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Thread: She said it's a fetish.

  1. #26
    Joanie sterling12's Avatar
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    A favorite theme of some people in The Psych World, and others with money-making ministries to finance. If it's a fetish, then it's curable! Either by therapy or by prayer. But the important part is that you accept their premise. That way, they can have influence, and concurrently drain your bank account.

    All people have "preferences," certain clothing, a certain look in a partner, a style of car, etc. etc.. A "True Fetish" by definition is some object that is necessary to achieve sexual completion. If you HAVE to have The Panties to "get off," then it's a Fetish!

    A simple rule for living, "always question the other person's motive." Especially, when they offer insistant advise or guidance. "Is there some "pay off" for that person? Do they have "An Agenda" that is easy to recognize?" Then, the object of their efforts is aimed at YOU. They want you to become their victim, or their dupe! It ain't easy to live independently, to think for ourselves; but it sure beats being someone else's little slave, always responding to what they want you to do.

    Tell The BFF to push that garbage on somebody else. Do it nicely, but do it! The funny outcome? In the future, She will likely give you more respect.

    Peace and Love, Joanie
    Last edited by sterling12; 08-11-2012 at 04:00 PM.

  2. #27
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    But even if it is fetish driven, it's not "just a fetish", and expecting a pleasure dresser to "let it go" is like telling a feminine identity dresser to "let it go".
    Absolutely ... I didn't mean to imply that being a fetish crossdresser is any less credible than a feminine identity dresser. Sorry if it came over that way.
    .
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  3. #28
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    No, Rachel, I didn't take it that way - that you implied anything. I was referring to those who don't (because they can't) understand crossdressing, whether fetish or identity based, like the OP's aunt's bff. It's easy to tell someone to "let it go" when you're not the one who has to let it go. It just doesn't work that way.

  4. #29
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    No, Rachel, I didn't take it that way - that you implied anything. I was referring to those who don't (because they can't) understand crossdressing, whether fetish or identity based, like the OP's aunt's bff. It's easy to tell someone to "let it go" when you're not the one who has to let it go. It just doesn't work that way.
    I totally agree. We're on the same page ... I especially like your sentence: "It's easy to tell someone to "let it go" when you're not the one who has to let it go".
    .
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  5. #30
    Junior Member Madam Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I'm just curious, Rose. If you're a "newbie" how do u KNOW you you're NOT a fetish dresser?
    Especially since the definition of what that is is not set in stone?
    First thank you Stephanie for saying that. Second is for you Miss, I know I'm not a fetish because I do not get off on wearing a dress and I only love women. I have always wanted to wear girl clothes since I was a teen. i do hope you understand.

  6. #31
    Member Anita_2's Avatar
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    Possibly definition of fetish

    A some time ago I was talking with one girl which is my friend, I like her she is real intelligent woman and she has graduated sociology. So I told her about my “fetish” that I like sex(with girls I have no interest in boys) in stockings. She asked me “Can you have sex and without stockings?” I answered “yes I like sex” than she told me “That what you wish is cool I would like to see you in stockings but if you can enjoy in sex only in stockings than you are in trouble.” Well since today I have not found better definition for that question. So much from me.

  7. #32
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    There are a lot of good points in this thread. I wonder,though, if it is a fetish or isn't, what is the difference? If they are accepting, maybe it's because they think it's "just a fetish."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

  8. #33
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    I think it can be what ever makes you happy sexual ,fetish, compulsion ,need ,compfort ,release or all the above ?
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  9. #34
    Future Crazy Cat Lady josee's Avatar
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    There is nothing wrong with dressing in feminine attire whether you do it as a fetish, or you feel more comfortable that way or if it helps you express or get in touch with your own femininity or as part of your gender expression.
    Like Iggy said "I'm not ashamed to dress like a woman, cause I don't think it's shameful to be a woman"
    Whatever your reason is, whether you just like the clothes or because you are a woman it's OK.

    Last edited by josee; 08-14-2012 at 06:21 AM.

  10. #35
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Here's the dictionary.com definition of fetish:

    Fetish

    fet·ish   [fet-ish, fee-tish] noun
    1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
    2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
    3. Psychology - any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

    There are CDers who do have a fixation on the clothing or "the look" (#2) to the point of seemingly having shopping compulsions, so this could be what your aunt meant. We've had threads here from members who describe the sheer volume of makeup, clothing, shoes, jewelry they own, way more than they'll ever wear, or who are in awe and place a great deal of importance on all their feminine possessions and being fashionable, or who can't go to the store without buying something and who catalog everything and can't bear to part with anything, almost like hoarding. This is not a fetish in the sexual sense. And there are avid collectors of many items to the point of excess: trains, baseball cards, coins, memorabilia. Are all these collections fetish as well? It's hard to say. lol But, there is something that is outside the norm (IMO) when such a high degree of importance is placed on any collection of objects to the point where it supplants other things. I have an aunt who collects dolls and I suppose that most people would consider this harmless ... except her family members whose own personal spaces are being crowded out.

    I'm not saying that you are hoarding clothes, just offering an alternative definition for fetish.
    Reine

  11. #36
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    3. Psychology - any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

    ....there are avid collectors of many items to the point of excess: trains, baseball cards, coins, memorabilia. Are all these collections fetish as well?
    No, maybe obsessive-compulsive issues, but not fetish. It's not how many you have, how much you spend, or how often you shop. It's whether or not one of those objects causes an erotic response. If adding to your salt-shaker collection causes sexual arousal, you may have a salt-shaker fetish. If not, you don't.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Everybody else is analysing the thread here.
    I say it is a therapeutic interest.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  13. #38
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    No, maybe obsessive-compulsive issues, but not fetish. It's not how many you have, how much you spend, or how often you shop. It's whether or not one of those objects causes an erotic response. If adding to your salt-shaker collection causes sexual arousal, you may have a salt-shaker fetish. If not, you don't.
    No Nicole ... the #2 definition, not #3, the things that don't cause erotic responses. Also, collecting something is fun. I collect Imari porcelain. I have 6 pieces. lol My SO collects art and she has about 12 paintings. These things appreciate in value over time. Although it's difficult to gage something like this, I'm talking about the excessive collections (or hoarding?) that spill beyond the closets to other closets and other rooms and also that don't appreciate in value, you know, like having 100 pairs of shoes and way more clothes than someone can ever wear yet still buying them. I'm also not talking about someone's walk-in closet that might be full of clothes. A lot of people have large walk-in closets.
    Reine

  14. #39
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    I just recently discovered a new-to-me word, one I had never heard or seen before: Androgyny. After taking the BSRI (Bem Sex Role Inventory) I can, without a doubt, say that I am an Androgyne - a person who does not fit neatly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society. Took me a long time to find a good description of me, but it works. For those who may have never heard of either the term or the BSRI, look it up. Take the test. I did and the results were that I am very strongly masculine and equally very strongly feminine. It's very revealing. However, really enjoying both the masculine and feminine aspects of my personality can cause a lot of mental anguish as well. In any event, it goes a long way in explaining what I have felt for so many years.

  15. #40
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    OK, Reine, I'll agree with you. But when we talk about fetishes as it relates to crossdressing, you know full well we're not talking about collecting. We're talking about being aroused by crossdressing and/or the objects we wear.

  16. #41
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    There is not one reason that explains for all the men who like to "Dress up". There is singificant number that do it as fetish and there is some literature to support it. But many other dont have fetish portion, reason can be varied ot even unclear, and some as they progress with CDing and in age or stage in life, reason evolves. I dont fault your aunt in believing it is a fetish since you will find plenty of literature if you searh that will support it. I would in your place just let it slide and carry on wiht your life.

  17. #42
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    OK, Reine, I'll agree with you. But when we talk about fetishes as it relates to crossdressing, you know full well we're not talking about collecting. We're talking about being aroused by crossdressing and/or the objects we wear.

    I agree, the popular definition for a fetish especially here is sexual. I was trying to point out there is a less popular, alternative definition for the same word and probably most people think of this as an obsession.

    I see it as having either a sexual or a non-sexual fetish, or for some CDers it is both. Or there is no fetish/obsession for the CDers who dress in order to express who they are and they don't dress for sex nor do they have shopping compulsions nor are they obsessive about their looks.
    Reine

  18. #43
    To be, or not to be... ? Gaby2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madam Rose View Post
    Ok my aunt's bff said that. Even though I tried to tell her it's not but she wont listen. I was wondering if anybody else had this told to them? I tried to tell her I just ;love the clothes but she wouldn't listen. O And a drunk hillbilly said to ''let it go'' I would look better in wrangler jeans and white T-Shirt. I told him sorry the HEE HAW look isn't my style.

    P.S I'M new and please to meet you all.
    Pleased to meet you too, Rose!

    Before emerging from my closet a few years ago, I had always feared that "people" would consider my CDing only a "fetish" that "perverted me" couldn't control, if "people" found out... in other words, I used to be afraid of a very real fetishistic aspect of my CDing and what others might think of it.
    Now I know for sure, it's nobody else's business to have an opinion of what I do or don't do in my private life... but I had to come out and talk to a few (g-)friends about my CDing desires and wants in order to realise this... that was my path...

    Your Aunt is certainly very important for you and that's the main reason, why her misled and seemingly uninformed opinion smarts.
    Give her a little time... and more time...

    Fetish is only one aspect of CDing - there are many others, like simply loving the cloths, and all are important.

    Gaby
    Last edited by Gaby2; 08-14-2012 at 06:27 PM.
    [SIZE="1"]When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... In the lilt of Irish laughter... When Irish hearts are happy... And When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... [/SIZE]

  19. #44
    New Member Dree Yer Ane Weird's Avatar
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    Used to think it was a fetish for me but then i spent 15 hours playing Skyrim while dressed en femme and thought, Nah. Turns out for me its a way to chill, I'm sure there are others out there who do it for the same reason. Though why I have to wear more clothes to chill than i do in male mode I haven't quite worked out.

  20. #45
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I was trying to point out there is a less popular, alternative definition for the same word and probably most people think of this as an obsession.
    OK, I can see that the person who said to the OP "it's just a fetish" may have been using the non-sexual definition. I wouldn't think that person is a forum participant.

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