What does it mean to be male? (all are welcome, but specifically requesting FtM)

[JessicaVal]

I am a genetic male, considering some degree of MtF transition.

My cousin, who accepts but doesnt approve, asked me a pretty solid question and I would like to put it to you.

What does it mean to be a man?

Alternatively, why would you want to be one?

[the_shark]

What does it mean to be a man? That’s a big broad question but I’ll give it my best shot. It means having courage, a desire to protect but the capacity to love. It means power and confidence. Class and courtesy with a tad bit of swagger. (Ok, maybe a lot of swagger) It means low maintenance in the mornings lol. It means stepping up to the plate and learning how to “take it like a man.”

I want to be a man for all those reasons above. It makes me feel confident and content. And my personality is much more dominant by nature which I think also fits in with a majority but not all males.

Did that answer anything?

[JessicaVal]

I am looking for a broad consensus, so I appreciate your answer for that exact reason. If I can figure out what draws people to being male, perhaps I can figure out why I am drawn away.

Greatly appreciated!

[the_shark]

Not a problem. Glad I could be of service.

[mistunderstood]

Huuuummmm. Good question. I guess to me it is being the best of 2 worlds. I can be as hard as nails and yet cry at sappy movies. I can work on cars yet love to cook. I can be a feminist and still be a man. I can do as I please yet I can take care of my family. I can dress how I please whether being a slob or a neat freak.

[the_shark]

Huuuummmm. Good question. I guess to me it is being the best of 2 worlds. I can be as hard as nails and yet cry at sappy movies. I can work on cars yet love to cook. I can be a feminist and still be a man. I can do as I please yet I can take care of my family. I can dress how I please whether being a slob or a neat freak.

As it seems you have put it, being a man is freedom.

[JessicaVal]

I wasn't going to put in my two cents on why I am considering transitioning to a woman, but I find it very interesting that freedom was brought up. That is the exact reason I feel drawn to womanhood...freedom to cry and laugh and express myself.

I suppose I should throw in the bonus question, then...what is it about being woman that you find doesn't provide that freedom or, put another way, being a man gives you freedom from what?

The first question is still my priority, though, why do you want to be a man? What does being a man mean to you?

[Elizabeth]

Hi JessicaVal,

I spent 42 years trying to be a man by emulating them, but to say what it is to be a man is different depending on what man you ask, or even woman for that matter. There is no trait like courage or desire to care for ones family that we can pin on men or women for that matter. Every trait a man can have a woman can have and vice-versa. There are extremely feminine men and extremely masculine females and everything in between.

For me, it was more like everyone knew the secret handshake except me. I never felt comfortable around men in the "man's world" as it were. So I had to fake it. I pretended to be a man by pretending to like things men liked. But having said that, I really never felt that competitive thing that men feel about virtually everything and risk taking behavior whether it was drinking and driving, driving fast, jumping bikes, whatever. My oldest brother has always been offended because I won't drive his Harley Davidson chopper with a suicide clutch. I don't like loud bikes and I don't like bikes that hare hard to control. I just don't feel the need to prove that to anyone. I am also afraid of horses, snowmobiles, four wheelers, boats, and driving fast.

I tried to be a man. I thought that if I did the things men do, I would eventually get it. But I never did. Still don't. Accept it, I just don't feel it. Trust what you feel, that is who you really are, and don't worry so much about what you call it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[the_shark]

Hi JessicaVal,

I spent 42 years trying to be a man by emulating them, but to say what it is to be a man is different depending on what man you ask, or even woman for that matter. There is no trait like courage or desire to care for ones family that we can pin on men or women for that matter. Every trait a man can have a woman can have and vice-versa. There are extremely feminine men and extremely masculine females and everything in between.

For me, it was more like everyone knew the secret handshake except me. I never felt comfortable around men in the "man's world" as it were. So I had to fake it. I pretended to be a man by pretending to like things men liked. But having said that, I really never felt that competitive thing that men feel about virtually everything and risk taking behavior whether it was drinking and driving, driving fast, jumping bikes, whatever. My oldest brother has always been offended because I won't drive his Harley Davidson chopper with a suicide clutch. I don't like loud bikes and I don't like bikes that hare hard to control. I just don't feel the need to prove that to anyone. I am also afraid of horses, snowmobiles, four wheelers, boats, and driving fast.

I tried to be a man. I thought that if I did the things men do, I would eventually get it. But I never did. Still don't. Accept it, I just don't feel it. Trust what you feel, that is who you really are, and don't worry so much about what you call it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

You see, that's what's so interesting to me. The competition is something I long for and I feel as a girl I'm not taken seriously and it's just seen as "cute" that I'm trying to be compeditive even if I'm good. I love all those risk taking behaviors and it gives me an adrenniline rush that I'm infatuated with.

I've tried being a girl. I did girl things. Heck, I STILL do girl things every day and I hate it. I'm a female model for an agency for pete's sake. I feel like I'm selling myself. Ugh, I just want to live as a guy...

[noeleena]

Hi,

Thats interesting for me what draws one to being a man.

& what does it mean to be a man.

For myself ill never know & that so far covers close as to 65 years.

You said freedom or for me being free. that bonus ? the freedom to not have to prove who i am. just be accepted for ...who... i am ,

Being intersexed gives you a look at both sides with some insights yet does not give you all of what a male or female is or about.
there is a interesting point ill make this is just myself i have not lost my .... i can pull rank over others who have not got the experiance i have over the years that has been given to me & that is as a woman.

Some trans have said they have lost thier standing as far as being a male is concerned M t F , so do you think as your going through the change to male you have gained a standing that is more than women have,
or would that apply to you's In the States as i dont see it here. certinaly not with in our membership in our groups of some 1,000 people & others iv worked with over the 46 years,& could still do it,

interesting ? .

...noeleena...

[the_shark]

Thats fascinating. Must be really weird for you. Guess we do what we gotta do to pay the bills? Welcome, by the way. f.

Yup, it is really weird for me. I've got to put myself through school so that's the reason. It's really weird when I have to pose with a male model for whatever reason. All I can think about is how much I want to switch positions with him. I feel like a part of the witness protection program or a spy lol. And Thanks Andy, nice to meet you man.

[the_shark]

Okay, first point: Awesome that youre going to school. Keep doing it, man, so you can have the best possible life.
Second, sounds like youve got a hella good spy disguise.
And third (at JessicaVal), Adam illustrates a good point. Its not that we WANT to be a certain way, its just how we ARE.

Ha yup, I wanna be able to support myself and possibly a lovely lady. I've got a killer spy disguise. I've been incognito my entire life! And exactly, we just want our reflection to match how we feel on the inside.

[Tracii G]

Ha yup, I wanna be able to support myself and possibly a lovely lady. I've got a killer spy disguise. I've been incognito my entire life! And exactly, we just want our reflection to match how we feel on the inside.

Very well put Adam.
Same thing here to a degree. I go to a club with the guys all they want to do is get drunk and hit on a set of boobs I find that disgusting in a sense.I like boobs don't get me wrong but to look at a woman as just a conquest seems to denigrate the woman inside.
Some women may like that IDK but when I get hit on in girl mode it seems rather disgusting.
If I go to a club in boy mode every body leaves me alone which is kinda nice.I guess I have mean guy look LOL
I get the protector and provider aspect that you feel.A very good point I never thought much about.
Thanks for the insight.

[Eryn]

Being male means being the ultimate "First Responder." You're expected to be able to handle any situation that comes up, from plumbing repair to zombie attack. If you fail, you're not a Real Man. If you succeed your reward is to wait for the next crisis to test you.

[mistunderstood]

TraciiG I use to think I was a feminist but then it did not fit when I realized I was not a girl inside. It is madness for me when I see a good looking woman and I think wow she has a "Good rack" then my brain go's into a whole lot of scolding my-self for thinking like that. I was brought up to not think of women like that.

[kimdl93]

If your cousin wants to be philosphical you could come up with a whole variety of positive platitudes about being upright, honest, loyal, honorable, etc. But really, aren't these "male" attributes really terms we would apply to any mature and ethical person, male or female.

There are less moral or ethical terms, such as aggressive, competitive, single minded etc that some people see as positive male attributes. In some contexts, such as the workplace, these can be considered assets, but again all these can be applied to both genders.

Then of course, there are the least postive stereotypes of male behavior - macho, domineering, chauvanistic etc. These boorish aspects of some males are hardly what any of us would want to use to define masculinity.

[JessicaVal]

I wanted to thank everyone for their input. I think this has been one of the more interesting discussions I've read in awhile. :-)

The attributes and behaviors I attribute to make and female are different from some of the answer I've seen here, but I think it's pretty clear that the beliefs are unique to each person...which is pretty cool, when you think about it.

I hope the conversation continues, but even to this point I've learned a lot about myself and others here.

[the_shark]

I wanted to thank everyone for their input. I think this has been one of the more interesting discussions I've read in awhile. :-)

The attributes and behaviors I attribute to make and female are different from some of the answer I've seen here, but I think it's pretty clear that the beliefs are unique to each person...which is pretty cool, when you think about it.

I hope the conversation continues, but even to this point I've learned a lot about myself and others here.

Perhaps this is a new thread, but what do you see as female that's desirable or not? Because personally, I don't get the allure.

[JessicaVal]

It's difficult to put into words, which is exactly what I asked others to do.

Most of all, I see being feminine as freedom. Women talk more, show their emotions more, and ten to be sociable without always being competitive. I grant that there is competition between women for various reasons...but from what I've experienced not every comment or disagreement or opinion is seen as an attack on the other person.

Femininity is focused on beauty, not just productivity...it's about being someone, not just soon something. People are more willing to open up and allow you to truly care for them I'd you're a woman...whereas the men in my life want to 'be just fine on their own'.

Not a perfect description, but it's pretty close. I'm still searching for my own answer.

From the purely physical side, well, I much prefer the ways I can please my partner as a woman, then as a man. ;-)

[the_shark]

It's difficult to put into words, which is exactly what I asked others to do.

Most of all, I see being feminine as freedom. Women talk more, show their emotions more, and ten to be sociable without always being competitive. I grant that there is competition between women for various reasons...but from what I've experienced not every comment or disagreement or opinion is seen as an attack on the other person.

Femininity is focused on beauty, not just productivity...it's about being someone, not just soon something. People are more willing to open up and allow you to truly care for them I'd you're a woman...whereas the men in my life want to 'be just fine on their own'.

Not a perfect description, but it's pretty close. I'm still searching for my own answer.

From the purely physical side, well, I much prefer the ways I can please my partner as a woman, then as a man. ;-)

Hey thanks, I probably will end up asking this in a thread to see what all you chicks have to say. That does help though.
For living as a girl, I've always found the female competition was just something I didn't want to compete at.
Are my shoes better than her's today?
Personally, I could care less. I'd rather go out and say weather my home run was better than his on the field. Or just anything male competitive I've always envied. It seems fun rather than ferocious. My high school years as a girl were he11 to say the least.
And really on the physical?
Ha, I've always wanted what guys have down south. It just seems so much more efficient and fun.
For example, as a chick, it took me 3 years of playing with myself before I could figure out how to orgasm. Not fun. And still difficult. I'd rather just have what guys have and for it to be clean cut right in front of me no ifs ands or buts about it, theres no questioning what to do with a penis.
The grass is always greener eh?

[JessicaVal]

Haha, yeah...it would seem so. If only they'd hurry up and perfect that brainswap surgery I keep reading about!

Having just gotten back from a full body wax...I can say that men do have it easier in many ways (respect to the waxers! Wow!).

You know, you bring up a good point I was trying to say...I know there is competition on both sides...but it's interesting what we want to compete about. I don't care about hitting a ball with a stick. I care about lookin and being my best for the one I love. I don't need a prestigious job, just one that pay the bills and lets my kids eat (if I had any). I can feel the competitive side, but I'd rather everyone do their best...I don't have to BE the best.

If you do start another tread. I hope to see it...if I don't post within a day or two...drop me a PM?

Have a great day! I...well...I'm going to recover.

[LilSissyStevie]

When I was about 4-5, the girl that lived across the street came up to me and pulled my pants down and said, "You're a boy because your thing is on the outside." I couldn't really argue with that logic. I'd heard I was a boy but that was the first time I remember hearing an explanation for it. But that was pretty much where the identification with other boys ended. I'm a male because my thing in on the outside. For many people that isn't good enough, they feel male or female independently of their parts. The parts were never that important to me. What I was always attracted to was my own conception of "femininity." So I only wanted to be a girl because they were allowed to be feminine and I wasn't. So, do the parts make the man, is it the role, is it both or is it this mysterious thing we call "gender identity?" If it is the latter, then you are a man if you feel like one. I've never really felt that but I don't feel like anything else either. The "gender identity" fairy missed me. But my thing is on the outside so I'm a male and that isn't going to change.

[JohannaSophia]

Hey thanks, I probably will end up asking this in a thread to see what all you chicks have to say. That does help though.
For living as a girl, I've always found the female competition was just something I didn't want to compete at.
Are my shoes better than her's today?
Personally, I could care less. I'd rather go out and say weather my home run was better than his on the field. Or just anything male competitive I've always envied. It seems fun rather than ferocious. My high school years as a girl were he11 to say the least.
And really on the physical?
Ha, I've always wanted what guys have down south. It just seems so much more efficient and fun.
For example, as a chick, it took me 3 years of playing with myself before I could figure out how to orgasm. Not fun. And still difficult. I'd rather just have what guys have and for it to be clean cut right in front of me no ifs ands or buts about it, theres no questioning what to do with a penis.
The grass is always greener eh?

That last sentence has a lot of truth to it. I have always wanted that teenage boy type feminine body including the beautiful down south flower but it was not to be. I like to think I would have been just as satisfied with my life in the GG gender, perhaps crossdressing the other way?

[the_shark]

When I was about 4-5, the girl that lived across the street came up to me and pulled my pants down and said, "You're a boy because your thing is on the outside." I couldn't really argue with that logic. I'd heard I was a boy but that was the first time I remember hearing an explanation for it. But that was pretty much where the identification with other boys ended. I'm a male because my thing in on the outside. For many people that isn't good enough, they feel male or female independently of their parts. The parts were never that important to me. What I was always attracted to was my own conception of "femininity." So I only wanted to be a girl because they were allowed to be feminine and I wasn't. So, do the parts make the man, is it the role, is it both or is it this mysterious thing we call "gender identity?" If it is the latter, then you are a man if you feel like one. I've never really felt that but I don't feel like anything else either. The "gender identity" fairy missed me. But my thing is on the outside so I'm a male and that isn't going to change.

You know what, there's no shame in that. That's a sad story about the girl when you were young though. I was always the type of kid to climb trees and throw "pine cone grenades" at the kids that were mean. If anyone were to of pulled down my pants and said the inverse at that age, I would have tackled them.
It's so confusing when you don't feel how you look.

[LilSissyStevie]

That's a sad story about the girl when you were young though. I was always the type of kid to climb trees and throw "pine cone grenades" at the kids that were mean. If anyone were to of pulled down my pants and said the inverse at that age, I would have tackled them.
It's so confusing when you don't feel how you look.

I didn't take it badly at the time. It was more like "OK, whatever." She was mean, though. That's probably why she was friends with my sister.