Maria has left the building

[Maria 60]

Yesterday we went to the mall and we were eating in the food court and my wife asked me if I needed anything like panties, pantyhose or anything for Maria, I said no, and told her there's no use spending money for stuff to sit in the closet and thanked her for asking and then she said to me, that she has been on board with my dressing from day one but the only thing she can't handle is the mood swings and how nervous I get and said it's not her fault that I have no time to myself at home. Ever since my kids went back to school the only time I dressed was last weekend when we went out to look for a dog, but haven't dressed in the house over a month. My son has quite his part time job to make more time for his school work and my daughters boyfriend is busy at work so both kids are home almost all the time. She is right it's not her fault and I shouldn't take it out on her but I can't help it, I miss having a few hours dressed and just relaxing around and the nervous part is that I don't see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for a while. I then told her how much I love her and how sorry I was that she has to deal with this and I will try not be so nervous. Life of a closet dresser. Thanks for listening to me vent, I guess that's why we are all here.

[Laura912]

Went through nearly the same behavior two weeks ago. Had eureka moment that the only person to blame is moi, because wife is fully OK. If there is any shame, it is mine. If there is any hesitancy, it is mine. If there is any excuse not to dress, it is mine. After realizing all that, spent all day last Tuesday dressed and loved it. Even at this advanced age, one can learn.

[Marlana]

Consider yourselves lucky. I rarely get any time by myself and my wife is NOT ok with it so there is no release for Marlana. Just day after day of wishing for a couple of hours of alone time. Oh, the darkness in my closet is calling. Bye.

[Maria 60]

Consider yourselves lucky. I rarely get any time by myself and my wife is NOT ok with it so there is no release for Marlana. Just day after day of wishing for a couple of hours of alone time. Oh, the darkness in my closet is calling. Bye.

I know, I Know the closet is getting to be a darker and darker place.

[Jonianne]

Go to your wife and tell her you will take her up on her request. Let her know you accept every little bit she can give you and let her feel good about however much support she is able to give. I feel the hurt you have in not being able to express Maria as you would like, but I also feel from your post the caring your wife is trying to share with you. Don't turn that away, just because of not being able to have more.

[Beverley Sims]

I think the mood swings we get when not dressing are akin to PMS among women.

[Stephanie47]

Good morning Maria. Several years ago I had almost the same family situation. The kids were still home. I had no time to be Stephanie. I felt I was a dog waiting for a scrap to fall on the floor. I was not satisfied for a sliver of time to express myself. But, there is something you have that I do not have. You have an accepting life. I read your post concerning the trip to find a dog. Well, if you have a wife who is accepting and participates in your cross dressing, you have been blessed. I got a chuckle with a little visualization of you scraping a dead bird off the car grill. Even if times are hard, if I were you I would save a few dollars and have a girls' night out scheduled every month or every two weeks. Your kids are old enough to survive a night without you. There must be some resort or destination that has off season rates for this time of year. In my area there are many nice condo rentals or motel/hotels with ocean view or access for reasonable rates ($50-$100). Plan a trip. Get out of town. If you're not near an ocean, is there a place in the mountains? On the river? You need to be creative.

[stacycoral]

Marla, vent all you want girl, have a four kids i understand, i have two in college and two in high school, so getting that time to feel and dress as a girl is something special at times. hang in there. hugs

[Brenda Freeman]

Your wife asked you if you needed any thing like panties and panty hose? I would so love a wife who offered to buy me panties, panty hose and other feminine items. I am sure she did this to cheer you up knowing you were feeling down! That is so special. I can relate to the need to dress up, having a wife who supports that is truly wonderful. I hope you can find some time or a way to enjoy dressing up. It took me years to have time at home prior to that I wore things under my man clothes and found time when I could have a room to myself! Good luck and appreciate the support you have that is special!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, We are here for you with a sholder to lean on and to listen.

[CINDYO]

i think you should count your blessings, and i do not mean to upset you. Your wife sounds awesome, from what I have read on this site over the last year, most cders would just love to have such an accepting wife. You should be thrilled that you have children and they are healthy (so it sounds) and have a good enough relationship with you and your wife to want to still be a home. My husband does not have much time to dress, much less than what it sounds like you have had. He probably would like to but it is just not in the cards right now. I know this is a site to support cders, and that is wonderful, my take on life is to be aware and thankful for everything in it. Never know what tomorrow might bring, that could make todays problems seem so small in comparison.

[~Joanne~]

I completely understand your frustration though I do not have it myself. I pretty much have plenty of dress time. Hopefully your situation will change or get a lot better for you soon. I am sure they won't be there forever and you'll have plenty of time ahead and a lot more share time with your wife It's great that your wife supports you and you should never take that for granted or take it out on her though at times, it's hard not to unintentionally. Let her buy you a pair of hose and pretend your happy if that is what it takes but always let her know how much you appreciate her.

[Maria 60]

i think you should count your blessings, and i do not mean to upset you. Your wife sounds awesome, from what I have read on this site over the last year, most cders would just love to have such an accepting wife. You should be thrilled that you have children and they are healthy (so it sounds) and have a good enough relationship with you and your wife to want to still be a home. My husband does not have much time to dress, much less than what it sounds like you have had. He probably would like to but it is just not in the cards right now. I know this is a site to support cders, and that is wonderful, my take on life is to be aware and thankful for everything in it. Never know what tomorrow might bring, that could make todays problems seem so small in comparison.

Well you know what they say, better watch what you wish for because it might come true. Don't get me wrong I love my children, I guess I knew that every Saturday the kids were working and looked forward to that time and could plan on it. Now I have to get used to not knowing when the next time may be.

[Maria 60]

I would like to thank everyone for there responds, and when I wright something it's always amazing how I will here a different side of things that make's you see it in a different light. My wife is my back bone and sometime we take people for granted, and through this site I see how much harder it would be if my wife wasn't so accepting. We are all in our own war but let's hope with all of us here in the community that we can help each other find our own form of peace.

[Senneca]

Maria, after reading your troubles, so to speak, it reminded me of a song and here is the chorus of it ...... I do hope it makes you feel a bit better....

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

[kimdl93]

I'm glad you were able to have the conversation and to acknowledge that cause of your moodiness. Perhaps what you need to do is find another avenue that would allow you and your wife to get away from the kids for a while.