Stay-at-home ... uhm... DAD?

[Megan_Renee]

So I recently finished my PhD from a semi-prestigious research university. The good news? You have to call me Dr. now, which is androgynous, therefore nice. The bad news? I missed the hiring cycle, so I'm a stay-at-home parent. Having my kids at home seriously cuts into my girl-time... I know this sounds horribly selfish, but it is what it is...

Things I'm doing to cope:

• Growing my nails out
• Wearing Panties under my male pants
• Occasionally wearing a bra under my shirt during chores

What other things can you think of for me to do to get some girl-time in? Right now, the fam. is out doing stuff and I'm feeling mildly pretty... Loving the long nails, btw.

[wadevikingfan]

having a good pair of high heels or platform shoes and waearing them around the house always makes me feel girly

[Beverley Sims]

Even when the hiring cycle comes full circle you can underdress.
It is frustrating to have a PhD and be "over qualified".
Hope you get something soon.

[Sarah Doepner]

How old are your children? Is a few hours in school or pre-school and option that will get you some of your time en femme?

If your wife is accepting, you may want to see if you could set up a sleep over for the kids at a sitters house to give you a full evening and morning to enjoy some girl time.

And congrats on the PhD. That's a very long and difficult process that you have successfully traveled. Best of luck in the job search.

[geri-tg.]

I always wear ladies jeans and thigh highs. Many blouses and tops will also pass.

[Megan_Renee]

Hmmm Jeans... yes... I see... :-)

Kids are almost 5 and 2.5 yrs.

They were in a preschool, which was nice, but we cannot afford that right now! gauh! They miss their friends, and I miss my freedom!

[Tracii G]

Congrats Dr Megan!!!
Tight girls jeans and a cute top to get U thru the day.

[Xrys]

One option is to wear a cute neclase under your shirt. If your hair is long enough to hide them, you could add matching earrings. Another thought with the underdressing is wearing pantyhose under your pants. You have grown out your nails, you could buff them out to add some shine without painting them. I have recently trimmed my eyebrows. They look way better when I am dressed, and nobody has noticed a thing. You could wear women's jeans or pants, If they dont have too many decorative embelishments that is. They wont look that different except the way they fit, which nobody usualy notices.

[CATgirldo]

Having been the stay at home parent for 10 years, well I was working but I could work from home, yeah the girl time suffers but even when you pack them off to school, you gotta work. I found that it was too much hassle to dress and get work done, as soon as I was dressed... I wanted to go shopping so it took some discipline. Besides, you never know when the school would call and tell you it might be a good time to take your child for an emergency meeting with the dentist, or the doctor or there was an outbreak of lice or a parent field trip driver had to cancel and they desperately needed you to drive. Point is, I had more girl time when I had a traditional job then when I was the stay at home semi-mom.
Congrads on the PHd. use it well.

Sherri

[bridget thronton]

Congrats on the PhD the job search might be tough, but if you want an academic position it will be worth it

[melissaK]

Sweetie, how out are you? You'd better be pretty out to your SO and pretty cool with others finding out if you want to CD at home in the day, around kids, mailmen, UPS deliverymen and the odd neighbor who rings your door looking for volunteers in the neighborhood watch.

In my humble experience skinny girl jeans won't get noticed on you by a boy or even a guy, but girls spot 'em right away. Lady Levis Signature series are about as nondescript as you can get, but my adult 20 something daughter made 'em right away blurting out "Dad are you wearing girl jeans?"

I doubt your 5 year old will be that fashion sharp, but if she or a friend sees a pocket label or size label, and can read, they will commit it to memory, and they will tell the playmates mom the brand or the size, and she will tell your wife you wear her jeans . . .

And think twice about low rise jeans. Around kids you bend over a dozen times a day at least, and your top WILL pull up, your jeans WILL pull lower still, and you purple thong WILL show. The kids won't miss it. Then the playmate will tell her Mom so and so's dad wears panties just like yours, and your kid will lose a playmate.

And wear a bra under your top? You inevitably have to pick up your kid, and they WILL feel the bra strap, or peek down your blouse or top and see the bra . . . and again kids have no filter . . . Your kids will be at a playdate and tell her friends mom my Dad wears bras too . . . and your kid wont have another playdate.

And never paint your toe nails if you have young kids - - - sooner or later you will hear a crash, or a cry and you'll run out of your bedroom in a panic and then realize your socks or shoes are not on your feet and then you WILL have some splaining to do.

Trust me, not making this up. This stuff happens. Mighta been there and mighta done that for at least some of it, as have so many others. ;^)

hugs,
'lissa

[Barbara Ella]

Congrats on the PhD. Hope you get to put it to good use very soon. Underdressing is your key as others have said. I wear thigh highs, panties, and camisole nearly all the time when home with wife, who will not see me dressed, but accepts the underdrressing. I wear a longish necklace chain with a single CZ set breast cancer symbol. I don't know if you shave, but this can really help if you remove hair. Toenail polish is great, but you have to be really careful. Jeans work well if your SO is on board.

Have fun

Barbara

[Kathy4ever]

You can wear capris if you want. I have many styles and today I'm wearing my exercise capris with a bra lined racer back exercise tank. The top is a wild purple and I'm feeling very fem while doing floor work. There is many things that you can wear that are fem. Of course it can never replace the feeling of high heels and a nice dress or a skirt outfit. Depending on how your wife feels about it you can paint your toenails and shave your legs. I feel your pain as I never have much alone time except early in the morning before anyone wakes up.

[JenniferR771]

Oh, yes. And don't forget just a tiny bit of perfume or a unisex cologne. And a tiny bit of natural color lipstick. Add hint of tinted moisturizer. Got to take care of your skin...don't you?

[Debglam]

Congrats Dr. Megan!

While this is strictly a decision for you and your family, have you considered just being yourself in front of your kids? At their ages, if it is normal to you it is normal to them. Maybe just be "metro" in front of them if it is an issue. Some (a lot) of dads have painted nails, wear girl jeans, etc. Just a thought.

Good luck with whatever you choose!
Debby

[Kaz]

Debby has highlighted the issue of choice and it is indeed yours! If you don't want to be outed... underdress and avoid bras with kids.. if they feel it in a hug or see the bumps they will notice... well the 5 year old will! I would do womens panties and hose of some sort.. grow your nails, paint your toe nails (under socks)... etc...

If you are up for being out... off you go... the kids will accept it at that age.

Well done on the PhD, Dr Megan... believe me I do know what that is about and what you probably had to go through! Hang in there on the job front! Are you wanting to stay an academic or return to the 'real world'?