The making of Anna Talyn's Gender Paradox - Explained.
[SIZE="4"]Question: What is being a crossdresser like?[/SIZE]
[SIZE="4"]Answer: I suppose it’s like going back to the future.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]First memory and beginning of the paradox.[/SIZE]
Marty McFly: Okay. Time circuit's on. Flux capacitor, fluxing. Engine running. All right. -the engine stops suddenly-
My first memory of crossdressing goes all the way back to when I was 4 years old. It isn't my first memory in life but it is one of the earlier ones I have. I believe this was the moment in the time continuum where a gender time paradox began.
I carried the feelings and inner struggle very closely and secretly as a child. I knew there was more to me and that it did not fit in the world around me. It felt more like there was a part of me from an alternate reality timeline. The time circuits were on and the flux capacitor was definitely fluxing.
I remember sporadic moments throughout my childhood sneaking my sisters teen magazines and looking at all the beautiful girls and clothes. At this point I knew it was going to have to be just day dreams and fantasy, but didn't really know why, it just was the way it was. This is around the time that I believe the gender age paradox really began to have greater effect.
By the time high school prom rolled around I really was feeling the time variance wake of my female side. That side of me did not get out to mingle and interact with the world like my male side. It was only in little slivers of time the she(I) was able to exist in this side of the paradox. The female side of me seemed to be a little ahead in perceived age growing up and with each key event in my female side's life there is jumps in the age progression of that paradox. Time progresses in relative leaps with notable events for that gender flux.
My female self had to experience prom vicariously through my male side, only peeking and wishing, and dreaming of being in a beautiful dress and experiencing one of the significant events in a girl's life. It was still a great experience as a guy but was heavily accented by my other side's aspirations. Instead I put on my male underwear and male tuxedo, and looked good doing it. The paradox I existed in just wasn't ready for anything else.
Marty McFly: Calvin? Wh... Why do you keep calling me Calvin?
Lorraine Baines: Well, that is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your underwear.
-addressing the shocked expressions at the dance after playing a wild heavy metal guitar solo-
Marty McFly: I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.
[SIZE="3"]Halloween Party Accelerated the Age Paradox[/SIZE]
Younger Dr. Emmett Brown: -running out of the room- 1.21 gigawatts! 1.21 gigawatts. Great Scott!
Marty McFly: -following- What-what the hell is a gigawatt?
Another key moment happened in my early 20's during a Halloween party we hosted. My other side gained a clever edge and I attended the party as a vampire lesbian hooker in a stretch velvet dress, black tights, heels, and even a wig. It was a ghastly makeup look but that did not matter. It was incredible to be around my friends in a form that felt closer to my inner paradox. That night carried me a long ways to coping with the inner struggle. It was a major event in the timeline of my female side and she jumped further up in age having further exposure in our timeline.
[SIZE="3"]My paradox discovered[/SIZE]
Dr. Emmett Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
By my mid 20's the inevitable happened and my wife discovered my hidden box of my other side's anchors to this reality. Most of the items were doubtless surprising for her to find hidden in the closet. It lent to unfortunate assumptions and instead of discussing my gender variance we had to work through anger and resentment and pondering of whose items were those and was I cheating. Not a good way to come out to your wife. It was such a painful moment it still is still a scar I carry have to this day. At that moment in time, I still had no idea what these feelings meant and how I even felt about it all. I was very ashamed and insecure and in no way at a place to be ready for the conversation, especially in the way it occurred. This certainly made things even harder for everyone and took years to overcome, or mostly.
There was a few more random moments for my other side to enter this world in my mid and late 20's. It was little steps at a time. As my paradox timeline advanced so did my understanding of the gender variance subject. My fashion sense started to move forward as well and I got a step closer to matching my female style with my physical age. There is still a gap but the timelines are beginning to converge. This is a very exciting prospect. Can the convergence of these timelines correct the paradox or will the results be of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.
[SIZE="3"]New Year's 2012 - Anna Talyn is shared with the world.[/SIZE]
Marty McFly: Since when can weathermen predict the weather, let alone the future?
By New Year's of 2012 I began to realize I needed to take this gender paradox serious. It was not something you can just will away. You can not just purge the anchor items and be rid of the paradox. I started to get fed up with living in shame, regret, fear, depression. I discovered most of this was imposed upon me by myself. It was nice to blame society or others but if I never expressed that side with the world then where were those feelings coming from? For New Year's I set a few key goals to try and correct my course.
Another major milestone in my journey came when I dubbed my paradoxical self Anna Talyn. This was a major anchor into this reality and brought the two timelines closer then ever. I decided I needed to find ways to Share Anna with my wife, and with the world. Those first efforts were seen on my blog, Everyday Epics, and other online places.
By late spring- early summer I worked up the nerve to tell my wife there was a conference that I knew I needed to attend. It was the most honest we have talked about my inner gender turmoil and I broke down a few times in our discussions. For my birthday my wife purchased my registration to the Southern Comfort Conference and the support has been nothing short of incredible. It still is not a smooth road and there is a long ways to go.
Marty McFly: Hey, Doc, we better back up. We don't have enough road to get up to 88.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.
Another major milestone in Anna's existence has occurred and I feel the temporal disturbances converging. My wife purchased me a wedding band set for my trip to SCC so I can fully dress the part and still honor our love. It has been an incredible journey and every sliver of time Anna gets in this reality is like a jump back in time playing catch up with the rest of me. Now I look forward to the road ahead and I am sending myself back, back to the future!
God speed - Anna
very cool.
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
