If you couldn't dress, what would you do? No TS responses please.

[ElleduSud]

This is a follow-on to an earlier thread

Transsexuals please do not reply. I understand your need to present an external image which matches the female inside.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ould-.../page2

I didn't want to hijack that thread, but there were a lot of responses of "I can't quit". I'm curious why you feel that another form of expressing femininity would not meet your needs?

There are other feminine activities which you can easily pursue that wouldn't have as much of a negative impact on your social and family relationships or put your career at risk:

Baking
Candle or soap making
Home decorating
Jewelry making
Clothing design
Sewing
Volunteering at schools and daycares
Needlepoint
Scrap booking
Candy making

Why don't these meet your need to do something feminine?

[heathr1]

I am considering doing a beauty course at night school.

[GaleWarning]

I am a teacher. 'Nuff said!

[Saffron]

somehow I find it offensive that people label things like baking, home decorating or even volunteering (?) as feminine.

I don't go to the cinema to express my feminity or masculinity. I simply do it cause it's fun and I like it, just like CD.

[BRANDYJ]

somehow I find it offensive that people label things like baking, home decorating or even volunteering (?) as feminine.

I don't go to the cinema to express my feminity or masculinity. I simply do it cause it's fun and I like it, just like CD.

I agree. The things you list as being something women do is insulting to not only women, but to men who do the same things.

[reb.femme]

There are other feminine activities which you can easily pursue that wouldn't have as much of a negative impact on your social and family relationships or put your career at risk:

Baking, Candle or soap making, Home decorating, Jewelry making, Clothing design, Sewing, Volunteering at schools and daycares, Needlepoint, Scrap booking, Candy making

Why don't these meet your need to do something feminine?

Do I get to wear my femme clothes whilst doing these activities? In which case, I don't see how these tasks fulfil any of my femme needs.

I enjoy presenting as female, not doing a host of stereotypical female tasks. Since these are all femme tasks, I'll be taking my wife to task over not doing some of these things routinely.

Rebecca x

[Kate Simmons]

The thing is that none of these activities are necessarily feminine. They are mostly associated with home making, which is not really gender specific. Most of it has to do with who we are as a person and how we express that. The above mentioned chores have to get done whether we consider ourselves a man or a woman really.

[Pexetta]

Baking as a feminine activity... a few weeks back my parents came to visit. Dad was helping me put up a fence post and Mum wanted something to do other than watch. So I asked her please to make me some bread dough out of a pre-prepared bowl of flour, yeast and fat that I had ready for later. She didn't know how, I had to show her.

[Laura912]

Gazing into the crystal ball, one can see where this is going. People will snipe at you for stereotyping. Bang.

[Momarie]

I agree. The things you list as being something women do is insulting to not only women, but to men who do the same things.

My post was deleted...sadly and unfortunately.

So what BRANDYJ said...
Her HEART speaks my unfortunate words, only prettily

[heatherdress]

If I couldn't dress, I would secretly and discretely buy clothes and make-up. I would find a place to keep them without detection. I would dress in private to prevent being discovered. That's what I would do if I could not dress. Hmmm. That's what I do now.

[Tracii G]

I would just do the eyeliner and mascara.

[kimdl93]

Elle, I always have difficulty with "if" questions because its hard for me to suspend the rules of my life to accomodate hypotheticals. I do have a number of feminine interests and expressions...with the exception of caring for my grandkids, none made your list. And I love to shop, but what would be the point, if I couldn't wear the things I bought?

And I don't think that candle making, scrap booking, child care or sewing express my need or desire to present as a woman....or to be seen as a woman.

[giuseppina]

Hello Elle,

All of the activities you mention fall into the 'art' category, which has nothing to do with gender.

Your post leaves the appearance of stereotyping, which most people, gender variant or not, find objectionable.

To answer your question, I would find a way to conceal my dressing, including but not limited to obtaining a high security box to store my things.

[whowhatwhen]

Easy.
Let go of all the BS "manly" stereotypes I've been forced into.

So, while sewing isn't necessarily a female activity, I'm free to enjoy it without caring how I will be perceived.
Seriously. Let go of it all, life is so much better when you realize that "manliness" is just made up BS designed to sell products and exclaim how totally NOT GAY you are.

*Note: The real men out there don't need to follow those stereotypes, they are who they are and do what they do naturally.

[outhiking]

Even though we want to avoid gender stereotyping, the fact is that when I take a class in pastels or painting, or when I visit Joann Fabrics or Michaels, or when I read sewing and clothing web sites, they are for the most part full of female participants. I enjoy art and visiting these places and the ladies there always treat me a little bit special because I'm a guy, sometimes the only one around.

Just my $.04 (inflation)

[Senior Dresser]

If I could not dress I would try to learn female stance positions

[StephanieJ]

My (soon to be ex) wife suggested that a good alternative to cross dressing might be to make my male wardrobe more androgynous. She suggested a kind of "metro" look, with unisex clothing, clear nail polish, minimal makeup, "female stance positions", etc... While I'll admit that it doesn't diminish the desire to cross dress, it does satiate it a bit.

[kittypw GG]

My post was deleted...sadly and unfortunately.

So what BRANDYJ said...
Her HEART speaks my unfortunate words, only prettily

Momarie,
If only you had approached this much like a doctor who is presented with a list of symptoms, your reply would not have been deleted?

The important thing is to be who you are, and do the things you like to do. What you wear should be secondary to who you are. Do what you like to do, not what you "perceive" as feminine.

[Kaz]

I just want to add tp the stereotyping issue... I listened to an interview with a top chef in the UK recently and he said that if he hadn't done the cookery classes at school, he would never have done this... realised that he could and all that. When I was at school boys did woodwork and metalwork, and girls did the other... that was stereotyping and social conditioning. Thankfully, my working life has seen me working with women all my life in a mutually accepted environment. We have male nurses in what was previously a 'woman's' role, we have women who are politicians, soldiers, lawyers, award winning movie directors and CEOs of HP?

If I couldn't dress, I would like to run HP to bring out the femme side of me! I'd like the salary too!

[Engendered]

Hi Elle,
I think some of the criticism directed towards you is unfair, and people are reading into the list you provided too much. The spirit of your post certainly comes across as a partner who really wants to understand..and get to the root of a certain feeling/experience. So why is dressing so important? Are there things that could take the place of that? Why can't <whatever someone thinks of as a girly activity>, but which doesn't carry the same risks, be a good substitute? I hit reply, because I didn't instantly know how to answer, and it's nice to explore these thoughts sometimes.

Firstly and plainly, there isn't a substitute solution for me. Take away dressing, and I can be immersed in a world of feminine activities, and not find anything to fill what was lost. So then, what's so special about dressing up? It's not a straightforward thing to answer (maybe it is, and I'm just not smart enough to think of it). There are a few important aspects to it though. It's encompassing..I mean this in a very literal way...the clothes are physically around you. It's tactile, and it's constant and consistent. It's also visual, and in the now. These things make it an immersive experience and a personal one. With other activities,..there's a process or procedure to follow..making a candle..following a knitting pattern..it's somehow external to you as a person. It's something you're doing. Being dressed in female clothes is an end of itself...something you're feeling, something you're being. I know that's not entirely satisfactory as an answer.

I have a terrible analogy about the difficulty of explaining things like this, which I've promised myself I'll make better in the future. Imagine a world where everyone is deaf..but you're not. When you hit the keys on a piano, you hear notes..you love the music, but all everyone else sees is that you seem to get enjoyment out of hitting keys. They can't hear the music. They suggest..well couldn't you press these things over here..wouldn't that be just as good? How about tapping this switch? I feel like crossdressing is just as difficult to explain. I'm not saying there's something as magical as unheard music for us, but there's a definite and unique feeling that goes with it...to lift a mood, or ...like the feeling you feel when you unwind into a nice bubble bath. Your brain just says..."Yes, this is nice...life is good sometimes"

[April_Ligeia]

I have done everything on your list at one time or another and, frankly, i don't see any relationship at all between those activities and crossdressing.

[Beverley Sims]

Baking,yes :Candle or soap making, No :Home decorating, yes :Jewelry making, Yes :Clothing design, No :Sewing, Yes :Volunteering at schools and daycares, No :Needlepoint, No :Scrap booking, No :Candy making, Yes.
I involve myself in five out of ten of those activities so I am half and half.
To tip the scales I cross dress as well.
That makes me about 57.45% feminine.
I need to present an external image which matches the female inside.

[Michaela42]

As so many have 'blasted' you already, some of the responses are very stereotypical, but rather than snipe, I will say that not all stereotypes are wrong or 'mean'.

For me, thanks to my living situation, dressing is pretty much out of the question. To 'take the edge off' I enjoy writing fantasies about being able to dress and do as I please. I also enjoy reading about style, makeup, and topics like that. I also tend to go shopping a great deal.

Again these are pretty stereotypical things, but I do not view them as 'BAD' things. Unfortunately our society seems to enjoy making mountains out of proverbial mole-hills rather than work on more pressing matters.

/end mini'rant'

[sissystephanie]

If I couldn't dress, I would just find something else to do. I did stop completely for a 5 year period, and it certainly did not hurt me in any way. I only started dressing enfemme again because my dear wife begged me to!! She had decided that she missed Stephanie in her life!! Anyone can stop dressing enfemme, if they really want to! Unless they are being forced to crossdress, and I doubt that those of us on this forum are being forced!!

I have done most of the things on your list, except for sewing, clothes designing, needlepoint, and scrapbooking! I can sew, but don't like to! My dear late wife did all the things that I mentioned, so there was no need for me to do them!