A Vicious Circle...Need Some Advice

[Courtney_Glenn]

I Honestly don't wan't to come off as melodramatic or mopey, but I'm in a constant Love/Hate relationship with myself.

When I am in "guy mode", I hate my fem side and wish it never existed. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it, and if people even bring up "Courtney" in conversation, I quickly change the subject. (I am aware that this is a bad attitude to have, but I'm being honest.)

When I am in "fem mode" , I'm happier, I physically feel healthier (if that makes any sense), and for some reason I feel closer to my wife. But there is that reminder in the back of my head that what I do is widely considered taboo....I get p**sed off that I will never be fully accepted as me as a whole being....so I revert back to safe "guy mode"

Don't get me wrong...I like being a guy...But I'm just sick of going though this back and forth cycle of frustration and depression. Not sure what to do.

[Karren H]

Resistance is futile..... I remember those days..... but one day I just decided that I'm tired of all the torment..... I am who I am and have to do what I have to do and it was never going away..... and I accept it unquestionably...... as as a fact of my life...... boom! Life got better....... life without turmoil..... without tormenting myself.... life not caring what anyone else thinks.....

[Marleena]

Resistance is futile..... I remember those days..... but one day I just decided that I'm tired of all the torment..... I am who I am and have to do what I have to do and it was never going away..... and I accept it unquestionably...... as as a fact of my life...... boom! Life got better....... life without turmoil..... without tormenting myself.... life not caring what anyone else thinks.....

I agree with Karren. Follow her lead and you'll be happy.

[kimdl93]

In either mode, it seems that you're basing your self worth on the opinions and acceptance of others. No matter who we are, that's a prescription for low self esteem. We cant rely on others to give us value...we have to find it in ourselves.

[Jeanna]

In either mode, it seems that you're basing your self worth on the opinions and acceptance of others. No matter who we are, that's a prescription for low self esteem. We cant rely on others to give us value...we have to find it in ourselves.

This is exactly right!

[Katie83]

Resistance is futile..... I remember those days..... but one day I just decided that I'm tired of all the torment..... I am who I am and have to do what I have to do and it was never going away..... and I accept it unquestionably...... as as a fact of my life...... boom! Life got better....... life without turmoil..... without tormenting myself.... life not caring what anyone else thinks.....

Great advice Karren. I felt much happier in myself once i'd accepted i am a crossdresser. You can't expect others to accept you if you accept yourself.
Katie

[Kate Simmons]

If you explore ALL of your feelings, accept them and make them your own, you will feel better no matter what mode you are in Hon. It worked for me.

[Krististeph]

Karren is right, though it takes a lot to get there for most of us.

Your feelings are normal, believe it or not. The brain runs in cycles of activity & neurotransmitters- sleep/wake for instance. In the Sleep wake cycle- the chemical balance is constantly cycling. This tends to keep the balance from drifting too far away from the optimum.

Opposite feelings may be due to this as well. Not that it feels good. :-( Kind of like bi-polar moods, and as such, you have a chance of dealing with it a bit by simply saying out loud : the way i feel may be a simple cyclic neurochemical balance or effect- and it will get better soon.

Also/or if it is because of a bi-polar effect- you can try to mute or sedate your "happy" or "up" phase- you will lessen the rebound depressive stage to a noticable degree.



Try to remind your self out loud that the bad feelings are

[Erica2Sweet]

In either mode, it seems that you're basing your self worth on the opinions and acceptance of others. No matter who we are, that's a prescription for low self esteem. We cant rely on others to give us value...we have to find it in ourselves.

This is right on. It takes some internal work (introspection) to come to terms with this gender stuff and support from the wife will be very helpful. Concentrating on gaining and maintaining acceptance of those whom you care for and who reciprocate is a great place to start. The world is a screwed up place anyway, and blanket acceptance from everyone out there is an unrealistic goal. Don't set yourself up for guaranteed failure by trying to win over the world.

and... When you have people around you who you love, you can't really just say "to hell with it all, I'm going to do what I want". Without weighing the needs of your loved ones along with your own wants and desires, you risk harming those relationships and a very real and big way. That's being selfish and it is murder on relationships with our loved ones.

[UNDERDRESSER]

In either mode, it seems that you're basing your self worth on the opinions and acceptance of others. No matter who we are, that's a prescription for low self esteem. We cant rely on others to give us value...we have to find it in ourselves.

Another vote for Kim's attitude!

You have to look at yourself honestly. Is it that you're afraid you're gay? Odds are, you're not. I thought that for a while, now I know I'm not. I'm not totally sure exactly what I am, but whatever it is, I'll deal with it.

If you ARE Gay, or Bi, well, it can cause upheaval, but this self bashing is more destructive in the long run.

Crossdressing is not understood in the mainstream, but it's not illegal. It can cause employment and social problems, but you're not going to get arrested. Keeping it hidden is understandable, hating yourself for it is something you need to root out. I know this is difficult, it's only recently that I have made strides that direction myself, but i can tell you, it can change your life.

[~Joanne~]

I find myself in the same situation too. You aren't alone. It will take a lot of time to get pass this state of mind but hopefully in that time You'll also learn a lot more about yourself in the process.

It's easy to say "we shouldn't care what other people think or say" but it's hard not to because of all the social BS we were brought up to believe is "the way". From school, to church, and everyone in between....they fed us THEIR beliefs and we bought into it.

Now we need to cash our chips out and live according to what we believe and how we feel.

[KellyJameson]

Your thread is very perceptive in my opinion.

When you crossdress you are going against your conditioning that was taught to you in countless ways by countless people.

Leave the conditioning beind by rejecting what you have been taught because what
you have been taught is not you but the voices of others inside you so your words are not really your own

Reject the brainwashing and trust your deeper feeling mind.

You may feel weak or like a failure and even immoral but this is all the language of the conditioning.

When you experience this, close your eyes and go into it to discover where you learned these beliefs and you will learn who taught them to you.

Church,friends,family,intimate partners, all people who had or have value to you that you did not or do not want to displease.

To live we must keep a part of ourselves for ourselves.

[sandra-leigh]

I agree with Karren. Follow her lead and you'll be happy.

But you can make your own decisions about jeans

[Karren H]

But you can make your own decisions about jeans

Follow my lead and you'll be be prettier too! lol

[Cheryl T]

Been there done that as the saying goes.
Then I learned to accept myself and enjoy ALL of me.