Need serious advice in cding and having a relationship with a gg

[KristyN]

Hey girls!

Recently my gg gf and i have been doing a lot of research for couples who the female is gg and the male is a crossdresser. My gf and i had been stable and shes supportive of my cding, but being initially attracted to male she has to take time to get used to me en fem. We follow rules that we agreed to so we can enjoy normal dating and also some cd girls time, trying to keep our relationship healthy and balanced. I would eventually like to have a family of my own and have kids, so im not considering trans or altering my body.

Sometimes my gf and I hit obstacles and cannot quite find any reference as to how to maintain relationship as a cder. I have been reading on cases in the forum, some of them are sad, either the cding habbit led to a divorce or a long time struggle between the husband and wife. We also read different books about cders who had a stable relationship or married, they are either ended up dressing full time or the wife sacrifice her happiness to let him do whatever he wanted. I cherish the relationship my gf and I have and we are constantly trying to find a way to keep our relationship healthy.

Since there are so little reference out there i am asking if any one here can offer us some guidelines. Is there anyone who is in years of stable relationship or marriage willing to share how to successfully achieve a balanced relationship? I'm sure my gf and I were not the only one here trying to find answers to this.

[Princess_Andria]

OK this may seem silly me answering this as i'm not married but i have been in a relationship with my girl for quite some time now. Balance should come naturally, if you're trying too hard to balance things out then obviously something isn't right. You both need to be happy with whats going on, so no sacrificing anyones happiness. Really the best thing to do in situations like this is sit down with SO have a deep conversation. Even if you were to find a happily married well balanced GG & CD what they do might not work for you. Talk it out, get to the main issues and find a solution. Me and my SO don't have any problems like this so i gues i'm lucky that she's into it just as much as i am. But as i said the best you can do is talk it out, about now & the future. Sorry i couldn't be more of help

[Eryn]

I cherish the relationship my gf and I have and we are constantly trying to find a way to keep our relationship healthy.

Since there are so little reference out there i am asking if any one here can offer us some guidelines. Is there anyone who is in years of stable relationship or marriage willing to share how to successfully achieve a balanced relationship? I'm sure my gf and I were not the only one here trying to find answers to this.

Not all knowledge is in books and on the 'net. Your situation is likely unlike any other, but the thing that will make your relationship successful is that fact that you and your GF are communicating with each other and obviously care about each other.

[KellyJameson]

Are you able to talk about the "obstacles" ?

[Lux]

Absolute honesty is the foundation for sure. Constant communication are the walls and respect and love for each other are the roof! At least that is what makes our relationship work. I can't fully describe it but the more she accepts my cding the less likely i have the urge to buy things, dress more frequently or get into the 'pink fog' too often. Not sure if that makes sense. It just seems to be more of a balance now. She works at it though. For example she makes sure we go out regularly dancing all dressed up (so much fun) and last year took me to SCC in Atlanta! She is amazing and that makes me do things for her that make her happy. I guess it is like any relationship..you get back what you put into it. Also maybe try a local Tri Ess chapter if you have one. Good luck!

[heatherdress]

I agree with Eryn. My wife is fully supporting of my crossdressing.

[ReineD]

This, from someone who is not married:

Balance should come naturally, if you're trying too hard to balance things out then obviously something isn't right. You both need to be happy with whats going on, so no sacrificing anyones happiness. Really the best thing to do in situations like this is sit down with SO have a deep conversation.

You and your girlfriend are bound to have differences over the CDing sometimes. You may want to take it a step or two further than she feels comfortable with, and dress more often, or buy more things, or change your male appearance in some way (laser beard removal, pierced ears, longer hair, growing out your nails, or keeping all of your body shaved all the time). Or you might experience a time in the future when your urges to CD will be stronger than they are now and you will not be happy in guy mode, and your girlfriend may not immediately be able to understand this. A number of scenarios may develop where you and your girlfriend will be on different pages.

If you both always keep your relationship a priority and are mindful of each other's needs and comfort levels, wherever this might be, then you will navigate all of this successfully. You might need to slow down a little and she might need to stretch a little, but the priority you both place on each other's happiness and well-being will not cause either of you to feel as if you are sacrificing your own needs. Just be sure to have an open heart with each other, communicate, and always tell the truth.

[JohannaSophia]

My wife and I just celebrated our 45Th anniversary. I try to accept her as the woman she wants to be. She likes to shop with the girls but has no sexual attraction to other women or to me in girl mode. And she is not turned on by assuming a masculine roll so even though I like that I reserve it for a special treat

Some trial and error and flexibility and a lot of communication are essentials.

[Babeba]

To be honest, the stories you read most in the forum are when people feel they need support. Yes, the 'it was okay when I told my gf/wife, we will see what happens next' posts happen too, but generally those stable happy people you are looking for don't feel the need to post incessantly about it.

Crystal and I have been dating 2.5 years, and I've known that long. We are happy with each other and in no small part it's because we talk all the time and we listen to each other. We try to find nice things to do for each other and do them: I mean things which are very personal and relevant, not the red-roses-and-chocolate romance. Her first gift to me was a potato masher, because he overheard that I didn't have one and using a fork to mash potatoes was a pain. It was very romantically presented, and the darn (wonderful!) thing has been lugged through each of my (5!) moves since then!

[Beverley Sims]

One problem to look at is down the track where you both share each others interests equally now, this is likely to change as you are likely to want more girl time.
If your GF goes along with this ok, but otherwise tread carefully and go slow.
I hope you stay happy together, and you will if you SHARE life together.

[PretzelGirl]

This is one of those things that you just can't go to a reference on. Every relationship is different and the "balance" will be different from one to the other. It sounds like you do start with the right mix to keep the relationship balanced. When the hard times come, you just have to talk through it. Do you feel like you need more time? Is she feeling like you are doing more without discussing it?

The big key is the expectations of the two partners in a relationship. If the two people know what is going on with the other, than the lack of surprises or uncertainty make a relationship move along much easier. When one partner feels that uncertainty has entered the equation, then they end up apprehensive and it occupies their thoughts. Then life tends to become stressful probably for both of you.

So you have started the right path. If anything feels out of sync, just sit down together and work it through. Sometimes it takes more than a sitting, but if you internalize it, you can bet your partner is realizing something is up and internalizing it too. And that is when things get out of balance and it creates negative consequences.

[kimdl93]

Like you've already heard, there is not cookbook for relationships between GGs and TGs. Sure there are common experiences, but each of us, male and female, brings a somewhat different set of values, experiences, desires and interests. The underlying message from everyone above is that a successful relationship of any kind depends upon communication and compromise. If you can recognize issues, talk them through and arrive at a mutually satisfactory arrangement, your relationship can prosper. Its when either the TG or GG member thinks solely of themselves that a relationship begins to suffer.

[Sandra]

*Holds hand up*

I've been married to Nigella a member here for 25 years and have known about her for all but 6 months of the 25 years. Now whilst every relationship is different, we do talk and give and take on both sides. When something goes wrong we sit and discuss it.

[BRANDYJ]

Every couple is different. I have been in 2 previous long term loving relationships and married and divorced in my last after 19 years. My CDing had nothing to do with the reasons to divorce, by the way. Before that, a wife taken from me by cancer. Now in a third loving relationship for the past 5 years. In all, we were good at openly and honestly communicating. In each relationship, we never sat down and made clear boundaries. We got to know what we both wanted or did not want to see about my crossdressing. So you might say that any boundaries we had were unspoken and self imposed. I never wanted to be viewed as less then a man. Less then the man they thought I was and wanted. So it was easy for me to not over do anything or take my crossdressing to a level that would hurt or bother them. In the case of my present SO, she simply said that she has no limits except that it would not be OK for me to go 24/7 or to want to be a woman (transition) Since I never had the desire to transition or live 24/7 as a female, that was easy.
So I limited my time dressing to what I felt would not cause them to think I've gone to far in time invested and taken away from them.

[avant1465]

I think that integrating CD-ing in to the relationship between two people is not all that different than integrating MOST ANY of each person's attribute(s) in to that relationship..... After all.... don't we prefer compatibility in such things as energy level? ... education? ... social doings? ... religion? ... financial approaches? .. And any (or, all) of those details either add to, or lead to the demise of, a successful relationship....

I've had the good fortune of having had more than one relationship in which my CD-ing was accepted (even celebrated!) by my partner,.... and that's lots better than the alternative....

[carnut62]

From reading this site and others for years I would have to say that I have read stories more than once that a GG was accepting to only find out they were accepting becuase they thought it would pass or they got tired of it. I am not saying that is your girlfriend, there are plenty of stories about completely accepting GGs also. Think of the last 2 weeks, how many times have you brought up dressing or the topic and how many times has she? When I want to dress I find myself being selfish in regards to doing anything to get the time to dress.

I told my wife about 10 years ago and it didn't go over so well but she knew. I got into the pink fog and well it hasn't been brought up in 10 years. My recommendation is take it slow, don't go overboard and don't push it, let her set the pace. Research is great and all but every relationship isn't the same, you may have to figure out what works for you two. If your relationship is stressed I wouldn't dress around her for a while.

Just my .02

[KristyN]

Thank you for the speedy reply from everyone. It is certainly more calming to know that there are plenty of couples out there who are doing very well intergrating cding in their lives. Those are valuble informations to me. They also cheer my girlfriend and i up and think that we can make this work for a long time, through sticking with our boundaries and keep her comfortable in a slower pace. Please continue to post girls, these kind of successful stories are so motivating and loving.

[Chickhe]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing by talking about it. I think the largest issue is the shock and pre-conceptions. Just keep it fun and enjoy the experiences and don't make assumptions about why either of you are doing it... just trust and be honest to each other.