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Thread: Online dating advice needed

  1. #26
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I have to admit that being a member of this forum and participating to the extent that I do, sometimes I lose sight of how it is in the real world. Since I wouldn't think twice about dating someone who is gender non-conforming (and most of the GGs that I talk to here stay in marriages with gender non-conforming husbands), I guess I sometimes lapse into thinking that most other GGs would find it no big deal.

    I agree with Heatherdress, Nini, & Kim though, after reading their posts and being brought back to reality. It is best to develop an emotional connection with someone first, before telling. This is how it was with my SO and I. I knew him for some time before our relationship reached the next level and he told me about the CDing.
    Reine

  2. #27
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    It is best to develop an emotional connection with someone first, before telling. This is how it was with my SO and I. I knew him for some time before our relationship reached the next level and he told me about the CDing.
    Ah yes, but what if it turns out the woman doesn't like the idea of crossdressing, but other than that she seems to be the one? At that point, us CDs have to make a hard decision.

  3. #28
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    It's tricky, deciding when to tell. Hopefully it is when feelings begin to deepen enough on both sides and the GG is interested enough in the CDer to want to learn more, even if she is a little shocked. If she doesn't go for it, then there hasn't been too much investment in the relationship and they can each move on, relatively unscathed. But certainly the disclosure should happen before their relationship has become so enmeshed as having reached the point of wanting to get married (or living together) or worse, after having gotten married.

    Or ... if a CDer is open enough about the CDing to friends, family, and work, then it might be a good idea to say something about it in a dating profile. I guess it all depends on the size of the closet and also the milieu the CDer lives in and the progressive values of his friends. I imagine it would be more difficult to do this if a person lives mostly among people who have rather traditional gender views.
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-06-2012 at 10:58 PM.
    Reine

  4. #29
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    I knew already that my SO was hiding something. Maybe I have a radar for this, but I knew there was something. And later he admitted he had wanted to tell me so many times before. I'm glad we got to know each other first. And yes, maybe you'll tell someone you're in love with and they're horrible about it. But not telling is not solving that.
    I guess it is as with all people who meet someone new: can you really accept the other person for who they are? And yes, maybe someone has done jailtime etc., etc.. We all have our crosses. For some of you CDing might feel like a possible dealbreaker For me it would be other stuff What I'm trying to say is, we all have our secrets and stuff that has happened. Let's hope we have accepted them and have grown from them and let it be an addition to our relationship, instead of perceiving it a possible dealbreaker.

    I believe that the right person for you is someone you can be yourself with (and vice versa) and someone you accept and accepts you. And no, that doesn't mean you have to agree on everything or can't want different things. Of course not! But a great relationship is one where you can explore, communicate and love one another. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't work out. But I still believe that every relationship will have brought you something, great lessons to be learned in all encounters.

    Do what feels right, Amy, that's the only advice I can give you and have fun! Better to regret what you did than what you didn't do

    And yes, please, keep us posted! Hope you meet a great date!!

  5. #30
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nini View Post
    I knew already that my SO was hiding something. Maybe I have a radar for this, but I knew there was something.
    ([SIZE="1"]I think it's called a woman's intuition[/SIZE]).
    Reine

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Amy R Lynn's Avatar
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    If we're not having fun, then we are doing something wrong! When I told her and she didn't accept it, I really was sad, but I knew that we could still be friends. So. I at least have a good friend now.

    And I will continue doing what feels right! Thank all!
    "Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
    ~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland

  7. #32
    Gold Member JenniferR771's Avatar
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    Good advice. Amy, be prepared to have her search online for your background. She may want to know of any criminal history, stretches in the mental ward and so forth. I am not sure if this site would show up--depends on the searching method and search company she might eventually hire, I suppose.

    And don't forget the most important item: mention that you have a stable job and adequate money; don't exaggerate, but maybe "well fixed". And if curvy is acceptable--say so. If she has kids--is that OK?

  8. #33
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    im totally open!! i prefer to be alone all of my life, rather to hide a part of me thats ME if a woman cannot give me the chance to be manly, nor see how fair i really am, then shese just MEAN I dont have to be a woman in bed of course. 90 percent of the time anyhow, when women find out, THEY DON'T ACCEPT AT ALL, then we lost a friend to.

  9. #34
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    Also, Im looking to date Tg and bi women. Straight women may become good friends if they just give us a chance.

  10. #35
    Young Senior Citizen Elsa Larson's Avatar
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    I'm on OKCupid as a woman seeking men and out myself as T in my profile. I have heard from a few nice men and a lot of scammers. I have contacted several local tall men who have politely refused my advances. And I have exchanged messages with some interesting local bisexual women.

    I am also on two other free dating sites (including PoF) as a man seeking women. Since I started living full-time as a woman, I changed my profile and pictures on those sites and have gotten some nice messages from women.

    I am also on a site specifically for people who want to meet tgirls. The results are about the same as OKCupid.
    What's between your legs and what you like to do with it is your business, not mine. Please give me the same courtesy.
    Everyone who refers to sexuality as a preference reveals their own bisexuality.
    I hope to live long enough to see a time when one's sexuality or gender identity is no more important than one's religion or politics.
    DO link up with your local support group. It's an easy way to meet similar people, help others, educate the public and be part of the political process.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/tallelsa/

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