my parents found out...:'(

[cdlovesy]

So...my parents went in my room and found my stuff... My bras...panties... Thongs... even my makeup. But the worst was when they pull ed out my breast forms and wig... I spent a lot on those two... My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms... It's ridiculous. It's who i am... And we fought for hours that night. I ended up leaving that night staying out for most of the night. I got a friends helped and later the next day i had a lease signed and was moving out.and couldn't find my girlie stiff any where...when we were finished and i packed my bike from the garage my friend noticed all my things in the trash can torn to shreds!! I went into my parents house and asked my father what the hell they were thinking about doing that to my things!! My precious shoes... I saved for months for just the right wig.... But.... My forms?? Like REALLY? we started shouting at each other and it ended up with dad punching me and my mom screaming I'm not their son anymore to get the **** out of their house and never come back. i don't know what to do anymore any suggestions Gurls?? I used to dress to relax and be myself and now i can't, anyone have ideas? I'm barely making enough to get by as it is. Plus never realized living on my own was going to be so lonely

[Tracii G]

Well I'm sorry that happened to you and IMO they acted out of line. They should have asked you why you do this first off.
They seem to be unwilling to accept who you are so that part we know.
Are they religious? what is your age?Have you been a rebellious kid? All this plays in to the scenario here.
Now that you are out on your own all I can say is welcome to the real world.
Yeah its tough and you will have to do all you can to get by.
Everybody has to go thru this so you aren't the only one.
I know it hurts that your parents treated you this way just give them time they will get over it in time and maybe see the error of their ways.
Positive thing here is you are on your own and you have no one to depend on or please but yourself.
Keep posting here for guidance because we all understand how you feel.

[Barbara Ella]

A parent's house brings with it their rules. Hate to say that, and hate even more to see two parents who so unfeeling and unrespecting of you as a person. I feel they still love you, and would bet some money that after some time passes your mom might have something different to say in private. After a cooling off period, contacting her might be useful. I would hope some education of who we are and what we do might help soften her a bit. At least I hope so. Dad's are different.......but sometimes moms can work on them.

It is interesting that even though parents did not love the person you were, and had no respect for their son, they are missed when not there. This will be a difficult period, but just know that you are not totally alone. i see this is your first post. go to the introduction section and say hello to everyone. The girls here are a wonderful support group that will be here for you at all times for whatever you might need to chat about. Let some time pass and see what develops. Do not immediately go back and start arguing again. The damage they did is past and can never be recovered I do not know if their rage is religious based or not, but if so, do not provoke them to the point where they out you to their congregation or friends.

Barbara

[suzy1]

Your parents are incredibly cruel!!! I feel like crying just reading this.
All I can say is you have the rest of your life ahead of you and things will work out in the end. They usually do.
Stay strong and get through this.

Thinking of you, SUZY

[Tracii G]

You do need to do an introduction and send them to this thread if you want.
We are here for you never forget that.

[BRANDYJ]

So sorry this happened to you. The reaction from your parents was a result of them no knowing anything about crossdressing or other gender issues. I don't know them or how loving and close they were to you. It could have been a knew jerk reaction out of common fears that you are gay or a pervert, based on their limited knowledge about the thousands of us that are gender fluid. If they are intelligent, educated loving people in general, they will come around in time. I can only hope and assume they love you as most all parents love their children. Give them time. Have they been good parents up until this sad event? I hope so.
If their reaction is based on over the top religious beliefs, it might be more difficult. I have a brother that I foolishly confessed to about my being a CD. He said he could not have this in his life. He is one of those over the top so called "born again Christians" We went over 4 years of no contact what so ever. Within the last 3 months or so, he had second thoughts and made contact. We now see each other again and are back to being brothers. From a few things he said, I think he has studied up on crossdressing and it is no longer the evil he once thought it was. So there is hope.
Give them time. Things may change for you. For now, leave them alone and let them miss you....and they will. At the same time, at your age, 23 according to your profile, you needed to be out on your own. It's just bad it happened to be a bad way to move out from inder your parent's roof. I wish you luck.

[flatlander_48]

I don't think anyone here would disagree that this is a very sad story. My kids are 37 and 30 and I would find it very hard to react like that with them. After all, they ARE me. So, why did this happen? Who knows. Sometimes people shoot first and ask questions later.

The question is now what happens next? Unless there is some major change in the parents, I don't think you can go back there. This discovery seems to have touched a nerve. The thing to do is to concentrate on moving yourself forward. Whatever you can do to improve your situation is what you have to be working on. While it may be difficult, it is not impossible. Even though it may feel like you're standing hip deep in s++t, you probably have more strength than you think.

"When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde

[Rachel Morley]

My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms. ...... Like REALLY? we started shouting at each other and it ended up with dad punching me and my mom screaming I'm not their son anymore to get the **** out of their house and never come back.

Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. Ok they got angry, but even so. It sounds like you're better off without them (for now anyway). At least you have somewhere to live and no one can tell you what to do or how to dress, and at least you can (eventually) get all of your stuff back. PM me with your new address and I will send you a wig I have have that is very similar to the one in my avatar. Ok it's not new, but it's still in good condition. I'm serious ... it's a $75 wig and you can have it.

Hugs
Rachel

[DameErrant]

Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. Ok they got angry, but even so. It sounds like you're better off without them (for now anyway). At least you have somewhere to live and no one can tell you what to do or how to dress, and at least you can (eventually) get all of your stuff back. PM me with your new address and I will send you a wig I have have that is very similar to the one in my avatar. Ok it's not new, but it's still in good condition. I'm serious ... it's a $75 wig and you can have it.

Hugs
Rachel

cd, please post your sizes; I'm sure that there are a lot of us who can spare a little each to get you started again. I myself have way too many shoes. (Yes, I know, you can't have too many shoes, but I have too many for the space available.)

[BRANDYJ]

Rachel, What a nice gesture on your part. The only problem is that cdlovesy is a new member, I don't think she can send PM's until 10 posts are made.

[Stephanie47]

I think most people who read your posting, no matter what their perception of alternative lifestyles may be, will find your parents reacted in the extreme. I say most because this country is riddled with bigots and worse; two faced bigots. You asked what you should do. First, you need a plan of action. Sometimes a person becomes too comfortable in a given situation and needs a little 'push.' In your situation it is not a 'little push.' It was a big shove.

You were correct to sign and lease to get out of the house. If your community is riddled with bigots, I suggest further relocation to a more accepting environment. I realize times are tough for many people. However, your first goal should be to establish more economic independence. That may mean more schooling. It may be relocating to a better job market. If there is free counseling services in your area, you should seek assistance. You have to deal not only with your cross dressing, but, the manner in which your parents treated you.

[Jeanna]

Wow that really sucks! Keep your head up things will get better

[Tracii G]

I have over 80 pair of jeans ranging from sizes 7-26 yes I was really fat for a while but would love to help if you can use some.
Just let me know what size you wear.

[Princess_Andria]

wow i'm stunned, for them to act the way they did and what they said. I hope you'll be alright but thats quite a shock and to have to witness it aswell =( Just do what you can to get by hun but don't let it question who you are, you've not done 1 thing wrong. Keep your chin up girl x

[Kelli Ca]

I am sorry to hear about your story, sounds like your doing the rightthing though by getting out. Now you will have the freedom to truly be who you are without all the bs reprisal. Hang in there keep posting and reading, you've found a place here for love and support and strength. Post your ten and add friends any thing we can do

[sterling12]

It's not consolation, but they are going to regret what they did! By destroying your things, assaulting you, and "burning their bridges," it will make it damn near impossible to reestablish any contact, let alone any trust! When they cool off, their going to realize how foolishly they handled a difficult situation.

You are now taking a very Big Step, The Stuff you can replace, the loss of Family Ties may be much harder to deal with. I hope you have some siblings or close relatives with a bit more sense! Perhaps they can help you with The Grieving and The Loneliness, which is eventually going to become apparent.

But, on The Positive Side, you are now forced to take a Step which was inevitable. It might be sooner than you want, but now you get a Jump Start on discovering all the facets of your femme self. Oh, and by The Way Kid....welcome to Adulthood! It can be scary, but once you achieve it, you won't want to go back.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Andrea26]

Im really sorry your parents treated you so horrible Im in the same situation as you as I still live with my parents so I can related just give them time to come to terms with who you are and no one can tell you who you can't be

[Taliya]

cdlovesy, I am very saddened to hear your story - made me cry. My parents found some clothes I had when I was 12, and though they did not kick me out of the house, they had a similar reaction, it was so very horrible for me - I remember it vividly though it was 30 years ago. I made it through that and I am doing well. Please know that you are among friends here in the forum. I would love to help you out - as another member has suggested, please post your sizes so that I can offer any clothes that I have that would help.

[kimdl93]

You are going tohave to grow up really fast. I suppose you couLd thank your parents for that. Eventually your parents may come to regret their actions. In the mean time keep your distanc.

[Andrea J]

OMG! That's terrible. My heart goes out to you. I don't know if their reactions were religiously based but if they are Christian, here is a website that discusses how CD's or TS's can defend themselves using the bible:

http://www.drbecky.com/lynnmont.html

Now I don't know the bible so I have to trust this site, but this website details several teachings that almost everybody ignores that are right next to the CD paragraph.

Now, if you do use these arguments, you'll have to be very careful, calm and well thought out about it. People can get very sensitive about religion, as you know. So I'll have to leave it to your own judgement as to if you should mention these arguments to your parents. Perhaps others on this forum can advise.

[reb.femme]

Oh, and by The Way Kid....welcome to Adulthood! It can be scary, but once you achieve it, you won't want to go back.
Peace and Love, Joanie

I got no further than this post. Harsh but unbelievably true. My parents accused my son of being a pedophile when he declared that he was gay. Sometimes, even family members can be nothing better than nasty, horrible scumbags. I'm not sure I would ever want to talk to them again in your situation, but that's only my opinion, not advice. May the road to future happiness now lay before you!

Rebecca x

[Allisa]

My heart is saddened for you this may not be a very popular reply but an assault is just that, an assault,the police should have been notified and with the evidence of your destroyed clothing charges should have been made.If you are worried about being "outed" you then have one less thing to burden you,it's thier embarrassment now not yours for there is nothing to be embarrassed about.This may also fall under the category of a hate crime.You were wronged in so many ways.Sorry I have to go now my blood is starting to boil.All my best wishes and happiness to you,things do get better.Chin up,cheery-o,pip-pip and all that rot.You have friends here,keep us informed.
Bye-Bye,Lisa.

[Julie Gaum]

To CDlovesy: Happy to read much excellent advise being sent your way. Take it to heart and set your priorities. As stated the first one is financial independence which very well may mean that all your CD activity may have to be put on the back burner for months or maybe a few years. Sure there are many kind readers who will donate to a new wardrobe but that may distract some of your energies away from creating a new life so carefully weigh the options and what must be accomplished first! I was fortunate 72 years ago when my stash was found --- folks thought it was just a "phase" and I decided not to run away. For the record what you just went through has happened to tens of thousands of boys not only in our country but all over the world (In fact some parents in other countries had their sons killed so consider yourself lucky.) Eventually, with courage, patience and determination you will achieve all your goals ---luck has nothing to do with it.
Julie

[Tracii G]

You are 23 so you need to be out of the house anyway IMO and doing what you want as far as dressing.
Job, place to live are your responsibility to be honest and I'm not being harsh lots of us were out of the house at 17-18 for various reasons.
At barely over 18 I was eating dirt at Ft Campbell Ky with a drill Sargent up my back side.
As far as the hate crime thing no sense in pushing that suck it up and go on.Its your word against your parents and we all know how the legal system works.
They have homophobic beliefs looks like and that is their problem.
If they seek education and learn they will realize how wrong they were and that is punishment enough.

[the_shark]

And I thought my situation was bad. Wow, this literally took my breath away. Not you nor anyone really deserves that kind of treatment especially over such a delicate issue to begin with. I am so sorry. My deepest condolences go out to you and your heart. Life's tough. Especially with parents and other supporters and non supporters alike. This saddens me in magnitudes that are difficult to explain. Just never forget that you're not entirely alone.
You're among friends and those like yourself here.
We accept you.
Exactly the way you are.
Period.
I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world.
You deserve it after having gone through that.