Why the heack would she do that?

[JaytoJillian]

SO's relatives are visiting from out of town. I come home from work, change into a pair of shorts and join everyone on the deck. SO comes over to where I'm sitting and starts rubbing her bare foot briskly on my lower leg. She then asks, "So, Mr. triathalon, when are you going to stop shaving your legs, I miss the hair! I'm going to have to start rubbing HIS legs (motioning to her cousin's husband who sports a good amount of body hair)." Can you imagine me complaining about stubble on her legs and suggesting that I start rubbing her cousin's legs to get the smooth sensation that I like???? Sounds pretty boorish, right? I could tell it made the guests feel uncomfortable, but they are wayyyyy too polite to say anything.

I am athletic, but everyone knows that I am NOT a triathlete. So, did she just make this comment to make me feel uncomfortable about CDing and put me in a position of feeling the need to explain WHY I shave my legs and my armpits? She often attempts to make me feel ashamed of CDing but never in front of others. Is this a new level of the nagging meaness that I have experienced since It all came out about six years ago? All I know is that I can't continue on much longer with being judged so harshly--If my being a crossdresser makes her so miserable why doesn't she just leave?

[Mollyanne]

Hi J2J, Yes, your SO is putting you in a VERY bad position and trying to "box you in". Maybe you should ask her if tables were reversed, how would she feel and/or react if you said the same thing about her cousin. I don't think she would like it very much!!!!!! As far as leaving, why don't you ask her????? When it comes to "affairs of the heart" there is no actual reasoning. You really do have my sympathy and my support in this tough situation.

Molly

[JaytoJillian]

Awwww thanks, Molly. I appreciate the sympathetic ear---no angel here, but I am respectful always, so I am dumfounded with this latest twist in my saga called life.

[STACY B]

Hell ya ever take a look in the Mirror ? You to dam good looking to leave ,,,I think your a Keeper thats why ,, So just Roll with it ,,,, Don't last long those folks being over ,,Give them something to talk about on the ride home ,, Good come back next time she says something about shaving your legs , When she says when are ya gonna stop shaving your legs just look at her strait in the eye an say Come onnnnnnnnnnn You know I DON'T SHAVE ,,,I Neet , Works everytime ,,, At least for me it does ,,,Don't be so touchy if ya give in then they got CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Jeanna]

Hell ya ever take a look in the Mirror ? You to dam good looking to leave ,,,I think your a Keeper thats why ,, So just Roll with it ,,,, Don't last long those folks being over ,,Give them something to talk about on the ride home ,, Good come back next time she says something about shaving your legs , When she says when are ya gonna stop shaving your legs just look at her strait in the eye an say Come onnnnnnnnnnn You know I DON'T SHAVE ,,,I Neet , Works everytime ,,, At least for me it does ,,,Don't be so touchy if ya give in then they got CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hey Jay read this a second time, Stacy is right!...sometimes lol

["Mary"]

I get a little bit of this, too from time to time. Nothing so blatant. My wife is rather tolerant and very kind.

[Brenda79135]

Order some rabbit fur and have pants made. She can't complain about the hair then.

[k lynn]

My ex used to do things pop my bra strap and drop hints about my undies when her family members came over

[donnalee]

The truth is, our mates know our buttons well and sometimes they just can't resist pushing them, probably to make sure they still work. That's bad enough but to do so with others around is just plain mean and potentially dangerous. I hope it was just a momentary lapse on your SO's part, but she needs to understand how hurt you were and the possible harm she could cause to your family.

[BRANDYJ]

I don't know you or your wife Jillian, so it hard to say why she did this. From what you say, it's obvious that your wife knows you are a CD and that she does not like it and perhaps only tolerates it to the extent that she hasn't left or issues any ultimatums to you concerning it. I assume you do not dress around her and maybe try to keep it out of her view and conversations. Kind of a DADT thing?
Could it be that she did this to bring up the subject of crossdressing so she had some allies to talk about this with,assuming she has no one that knows about you and she feels the burden of keeping this secret and is wanting to have someone in the family to talk to about it.
What disturbs me about your post is your last comment, "If my being a crossdresser makes her so miserable why doesn't she just leave?" What I don't read is whether or not you love her or if you feel she loves you too. The way you said that makes me think that maybe you want her to leave.
it's not just your post, but I see it in almost all posts where there is an issue with a non-accepting wife. Seems the subject of love, respect and other associated reasons for being married in the first place are left out of the posts where the OP has a problem to discuss, rant about, or ask for help or opinions about the issue they face. So it leads some to say things like, end it, move on, leave her, kick her out, etc. Lie that's an easy thing emotionally or economically. But you ask why she doesn't just leave, as if that would not bother you...or would it?
But again, maybe she was reaching out to someone in her family to have someone to talk to about her concerns about your dressing. Hard to say.

[Miranda09]

You know Jillian, it seems to be a rather immature thing to make such a comment in front of others, but, my response would simply be...You KNOW I don't like hair and that's why I shave!! Besides, CDer's aren't the only males that shave. Most male models do, many athletes do, and alot "regular guys" do. To many, it's just part of good grooming. You might pull off to the side and ask her...What are you trying to prove? Hope I'm not sounding too harsh...

[Marlana]

You are beautiful. Perhaps she feels threatened by Jillian, in that she may take you over. My wife was taken by surprise when she saw my shaved underarms. "You got a little crazy with the razor,huh?" I told her I felt it was out of control and and took it all off. It'll grow back I told her. As for your situation, just tell her that you never know when that next race is gonna be. I'd rather not deal with the itching so I keep it shaved.

[stefan37]

The only person you should be concerned about when you shave your legs is your SO. Nobody cares. Once you get over your own feelings of insecurity, honestly nobody cares. I have had hairless legs for a long time and nobody has ever made an issue of it. I attended a vintage car show and race in Watkins Glen this month. It was a very beautiful day and most people had shorts on. I can not even begin to give you the number of men I saw with hairless legs. If people do ask just tell them you are shaving for hygienic reasons. I believe the biggest obstacle is not feeling self conscious about hairless legs or your body. I have also have hairless armpits and do wear tanks and nobody has asked about that either. What people may ask about are colored nail polish and eyemakeup which I wear daily.

[Stephenie S]

Pretty much the response is spot on. The only problem here (besides your wife's impolite behavior) is that YOU feel guilty and ashamed.

If you can't own your behavior, you should not be doing it. Period. If you do shave your legs, own it. There is no explanation other than "I like it", needed.

Now your wife? Well, calling attention to someone's grooming habits in public is kinda poor taste, don't you think? But you still have to be ready to defend yourself. Don't let your guilt overcome your intelligence. "I shave my legs 'cause I hate the hair".

I dunno. Family dynamics are so complicated. See if you two can come to some sort of understanding, huh? Would she appreciate a negative comment about HER grooming when you are in public?

[Thera Home]

SO's relatives are visiting from out of town. I come home from work, change into a pair of shorts and join everyone on the deck. SO comes over to where I'm sitting and starts rubbing her bare foot briskly on my lower leg. She then asks, "So, Mr. triathalon, when are you going to stop shaving your legs, I miss the hair!

Hi Jillian
My wife did that too me once in front of guests and relatives, I just blew her a kiss and said "but I thought you liked the feeling". Everyone including my wife got a good chuckle out of it and we continued the party w/o a beat.

Thera

[linda allen]

SO's relatives are visiting from out of town. I come home from work, change into a pair of shorts and join everyone on the deck. SO comes over to where I'm sitting and starts rubbing her bare foot briskly on my lower leg. She then asks, "So, Mr. triathalon, when are you going to stop shaving your legs, I miss the hair! I'm going to have to start rubbing HIS legs (motioning to her cousin's husband who sports a good amount of body hair)." .........

You use the term "SO" which leaves us wondering - wife, long term, live in girlfriend, uncommitted girlfriend, or even another male. It makes a difference. To get any serious advice, anything more than "poor baby", we've got to know.

[kristinacd55]

I can relate Jillian.....difference is my wife's going out with other men instead of rubbing MY legs lol. Even touching me is way beyond her now. Talk about throwing it in your face!

[JaytoJillian]

Anyone remember that first Living Social commercial that featured the crossdressing guy a couple of years agao? It aired on Superbowl Sunday during the game. Just like the manly man depicted in the ad, CDing was a progression for me. Heck, when I got married quite a few years ago, I would have never in my wildest dreams think that one day I would identify as a CD. Sure, I had tried on articles of women's clothing--usually in the company of a woman with whom I had an intimate relationship, and then, it was part of enhancing the lovemaking. Other than that, there were instances of experimentation when I was in grade school.

I got into CDing in 2006--I was "home alone" for about 30 days. Two weeks into it I decided to see how I would look en femme for some reason. I liked the feeling and I was intrigued by the look. Less than a year later, I told all to my SO---a move that I regret to this day. The relationship went from bad to worse. CDing became the icing on the cake for every argument--"I really don't like how you drive--and you're a crossdresser."

Someone commented that it doesn't sound like I care or that there is any love there--All I know is that I feel happy when she is out of the house, and I feel nothing but stress when she is near--And this feeling didn't begin with CDing.

I dont think either of us like one another very much.

[Marie-Elise]

Anyone remember that first Living Social commercial that featured the crossdressing guy a couple of years agao? It aired on Superbowl Sunday during the game. Just like the manly man depicted in the ad, CDing was a progression for me. Heck, when I got married quite a few years ago, I would have never in my wildest dreams think that one day I would identify as a CD. Sure, I had tried on articles of women's clothing--usually in the company of a woman with whom I had an intimate relationship, and then, it was part of enhancing the lovemaking. Other than that, there were instances of experimentation when I was in grade school.

I got into CDing in 2006--I was "home alone" for about 30 days. Two weeks into it I decided to see how I would look en femme for some reason. I liked the feeling and I was intrigued by the look. Less than a year later, I told all to my SO---a move that I regret to this day. The relationship went from bad to worse. CDing became the icing on the cake for every argument--"I really don't like how you drive--and you're a crossdresser."

Someone commented that it doesn't sound like I care or that there is any love there--All I know is that I feel happy when she is out of the house, and I feel nothing but stress when she is near--And this feeling didn't begin with CDing.

I dont think either of us like one another very much.

Then, why make yourselves miserable? Kids?

I know that, for me, I would stay because I don't want to have to rebuild everything I worked for at my age. Luckily, I am not in that position. But it does make me wonder why the two of you stay in what appears to be a confining and unpleasant life together.

[27th Jennifer]

My wife has done similar things to me. Maybe she was trying to cause me to feel ashamed so I would stop shaving. I think a part of the situation for me is that I've always had a generally high level of confidence in myself, and I think she may think she has found a weakness. There was a time where there WAS a weakness there, but no more. Don't be bullied. As some of the other replies have said, if you shave, OWN IT! (I love that! Thanks, Stephanie!)
Best of luck to you!
Ana B.

[TGMarla]

Geez, Jill. This has been going on for years. She obviously did this to make you uncomfortable in front of others, and I don't blame you for being put out by it. I don't know how you two have lasted this long, frankly. Is it worth it to you to stay together? What's in it for you? Glutton for abuse? We all care about you here, and we hate to see you unhappy.

[Diane Douglas]

We had friends over one night and my wife was retelling a story from years ago. While it was a minor story, the way she was telling it made me look like a fool. So I told her, in front of everyone.

Maybe you just need to express your displeasure of her comments in front of everyone.

Good luck with your marriage.

[~Joanne~]

Sorry to hear about all of this Jillian. Sounds as if your marriage is about to come undone. No one has suggested it but maybe instead of waiting for it to happen, or her to leave, why not leave yourself and move on to the life where you are happy? What is holding you into a life of misery?

[StephanieC]

How open is she normally with her family? Some share everything. Or perhaps she's looking for support from her family.

My SO does this a number of times, frequently with the kids. I usually ignore it. But in private I will remind her I am not a pet nor a blanket. I'm also getting old...I don't need grey hair to remind me of that fact.

Good luck!

-stephani

[suchacutie]

The best defense is a good offense. The key here is NOT to feel guilty! Be above it and you will be in the driver's seat! So she rubs her legs and tries to embarass you in front of family. Why not just tell her to "go ahead if that's what you feel is right".

Either she loves you or she doesn't, in the end. So if she wants to head to other men for what she needs, you'll know exactly what to do. If your response wakes her up, you'll know what to do with that as well.

Best of luck with this!