Put a 'Transsexual' off my bus tonight!!!

[AmberDay]

Must warn you; extremely long post and forgive me if you can feel my anger flowing through the screen. I will tell what happened and then break it down to what my thoughts and feelings are. Please READ everything BEFORE you reply!

Driving down Patterson Ave and I stop at a bus stop and a guy gets on followed by a 'woman?' Guy pays his fare and then I look at the next person. He is in his mid 40's wearing a dark green off the shoulder teenie bopper style blouse, a neon pink skirt, and black five inch (approx) heel sandals and a cheap blonde halloween wig. He is sporting a fully grown goatee and has extremely dark hairy legs. He shows me his reduced fare card and his photo does show him dressed like a female, female name; without the goatee. Pays his fare and then sits down at the back of the bus. I pull away from the curb and then he starts talking to his friend very loudly and boisterously. He then proceeds to start cussing. I glance in my passenger mirror and he has his arms spread out across the top of several seats with his legs spread far apart. I get on my PA system and ask him to watch his language. He continues talking loud. He then starts telling his friend about a sexual encounter he had with a guy last weekend and going into explicit details. I get on my PA system again and tell him there are kids on the bus and we don't want to hear about it. He then starts bad mouthing me to his friend and complaining about another bus driver earlier today that called him 'sir'. He said, "I'm an bleepin' woman and these bleep hole bus drivers won't respect me!" Get on my PA system and said (not to friendly), "One more cuss word or vulgar comment you are off my bus!" Even his friend told him he needed to chill. Didn't even get halfway down the next block before he starts cussing again. I pulled over and told him, "I'm tired of it, get off my bus!" He then cusses me out and refuses to get off. I called my dispatcher to have the police to come out. He stomped up to me and was demanding my name. I told him I don't have to give him my name. He was insistent and was demanding my name so he can report me. Proceeded to call me a homophobe and a hater and he will have my job. "I want a name A-Hole!' He yells at me. "Oh, if all you need is a name then I give you Joe Biden! Now GET OFF MY BUS!!!!" He yells at his friend to join him, and he reluctantly gets off with him. I can tell he was embarrassed. After they get off the bus I cancel the police. My passengers were making fun of him and all 'fags' (their words, not mine). I tried to repair the damage and say that was just one bad apple and not reflective of the gay/ transgender community, but the damage was done.


Now, first thing's first. I always refer to someone's personal pronoun by the manner they present themselves. I normally would call someone who crossdress, transsexual, gg, a miss or she. This butthole lost all my respect. He was not presenting nor behaving like a female to deserve a prestigious title.

2. I need to point out that there are several crossdressers and transsexuals that ride our transit system. There is an elderly black guy that is ALWAYS wearing a dress or skirt. He does have a beard, but he doesn't try to portray himself as a woman. He is a guy in a dress. Always a pleasant person to talk to. Some passengers ask him why he wears dresses and he replies that he likes to. Great answer. But he doesn't try to say he is a female. There is another crossdresser that attends a local college that wears skirts and hose. He doesn't hide that he is a guy in a skirt. His g/f is hot! Which brings me to...

3. Although I admit one can wear what makes them feel comfortable, I think his outfit was horrible. Did not match at all. The wig was very very fake and looked horrible. Granted, I do not know his financial situation and that may have been all he can afford. My problem arises when he sports a thick goatee and hairy legs, sits down spread eagle, lounges like a slobby guy and wonders why nobody treats him as a female. BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T PRESENTING YOURSELF AS ONE!!!!!! I wanted to yell at him.

4. I try not to be driver nazi and try to over look the occasional cuss word, (I've been known to let a few f bombs drop). I do have to draw the line when somebody is cussing loudly and going into explicit details about what they did with another man's penis in front of elementary school kids!!!! We have a three strike policy or else I would have put him off then.

5. Years ago, bus drivers did have their names and length of service on a placard near the driver seat. With all the wierdos out nowadays we do not have to give our names out for our safety. When pressed for my name I usually give out a politicians name; i.e. Joe Biden, Ted Kennedy, Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, Jimmy Carter, etc. For those members that do not live in the United States, Joe Biden is our Vice President. I am not concerned at all about him calling in on me. Our buses are equipped with audio/video. Let management see how he was acting. I just hope that management won't get a bad impression about cd's and tg's.

6. I am a homophobe and a hater. I was very amused by this. I am a transsexual that hates transsexuals. ( I do not dress at work and nobody knows I consider myself a woman.) It wasn't his behavior that made me put him off my bus, it was because I can't stand transsexuals. Well, at least when I am out in public dressed, I behave accordingly.

I don't care what skin color someone is, their gender, wealth status, nationality, orientation, identity, religion, etc. I demand three things: Be ready at the bus stop. Have your fare ready. Respect me and my passengers. Correct me if I am wrong but that isn't the definition of a hater or a homophobe.

7. I was puzzled by his friend. He didn't seem the type to hangout with someone of that character. He did try to calm him down and was not happy that his friend got put off; making him leave as well. I didn't put him off, but I can tell he was being loyal to his friend. I have a small shred of hope that maybe friend can talk some sense into him.

8. I tried telling my passengers about my transgendered cousin (me) who is polite and respectful and wants to blend in with society, but the damage was done. They were too busy making fun of gays and transgendered. Want to buy that guy a ticket to Jerry Springer.

I am sitting here trembling with anger that someone like that 'represents' the tg community, even though 99% of us don't act like that. We know he doesn't represent us, but that is what over 20 people, including little kids, saw today. What a crappy ambassador.

He is not a transsexual. He is not transgendered. He is not even a man. A man would have more honor and decency not to act that way; especially in front of kids. He does NOT represent me.

I alluded to that I don't know his financial situation; I can't criticize his style. I don't know his life nor do I know what he went through. It is possible that he has been rejected by family and friends and with the struggles that society does place on the tg community maybe he has a I don't give a $&% attitude towards the world. Maybe he has a big chip on his shoulder from losing his job because he identified as a TG. Or maybe he is just a butthole. Still no excuse to act that way; especially in front of kids. If I see him standing at a bus stop in the future I will 'choose' NOT to see him standing there.


What behaviors have you 'personally' witnessed or have you acted in a way that you now regret in regards to seeing someone in the TG community or being a member of it?

Amber

[Persephone]

Sounds like you had a Hell of a day, Amber! What a horrible thing to have to go through!

And yes, that person is what gives us a bad name. There is no question that you did the right thing.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Katie83]

The sad thing is it people like your passenger that make things a lots more difficult for the rest of us.
If a non tg/cd person's first interaction with someone from our community happens to be with your passenger, that is going to severely scew their opinion of us. And it would take a lot of us to change that persons opinion back to a positive one.
Katie

[ReineD]

He's a jerk (sorry, there's no nice way to put it), with a big chip on his shoulder and he just can't see it is his obnoxious, out of control behavior that puts people off, not his gender expression.

Was he drunk?

In terms of appearance, lots of people can't see themselves the way that other people see them. I understand this. Everyone has their own aesthetics. I've seen people (TG and non-TG) who've presented in a way that I wouldn't in public, but their choices make them feel good and that's OK. If they're polite and kind, their appearance is secondary, at least it is to me. But there is no excuse for belligerent behavior.

What behaviors have you 'personally' witnessed or have you acted in a way that you now regret in regards to seeing someone in the TG community or being a member of it?

I've seen some odd getups from members in the TG community. Once at a post office, there was (I assume) a TS in her late 50s/early 60s (she had aging, saggy breasts under a halter top and was not wearing a bra. She had long, gray hair with male pattern baldness, a peasant skirt, thick brown sandals, no makeup except lipstick, and painted toes/finger nails with the nail polish half chipped off. She was just waiting in line for her turn, minding her own business, and there was absolutely no cause for anyone to be upset with her. I did not feel any sense of shame, or that she was giving people like my SO a bad name or anything, rather I admired her for having the courage to be who she is. She looked comfortable in her own skin.

At my SO's gender group most of the TGs dress nicely. A few are a bit outlandish or flamboyant, but again, they're wearing what they think is pretty. For a while there was a fetish type CDer who attended but people were nice to him.

Had any of these people behaved poorly like the person on your bus, I would have been upset over their behaviors. Not over their style of presentation. Had your passenger presented as a man, you would have likely treated him the same way.

[jillleanne]

Great job done Amber. I wouldn't have had the patience you showed. I haven't acted in any way close to that when en femme or otherwise in public, but I do see some during Pride parades that I would prefer they simply stay home and wear their too too outfits in privacy.

[Aloha Jayne]

There is no excusing bad behavior, regardless of race, color, gender orientation or clothing choices. My guess is this "guy" dressed and acted the way he did because he wanted to start something. Getting thrown off of a bus was exactly what he was hoping for. Also sounds like drug behavior, maybe meth? It just disappoints me because he reinforced all the bad stereotype BS about us to everyone on that bus, and whoever else he chose to intimidate that day.

[Sara Jessica]

I am sitting here trembling with anger that someone like that 'represents' the tg community, even though 99% of us don't act like that. We know he doesn't represent us, but that is what over 20 people, including little kids, saw today. What a crappy ambassador....He is not a transsexual. He is not transgendered. He is not even a man. A man would have more honor and decency not to act that way; especially in front of kids. He does NOT represent me.

You are right, he represents us. He represents our community. Unfortunately he did in fact represent you, me and everyone else who identifies as some sort of TG...poorly. The proof is in the reaction of your riders. You or I or anyone else who presents with decorum and respect might walk by any one of those individuals and they'll likely say to their friend, "hey, there's another one of those ____....did I ever tell you the story about what I saw on a bus recently?"

Granted this was a bad egg and there's a chance that others saw him as such but chances are better than not that they have been poisoned by such a display.

It looks like you handled the situation as well as humanly possible. I'm sorry you even had to put up with it though.

[Marleena]

I agree with the others. Amber you handled the situation well and even went into damage control. This person was obviously mentally unstable for whatever reason and put us all in a bad light. People like that set us back as minorities that are trying to seek equality and acceptance.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, I have never seem a TG/TS exhibit behavior of that kind...not too any degree. But in your line of work you see a much broader cross section of society. I'm sure it includes a small percentage who, regardless of their gender indentification, make very poor representatives of humanity.

[Stephanie-L]

I agree with the others, you handled the situation as well as was possible. The mental child who started it either needs therapy or some time sober, and no I would not class them as trans. I suspect he was simply trying to cause an uproar, not that he truely identifies as female, "Hey, lets dress up like a hooker and see what we can get away with on the bus". Too bad you didn't get his name, you could turn him in for creating a disturbance on a public conveyance or something like that. Thanks for the way you handled it and for trying to repair the damage..........Stephanie

[KarenCDFL]

Forget about anything other than the fact this person made a public nuisance about them self and it was making the other people very uncomfortable.

It does not matter who it was or what the person was wearing.

Something like this cannot be tolerated especially in the close quarters of your bus. There should be a minimum of politeness and proper behavior offered when out in public with others around you and this person went way over the line. On top of the fact if this person was intoxicated there was a chance of people possibly being injured.

You did the right thing.

[Erica2Sweet]

Hi Amber.

I just don't see how an obnoxious 40-year-old man with a goatee and hairy legs, wearing a Halloween wig, green teeny blouse and pink skirt with stilettos somehow "represents us" as is mentioned in the discussion. In my opinion he's openly mocking the female gender. Whatever happened with conducting oneself with some dignity and class?

Although it's often with a pure heart, sometimes I feel "we" are often overly-inclusive in who we are willing to stand and be counted with. It seems wise to draw a line somewhere if "we" really want to ever be taken seriously in open society.

So, no I don't feel this person represents me or the many fine, intelligent folks who use these boards.

Back to the original point: No, I don't think he should have been kicked off the bus for how he visually presented himself. As an adult, how he presents himself is on him. But, I think he should have been kicked off for being rude and unruly. Which seems to be exactly what happened.

Sorry your evening wasn't better, but tomorrow is a brand new day!

[Tracii G]

He was acting like a jerk and should have been put off the bus.

[~Joanne~]

Amber, I bet you couldn't wait for the night to end....I have a few of those myself from time to time but not on the level that you had. As with everyone else I believe you handled it very properly and might have been a bit nicer than I would have had I been in your place.

The saddest part it that this person did make a lot of girls look bad when a lot of us do our best to be presentable and act appropriately. Personally If I ever do feel I am at a point where I can go out, it surely wouldn't be as a mess as you describe. I understand a lot of girls have to keep their facial hair and such for their SO's sake but I could never in my lifetime even try to go out with it.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well written post, and perfectly fine response from you on the situation. On our busses, the driver would probably not cancelled the police, and would have had him arrested. Threatening behaviour is something they are trying to control here, and this jerk's behaviour crossed that line as far as I'm concerned.

[Cristi]

I just don't see how an obnoxious 40-year-old man with a goatee and hairy legs, wearing a Halloween wig, green teeny blouse and pink skirt with stilettos somehow "represents us" as is mentioned in the discussion.

Of course he (pronoun used on purpose) doesn't... but people do tend to have a strong desire to group people and things together. In this circumstance, in an ideal world the reaction should have been "Here is a guy acting terribly. The way he is dressed is not relevant". But because crossdressing is still something that is notable, suddenly he isn't just a obnoxious person. He is an obnoxious person IN A DRESS.

This happens with every group. I am an avid cyclist and I'm ALWAYS hearing (and being grouped with) every cyclist out there who runs stop signs or holds up traffic.

This tendency to group is the basis of probably most stereotypes. Think of any negative stereotype and it is probably based on a few samples that got attributed to that group. Jewish people are 'cheap'? Black people are criminals? Irish are drunks? Crossdressers are men in pink skirts and bad wigs who disrupt things in public for the attention?

I don't know if there is a fix for this... if there is, it is probably just by overwhelming these BAD examples with more numbers of the good ones you gave. The student who just happens to wear a skirt, the older TS woman patiently waiting in line, the guy in a dress browsing through sales racks at the department store. But those people have a lower profile, so it takes 10 of 'us' to make up for one example like you had on the bus.

So in the end, this is probably one of the best arguments for the rest of us getting out there, so we can erase this stereotype.

[sterling12]

Drugs? Alcohol? Psychotic? Well, whatever The Circumstances, abusive/bad behavior in a public place should not be tolerated! I always cringe when we get this kind of behavior from one of our Sister's.

After The Incident, we often hear: "Oh, I was really drunk, or high, didn't really know what I was doing!" That's B.S.! If you behave that badly when your impaired, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE DOING THAT BEHAVIOR! Clean up your Act, Join A.A., make yourself a decent life!

Every time one of my Sister's behaves this stupidly, all the rest of us suffer The Consequences. How many people were on that Bus? 20, 40. 50? What kind of opinion are they going to form about "Guys in Dresses?" How many do you think will share a negative account about That Incident with all their Co-Workers The Next Day?

It's just like throwing A Rock into The Pond. "The Ripples" spread out, and effect The Whole Pond! We have enough trouble getting fair treatment, obtaining tolerance, people who behave like that do us irreparable harm.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[ReineD]

Every time one of my Sister's behaves this stupidly, all the rest of us suffer The Consequences. How many people were on that Bus? 20, 40. 50? What kind of opinion are they going to form about "Guys in Dresses?" How many do you think will share a negative account about That Incident with all their Co-Workers The Next Day?

Maybe I'm slanted in favor of this community, but I think that most people will be able to separate bad behavior from the idea that he is a CDer, especially since this passenger's presentation AND behavior were so much out of the norm ("mid 40's wearing a dark green off the shoulder teenie bopper style blouse, a neon pink skirt, and black five inch heel sandals and a cheap blonde halloween wig."). Most CDers out in public do not look like this. People won't perceive this guy so much as a CDer, as just being imbalanced. They'd think of him the same way if he was dressed like a lizard and had horns coming out of his head.

In other words, I think that most people would think, "Here goes another crazy person", and not, "OMG look at that disgusting CDer". IMO.

And sadly, there are those who will judge any CDer negatively no matter how well dressed she is. If they are biased against non-conforming gender presentation, this does not go away just because someone is dressed and behaves appropriately.

[Tara D. Rose]

Hi Amber.

I just don't see how an obnoxious 40-year-old man with a goatee and hairy legs, wearing a Halloween wig, green teeny blouse and pink skirt with stilettos somehow "represents us" as is mentioned in the discussion. In my opinion he's openly mocking the female gender. Whatever happened with conducting oneself with some dignity and class?

Although it's often with a pure heart, sometimes I feel "we" are often overly-inclusive in who we are willing to stand and be counted with. It seems wise to draw a line somewhere if "we" really want to ever be taken seriously in open society.

So, no I don't feel this person represents me or the many fine, intelligent folks who use these boards.

Back to the original point: No, I don't think he should have been kicked off the bus for how he visually presented himself. As an adult, how he presents himself is on him. But, I think he should have been kicked off for being rude and unruly. Which seems to be exactly what happened.

Sorry your evening wasn't better, but tomorrow is a brand new day!

I agree with you Erica. These particular types do not represent me, but still had this persons actions had made it on the evening news, so much of the viewers probably would have said, there they go again, see how those cd's are. There really isn't much news about us that is good news when the stations decide to air anything about us in a good light. Like when times I've watched movies, a guy goes to the urinal and then a cd walks up to pee standing beside him and then all laughter breaks out. And like last years super bowl Budweiser commercial where a hunky man was cd'd up just to get laughs and put us in the weird laughable part of society. Though this cd on the bus I feel does not in anyway, represent the kind of cd's most of us here are, kind, intelligent, respectful,etc. But nonetheless we will still carry some of the negativity that cd's like him wrongfully display.

[Cheryl T]

I've never witnessed anything like that that would make me ashamed to be who I am and a part of the community, BUT...
I do take exception to certain clothing choices that others make. Particularly bothersome to me are those that choose to dress as a few I saw one Saturday at a local Dress Barn. They were obviously older (retirement age I would say) and wearing pink tutus, white tights and had their hair in pigtails. I believe everyone has the right to wear what they enjoy and while I feel this attire may be appropriate for a private setting or party I do not feel it is such for the public arena. It's difficult enough for those of us that go out to do so and be subjected to stares, comments and perhaps worse just for being who we are. It's only worsened (my personal opinion) by public exhibitions such as I just mentioned.
All groups have their elements that lend a sour taste to the public image. Bikers have the Hell's Angels for example.

If you want to go out in public then I simply ask that you consider the public response to your actions and your attire and think of the image you are projecting of yourself and that of the community as a whole.....

Ok, I'm off the Soap Box....NEXT!!!!

[Kathi Lake]

I guess the division here is what 'represents' means. To us, those who know about the gender spectrum and it's width and depth, of course this individual does not represent us. Like others mentioned, the cockiness, the flagrant disregard for societal norms, etc. - this person was mocking a gender, not trying to be included in it.

However, as much as we might wish it to be, it's not about us all the time. According to the public, we are that person. All of us. Donny Osmond was wrong - one bad apple does spoil the whole bunch. To those on the outside, this person is a representation of all that is wrong with transgender issues (if they even use that term when they think about it). To them, we are all gay. Why? Because the ones that they know about - drag queens - are gay. We are all horrible dressers. Why? Because of people like your passenger who dress more for shock value (or even less savory things) than mental comfort.

So, does this person represent me? Not to me, but to the world he sure does.

Kathi

[Jonianne]

Amber, it sounds like you did the best you could. As someone else mentioned, it doesn't matter who she was or what she was wearing, she was disturbing the peace, period and should face consequences.

As far as who she represents, does she represent all Daytonites? or does she represent all Buckeyes? or all Americans? She apparently could be all those as well. Too bad some people will allow her behaviour to see all TG people in a more negative biased light. Thank you for trying to repair the damage.

[RADER]

Amber; You did the correct thing, I guess it was your day to get a nut case.
Driving a Bus is not easy; my wife did School Bus for 30+ years. Some of the
stories she would come home with would stand your hair on end.
5 and 6 graders are the worst, And when a 7 grader pulled a pistol on her, she called the cops.
The copes stooped the bus and took him and the pistol off the bus.
My wife got into big trouble over that. See the parents did not like going down to the station to
bail out junior. The School Bord did not like the idea of calming down an irate parent, Go Figure.
I Found out it is not against the law to have a pistol on a bus. I wonder what the Teacher
would have done if the kid got the thing to class.
Rader

[Julie1123]

I'm going to apologize right now for this being a bit off topic but I had a very similar situation occur but it was with regards to something else so I thought I might tell the story. It's always good for a laugh or two.

I used to work at a convenience store. There were two registers. One day this guy comes in wearing flame covered parachute pants and no shirt, he is heavily built and has tattoos covering his upper body, most of which are SS's, swastika's and other neo-nazi related tattoos. He comes up to my register with a case of beer. At the time I worked there it was company policy to ID anyone who looked under 40. So I did. Of course he didn't have it on him and the argument ensued. It ended with him stalking out the door, slamming it open and peeling out of the parking lot in his pickup truck. There was a little old lady at the other register while all this was going on. And this is the conversation that we had:

Little Old Lady: It's terrible that you have to do deal with people like that.
Me: Yeah. Some people, right?
Little Old Lady: Yeah, I don't know about people with tattoos...
Me: *blank look while debating whether or not I should roll up my sleeves and show her my literature related tattoos*

[Samantha_Smile]

Good on you luv.
I hate it when people act like arse holes on busses. Just sit down, shut up and wait for your stop like everyone else.

It also aggravates me when people tar everyone with the same brush. "Got robbed by a black guy once, therefore all black men are thieves"
"Saw a really bad looking, rude transexual once, therefore all trannys are hideous creatures"

Ummmm, how about you got robbed by a scumbag, and you saw a CD with no style or grace?

Rant over, thanks for posting