LOT of CAD so here I am watching tv and making drawings DRESSED! YAY.

[Bootsiegalore]

Lorileah,

I am what I am......Nathalie

Just Like Popeye! Ak Ak Ak Ak!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lorileah, Be careful that you don't talk yourself into something that you will be sorry for.

[GaleWarning]

All this is just (I Think) the emotional dam bursting. I am sort of tired of driving the bus if you know what I mean. I want someone else to be in control for awhile. Learning that some people say one thing and do another is the worst.

I'll be OK

Lori, I feel for your sense of being alone ~ not having a home will do this!
You hint at some sort of duplicity ~ this, too, will add to your sense of separation.

You have a job which you love and somewhere to sleep, even if you do not own it. You have clothes to wear and money to buy food.

You do have friends!

Of course you will be OK. You are exceptional and are sufficiently aware to know that less is more.

Enjoy this time of uncertainty ~ without fear ~ realise that you are lonely but never alone. Inner strength will come to the fore.

Resist the urge to gather any encumberances.

[SuzieLod]

It may not be the best of situations, we may want to rebel once in a while, bit

its is who we are

so acceptance is the anme of the game for me

[joni3b]

hi I am new to xding & have struggled a bit with it but I just feel so good dressed

[Julie Martin]

It's really a part of who we are and how we express that. I know how you are feeling as I've recently put it on the shelf myself. I have a new GG GF and while I have told her all about it and she has no problem with it, I'm wanting to experience the relationship feeling as a man does. It has stirred up all kinds of physiological effects as well. She is not telling me not to do it but I'm choosing not to. This will show me what I am really made of, however. Take care my friend.

This struck a chord. The dressing is infrequent for me. I last dressed in March, and all the girl stuff is in storage an hour away, by choice. I can't tell you what a relief it's been to have the monkey off my back, and to just be a man. I know it's not popular, but I've found that for me the urge can be suppressed by understanding and will power. Everyone's different. It's always been on-again off-again for me, but right now there are too many other things that I value much more, and CD-ing has no place in my life. I hope everyone is able to find the balance that works for them, and that they can be at peace with.

[Lorileah]

hi I am new to xding & have struggled a bit with it but I just feel so good dressed

Welcome. And watch out for the blonde with the biting tongue
<------

[jillleanne]

Lorileah, I have always enjoyed reading your views on various topics. I can appreciate what you say and my thoughts go out to you. I also know you know full well, the answer to your question but may want to hear others thoughts. We were born with a unique gift and to deny ourselves that gift would be wrong. It's simply a part of ourselves as individuals and as you know, everyone is individual. Being able to express our fem side, being able to accept our fem side, and being able to share our fem side are all parts of who we are. Should we try to change who we are or should we try to change those that think we are not?

[Barbara Ella]

Lorileah, I am glad that you have made it through the weekend. You know how you did it, and you will continue to do it.

our self is the worst person to have any kind of meaningful conversation with when it concerns why we do anything, dress, not dress, purge, not purge. That is the wonderful aspect of the outstanding girls here, they are the best sounding board when we have these questions, and hit the wall.

That damnable WALL. No one knows when it will come, but everyone knows it will. We all know that we will punch, or attempt to punch, holes in the wall. The question is whether it is drywall or masonry. Either way we will keep punching because that is our nature. Sometimes we need to know when to stop punching those holes and mentally regroup. Crying to sleep is a great mental catharsis, as your mind keeps working without you knowing and adding to the worry. It is terrible to get into that position, but often it is the best thing. Been there, done that.

Just take to heart the words you have received here, and know that you are loved here, and never make a decision after talking to yourself........lol

Barbara

[Noemi]

Lorileah,

Trans gender is not an act. I for one did not choose to be like this, and it might be nice to be with out Noemi. It is difficult to be trans, really. It can bend the mind.

I am going through that right now. I have young lady interested in dating me and I am reluctant to let her in. I would like some company, and she is cute and sweet, but still...I am bi at the least, and am comfortable in women's clothes. I have been there trying to be Mr Normal..and I am wearing a skirt and top etc while I write this.
She also travels in some of the same circles that I do work wise...Who will understand that I am a CD'er if she should learn this...would it hurt business?

So sorry to hear about your friend. That is difficult to see some suffer, be there for them.

I have purged almost every year..for the last four years...I am and all or nothing type. And sometimes I just want to throw Noemi aside...this foolishness..I am a man. Believe me I look at the forms and say, that is freaky deaky lets stop this now.

Plus there is the man in the mirror that has all kinds of hair growing on the wrong places...But here I am now dressing steadily for the last seven months. I am not real happy though, I am alone allot...but still I know that I am trans gender and if I push it away, I am fooling myself because I pushed nothing. There is no away. Only Noemi, I am her.

I am wishing you well and your friend and sending out positive energy to you.

You can put down your female self, throw away your wardrobe. Do what you feel like doing and follow that. It is all perfection, and is what is supposed to happen.

♥♥♥(♥)
Noemi

[Voulez-Vous]

Everyone is different. It all depends on where you personally are on the "T" spectrum. Transgender & Crossdresser are not the same. I've seen so many people say "you can't quit cd-ing, no matter what". That's simply not true. You can do whatever you want, if you want to bad enough. It may not be easy, but it is possible to quit cd-ing.

[JohnH]

Lorileah.

Maybe you simply like a little variety. Of course men are severely constrained in what they wear.

Let's see - men have a wide variety of clothes to wear for formal wear - as long as it's coat and tie along with pants.

Also they have a wide variety of shoes they can wear - as long as the heels are no higher than 3 cm (1 1/4 inches) high, and the color is black, brown, cordovan, or sometimes, white.

Also there is the tremendous variety of grooming - as long as there is no makeup.

Men have a wide variety of bottoms to wear - as long as they are pants or shorts.

All of this reminds me of Henry Ford's slogan for the Model T: "You can have any color as long as it's black".

John

[NathalieX66]

Everyone is different. It all depends on where you personally are on the "T" spectrum. Transgender & Crossdresser are not the same. I've seen so many people say "you can't quit cd-ing, no matter what". That's simply not true.

...unless you happen to be latently trans.

Some folk, late in life, start out as crossdressers, then progress into something else. It happens.

[KellyJameson]

I never experience the urge to purge in the manner you describe but I often experience an urge to purge everything in my life and have done this on more than one occasion and would even call it a theme in my life.

I will dispose of my possessions (but keep my favorite skirts), quit my job and move to another part of the country and sometimes the world just to see what will happen.

Sometimes I go back to school, change careers, take up completely different hobbies, ect.. but the goal is transformation through change, sometimes radical.

It is planting yourself in entirely different soil to see how you now will grow.

We need a measure of security in life but the risk is in pursuing security to the point we stop experiencing the mysteries of life so life than loses its flavor.

We must live expansively so we do not contract into mind numbing nothingness.

[Nichola]

We do this because it's just who we are, I don't think we can change this. The thoughts & the dressing may come & go, but it's always there.
Sorry to hear about your friend & your situation, I hope things get better for you.

[Jennifer Cox]

...unless you happen to be latently trans.

Some folk, late in life, start out as crossdressers, then progress into something else. It happens.

Happened to me!

[elliemoss]

yeh i do find it hard to resist, especially when the urge is so prominent and i cant get it out of my head. sometimes it can be so much hassle especially when it takes up important time and hits the pocket hard but u know i wudnt change a thing. its amazingly exciting and liberating and of course sexy. u know everyone has some urge within them that they struggle with but i think always embrace it its completely normal and its not harming anyone so just do it

[Barbarainstockings]

I have crossdressed since I was 12 years old, I am now 55 I am bisexual andmust have spent 100’s buying dresses lingere etc I usually have phases lasting about 6 month when I am very femenine, but because I am not passable I get depressed with my look, and end up trying to be just a man again. Usually by throwing out my dresses etc. It never works and I am back after a few months to buying clothes again and crossdressing, I love being a woman but hate being a masculine one, I think I am beginning to come to terms after last depression I did not throw away my clothes and makeup just hid them in the loft! I know I will never change I have always been in the closet but do not have the nerve to come out and be what I am. I would love to crossdress with others but am very nervous about meeting. I have only just joined Cross dressers and hope it will enable me to come to terms with my feme side.