What I have learned

[Christie ann]

Even though my wife is not accepting, we have reached an equilibrium where we are both happy. I am sure that she wishes it would all go away and I wish that she was open to more but that is not happening. So some of the unwritten "rules" that have evolved over the years. I can wear girl clothes all the time as long as i make sure that:

1. cute clothes are to be avoided.
2. nothing that looks like boobs
3. don't even think about shaving in non traditional areas
4. capri pants are just fine
5. skirts are not
6. scoop necks are fine
7. spaghetti straps are not
8. shoes...don't even go there
9. non-cute purses are just fine
10. night gowns work
11. dresses don't

I am sure that we all have issues that we can live with. Right now this is my reality and it is working just fine. What is your reality?

[Cynthia Anne]

I guess if it makes you both happy then that's all that really matters!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Christie, It really sounds like that you got the short end of the deal on that one.

I'm guessing the possibality of a wig is on another planet.

[linda allen]

....... Right now this is my reality and it is working just fine. What is your reality?

My reality is that I am moving along. I have a few posts on it (search on my name), but I've moved a long way in about six months. All I really need at this point is a nice wig.

Well, makeup, panty hose/tights, "girl" glasses, would be nice but the wig would really do it.

[Cheryl T]

My reality is that I dress as I please, when I please and my wife is fully accepting, shops with me, buys me clothes and is just all around fantastic (no just because she's accepting)...

[heatherdress]

Christie Ann - if your boundaries are working just fine, that is good for you. Maybe change will come with time. If things are OK, they are OK. Don't the relationships of others effect you and your wife. Show her appreciation for what she can live with. Many spouses have boundaries for sports, work issues, in-laws etc. It's different for everyone.

[Miranda-E]

My reality is that I dumped the controlling spouse and found a new one that accepts me.

[Kelli Ca]

I'm curious what do you mean by cute? Does that mean you can't dress in anything that is better looking then she has?

[Janine cd]

I, too, have a nonaccepting wife, but as long as she is not a part of my crossdressing, she does tolerate it.

[Diane Smith]

I'm happy the rules work for you, Christie, but I would find them unacceptably restrictive. Life without cute shoes would not be worth living.

- Diane

[Karren H]

you wifes so much more accepting than mine... girlfriend!

[Lady Panda]

awws, Christie ann,
I wish you could dress in some of the things you wish you could wear.....every gal should be able to wear sexy clothes ...heels included.

[Nocturnal Kaylee]

Maybe it's just me but those rules sound really restrictive. I suppose it's better than nothing. Really makes me glad to have such an accepting partner.

[Christie ann]

I'm curious what do you mean by cute? Does that mean you can't dress in anything that is better looking then she has?

this is a pretty good definition of cute. Definitely nothing more feminine that something she has.

[BRANDYJ]

Christie, It sounds like you really love and respect your wife. As you are hearing here, many of us would not be happy with the strict restrictions your wife has put upon you. But at days end it does not matter if any of us are happy with what you are allowed. it only matters that BOTH you and your wife are happy.

A couple of questions if you don't mind....
Do you dress as described around your wife or is this a limitation with her not even present?
Or, is your dressing not allowed around her?
How long has your wife known about your dressing? The reason I ask is if it's rather new to her, the boundaries you both agreed on might change over time...that is IF you don't push it.
Last, what would be her objection to you dressing the way you want when she is not around?

[stacycoral]

The number one rule i live with is no dressing when the kids are home, besides that i can wear what i want, i do wear short shorts, the same brand that used to be the brand Hooters girls wore, and wear tank tops all the time with kids around, i have had my legts clean and smooth for a few years now, and hate hair n them, and also my chest, i hope you can come together more down the road, and she lets you wear more and get the wonderful feeling of wear dress and heels out into the world. hugs

[Stephanie47]

As long as you and your wife are in agreement and YOU can accept those restrictions-fine. In my case, if I was told I could not wear a pretty dress with a lacy slip, panty and bra, heels and hosiery, and a wig, I would never agree. Since my en femme time is private because she does not want to see or participate, I do not have to worry about those restrictions.

[Christie ann]

Christie, It sounds like you really love and respect your wife. As you are hearing here, many of us would not be happy with the strict restrictions your wife has put upon you. But at days end it does not matter if any of us are happy with what you are allowed. it only matters that BOTH you and your wife are happy.

A couple of questions if you don't mind....
Do you dress as described around your wife or is this a limitation with her not even present?
Or, is your dressing not allowed around her?
How long has your wife known about your dressing? The reason I ask is if it's rather new to her, the boundaries you both agreed on might change over time...that is IF you don't push it.
Last, what would be her objection to you dressing the way you want when she is not around?

Good questions, I can see I didn't clarify. These "rules" have evolved over time but have never been codified. She has known for all of our 31 years of marriage. I think I have pushed it about as far as it is going to be pushed. I do wear lots of girl shorts, girl jeans and capri pants around her. In fact all of my pants are from the other side of the aisle as well as girl tank tops and the occasional scoop neck T around her. Lately I have been wearing girl athletic sandals with no comments. She objects to my looking like a girl so even if she is not around I try to make sure she has no reason to loose trust in me. She keeps thinking I can work through this.

[Sara Jessica]

Most of the list of rules would be unsatisfactory to me. I'd much rather retreat into part-time presentation on my own terms rather than adhere to such a list of requirements on someone else's for the sake of "wearing girl clothes all the time".

[MissTee]

Not sure how to reply. I'm fortunate to have a supporting spouse. Only rule we have is when I go to the spa for mani/pedi, she goes too

[PretzelGirl]

you wifes so much more accepting than mine... girlfriend!

And this shows that just like most everything, it is all about perspective.

Christie, the big thing is being happy and it sounds like you are (unless this thread is an opening to talk, then you need to talk). But if you are getting enough to satisfy your needs, then I am happy for you. No one ever said that we all had to wear everything with wigs and forms. It gives us another example of how diverse we are, even within ourselves.

[Leslie Langford]

Even though my wife is not accepting, we have reached an equilibrium where we are both happy. I am sure that she wishes it would all go away and I wish that she was open to more but that is not happening. So some of the unwritten "rules" that have evolved over the years. I can wear girl clothes all the time as long as i make sure that:

1. cute clothes are to be avoided.
2. nothing that looks like boobs
3. don't even think about shaving in non traditional areas
4. capri pants are just fine
5. skirts are not
6. scoop necks are fine
7. spaghetti straps are not
8. shoes...don't even go there
9. non-cute purses are just fine
10. night gowns work
11. dresses don't

I am sure that we all have issues that we can live with. Right now this is my reality and it is working just fine. What is your reality?

Why go through all this B.S. just for the "privilege" of being able to dress in front of your wife?

This restrictive list is not about crossdressing at all, it describes what could at best be described as a metrosexual or even androgynous way of dressing. Nothing feminine or girly at all about those clothing restrictions; more like a form of menswear IMHO. You'd be better off agreeing to a DADT arrangement where you could at least dress to your heart's content without your spouse's interference when she is not around.

On the other hand, you state that "...we have reached an equilibrium where we are both happy..."

If you are truly happy with this set-up, is what you describe here then "code" for what really amounts to a sissy slave type of arrangement where your wife is the dominant femme? If so, whatever floats your boat, but this is certainly not my reality...

[paulinescotlandcd]

It sounds to me like a bum deal.