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Thread: How can I be a good gf to my CD bf?

  1. #1
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    Question How can I be a good gf to my CD bf?

    My bf and I began as friends and became really close very quickly. After ten months of friendship we began dating. Two weeks after we became a couple he told me he was a CD. I was a complicated mixture of feelings. Shock, disappointment, hurt, betrayed. He said he had tried to tell me when we were just friends, but I didn't take it seriously, I just thought he was joking and he didn't make sure that I understood. I am the only person he has told and I know I have a huge responsibility now. My response can greatly impact how he feels about himself and his relationship with others. So, I have tried to be really understanding and find out as much as possible. I've only known for about two months now, but still it feels as though I'm failing to provide him with the support he needs. I've gone shopping with him, and surprised him with a dress too. I let him dress around me, help him with his makeup, let him wear my clothes and lingerie and have even had sex while he's dressed.

    What hurts me is that he's not the person I love when he's dressed and I'm really uncomfortable even though I try to hide it. I've told him that his mannerisms and even the way he talks changes when he's dressed and I don't like it because then he's a stranger. I don't want to get close to him or kiss him. He said he changes because he's too worried about what I think to be natural and he can see in my face that I am uncomfortable. He wants me to let him hold me and to be the same as we normally are, but I just can't help it. This person that I fell for, this masculine, wonderful, amazing person whom I adore, desires to be something that I don't know and am not sure I like and it's scary for me. I love him so dearly, but am terrified that he will want to dress all the time and I will lose the person I'm in love with completely. I also fear for his mental and physical well-being as well, if he choses to go out or if someone else finds out.

    I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to learn as much as possible, but the information is limited and scholarly research on the topic is almost nonexistent. Plus, a lot of the stuff online is, in my opinion, really perverted and that doesn't help me accept him when I see that.

    I'm putting him first in this. I want him to feel comfortable, accepted and loved. Once that is accomplished, I want to be ok too. I just don't understand why he does it.

    Please help! Tell me what I need to do for him and anything you can tell me that will help me understand his thought process would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    GG WifeofWrenchette's Avatar
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    First of all, welcome to the Forum

    The best way to learn is to read posts here. It will give you insight into the mind of a cross dresser.

    You are being supportive by going shopping with him, and surprising him with a dress and allowing him to dress around you, helping him with his makeup, let him wear your clothes and lingerie and have even had sex while he's dressed.

    However, you stated you feel uncomfortable doing these things. He probably senses that. It will take time for you to be comfortable. He has had years, if not his lifetime, to figure out he is a cross dresser and you've only had two months. That is a short time. give yourself some slack.

    When you get 10 posts here you can apply for the FAB (Female at Birth) section and can read other girlfriends and wives perspective on their relationships. That may help you too.
    Define "normal"

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    Hi Hisboo; Welcome to the forum, glad you found us. I hope you will get all your questions
    answered here by all the members. There are many GG's like your self here that you can
    chat with, and get the information you need.
    You are a great person to look for advice on us CDers, Your SO is a lucky one.
    Once you get the 10 posts, join the FAB section, I am sure you will find others with similar
    feelings. Good Luck
    Rader

  4. #4
    Member max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrenchette2 View Post
    He has had years, if not his lifetime, to figure out he is a cross dresser and you've only had two months.
    I'd just like to add that many GGs assume that since he has had so long he must be comfortable with this. It is likely the case that he is very uncomfortable with this aspect of himself as well. Many CD'ers may never come to terms with it, staying deep in the closet their entire lives, combined with vary levels of self-loathing. It is a very difficult aspect to grasp of your own personality. That is likely why he gave up trying to tell you, since trying to reach out takes so so SO much courage in itself, he simply wasn't able to try again.

    Even though this board may seem to have people that are deeply in the closet, I would say that joining a message board in and of itself is a huge step, so what you see here may in fact represent the population of CD'ers who are much more "out" than the general population at large.

    Oh, there is a book that is often recommended here that I haven't actually read myself yet so I can't say what I think of it, but the book is "My husband Betty".

    Sorry if I rambled a bit, if you have more direct questions feel free to ask and I'm sure many members here will try to give their opinions on the answers
    “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

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  5. #5
    Silver Member kittypw GG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    dressed.




    I'm putting him first in this. I want him to feel comfortable, accepted and loved. Once that is accomplished, I want to be ok too. I just don't understand why he does it.

    .
    This my friend, is a plan for disaster. Never put someone's needs over your own. Everyone needs to feel comfortable, accepted and loved including YOU! You may give him the wrong message and it will take a toll on your self esteem. If the relatiohship is worth having then go slow and pay close attention to your feelings about the topic. It's up to him to feel comfortable and accepting of himself. If you don't pay close attention to how you feel then you will end up very hurt and the relatiohship will suffer. As far as understanding why he does it? Well you may never understand. That is why you have to pay very close attention to your needs and feelings within this relationship. This kind of relationship takes more effort than most and it's easy to get lost and confused about things so do not put him over yourself or you will most certainly fail. Just my opinion as I have totally been there.

  6. #6
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    I think you have done enough. You do not need to sacrifice yourself to save him. If you're not into it you're not into it, tell him that before you build up a resentment. It's OK to have boundaries

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    It's something that some women can embrace with open arms
    and some women have a deep hatred for. The ball is in your court now
    there's not much chance that you are going to change him.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  8. #8
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    Be patient with yourself and him. Try to work out an arrangement where each of you can get what you need from each other and allow for some experimentation. And most of all look for ways to have fun with this part of your lives.

  9. #9
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aprilrain View Post
    I think you have done enough. You do not need to sacrifice yourself to save him. If you're not into it you're not into it, tell him that before you build up a resentment. It's OK to have boundaries
    Hello Hisboo, Welcome to the very best place on the Internet to learn more about us CD's. The good, the bad, the weird and everything in between. Over all, you will find may very intelligent, successful caring men and women here that share one common goal; That is to gain acceptance for this thing that none of us really know why we do it. many theories and opinions as to how each of us started. I think I know how and why I did, but can't even be sure that's the whole answer. In every respect, I am a very normal male with this one unusual exception. In all honesty I think this curse or gift depending on how I look at it, has helped me appreciate, understand and respect women more then the average man.

    I understand how difficult it is to see changes in him when he is dressed. A few years ago, I had a male friend that was also a CD. I had spent time at his house with his wife. His wife and I agreed on one thing; That is, neither of us even liked him when he was in fem mode. It really was no fun to be around him while he was dressed. So you are not alone with those feelings... far from it.

    It took a lot for him to tell you. It is perhaps the single hardest thing a man has to tell the lady he loves. But at the same time, I can see where it is even harder for the woman to accept it, understand it and not feel hurt, scared, worried where all this might go. Some wives never accept it. Some end the relationship, some enter into a don't ask, don't tell thing about it. Then some learn over time to not only accept it, but become comfortable enough to even enjoy their man's feminine side. I am one of the fortunate ones that has experienced it with 3 different women, counting my present SO, over the years.

    I can only hope he realizes how special you are. How lucky he is to have you in his life. You are here, you are trying to understand. That alone is priceless. If there is love, respect, trust and appreciation for each other, you and your guy can and will weather the storm.
    I wish you the very best. I am glad you are here. We want to hear more from you. Us CD's learn as much from our valued GG members as you can learn from us. But please, make the mandatory 10 posts and join FAB so you can talk, post and learn from the many other GG members that are in the same situation you are in. Us GM members can't even read that section so you can let your hair down.

  10. #10
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    Its best if you have certain feelings about his dressing to tell him everything.Getting those feelings out there needs to be done for the both of you.
    It is a very hard thing to tell a GF that you have a femme side so he has done the right thing by telling you.
    Now its up to both of you to see if you can make the relationship work.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 08-19-2012 at 09:32 AM.

  11. #11
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    I would say you need to back off on the dressing sessions for a bit and have some time to yourself. I can tell you a short version of my life story. Don't let it scare you because we CD's are not all wired the same way.

    I met my wife many years ago and I told very early in our relationship about this whole CD thing however at the time I was happy to just lay around the house in a fancy sissy dress without makeup etc. I had no desire AT ALL to go out in public so I said to her this is what I need to do to satisfy my urges and nothing more. If she had told me right then and there she couldn't take it then I would have been fine with that and we would have went our seperate ways. My SO was totally fine with the whole thing. The big problem was 21 years later I decided for some reason I needed more from it and wanted to get out dressed in public and I have been out 4 times now. When I'm dressed I take on a different persona!!!!! I definately do not expect my SO to get intimate with me when I do this even though it has happened on occasion.
    A few months ago my wife said to me, "you know I didn't think the CD stuff was going to go this far." I said I didn't think it would go this far either but here I am and I need to do this.

    So now I find myself wanting to dress more than I have done in the past. My wife has her ups and downs with it. She is worried about me being spotted in public and I have an attitude that says so what? I will deal with that if it ever comes up but she doesn't feel that care free about it. I have even heard her say, "this whole thing about going out in public has taken 5 years off my life" and that might be true. My point is your BF might be happy inside the closet right now but might need to expand on this CDing down the road just like me. Remember CDing is selfish nature by itself, even though I am not a selfish person thats just the way it is.

    I'm no marrige counsellor but you need to sit back and ask yourself if you think you can have boundaries in your relationship with this CDing stuff and are you going to be able to stomach this. I don't want to sway your decision I just want to tell you what happened in my case. Cding men do carry their share of baggage into the relationship and at the same time my SO said recently she would never want to live without me.
    Last edited by Launa; 08-19-2012 at 09:41 AM.

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    Hi and welcome. You will get a lot of responses so remember that there is a full spectrum of crossdressers. I am the married, straight, occasional crossdresser. From my perspective, you have simply moved too far too fast. You can be supportive AND move at your pace. It is completely normal and reasonable that you are uncomfortable seeing him dressed. I highly recommend you back up, discuss what you a re comfortable with, and restart. In other words, tell him you don't want to she him in girl mode right now. You can still be supportive. A relationship with a crossdresser starts with you being comfortable, not him. Talk about this a lot. Find out where he thinks he's going with this and what you can handle. If there was a patron saint of crossdressers I think you are it but you do not have to be that. Do a full reset.

  13. #13
    Member Ashley D.'s Avatar
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    First let me say your great for being open.
    I think you need to sit down with her/him and be open about how you feel.
    Let him know your still uneasy with being close when she is dressed.
    Be girl friends when he is dressed and let thing build from there. You are taking a big step she needs to think about your feelings to. Oh and in time the two will mold in to one on you mind.
    Always remimber life is what you make it.
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    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum, read as much a you can work out a relationship that works for both of you.
    Encourage him to go out with you as a male and let him have enough space so as he can further his interests by himself.
    He is not likely to wander but stay with you if you can give him enough rope.
    I wish you success, and read what others are encouraging you to do as well.
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    and beauty will follow.

  15. #15
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    I have tried to be really understanding and find out as much as possible. I've gone shopping with him, and surprised him with a dress too. I let him dress around me, help him with his makeup, let him wear my clothes and lingerie and have even had sex while he's dressed.
    You are being extremely supportive, encouraging, and you participate too! Not many CDers can say that they have an SO who does that. He's very lucky to have you.

    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    What hurts me is that he's not the person I love when he's dressed and I'm really uncomfortable even though I try to hide it. I've told him that his mannerisms and even the way he talks changes when he's dressed and I don't like it because then he's a stranger. I don't want to get close to him or kiss him. He said he changes because he's too worried about what I think to be natural and he can see in my face that I am uncomfortable.
    Ok, I'm missing something here. He changes his mannerisms and attitude when he is dressed, and you don't like that. Ok I get that. He says that he changes because he's too worried about what you think to be natural and he can see it in your face that you are uncomfortable. What? ... too worried to be natural? But it's his changes that are the root cause of his worries about what you're thinking. All he has to do is relax and be the person he normally is ... doesn't he?

    Also it seems weird to me that when he is worried (about what you might be thinking) he changes his mannerisms and he way he talks. I don't know about you but when I'm worried about my SO, my mannerisms and the way I talk don't change to into something that I know my SO dislikes.
    .
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  16. #16
    Senior Member Barbra P's Avatar
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    You might try reading “My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing from the Perspective of a Wife” by Dr. Peggy J. Rudd; about $11 in paperback on Amazon ($8 Kindle). The book may answer some of your questions. The book tells how for Peggy Rudd her husbands crossdressing actually strengthened their relationship and their marriage.

    I agree with kittypw GG and Aprilrain that your needs come first, but that applies both ways. I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and one thing I have learned is that both sides of a relationship have needs. My Wife has needs and I can’t expect her to forego her needs, but I can’t forego mine either – there has to be a middle ground. As April said, boundaries are OK, and maybe not just OK, boundaries may be a necessity.

    I think it is unreasonable for him to think you should act the same around his feminine self as you do around his masculine self. I can completely understand why you might find being intimate with his feminine side more than just uncomfortable. One recurring scenario that keeps appearing on the forum is having a “girl friend”, not a gf/bf girl friend but a gf/gf friend, someone with whom they can spend some girl-time. Someone to have coffee (or a glass of wine) with and discuss makeup, clothes, etc; maybe go shopping; maybe do each other’s toenails. If you can be comfortable doing that I don’t think your bf can ask for more.

    That is where boundaries come in, you establish what you are comfortable doing and see if that is sufficient to meet his needs. If his needs can be met within your established boundaries than maybe your relationship can continue, if not then it might be time to move on. Your relationship will never grow if one or the other of you is uncomfortable with the circumstances. If he insists on being intimate when he is dressed enfemme than maybe he has issues that run deeper than being just a crossdresser; although it is quite common for men, especially younger men, to be turned on when dressing. You might point out to him that you are heterosexual and have no lesbian feelings and being intimate with another woman turns you off. Let him know that he will have a lot more satisfaction as a man with you than as a woman. You can be (whatever his feminine name is) friend but not her intimate friend.

    You might run across a phrase on here, “The Pink Fog”, and it refers to a period when a CD has a particularly strong urge to dress. Pink fogs seem to come and go and your bf might currently be in a pink fog right now. For the first time in his life he has told someone, someone he cares for, about his crossdressing, and it feels like a great weight has been lifted. He probably wants to experience not only the freedom he is feeling but share his feminine side with you. In time the pink fog may begin to lift and he may not need to dress as often and he may spend more time as his male persona.

    One other thing I would suggest is that you encourage him to get his own clothes and makeup and to stop borrowing yours.
    Babs

  17. #17
    Member max's Avatar
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    I was thinking a little more about this and was wondering, have you tried being super supportive of his masculine side? Not saying things like "I like this side better" or shit like that, I mean making him feel like a stronger man and supported when he is his masculine self? Many women just take that for granted. Perhaps trying to make him feel really supported and that he has a strong and worthwhile masculine persona will make him feel more comfortable spending more time in that persona?
    “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

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  18. #18
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    Hisboo, Welcome.

    There is one thing you will find while scrolling through this site. Once a cross dresser, always a cross dresser. As a male cross dresser since my teen years (fifty years now), I wish I was not a cross dresser. I do not know why I am. I have some beliefs that are not grounded in science or psychology. I have been married for over forty years. My wife did dabble in my fetish, yes a fetish at the time, until it became obvious to both of us, there was something more than a fetish developing.

    I would never impose my cross dressing, which now includes full feminine attire and wig with some makeup thrown in on occasion, on my wife. The entire idea makes her uncomfortable. We are in the classic "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. I would feel very uncomfortable and self centered if I choose to 'force' myself on her. It is a private thing for me. It is a non starter for her. And, yes, she has said, if she had known, she would not have married me. If I knew certain things about her, I would not have married her either. However, we have had years together to grow together. That may be the 'blessing' for many cross dressers who 'fess up' later.

    If it makes you uncomfortable, then it is time for him to become semi closeted. It is time for him to not appear before you en femme. You cannot force yourself to accept or participate in something that makes you uncomfortable. Once you have seen this side of him, you cannot forget it. Any mental image you have will become part of the baggage in the relationship.

    Frankly, if he wanted to be with you before revealing his cross dressing, then he should be willing to put the dress back in the closet. There is absolutely no reason that anyone should participate in anything that makes the person uncomfortable.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by kittypw GG View Post
    This my friend, is a plan for disaster. Never put someone's needs over your own. Everyone needs to feel comfortable, accepted and loved including YOU! You may give him the wrong message and it will take a toll on your self esteem. If the relatiohship is worth having then go slow and pay close attention to your feelings about the topic. It's up to him to feel comfortable and accepting of himself. If you don't pay close attention to how you feel then you will end up very hurt and the relatiohship will suffer. As far as understanding why he does it? Well you may never understand. That is why you have to pay very close attention to your needs and feelings within this relationship. This kind of relationship takes more effort than most and it's easy to get lost and confused about things so do not put him over yourself or you will most certainly fail. Just my opinion as I have totally been there.
    Great advice for any relationship! Very well written and thought out Kitty

  20. #20
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Thank you for being brave enough to post and caring enough to try. I hope you try the fab (female at birth) part of the forum - you will find great support and much wisdom there

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    thanks!

    Thanks everyone for your responses! I have a billion questions and concerns.

    We have discussed a few nights ago slowing down. It was probably my fault that we went fast to begin with. I encouraged him to dress in front of me because I wanted him to know I loved him no matter what and that I was going to support him.

    I found that I preferred him to wear my clothes around me (he only has a few things of his own anyways) because I was more comfortable with the types of clothes that I wear as opposed to his. (I am a pretty conservative woman whereas his taste are far more sexy and provocative)

    After chatting on omegle with other CD's, I suggested to him, that maybe we should breakup so he could be with someone who was into CD, but he said this wasn't that big of a deal, it wasn't worth losing our relationship over. I just don't know how it couldn't be a big deal.

    As far as emphasizing his masculinity, believe me he knows how much I love his masculine size. I don't know how I could praise him more. He really is one of those ultimate guys' guys.


    Here are some more direct questions:
    1) What does it mean to tell someone. After all these years and other girlfriends and close friends to talk to, why did he tell me after only two weeks of dating?
    2) Is it possible to maintain a relationship if I preferred not to be involved?
    3) Is this more about being a female or the clothes just feeling nicer?
    4) Will there come a time when everyone he knows should find out? Will he want to tell everyone?
    5) Is CD always a sexual thing? Is it just a turn on or what?
    6) Can you describe how it feels to dress? Like is it a thrilling feeling?
    7) I've suggested that he get clothes that are made for men but look like women's clothing so it will fit better. He is not interested, he wants legitimate women's clothing. Is that true for you too and why?

    Going to work on getting the ten posts.
    And am planning to buy those books after I get paid!

  22. #22
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Hisboo, I'm afraid you're asking us the wrong questions! We can answer questions about CD/TG/TSs. If u wish to know about why and/or what motivates your BF to dress, we MAY be able to help! Altho, his posting here would help us be more accurate! Otherwise, we're pretty much shooting in the dark!

    "I'm putting him first in this. I want him to feel comfortable, accepted and loved. Once that is accomplished, I want to be ok too."

    This seems to be the crux of your questions. Can u accomplish that over the long term? Unfortunately, only U can decide if u can handle a BF that acts as yours does. Remember, you're seeing different sides of the SAME MAN u were attracted to. As your relationship continues, more facets of his personality will be revealed. Can u handle that? If u r uncomfortable with how he is now, it's likely you'll find these things MORE REPUGNANT as time goes on.

    He won't change and u shouldn't! If it all gets to be too much for u, say goodbye ASAP!!

    I see u posted again while I was writing this, Hisboo! Now that you've asked better questions for us, you should get more accurate answers!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 08-19-2012 at 12:46 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  23. #23
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to the forum. For starters I can tell you that your bf is trying to be as truthful as possible in not hiding his dressing. I can't tell you for certain why he, or any other male has the desire to wear womens clothes. As a lifelong crossdresser, I've been searching for that very answer, and all I know is that we're hard wired to both genders and that dressing is an expression of our feminine side. For some it's a comfort zone, others my use it as a sexual release and for some it's a first step in complete transition.

    I understand how confusing and painful it is for you to cope with this new information and the only thing I can reccommend is to keep the lines of communication open and talk about it in a non judgemental manner. Try to get into his heart as well as his mind to get a better understanding of him and his dressing. Also try to find positive attributes that caused your love and focus on those and you might be able to see beyond his desire to dress. There's no known cause for this desire but I can say with certainty that the desire will never go away.

    I wish you both the best of good fortune in your relationship and that you can somehow come to terms in this facet of his life.
    Luv and Jill


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  24. #24
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    Welcome Hisboo

    I'll take a shot at a few of your questions but you have to realize that everyone here on the forum dresses for a different reason. If you haven't already, look up the topic of "transgender" on Wikipedia. It at a minimum sets out a vocabulary and introduces you to the Benjamin scale. Now to your questions:

    1) What does it mean to tell someone. After all these years and other girlfriends and close friends to talk to, why did he tell me after only two weeks of dating?
    Telling is an intensely personal and risky action. At a minimum it shows he trusts you not to belittle him with what is potentially damaging information

    2) Is it possible to maintain a relationship if I preferred not to be involved?
    Probably not, especially if you become resentful or jealous of the "other woman".

    3) Is this more about being a female or the clothes just feeling nicer?
    Female clothing does feel more comfortable. Just compare a pair of nylon fem-briefs to the rough cotton BVDs. Fem jeans are softer and also have stretch.

    4) Will there come a time when everyone he knows should find out? Will he want to tell everyone?
    Maybe... this is an individual situation.

    5) Is CD always a sexual thing? Is it just a turn on or what?
    It usually starts that way in pre-adolescence but over time it just becomes a part of your life. I dress in plain-fem clothing almost all the time because I like the cut of the jeans and shirts. The colors are also prettier.

    6) Can you describe how it feels to dress? Like is it a thrilling feeling?
    Now it is just a feeling of comfort.

    7) I've suggested that he get clothes that are made for men but look like women's clothing so it will fit better. He is not interested, he wants legitimate women's clothing. Is that true for you too and why?
    Fem jeans can look just like mens jeans but the cut and material is different. I needed to restock my jeans supply after losing 20 pounds and the sale racks at Kohl's were a godsend. In the end this depends on his body shape.

    Not an authoritative set of answers but I am 66 and have been a CD-er for well over 50 years now. The intensity grew and ebbed but I stayed in the closet for most of the time because of family and job issues. I'm retired now and I told my wife a few years ago. She was shocked at first but has come to understand this side of me, especially after reading on this site.

    Good luck and keep the communication lines open,
    Sandra1746

  25. #25
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Central Illinois
    Posts
    5,709
    Thank you so very much for joining and posting such a thoughtful set of your thoughts. You have received the best advice possible in the posts I read here, and I read all of them as I am working on my relationship with my wife, so I will just relate my experience and answer some of your las questions from my perspective.

    I realized I was a crossdresser almost a year ago. I cam out to my wife of 41 years 3 months later. Coming out to someone you love or are very close to is the single most difficult thing we have to do. Her first reaction was to laugh to me, as she was sure I must be joking, Realizing I was serious, she cried for two weeks, and considered leaving. Over these two weeks, she read a lot and we talked quite a lot. Intellectually she is totally behind me. Emotionally she is devastated, but she felt she could support me. Me bought clothes, makeup, shoes together. She was fine with me dressing, and she was behind forms and wigs. I was doing so much more than i ever thought I would because she was with me. Well, the emotions won out, and she retreated to a Dont Ask Dont Tell (DADT) attitude in terms of knowing or seeing anything to do with my dressing. , while being totally supportive of me intellectually. I do not dress in front of her. We are just now talking about it again, and she can joke about it. She does the laundry with me, and sorts my lingerie without a concern. I can go out only if I drive to another town, get a room, and dress, and go out. I did not want to go out at first, but being pushed so fast, it just developed.

    It hurt to lose her support after developing my dressing so much more rapidly than would have happened if I was hiding it. I am glad she knows, and I can deal with the logistics to keep my female side satisfied.

    You need to set boundaries. Let him dress without you if you feel that way. It should not be a big deal. Let him know that you support him. If you can shop with him, do it It will let him know you are with him. Your boundaries need to be set to keep your sanity, and recognize that this is something he must do, so don't try to stop him, just dont participate if you dont want to.

    Questions
    1. It means he does feel a close relation may be developing and he wants to know if this will scare you off. Better now than years into a marriage with children.
    2. Yes, if you maintain a level of support and he knows you are there for him.
    3. It varies for each individual, and must be discussed. I just feel complete, and it is not sexual.
    4. there is no set time, and no set in stone edict that anyone else needs to know. It is an individual thing.
    5. For many it is sexual. For many it is not. As I said, I feel completed and at rest when I can dress
    6. The more fully I dress, the more relaxed i become. I feel the most comfortable when fully enfemme, and the 4 times I went out fully dressed, I was actually more relaxed than at any other time (even if the heart was racing)
    7. I am not interested in man clothes. I have realized I have a female presence in me, I am transgendered, and my female presence needs to be dressed, and it is not so much about looking, as it is about abeing or feeling, an dknowing that I am wearing man's clothes does not appeal to me when I dress.

    I know this is long, and I apologize. You are a strong beautiful soul for coming here. The race is to the slow and steady. Your emotions are the tender ones right now, and he is aware of that. Recognize his basic needs, but do not feel obligated to participate in his ultimate fantasies.

    Hugs, and kisses, you are special.

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

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