Confused or what???

[SallyS]

Well I've finally come to the realization that I am not just a man in a dress!

Over the years I have seen many words banded about, to label our 'condition'.
TS this TG that etc. etc. to name but a few.

I thought I was just a good 'ol fashioned TV from a young age, but not now!

My mind tells me that there is a real women locked inside my male physiology, but she is happy to share both lives.

This leaves me in the situation where I'm neither totally one thing or another....transgendered I guess?

Now, as I am NOT totally a women trapped in a man's body, transitioning is neither a desire or option. What I need is an acceptable middle ground for who I want to truly be.

I think a visit to a therapist, for the first time in over 20 years, is on the cards. I'm just going around in a circle trying to find the exit.

This revelation has come about with the realization that I don't have to put on a pretty dress to feel feminine. Simply being in the right state of mind puts me there, what ever I'm wearing.

I no longer put a skirt on for an adolescent thrill, like I used to all those years ago. I put on a skirt because that is what my female self wants to wear.

Now don't get me wrong, I love this site, but lately it has felt strange to discuss CD'ing matters, as I no longer see myself as CD'er, if that makes sense? I feel I have no business poking my nose into a forum that is primarily aimed at cross-dressing men.

Well. Technically, I would still be called a cross-dresser as quoted on WIKI:

Cross-dressing is the act of wearing clothing and other accoutrements commonly associated with the opposite sex within a particular society

But as I have said, I don't need to be en-femme to feel feminine. When I wake-up, I am a physical male, but probably a TG person? So it doesn't really matter what I wear, apart from the fact that if I was in man-mode, wearing a leather mini-skirt, I'd be in drag and just having a laugh......like lot's of men do! But if I was in female-mode in hob-nail boots, jeans and braces, I'd still feel like a girl

I guess what I'm trying to say is perhaps I don't belong on this particular forum and need to find something more appropriate to my particular genetic coding.

Sally

[KARI AN]

Sally, I can relate to your post, I think that after a while its just the fem in us and very natural.

[Aloha Jayne]

Sally, I'm just like you. For most of my life I thought this was nothing more than a kinky fetish. And now I realize that all this behavior is because I have a woman inside of me. Like you, I have no desire to transition, and I like being a dude. But I can also feel feminine with just my nails done, or dancing around in my living room with nothing on but an attitude. I like to use the term bi-gender. I'm not bi-sexual, I'm not transgender, but I was born with both male and female personalities, and have been since I developed a gender identity about the age of 5. I know for some ladies on this site, it is only about the clothes, while others want to be a woman 24/7, and endless variations. But for me, there is a female side to me that just wants to experience the world out in public and not in the closet.

[Carlene]

I feel much like the three previous posters, but find it frustrating not being able to, "experience the world out in public and not in the closet", as Aloha Jayne articulates. Unfortunately, men aren't welcomed as browsers in the ladies departments and even scorned by many if discovered touching garments in the intimates area. For the most part, we can't even wear woman's jeans or a pretty pink T-shirt. I, too, have no desire to transition or even fully dress as a woman, but I would certainly like to feel comfortable walking outside wearing fashionable ladies jeans, set off by a colourful pair of flats. A bracelet or necklace might be nice too.

Mostly, I wish that this part of me (and it is a part of me) could be accepted................sigh

Carlene....

[Karren H]

I don't understand why we beat ourselves up and try to force ourselves into little predefined categories or compartments... especially defined by kiwi.... what's wrong with just accepting the fact that you are who you are and you like to do what you like to do and don't really need a name for it? Then go to counselling so someone with a degree can help you put yourself in one category or another.... like bolts in bunch of bins.... "your threaded the wrong way so you go over here..." lol. Maybe its just me but I don't think I want to be thrown in a bin with anyone else.... I want my own bin! Were all unique and different...

[Thera Home]

Unfortunately, men aren't welcomed as browsers in the ladies departments and even scorned by many if discovered touching garments in the intimates area.

Carlene....

Hi Carlene
Just do what I do. Keep a playboy rolled up in your back pocket and let your tougue hang out while browsing

Thera

[Laura912]

I agree with Karren although I have seen many people that, once given a diagnosis of a condition although untreatable and not much danger, seem more content. Is it just basic human nature that we have to find a box? Just toss me over into the Miss Cellanous Nuts!

[Amy Fakley]

maybe all the words we use are just symbols; light-weight, low-resolution representations of reality that we can easily toss around for the purposes of communication and forming generalizations.

What I'm trying to say is that you are real. The words "male", "female", "transvestite", "cross-dresser", "transgendered", etc ... these are not real, these are merely ideas which may or may not describe you.

It's like shoe shopping. Shoes come in sizes. Feet do not. You do not have size 10 1/2 feet, you have you sized feet, and size 10 1/2 shoes may or may not accurately describe the size of them.

If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it :-)

[lingerieLiz]

Carlene -- Unfortunately, men aren't welcomed as browsers in the ladies departments

I love looking at pretty lingerie and clothes so much that I don't even care. Once I picked a dress off the sale rack at the same time a woman on the other side went for it. Just for spite I looked in the mirror and held it up to see how I would look in it. It was actually one for my wife but she never knew.

When I was around 20 I felt that I was supposed to be a girl because I crossdressed and everyone assumed I must be gay. I went through a lot of stages, but felt totally feminine. I could easily pass so I did many things as a girl. I liked it, but began to realize that while I liked many feminine things I liked being a guy and liked girls. To this day I like women's fashions and clothes. As my name implies I enjoy wearing pretty lingerie just because it makes me feel good. I don't try to be a woman today. I do seldom dawn the whole works, but the rest of the time I just wear women's clothes and my neighbors are still friends.

[carhill2mn]

Hi Sally,

I disagree with your conclusion that you "don't belong on this particular forum". IMHO, you "belong" here as much as anyone
and maybe more than some.

Paying too much attention to labels and what they supposedly mean can often get in the way of being who you really are.
I am en femme most of the time except when with family (some of whom "know") and friends who only know my male self. I still consider myself to be a CD as I do not consider myself to be a woman in a man's body and have no desire to transition. I just prefer to look like a woman and to act like a lady.

So, please reconsider your decision.

[KellyJameson]

Every man has a mother so is at least made up of half a woman and his father was half a woman so contributed even more to his sons femininity.

Sometimes I think masculinity is a mirage in the desert and the closer you get to it the more it disappears.

Maybe men collectively deceive themselves into thinking they are something they are not and crossdressing confronts them with this self deception that is socially created.

In my opinion you are fortunate to experience the "right state of mind" without anything external because this is the "real" you that was always there but kept
locked away that has been brought back to life.

Everyone belongs to this section of the forum in my opinion.

CD's,TG's,GG's,TS's,FtM,MtF,Ect.. because within every one is the possibility that what they share may help others.

Life is wasted if it is not lived but we all must learn how to do this and sharing our thoughts is one way to discover how.

[bridget thronton]

I agree with Karen I am me - I am working on integrating the facets of my personality into a single (perhaps bigendered) person

[Linda St. John]

Hi Sally,

I disagree with your conclusion that you "don't belong on this particular forum". IMHO, you "belong" here as much as anyone
and maybe more than some.

Hi Sally, I totally agree with Carole and Karen ......don't waste your money or time seeing a therapist - you seem to have a firm grasp of who you are !

Linda

[Annette Todd]

Sally,

I agree with what others are saying. This site is perfect for us regardless of being a guy in a dress or transitioning. There are GG's here also who are supportive of their SO or trying to figure out what is "wrong" with them. What makes this forum so great is that it is up to you to define yourself, speak your mind and no one is going to piont and laugh.

Therapy is not the be all, end all of finding yourself. Most therapists are going to be an ear and charge you a lot of dough and in the end it is still up to you to "find yourself". This forum is somewhat a form of therapy. It offers the same thing and is in many ways a support group that will offer you the chance to be yourself, speak your mind and let you define who you want to be. In that way you are able to follow your own path through life. I often see threads here that are introspective in nature and elicit a plethera of feedback that is informative and instructive.

I personally am glad I found this site and can share my own thoughts with others who are not going to discount what I say because I don't subscribe to the socially acceptable role my gender or sex dictates. If I wear a dress or put on make up, paint my nails or pluck my eyebrows, that is not a filter through which I am judged. We all bring somthing to the table with our thoughts and insights.

Please don't feel you don't belong! I am glad you are here.

Cheers

[Barbara Ella]

To continue Karren's thread of thought (pun intended). We are all a bunch of nuts. We are different sizes, different ASTM grades of steel, different thread pitches and fineness. Now, if we wanted to sell ourselves, we would naturally get into boxes with the same bunch of nuts. But, if we wanted to make life interesting we would just all jump in the box together, and let the customer learn to recognize us before picking one out of the box. More work on their part, but they would learn so much more by seeing all the different nuts.

No way in hell would I want to lose the voice of one of the nuts. Think of the experiences lost to the other new nuts who join our box. Think of the enjoyment of the older nuts who have grown to enjoy the particular thoughts of any one nut.

The important thing to remember is who you are, or have become over time. I, like you Sally, have journeyed. I have arrived at your very same position, but in only one year. It has been like being continually beat on by a hammer psychologically. I am now at peace. I know I will never transition, and don't have to. I am feminine, and I think feminine. I now present male for family. I no longer dress in female clothes. I dress in my clothes (this statement took my wife aback a bit) when I want to, but I dont have to to be able to know who I am, who you are, and to appreciate the position.

With this, I find I post a bit less, and respond less, but still try to answer all the introductions, but cannot leave the peace I found here over the past year. Please just pick your moments for chatting that best fit your feelings at the moment, but do not go silent. There is still so much more for all of us to learn.

Barbara

[Wildaboutheels]

I am quite sure that there are tons of people who are lurkers at this site and the numbers support this. Because of the general "flavor" of this particular Forum, many if not most readers, can't, don't or won't relate to a lot of it. So they don't need to log in if they are not going to post. A poll would certainly reflect it, I feel quite sure.The numbers/ratio of who enjoys doing what are irrelevant anyway.

It may take some digging, but I think most people can find some useful or relevant information if they are interested in at least learning more or understanding themselves better or relating their own experience/s that might possibly help others less experienced. Some people DO read entire threads.

As far as genetic coding?

Thankfully each and every one of us is unique and that's a good thing IMO.

[suchacutie]

Sally, I think we have a very similar situation. When we found Tina 7 years ago we had no idea who she was or whether she would even stay around very long. Now it seems clear that I'm bi-gendered in that I need both of my gendered selves to be around and flourish!

My life was wonderful before we knew about Tina, but now it all seems so much clearer. Can't live without both of me and certainly can't put the genie back into the bottle.

[sabrinaedwards]

For me, I can understand your feelings. I think it relates to trying to understand all of this. How can I explain it to others when I do not understand it myself. I have so much ambiguity in my feelings. I so enjoy the feminine, yet I am a man, a husband and a father.

[Erica2Sweet]

...This revelation has come about with the realization that I don't have to put on a pretty dress to feel feminine...

Hi Sally. I agree, and I suspect this would hold true with nearly everyone in this forum, but I recognize a tendency to choose to ignore the idea, mainly because its just not as accelerating or glamorous.

...I guess what I'm trying to say is perhaps I don't belong on this particular forum and need to find something more appropriate to my particular genetic coding...

The argument of genetics vs. psychology aside, I myself have spent a great deal of time searching for additional places online to exchange ideas about gender issues in the MtoF realm, and I've yet to find any place that offered as much in terms of support and input than this forum.

[PretzelGirl]

I guess what I'm trying to say is perhaps I don't belong on this particular forum and need to find something more appropriate to my particular genetic coding.

There are two problems with looking at this being named cd.com. First is that you cannot get us (and probably society if we tried hard enough) to decide what any of the terms really mean. Some people think a crossdresser only wears clothes and not make-up or wigs. This place would become fairly barren if that was the criteria.

Second is that this forum has been designed (or evolved, I haven't been here that long) to be all encompassing. The name may say CD, but the various sub-forums sure go much further than that.

So don't worry about details. You have things to think through and deciding whether to be here or not shouldn't be one. There are plenty of people here that are or have been where you are. Let it fly. You are home and just may not know it.