R U A Genderholic..?

[Intertwined]

The Genderholic

The Genderholic person has developed a primary love relationship with his Crossdressing, making all other relationships secondary. The Genderholic is processing two main feelings: anger and fear. He is angry because he believes that significant others in his life do not understand him. The Crossdressing is not his problem—it is his solution. Why, he wonders, can't people understand that his problems are his spouse, children, or boss?

At the same time, the Genderholic is under constant fear of losing some things he values: his job (which provides the money for his supply of cloths), his family members (whom he labels as one of his main problems), and his sanity. It is difficult if not impossible to hold on to something that is both a major problem and a highly valued behavior. Strong delusion, no matter how sincere, results in creating chronic, painful emotions of shame, loneliness, and guilt. The Genderholic cannot deal with this overwhelming personal pain, but continues to apply his solution: the crossdressing.

[Cynthia Anne]

Nope! I not be one! I'm proud of who I am! I have no shame in what I do or who I am!

[AllieSF]

Sounds like someone's reasoning for why crossdressing is used to avoid other issues. I understand that the CD part becomes a primary focus relegating other activities to a lower priority. That is a little like the Pink Fog. The dealing with anger and fear, may apply to some, but I would think they would be in the minority. I don't see that crossdressing is a solution. I see that for some it could be a type of escape, and sometimes hobbies are an escape from watching TV all day, a nagging spouse, the pressures from work. I personally see the CD side of me somewhat like a hobby that keeps me focused and happy. Regarding the fear of losing things in one's life, I think that is a common fear for a lot of people who do things far outside the norm. They are worried that if people find out, their life as they know it would change for the worse. I think that is a very common fear for a lot of people, including me sometimes.

Personally, I do not like that definition as it applies to a crossdresser. If what I understand is correct that crossdressing with the Pink Fog, obsessions with most things feminine and the inability to give it up, then it can be considered similar to an addiction. I think that there are a lot more and better explanations that may involve some of those elements. If that came from your therapist, I think it may be time to look for one with gender issues experience. Your description just does not sound right. Good luck.

[Silmaril]

Genderholic? No, not based on the definition you applied. Shopaholic? Probably. Also I think I may have boob-onic plague, but it might just be bra-nchitis. I fantasize about being a muscular dys-trophywife, I'm certain I suffer from stockingholm syndrome, and last spring I had a pretty heavy case of mascaralet fever. It has been suggested that I may be mildly leo-tarded. I fear being stricken by ru palsy, and sometimes wonder if I am titzophrenic. But genderholic? No. ;-)

[Cheryl T]

NO...not at all.
The rest of the things in my life do not suffer because I am who I am. All is part of the whole and being able to be Cheryl helps complete the picture.

[reb.femme]

All a bit deep for a Sunday me thinks.

No definitely not Genderholic, but......
My name is Rebecca Woods and I'm a Chocoholic. I hope the group therapy will assist me!

There, I've said it.

Rebecca x

[kimdl93]

Nope. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife of 13 years, my family and my friends. My work is fulfilling and I have the freedom and acceptance to b myself.

[Karren H]

Nope.... just a normal guy in a dress...

[TxKimberly]

Not really. Of course my wife might say something different but what the hell does she know?
(Yes, that is tongue in cheek)

[Amy Fakley]

The Genderholic person has developed a primary love relationship with his Crossdressing, making all other relationships secondary.

This sounds very similar to a drink I've had called "Pink Fog". Thankfully it seems to wear off after a few days, and I get back to realizing there's whole lot more to me & the things I care about than just my gender issues :-)

[Kate Simmons]

Seems like it's a "band aid" fix in lieu of addressing the real issues.

[Beverley Sims]

Like I do sometimes, you have put all those esoteric phrases together and now I don't understand the question.

[DianeDeBris]

Genderholic? No, not based on the definition you applied. Shopaholic? Probably. Also I think I may have boob-onic plague, but it might just be bra-nchitis. I fantasize about being a muscular dys-trophywife, I'm certain I suffer from stockingholm syndrome, and last spring I had a pretty heavy case of mascaralet fever. It has been suggested that I may be mildly leo-tarded. I fear being stricken by ru palsy, and sometimes wonder if I am titzophrenic. But genderholic? No. ;-)

Very cute and clever! Hope it's OK if I steal and use these gems?

[Love2Dress]

No, but I probably could, if I have the urge continuously

[docrobbysherry]

Don't think so. About all I'll confess to is being an autogeniaphelic!

[ReineD]

Marshall, I can appreciate the 'holic analogy to the CDing (primary emotions felt are anger and fear sprinkled with a good dose of blaming, primary fear is fear of loss, relationship with the self is more important than relationship with others or a Higher Power however that may be defined) ... really this is all good stuff that originated with Bill Wilson, whom I admire tremendously, and it is all stuff that is important to realize if someone is indeed trapped in an addiction.

But, is the expression of an inner self an addiction? Does the fact that society does not understand alternative gender expression and punishes (or does not support) people who are gender non-conforming, make the frustration felt over this a symptom of an addiction? I don't think so.

Still, a CDer who feels frustrated needs to learn to handle his anger, fear, and frustration. But tons of people who are not addicts or compulsives and who also lash out, also need to learn healthier ways to cope with their life difficulties.

Take a look at a CDer, like my SO, who is supported by me and some friends. He feels no anger and no fear. He has come to accept the limitations with living in a society that does not understand, so he has constructed for himself a balanced life, that works for him. There is no blame, no primary relationship with the self. He is, in fact, present and active in many of the political and social issues of the day. He is engaged and enthused about his work. And he is also there for me and my concerns.

All because he has acceptance in his life and she knows she can be herself whenever she wants to.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Heck. I belive that when one accepts who they are you accept all of you. leaveing socity out of this where do you then stand whats there to fear why the anger allways looking inside of your self a deluson of what.

& people not understanding go back to our Renaissance time was there a problem then no, so take those that cant see whats going on in your life , would you then dressing in that time would you still feel the same way then as now, you see those men dressed in more colours brighter & show'e . just they did not try try to be like us women it was accepted never a word to say different.

To show people to day we have to show them our past, & what it was like then , you know its a mind set change thats needed .

The issue i see is of cause will those of you who dress would you just dress only & not try to be like us, who are females & women thats the ? ,

How do you answer that i dought youll say clothes only knowing what i know goes on here. or could just wearing the clothes be enough,

I wear my clothes because i design them make & sew . & then gets to wear them. you see the difference ,im a woman & i dont need to try & be one.

...noeleena...

[Frédérique]

Strong delusion, no matter how sincere, results in creating chronic, painful emotions of shame, loneliness, and guilt. The Genderholic cannot deal with this overwhelming personal pain, but continues to apply his solution: the crossdressing.

[SIZE="2"]I guess I’m not a genderholic, because I’ve never felt one iota of shame, loneliness, or guilt. Not one drop of PAIN either – quite the opposite, if you must know. I might dress to relieve stress or enter a personal “comfort zone,” but it has nothing to do with an alleged cure for pain...
[/SIZE]

[JenniferR771]

I am not a genderholic. I can stop any time I want to. I have done it many times. I was born this way--and I might as well celebrate it, as I have become rather expert at crossdressing, having accumulated some really cute dresses and too many shoes.

However, years ago, my wife was told by her counselor that I was weak and had given in to temptation, and must be addicted to crossdressing. And my counselor from the same (very conservative--church oriented) institution, told me to check out a book on sexual addiction by Patrick Carnes, "Out of the Shadows". The book mentions crossdressing in only a couple of sentences.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Carnes

[ReineD]

... told me to check out a book on sexual addiction by Patrick Carnes, "Out of the Shadows". The book mentions crossdressing in only a couple of sentences.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Carnes

Sexual addiction is very real and there are ways to deal with it, including some Twelve-Step programs. Some CDers may have a sexual addiction too (the fetish CDs maybe), but even then there are degrees to an MtF's sexual feminine expression and for most CDers it is not out of control to the point of impacting life negatively.

And the majority of people who do go to SA or SLAA are not CD/TG/TS. In other words, the need to express an alternative gender is not necessarily sexual, even though it may have started out that way during the teenage years when most all teenagers' hormones bounce off the wall, and there are many people who are addicted to sex/porn/etc who are not CD/TG/TS.

[RADER]

My name is Rebecca Woods and I'm a Chocoholic. I hope the group therapy will assist me!

There, I've said it.

Rebecca x

I am with you on that one; My Passion is "Fanny May" Candies. They are like a taste of heaven.

Now for the Genderholic thing: I would say not really, I like to dress but not all the time. I am glad winter is coming,
as I can under dress much more. That is the limit to CD thing as I stay in the closet and only venture out
under-dress.
Rader