I have a lot of stories, many of which involve someone saying "you can't make that stuff up." A large number involve me making something up. Here's my latest debacle.
So last night I got dressed up. In my room. Didn't go out at all, minding my own business. in fact, I was enjoying a quiet martini in my room (I don't drink alone very often, in case you were wondering), which was a misstep, since I then had to go to the restroom. No sooner did I step out of my room and close the door behind me than the other bedroom door opens! I didn't think I had a roommate! Dude keeps to himself. So I bolt into the bathroom and wait until I heard the door close again. I took off my heels and bolted for my room at light speed. Whew! Nobody saw me. the next day, my roommate came out and said "have fun last night?"
"huh?"
"don't 'huh' me, I saw."
I narrowed my eyes as dangerously as I could, folded my arms across my chest and said "you saw what, exactly?"
"relax, man, we all do it."
"that's not been my experience."
"well damn... Look, I'm not going to tell anybody. What's her name?"
"'scuse me?"
"the girl you hooked up with. What's her name?"
"Her name is Sophia. And we didn't hook up. She's a lesbian."
"... So... The girl leaving your room at three in the morning: not only did you not hook up with her, but she told you she was a lesbian?"
"not exactly. I know she's a lesbian. I've caught her having sex with a woman."
"but you didn't hook up with her. She was in your room until three in the morning and you didn't hook up?"
I sighed. "we were drinking and she came back for a nightcap."
"which is code for sex."
"yeah, she just wanted one of my martinis."
"so... You tried to 'nightcap' a lesbian, she took the drink and left?"
"that's Sophia for you."
"damn, dude, you can't make that stuff up..."
"yeah, I hear that a lot."