My crossdressing came up while visiting a consulor

[DeniseNJ]

I have been under a lot of stress lately from work. I will not go into to detail but I contacted a consulor to talk about the situation my supervisors put me in. I told them that they were creating a hostile work environment by what they did and that was causing lots of stree for me. They never got back to me or took me serously about my concerns. In my third session of explaining what was making me so stressed , the woman asked me what I do to relieve some of this stress, drink, drugs, break things, I said No but I do crossdress at times and that calms me down. She was like so did you just start doing this or have you been dressing for a while. I had no intentions of speaking on this topic but it just came out and afte that a flow of questioins starting coming from her. I mean she wasn't putting me down , she just seemed very interested. When asked in the begining of which gender therpist I perfered, I said I felt more comfortable speaking with a woman. Do you think I subconsiously choose a woman just incase this type of question ever arose. I have 3 more paid sessions with her and she said , if you want to talk to me more after your free sessions are done, you will have to contact your insurance Co. about more treatment. I am serously think about taking some stress leave over this other co-worker. What suxs, is if I was a female and complained about being sexually harressed or touched or just felt uncomfortable they wouldn't hesitate to take action. and No, No one knows where I work that I dress except a close friend. I am wondering if I screwed up by saying this... Now I am stresses out about another thing, telling her that I enjoy crossdressing!!

[Ellyn]

Any respondible councillor will treat everything you say in strict confidence. If a councillor should break that confidence you could seek legal advice and probably go after punative damages. And they know it, so it keeps them quiet.

I have been under a lot of stress lately from work. I will not go into to detail but I contacted a consulor to talk about the situation my supervisors put me in. I told them that they were creating a hostile work environment by what they did and that was causing lots of stree for me. They never got back to me or took me serously about my concerns. In my third session of explaining what was making me so stressed , the woman asked me what I do to relieve some of this stress, drink, drugs, break things, I said No but I do crossdress at times and that calms me down. She was like so did you just start doing this or have you been dressing for a while. I had no intentions of speaking on this topic but it just came out and afte that a flow of questioins starting coming from her. I mean she wasn't putting me down , she just seemed very interested. When asked in the begining of which gender therpist I perfered, I said I felt more comfortable speaking with a woman. Do you think I subconsiously choose a woman just incase this type of question ever arose. I have 3 more paid sessions with her and she said , if you want to talk to me more after your free sessions are done, you will have to contact your insurance Co. about more treatment. I am serously think about taking some stress leave over this other co-worker. What suxs, is if I was a female and complained about being sexually harressed or touched or just felt uncomfortable they wouldn't hesitate to take action. and No, No one knows where I work that I dress except a close friend. I am wondering if I screwed up by saying this... Now I am stresses out about another thing, telling her that I enjoy crossdressing!!

[Barbara Ella]

Yes, don't stress over the counselor. Sorry they don't take your complaints seriously. Have you gone to HR and informed them? Sounds to me like the supervisors have an agenda to get some work done and don't really care about the employees doing it. I think they could be in trouble if a thoughtful HR Dept gets on their case. DOn't know if they are the vindictive types or not. Hope you can get things worked out.

Barbara

[Chickhe]

Its helps to understand what jobs people have... councilors are to help you feel better, manager and HR for protecting the work environment, your lawyer to protect you if everything goes south. If someone is harrassing you at work, tell your manager... if they don't fix it tell your HR. If its illegal your manager must act. The thing to remember is to do it immediately and you must tell the person who is causing you problems to stop doing what it is they are doing first. It can be a sensitive issue because you don't want to be the noise maker and bad managers tend to blame the person who makes the noise, not the person who is initiating the problem. Sometimes a more subtle approach can work...like asking your manager to change jobs so you are not working with that other person (refuse to say why until they pry it out of you...that gives the impression you are not out to cause problems).

[DeniseNJ]

Yes, don't stress over the counselor. Sorry they don't take your complaints seriously. Have you gone to HR and informed them? Sounds to me like the supervisors have an agenda to get some work done and don't really care about the employees doing it. I think they could be in trouble if a thoughtful HR Dept gets on their case. DOn't know if they are the vindictive types or not. Hope you can get things worked out.

Barbara

In short the person that I am worried about who has a vendeta out for me, HIS wife works in HRM. This guy just got a position that clearly stated that he needed a degree and over 6 years experience in that feild which he does not have, ETHICS are in question here!!! He is intimadating his new supervisor along with his previous supervisor who is also my supervisor. What ever he says they believe , He throws out more BS than a heard of cattle in the midwest. Yes it is a delicate situation , that's the Government for ya!!! When you can retire with full benifets NOW!!! but elect to stay on to earn 1% every year towards your total package the government trys to make you uncomfortable so you say frig it, (I am out of here). in a little less than 3 years they are kicking me to the curb and by policy they can!!!

[May(be)]

I had heard that only the most psychologically messed up people become psychologists. They do so because they want to figure out their own heads. I say this while fully acknowledging that my own mother and step-mother are both psych majors. I don't know if it is true, and I'm sorry to any psych majors that I offended with that comment. The only reason I mention it is because the professionals won't spend their time judging you. Like most people in this world, they are also messed up and highly self-involved. We are all hypocrites, and to judge another is to prove how much hubris one has. I'm not trying to belittle psychs, just trying to tell you not to put them on a pedestal.

[Megan_Renee]

I've been in similar positions, make sure you document everything the jerk does and that he asks you to do. Also make sure you document the work you are doing, so if he tries to get you, you will have evidence to back you up... It is a crappy thing to need to do, but if it needs done, it needs done. Please make sure you are covering your back...

Or you could come out at work and sue for sexual harassment if they do anything untoward! Ok, so that last bit is a little crazy...

[deebra]

May(be) is right about the psych. majors and shrinks, I dated one for a year and a half and got to know her very, very well. She was a "obsessive-compulsive-disorder-BITCH", she destroyed her first two marriages to two very good men and would have destroyed our marriage or put me in the nut house. Every situation she came upon she had to challenge and conquer to re-assure herself she was worthwhile and tops over anyone else. A mentally very insecure person that couldn't see her problem and change. She did share with me a couple of things that happened at work and I totally disagreed with the advise she gave her patients. Had to drop her,for my sanity, they aren't GOD, just someone to vent and talk to.

[DeniseNJ]

I've been in similar positions, make sure you document everything the jerk does and that he asks you to do. Also make sure you document the work you are doing, so if he tries to get you, you will have evidence to back you up... It is a crappy thing to need to do, but if it needs done, it needs done. Please make sure you are covering your back...

Or you could come out at work and sue for sexual harassment if they do anything untoward! Ok, so that last bit is a little crazy...

I hear ya, Yes I print out coppies and document things, but what really surprizes me is the three Superviors I wrote TO::: ALL opened my E-Mail with in our network NOT one even tried to reach out or tried to reassure me that everything was going to be OK. Many of my rights as a union employee have been violated and the union doesn't even take sides because this guy is a shop steward go figure

[VickysBFF]

Hi Denise: I am sorry to hear about your difficult times. I still feel bad recalling reading about your situation with your wife during your trip to Las Vegas.
Firstly, do not worry about anything that you say to the counselor. Unless you do or say something that can be perceived as a threat of violence against yourself or others everything that you discuss with a counselor is priviledged information. They cannot reveal it to your employer or anyone else.
Secondly, from what you have described I don't see that you have a cause for action. It sounds like this co-worker is behaving obnoxiously/offensively to your past and present supervisors and causing a stressful and unpleasant workplace. Bad as this is, unless this person says something offensive to you or does something to you that is in violation of company policy there is not much that you can do.
I am sure that there is more to the situation and I am sure that there are elements that you may not want to share with us here but barring any more info I would advise you to simply stay out of and away from the entire situation.
Best of luck to you and I hope that things improve for you soon.

[kimdl93]

I would be very willing to bet that your counselor will keep the entire conversation private. As for the situation at work, your best bet is to accurately and completely document the problem in the work environment and be prepared to take legal action if there isn't a timely resolution of the problem.

I would bet that the counselor was very interested in working with you, and not the least bit judgemental. In my experience in therapy, having a female therapist made a big difference - I was much more willing to speak of my cross dressing than I might have been with a male at that time.

[Love2Dress]

I will be in this position very soon. I think wording it outloud will feel weird, but it always help. Maybe she's asking about it so she can understand, and help you out with it

[shayleetv]

I too have worked in a hostile environment. A lawyer friend of mine told me to write down every time he did something that was hostile. If someone witnessed the incident ask them to sign the report as a witness. I had no problem in getting people to sign even customers. When I had enough reports I took some of what I had gathered to the owners. They took immediate action and removed him as my supervisor. Had they not taken any action then my lawyer friends law firm would have gotten richer. And those were his words and not my wishful thoughts. In fact because of health issues he told me I could still go after them but instead a year later I retired early and got feeling better almost back to normal or at least normal for someone who has chronic fatigue. Writing down those reports gave me some power in my life to deal with the problems he dealt me. I still have them and once in a while I will read them and wonder why some people are jerks and never stop being a jerk. Just to follow up on what happened to him, he left the company and went to work for someone else. That company didn't fair to well with him. Nine months into his new job six women filled a sexual harassment suit against him and the company that hired him. They won $6,000 in damages and $400,000 in punitive damages. He had to sell his home on the hill (that's where the rich people live in the city where I live) and I heard but not confirmed that his wife left him. She is the one who had all the money to begin with.

[melissakozak]

Your counselor doesn't need to know more about your lifestyle unless you feel a need to share it. Counselors for us are helpful if we are confused about our gender, relationship troubles secondary to crossdressing, or are just not adjusting to who we identify as. Of course, they are also helpful in the who do you come out to topic as well. At any rate, your work situation is why you need counseling, not crossdressing. Be grateful you don't have a drug or alcohol problem ON TOP OF work stress. She obviously is not judging you....and that alone is worth the price of admission to a counselor....

[Princess_Andria]

I think thats a pretty great you should be proud and i know how easy it is to just get onto a certain topic and it just pours out. I've recently had a few sessions of counselling and already i've felt a huge weight has been lifted. I'm there for mild depression & issues with women in my life lol I've wondered if i should bring up anything to do with my CDing but i won't unless it seems relevant. I wouldn't worry about it, there are huge consequences to those who let out private information like that. Carry on though, i know i am with mine. The woman i'm with is great, she uses alot of humor which helps me, i usually ease tension by making little jokes here and there. Don't worry and maybe say that in your next session if it comes up that you were slightly stressed by telling her. Good luck with the sessions hun =D

[DeniseNJ]

Hi Denise: I am sorry to hear about your difficult times. I still feel bad recalling reading about your situation with your wife during your trip to Las Vegas.
Firstly, do not worry about anything that you say to the counselor. Unless you do or say something that can be perceived as a threat of violence against yourself or others everything that you discuss with a counselor is priviledged information. They cannot reveal it to your employer or anyone else.
Secondly, from what you have described I don't see that you have a cause for action. It sounds like this co-worker is behaving obnoxiously/offensively to your past and present supervisors and causing a stressful and unpleasant workplace. Bad as this is, unless this person says something offensive to you or does something to you that is in violation of company policy there is not I am sure that there is more to the situation and I am sure that there are elements that you may not want to share with us here but barring any more info I would advise you to simply stay out of and away from the entire situation.
Best of luck to you and I hope that things improve for you soon.

You know, like some I have a fear that someone from work may stumble across this site and thread. In short again this guy went to management and said that I threatened his life and that he was in FEAR for his life. They set up a treat accessment team and I was ordered to have no contact. at all. BUT he continued to come in my area trying to prevoke a response from me , I didn't bite. We worked in different area's but nothing could stop me from walking a few hundres yards and I was told that if his claims turned out true that I would be terminated. He did because I broke up his inner circle of Overtime Buddies that I clearly had years of tenure over and made the union place fair overtime proceedures in policy. The same person that told me of the cease and disist order just like a restraining order is the same person (MY current Supervisor)that suggested he take the office right next to me. I was cleard and was told that his claims could not be substanciated ( Ya think that pissed him off) clearly he wants revenge , some people told me that he was very up set and that made him mad. Yea mI have a reason to worry , He tried to get me FIRED!!!

[Beverley Sims]

That's what counseullors do best.
Drag all the information out of you so as they can advise you wisely.

[VickysBFF]

You know, like some I have a fear that someone from work may stumble across this site and thread. In short again this guy went to management and said that I threatened his life and that he was in FEAR for his life. They set up a treat accessment team and I was ordered to have no contact. at all. BUT he continued to come in my area trying to prevoke a response from me , I didn't bite. We worked in different area's but nothing could stop me from walking a few hundres yards and I was told that if his claims turned out true that I would be terminated. He did because I broke up his inner circle of Overtime Buddies that I clearly had years of tenure over and made the union place fair overtime proceedures in policy. The same person that told me of the cease and disist order just like a restraining order is the same person (MY current Supervisor)that suggested he take the office right next to me. I was cleard and was told that his claims could not be substanciated ( Ya think that pissed him off) clearly he wants revenge , some people told me that he was very up set and that made him mad. Yea mI have a reason to worry , He tried to get me FIRED!!!

Wow, thank you for clarifying the situation Denise. That is horrible and I can understand why you are upset about the situation. He is the one who should be fired over all of this. be very careful and watch your back!