I feel lately I still can't accept myself. When I'm writing on here, it seems easy. But in everyday life, its the opposite. Its like I can't allow myself to figure things out fully. I know I'm bisexual and have a strong desire to be feminine, but the more I think about any of it the more I want to hold back. Does this ever happen to anyone?
Sometimes I start to blame the people in my life. I know they didn't do anything wrong, but when I'm around my guy friends, I can get uncomfortable and sometimes I think too much on what to say..they might even get weird-ed out, which is like a brief nightmare when that happens.... Then theres my ex-girlfriend, who I was very loyal to for years. I still talk to her on the phone and see her once in a blue moon, so my therapist suggested I tell her about my TG-side and she could maybe become a good friend for me at the very least. I don't have any gal-friends, so I thought it was a good idea. But thats been a mixed bag so far. Sometimes she'll seem supportive and sometimes she gets quiet. Even pissy, if I start to wonder why. So I just back off. She said she's had a TG friend in the past and they got along great, so that just makes me feel worse... My living situation also. I live with my Mom, Dad, and Brother and have to hide everything from them. All this makes me want to run the other way and stop embracing myself immediately. I feel like my therapist is my only safe haven right now and that its not enough.. I'm glad I at least have that, but does anyone else get stuck like this?