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Thread: And then the fall.......

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Unhappy And then the fall.......

    Well.... it's been a week since I told my GF about Amy. She went camping with some friends over the weekend and had some time to think about it. She told me tonight that its a deal breaker. Its not something that she would be comfortable with. Its not that she isn't accepting, but she just isn't attracted to that. With that being a part of who I am, there is a part that she isn't attracted to. She said that she still would like to be friends with me, and not being friends would be a tragedy. She even said that she would like to go out as friends while I'm dressed sometime. So.... at least I still have a friend.

    While I'm glad that I have gotten that part out of the way early. I'm still really feeling down and critical of myself. I knew that this was one of the possible outcomes. better now than later. Its just so damned depressing having something like this be the straw that broke the camels back. She said she likes everything else about me. That didn't make this any easier....

    Every guy in the world would be ok if his girl put on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt, ball cap, and no makeup. She could look manly as she wanted to. We would be ok with that. In a lot of cases that would even be considered sexy, but a dude in a dress is just a freak. Its such a double standard. Wish it wasn't so.... Preaching to the choir. I know.

    I'm a little upset about this, but glad that it wasn't after we were married (no offense to anyone who is married and trying to come out!) Or a year down the road. She did tell me that she was glad I told her so early on. I'm not sure where to go with this.... Don't worry I'm not thinking of doing anything dumb. I'm not that upset or emotional, but still a little upset about it all.

    I know there are women out there that can accept me. I just wonder if I'll ever find one before I'm old and decrepit. Maybe I'm suppossed to be alone...
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  2. #2
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
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    Man that sucks. Feel bad for you. I still think you did the right thing. When you can face it, maybe arange one of those "dress up dates" let her see you in your "female" persona, maybe she'll see it isn't the freak show she fears?

    Not suggesting you keep hope alive for that, but, it could happen.

    My friend and i have actually moved onto something more, not telling you that to make you feel bad, or jealous, but just to say, there are girls who don't get turned off when they see your panties!
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  3. #3
    Member Nataliebabe's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear that things didnt work out Amy. Good on ya for being honest with her! There are plenty of fish in the sea. Someday the right one will come along. The "friend" thing is sometimes tough to do. I was once told, "Always try to make at least on friend wherever you go".

  4. #4
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ jessicapaige's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn View Post
    Every guy in the world would be ok if his girl put on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt, ball cap, and no makeup. She could look manly as she wanted to. We would be ok with that. In a lot of cases that would even be considered sexy, but a dude in a dress is just a freak. Its such a double standard. Wish it wasn't so.... Preaching to the choir. I know.
    It really is quite the double standard... maybe we should all move to Thailand where every style is celebrated.

    I'm sorry to hear things went that way for you. It sounds like you have the best attitude anyone could expect at a time like this... and you're far from old and decrepit.

  5. #5
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    At least she said she can still be friends with you. If I read this right, she did mention that she wanted to see you in your womens clothes? Maybe that will turn things around, who knows. You did the right thing though. Anything is possible if you put your mind too it. Dont be so upset about it. You gotta remember though that she still wants to be friends, you never lost your friendship with her. Sorry it didnt work out the way we all hope for though. Take care.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Michelle V's Avatar
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    Curse the friends, pretty sure she brought it up to her friends and got a bunch of opinions that influenced her decision. I would defenetly take her up on going out with Amy, it may be hard for your male side but great for Amy, who knows maybe she will come around and enjoy all of you, if not at least you will have a friend to go out with, win win situation from where I'm standing

  7. #7
    Aspiring Overlord Bree Wagner's Avatar
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    Amy,

    I'm sorry to hear that it didn't end up the way you were hoping but it sounds like you're handling it really well. Even though it didn't work out having a friend and ally can be invaluable. You'll find someone right soon enough.

    Good luck!

    -Bree

  8. #8
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Amy, u have a wonderful attitude about this! Many guys would beg, hang around, drive the girl crazy just because she wants to remain friends! However, u clearly see what she means. It's over! And, she's just being nice! I know folks that have gone from being friends to lovers, but NEVER the other way around!

    Here's something u MAY NOT KNOW! I'll bet your dressing WASN'T the deal breaker! Rather, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. As u so aptly stated! Meaning there were LOT'S of other issues that worried her BEFORE she found out about your CDing!

    When it's not rite, it's simply NOT RITE! And, no amount of unilateral effort by ONE PARTY in a relationship will make it work!

    U and her BOTH seem very mature! I think you'll go on to have happy, successful lives! Keep in touch with her! See if I'm rite!?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Yeah, its not the end of the world. I plan on taking her up on the offer of going out with Amy sometime. I think it would be fun! But its still very disappointing.. I can't help that I'm not overly happy about the end result. But I appreciate her honesty. At least she thought it over, and considered it. she didn't just run away sreaming when I told her.

    And actually, she didn't tell any of her friends.
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  10. #10
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear this, it's gotta be a tough thing to take.
    As others have said (and I'm sure I won't be the last) ... it's for the best ... you'll find one that loves both sides of you and it will be wonderful for you both in ways this one never could have been. Hang in there ... and don't have to many drinks LOL (hangover's a biatch!)

  11. #11
    Member max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn View Post
    And actually, she didn't tell any of her friends.
    You know that how? She told you?

    Sorry but the timing of this just screams differently.
    “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

    Mary Anne Radmacher

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Amy, u have a wonderful attitude about this! Many guys would beg, hang around, drive the girl crazy just because she wants to remain friends!
    I always love your insight Sherry! I have always had the mindset that I don't want to force or convince a girl to be with me. I want her to be with me because that's what she wants. I have seen so many people beg and plead to try and keep someone with them. It really just makes it so much harder for both of them.

    I agree, it just wasn't meant to be. There were other things that just weren't going to work as well. It does make me sad, but I'll be ok.
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by max View Post
    You know that how? She told you?

    Sorry but the timing of this just screams differently.
    Agreed. I told her that I was suprised that she didn't tell any of her friends. but either way.... The friends that she was camping with were a bunch of gay men. If anyone could understand they would have! LOL
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  14. #14
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    Amy I feel for you! I hope there is some relationship left for you two! But remember someone must accept you for who you are for it to be true love! The best to you girl! Hugs!
    If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:

  15. #15
    New Member Kyndrie's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear that. I agree that there has to be women out there who would be accepting of your desires. Tomorrow is another day.
    ~Kyndrie

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    To be or not to be...

  16. #16
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessicapaige View Post
    It really is quite the double standard... maybe we should all move to Thailand where every style is celebrated.

    I'm sorry to hear things went that way for you. It sounds like you have the best attitude anyone could expect at a time like this... and you're far from old and decrepit.
    Sad as it may be... it's not a double standard, but rather a personal choice and a personal preference. I applaud the OP for giving his g/f the right to choose up front as to what she may or may not have been comfortable with in an SO.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  17. #17
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You did the right thing - it would be awful to have to hide that part of you

  18. #18
    Happy in life KlaireLarnia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn View Post
    Every guy in the world would be ok if his girl put on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt, ball cap, and no makeup. She could look manly as she wanted to. We would be ok with that. In a lot of cases that would even be considered sexy, but a dude in a dress is just a freak. Its such a double standard. Wish it wasn't so.... Preaching to the choir. I know.
    Sorry to cast a negative aspect but if it was a case of wearing female clothes she may have been able to handle that. That would be the equivalent of her wearing your clothes which you rightly say would not be an issue. But you (by all accounts) present as a female and act accordingly. I think that is where her issue may have laid. It is not double standards, but just that you (and I am not criticising you here) have taken it a step beyond just wearing female clothes to wanting to appear and act female. That could be her issue, not the dressing.

    I know a lot of people won't like me for saying that, but it what I think and it is worth considering.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member RachelPortugal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klaire Larnia View Post
    Sorry to cast a negative aspect but if it was a case of wearing female clothes she may have been able to handle that. That would be the equivalent of her wearing your clothes which you rightly say would not be an issue. But you (by all accounts) present as a female and act accordingly. I think that is where her issue may have laid. It is not double standards, but just that you (and I am not criticising you here) have taken it a step beyond just wearing female clothes to wanting to appear and act female. That could be her issue, not the dressing.

    I know a lot of people won't like me for saying that, but it what I think and it is worth considering.
    I tend to agree with Klaire here.

    Although this does pose the question as to what is the difference between "just crossdressing" and "presenting as female". I know that my wife initially expressed concern about wigs and breastforms, but accepted that it was only an extension to wearing female clothes and that I had no desire to transition.

    Amy, as your now ex-girlfriend is still happy to go out with you as girls together, she may well in time see the extent to which you intend to take your crossdressing and who knows, romance may blossom again when she gets to know the other side of you.
    Rachel,

    As a crossdresser my personality has several facets. Therefore, I suppose I can be forgiven for being facetious.

  20. #20
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn View Post
    Every guy in the world would be ok if his girl put on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt, ball cap, and no makeup. She could look manly as she wanted to.
    But....she would not be trying to present as a male, she wouldn't be packing to try and create a bugle, or have facial hair or have a binder to cover her boobs. You on the other hand are presenting as a woman.

    I am sorry that this has happened, but better now than years down the line for both of you.
    Sandra
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    I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs

    R.I.P Rianna

  21. #21
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    If there is any silver lining here, it is that you did the right thing. I had this discussion with my wife and her comment was that coming out really early in a relationship, while the most fair, also comes at a time when the woman has the least vested in the relationship. It makes it easier to bail out just to avoid the hassle of dealing with it. Remember there are women out there who can handle this. Keep looking.

  22. #22
    Extraordinaire May(be)'s Avatar
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    From what I've heard (from legends and lore), going to a gay club en femme attracts lots of female attention... the good kind, I mean. Maybe you can meet that new person dressed so that it isn't even an issue from the first moment of the relationship. That is to say, unless she expects you to present female all the time, and you don't, and then she is like "What happened to dressing as a woman? I don't want a man who isn't a woman!"

    You know what? Relationships are really hard!

  23. #23
    Member Marlana's Avatar
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    Amy, maybe you just need to connect as friends and she can see that she could love all of you. Sometimes it has to work backwards.

  24. #24
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that she see's this as a deal breaker. But you are wise to get this out in the open now, Before you have built a life together and then find this out, How many time haveyou heard about people that have been married for years and ended up divorced over this.

    So congrats to you for taking the right steps. even is she isn't "The One"
    the right one will come along.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klaire Larnia View Post
    Sorry to cast a negative aspect but if it was a case of wearing female clothes she may have been able to handle that. That would be the equivalent of her wearing your clothes which you rightly say would not be an issue. But you (by all accounts) present as a female and act accordingly. I think that is where her issue may have laid. It is not double standards, but just that you (and I am not criticising you here) have taken it a step beyond just wearing female clothes to wanting to appear and act female. That could be her issue, not the dressing.

    I know a lot of people won't like me for saying that, but it what I think and it is worth considering.
    I for one like that you were willing to put that out there. I agree with you! It is not the same. I was venting a bit. It really doesn't even have anything to do with why she broke up with me. It is more because she can't see herself being with a woman. But I still think there is a double standard here. Imagine a guy wearing a dress who wasn't trying to pass. It wouldn't go well for the poor fella. In fact it wouldn't be very safe either.
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

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