Ok my aunt's bff said that. Even though I tried to tell her it's not but she wont listen. I was wondering if anybody else had this told to them? I tried to tell her I just ;love the clothes but she wouldn't listen. O And a drunk hillbilly said to ''let it go'' I would look better in wrangler jeans and white T-Shirt. I told him sorry the HEE HAW look isn't my style.
P.S I'M new and please to meet you all.
welcome to the forums! Everybody here is really nice.
My mother told me that any man who wears women's clothing "must be trolling for dick." In a crowded restaurant. Having met the girls that I've dated and having caught me doing the no pants dance with at least two. I went out with a girl who was down with it, but only as a fetish. Does that count?
Welcome
For some it is a Fetish. For others, it is who that are period. There is also a thousand things in between. My wife said that when she frist found out. I think that people that only want to see the person they expect from us think that way.
Yep, I've had a shrink tell me that. He was partially correct.
The key is what is done with the cross dressing. Culmination in pleasuring yourself generally means it is a fetish. I don't know if saying the "M" word is permissible, but you get the picture.
I agrre my granny who loves me beyond words thinks I'm under stress but I don't wish to argue with her. I respect her waaaaay to much.Originally Posted by katie_barns
I've been told that it is just a fetish, and also told it was just a phase. Ironically, I think it was both at the time. It has been said many times that this is a spectrum, but I'd go farther and say there are a number if spectrums. The fetish/sexual aspect is one, gender identity is one, sexual preference is one, and there are others. I think all people of all parts of the LGBT community and humanity as a whole are somewhere on these spectrums.
I think this is one if our greatest strengths, and one of the greatest confusions we fight against. People judge us for dozens if reasons. Ignoring, for a moment, the fact that people shouldn't judge...we seem to be routinely judged for reasons that aren't true. Anti-gay people judge straight crossdressers, men who like to wear heels are accused of being imasculated, and don't even start on the complications of trans people.
Welcome, btw! Glad to meet you!
-J
God gave me free will, my choices are my own. Knowing right from wrong takes a lot of prayer and study. I refuse to accept or make excuses for my own actions, desires, or beliefs.
"life begins at the end of your comfort zone." - Neale Donald Waslch
Hey, I'm into self abuse in any guise.........my whole life is a fetish then
Seriously though, it was initially, but things have definitely settled since I began to dress fully as much as possible.
Rebecca x
How would she know? Your crossdressing may or may not be fetish-driven. But this I believe: for those whose crossdressing is fetish-driven, they know it.
Webster says a fetish is:
So, if you need to be dressed for complete sexual gratification then you have a fetish. Otherwise, you do not.an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
Dressing as I do (as a normal 50ish woman) is not sexually gratifying for me. It is a compulsion, but has no sexual component.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Eryn, I'm not going to argue with Webster (how did that cute little kid have time to write a dictionary?), but not all sources insist that the object is required, just that the object can bring about sexual arousal. Also, having a fetish doesn't necessarily have to interfere with a "normal" sex life; in fact, fetishes can enhance bedroom activity.
But, like most other things, out of control isn't a good thing.
It seems that those who don't dress for sexual pleasure never fail to mention that, as if someone might think they do, absent the disclaimer. It ain't leprosy.
Hi Nicole, Now that was really funny I almost fell off my chair laughing.
Last edited by Eryn; 08-10-2012 at 10:42 PM. Reason: fixed tags
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Actually, you should be arguing with me because I interpreted the definition wrong. Note the word "may" that I passed over.
Still, I think that most crossdressers over the age of (20, 30, 40, pick one) derive little or no sexual gratification from dressing.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Rose, there's a plus side here! These people know you are a cross dresser and the hill billies haven't shotgunned you to death.
I'm kinda glad she hasn't been shot gunned at all! Let alone to death...
:-p
-J
God gave me free will, my choices are my own. Knowing right from wrong takes a lot of prayer and study. I refuse to accept or make excuses for my own actions, desires, or beliefs.
"life begins at the end of your comfort zone." - Neale Donald Waslch
Ok so here's my take....and it's not my words...."what were once vices. Are now habits "
I'm just curious, Rose. If you're a "newbie" how do u KNOW you you're NOT a fetish dresser?
Especially since the definition of what that is is not set in stone?
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Sorry I am new hire but I also have the same doubt about stockings (I like to wear it) but may be for me that it is in one part fetish and in total CD??
For some it is a fetish. For others, it's a journey to find who they really are. For me, it's a journey to see if I am who I think I am. My parents are old school. They will say it's ok to be whatever you want, but willl turn around and say it's just wrong. Men are supposed to be men, and women are to be women. Republicans...sheeesh, don't even get me started. Anyway, only you can decide what it is. Go for it though!
I suspect you're right, and I would tend to pick the higher number of years, maybe even higher than 40. But who knows? If there are crossdressing men driven solely by their particular fetishes, I would think that their numbers would be hard to determine, and would derive little in the way of support on this forum which seems to me is becoming more and more geared to feminine identity type crossdressers rather than pleasure dressers.
Many crossdressers say that their dressing once had a sexual component to it, but in later years it diminished and sometimes disappeared completely. When we're young, it seems that everything is sexual, as the hormone floodgates are wide open.
There are crossdressers who always identify as men, but just like to dress up occasionally, and don't have that internal feminine identity. Without that feminine identity, what's left to drive the dressing except sexual arousal (OK, some dress for comfort, they say).
I would expect fetish-driven crossdressers, who dress in private, never go out, don't try to pass, etc. have little reason to seek forum support, and their numbers would be hard to determine. But I think there are lots of them.
It really doesn't matter what someone else says. They don't define you..you do.
That is right you also answered my post with similar question and thank you for that. But I think the reason why we are asking for opinion on other on this forum is to change minds and idea with people which are similar to us and that is good also is good that forum as this exist.
Addendum. DSM V
Check out the part about what it is accompanied by:
...cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision....aspx?rid=189#
Last edited by TeresaL; 08-11-2012 at 10:20 AM.
People that won't listen to how it is for you personally, and say that "it's a fetish" or tell you to ''let it go'' are either being arrogant (by assuming that they know better than the person who's doing it) or they really just don't understand you at all and so apply the tired old "standard response" of saying whatever they've been lead to believe by popular opinion in society and the media.
For many crossdressers, dressing has nothing to do with sexual gratification, it can even lead to a destroyed marriage, or a lost career, or restructured family relationships. That's a pretty high price to pay for something that is supposed to be just a fetish. Do you think people would knowing allow all of that to happen if it was "only a fetish". The truth is it's not a fetish for most people, it's deeply rooted in our personalities. There are many different places on the gender identity scale, and many of us lie somewhere between all-male and all-female.
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
Rachel (#23, just above), I agree completely. There are many crossdressers who are driven by their fetishes, and there are many whose femininity is "deeply rooted in our personalities". But even if it is fetish driven, it's not "just a fetish", and expecting a pleasure dresser to "let it go" is like telling a feminine identity dresser to "let it go".
People can have an academic understanding of different aspects of crossdressing without have the personal understanding. I don't have a deeply rooted internal feminine personality, but I have a personal understanding of the pleasures of dressing driven by fetishes.
Personally, I believe that there's always a thread of sexuality in our gender presentation. Sexuality has to do with the way we relate to others—even a polite hello to a man or woman has a sexual element. This doesn't mean it's erotic, but it's sexual. Sexuality is a source of energy and doesn't disappear when we're 30 or 50 or 90. So, while crossdressing may not be "just a fetish," it certainly has a sexual dimension, and I say thank God for it.
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