Those people on the bus don't meet or chat online with crossdresser. So, it's natural for them to think bad things about us after that experience!
To be completely honest, before I came online here, I thot something similar about dressers! Even tho I was one!
Since I came out online here, I've chatted with many and met even more at the 4 CD "conventions" I've attended. I haven't met or chatted with one CD who even remotely resembled that moron!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Maybe you're right, Sherry (and others). Maybe it's worse out there than I think, and the person on the bus will reinforce the negative stereotype.
We need to find a way to educate our kids about gender and sexual variance in our schools.
Reine
Too much stuff to reply to! Well first off, I want to say thanks for the support over my 'bad day'. In honesty though, the day wasn't bad. I consider my bad days as the time when I had a knife pulled on me, when I had several shots fired at my windshield, getting jumped by three thugs, having my trolley poles de-wire and wrap themselves up in active power lines, my bus catching on fire, etc. Those were bad days! I deal with nutcases constantly. I have to put about 3-5 a month off my bus for various reasons (drinking, swearing, playing music, not paying fare, etc). It did make me extremely angry though. Someone mentioned about 'guess what I saw on the bus last night' comment, and you are absolutely right. That did negatively affect us. It does cause prejudices to develop. We are all guilty of it in one way or another.
I didn't smell any alcohol on him, so I don't think he was drunk. He could have been a druggie, but I think he is just a douche bag. I'm also not to sure that he was there for the 'shock' that some people try to do. He spent the time to apply for a disability fare card with a female name on it. Can't remember what her name was. If he was acting that way just for the shock of it, I doubt he would spend the time to file all the necessary paperwork. I also don't buy the 'disabled' excuse. There are millions of people in the western world that would qualify as disabled and they don't act like douche bags.
It is hard to say that one person can dress they way they want compared to what is decent. Everybody has different definitions. I saw a cd'r in downtown walking towards a club that had a huge wide blond wig short black mini skirt that barely concealed the 'captain', black fish nets, with knee high boots with super high heels. Also was sporting a huge set of breasts. I personally didn't care for that look, but if it made her happy then by all means, she should wear it. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. She was walking to a club dressed like that and not JC Penny's. Also, I believe she wasn't hurting the 'community' as much as that jerk on my bus. People probably saw her and laughed and kept going; shortly forgotten. But, that jerk on my bus behavior is going to stick with everybody for a long long time.
Amber
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger,
"we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
Alimarx SDMB 2004
What a tough experience! You handled it very professionally. Hope your next TG rider is the other end of the spectrum...classy and sophisticated.
You did what you had to do to protect the passengers on the bus as well as yourself
The guy act bad and everyone acts like the whole group acts like this, I too would be upset with his behavior
try to put it behind you and go on with a fun life
WHEN IN STRESS WEAR A DRESS
BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF IT ALL YOU GOT
sounds like he was just a bad person. Gender, race, etc... Do not matter when bad behavior is involved. Tossing him from the bus was the right thing to do.
If you chose to dress like a lady, then you should act like one---I would have thrown her off the bus too
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
You did what you had to do, Amber. The safety of you and your passengers is paramount.
Too many visible minorities use their status as an excuse.
In my opinion what you encountered was a person broken from a lifetime of trauma.
A childhood filled with violence, sexual abuse, parental addictions,neglect, ect..
People are not born this way they are turned into this by those who brought them into the world.
Playing the victim when he is the abuser was taught to him by those playing the victim while they abused him. (blame)
This person does not represent the TG community as much as the failure of humanity to protect its children so they do not evolve into him.
My fear would be for the children that encounter him and he does to them what was done to him.
If you like to read Google "Malignant Narcissism" for an understanding of extreme attention seeking behavior which sounds like what he was doing.
He is seeking love (attention) by acting "important" to fix himself but his idea of love is corrupt because of what was done to him in the name of "love"
Being "crazy" is from trauma and you were right in removing him to protect others.
It is a shame because people do not survive long when they sink that deeply into sickness and I fear his future is bleak.
Think of him as a sick child in an adult body because psychologically he probably was ten years old still trying to get the love he did not get than.
Amber, i hope management does get a chance to review your skill in handling this situation, and acts accordingly and giver you the credit you deserve for your outstanding actions.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Seems to me that their gender and presentation had absolutely nothing to do with it. That person was being rude, obnoxious, and vulgar in a public place and was tossed for it. I'm sorry that you had to deal with the anxiety, but there is no question that you did the morally right thing (for your other passengers) and also what your position required.
Oh, and the NEXT time you throw me of the damned bus, I'm gonna thump ya'! ;-)
Amber, maybe he was not trans, maybe he on to cause trouble and make CD-TG-TS persons look like we are stupid, even that he has his picture on his id, maybe he out just to make the group in general look bad, It sounds like you did a great job, taking care of the people on board, one bad apple out there just can screw up everything for everyone. Good for you, be a smart train proffessional driver. WE need more like you out there, Hugs.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Stacy Lynn Coral[/SIZE]
In my small city you could have called for assistance from the transit police and had his @ss thrown of the bus. Our drivers are instructed to pull to the curb and call for assistance. A night in jail for disorderly conduct and 'inappropriate bus conduct' was in order for your rider.
I think I would have whispers to the freind as hea ws getting off the bus, "BTW, after I pull away, tell your freind taht I happen to be a transexual myself"
What you put off your bus was a disrespectful disruptive individual. All of the other classifications aside whether the person involved was a he, a she or anything in between, none of them are enough to account for the way the individual in question behaved. There is no mix of race, gender, creed, or sexual orientation that makes it acceptable for someone to share intimate details of sexual encounters regardless of the gender or orientation of the involved parties with non consenting adults let alone children.
The right to free speech does not remove from you the responsibility of choosing an appropriate time and audience to exercise it.
Last edited by Jason+; 09-09-2012 at 01:40 AM. Reason: Additional point.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
This "person" is a prime example of why we have so much trouble with acceptance by society. When we "blend' in with everyday society we are hardly seen. But when morons like this make a spectical of themselves we all stick out like sore thumbs. You did right in kicking this goof off the bus. Unfortunately the damage control just wasn't going to work in this instance, and another TG would have boarded after the incident every passenger would have a prejudged conclusion even if she would have taken her seat quietly and bothered no one. Like someone told me," it takes 4 good encounters to make up for one bad one".
If the clothes make the man then the makeup makes the woman.
Alcoholic/meth addict/schizo , sounds like to me. And it makes me feel bad for schizophrenics, they have a tough time enough as it is.
If anyone thinks this is representative of the TG or CD society, they are full of it. The comments you heard is merely anger lashing out at the easiest handles they could grab onto- they were too enraged by the behavior to come up with more lucid and appropriate comments.
This is mental illness, either acute or exacerbated by drug and alcohol abuse. Pure and simple. No one can live like this in a city for long and not get arrested, killed, or otherwise dealt with in some rather unpleasant way.
Sorry you had to see it- but this is what police, prisons, and mental health pros deal with regularly. So the next time you hear someone pooh-poohing the way the mental health community does something- try to imagine Tom Cruise trying to 'cure' this guy without drugs. I'd pay good money to see that unedited film. That is, if i was not sued by the dianetics crowd for seeing it... :-/
My wife has dealt with disturbed kids for a decade, it takes a real toll on the workers. I have some serious opinions about this...
Oh- importantly- you handled the situation VERY professionally. KUDOS!
All I have to say is a tough, and in someways heartbreaking situation handled very well Amber!
Debby
I think you did much better than I would have, meaning you did the right things for the correct reasons. If I were in the driver's seat I probably would have used the mike to lecture that jerk and then try to explain to the rest of the passengers that the idiot that just left wasn't a very good example of a TG person or a very good example of any kind of adult. I'd end up in the supervisors office having to explain a lot.
yeah, you did it well.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
Anybody who took this one reject's actions as a reason to use hate speech is already a lost cause as far as I am concerned. They were just keeping it internal until they had a pack of similar animals to babble with.
It sounds like if he was not drunk or stoned, he very well might have been mentally ill. That does not mean that he has a right to act so inappropriately, especially in front of children. Maybe his friend was trying to reel him in if he was having a manic espisode.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Amber - Sorry that you feel bad but you just did your job. You threw an asshole off the bus, not a representative of cressdressers or the TG community.
For me it's simple; the only issue is the guys extremely bad behavior in a public place to which you responded in the only way you could in your public service role. Had he travelled as a civilised person should then there was no issue.
As for being badly dressed; perhaps it's his intention to make a form of statement in the same vein as early punks did. To shock and confront mainstream society. It's just unfortunate that mainstream society can't differentiate that from those who (in the best possible taste) choose the gender representation.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
What I see is that you put a rather unruly and possibly psychologically disturbed person off your bus.
This is care and responsibility for your other passengers.
Good on you.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
ok
1. I totally agree with you intirely he was a bad example of our people but at least you educated the other passengers on the topic just like if a black guy robs you doesn't mean all bllack people will rob you.
2. OMG the hairy body thing yes I agree and his fashion since was crapper then his attitude. I can't help but think of a hippie when you describe him.
I hope he never comes back to your bus again.
You where born this way.
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