Do I HAVE to?

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]“Do I have to...LOVE you?” (Neil Tennant)

Being a MtF crossdresser means dealing with many perplexing questions...

For instance, when I don women’s clothing, do I HAVE to question my sexuality? Why can’t I just wear a nice dress, some cute shoes, or my favorite unmentionables, and skip the associations that everyone insists I’m making crystal clear? I don’t question my sexuality. By this time in my life I know who I am, I know what I’m made of, and I know what the answer to “Are you gay?” is. And yet, when I crossdress, I can feel the fingers of society pointing at me in an accusatory manner – this has been instilled like some kind of gender-specific stigmata, and it’s hard to understand, in fact it hurts. Believe me; I just want to wear clothing that brings me pleasure, period. Keep in mind that I’m just a run-of-the-mill MtF crossdresser, and nothing more, OK?

Do I have to contemplate possible bisexuality when I crossdress? There must be a reason why I do this, right? I must be secretly attracted to males, so I dress as a female now and then to “act out” a role-reversal of epic proportions, correct? Nice try, but I’m not attracted to males, and I don’t dress up to make myself attractive to males. If I’m out and about, I dress in a certain way to blend in, or not be seen, slipping by the largely male “defenses” that are looking for any weakness in the populace. Males who prefer camouflage may appreciate this concept – I become part of the human “foliage.” As for the aforementioned attraction, I like certain types of individuals, regardless of gender, but I don’t see this as evidence of bisexuality. If I’m dressing up to declare my blessed apart-ness from males, why would I wish to abrogate this distance by trying to be attractive to them? That makes no sense at all...

When I look in the mirror at my cross-dressed (and adorned) self, do I have to wonder if I’m some kind of pervert or deviant? I am, of course, since I am deviating in the extreme from any societal trappings, as well as perverting conformity on the fly, but you need to see these words in a GOOD light, and not how everyone else sees them. You’ll never convince anyone that a male dressing up as a woman is NOT some sort of sexual perversity, but, in my case, it isn’t. How can a thing like emulation, based on a lifetime of observation, curiosity and longing become a nightmare of perversion? Please don’t put me on trial, the MtF crossdresser, in absentia because of inherited prejudice, and don’t assume that I’m a problem, a disease, or a danger to all who lay eyes on me. I deviate because I have issues with conformity and authority – neither one let me into their “clubhouse,” so I proceeded to deviate. Guess what? I’m much healthier than the non-perverts...

Do I have to wonder if there is a female inside me, and she is trying to get out? I never thought about this at all until I came to discussion forums like this one. I couldn’t make this statement to someone without biting my tongue, or feeling fraudulent, mainly because I don’t believe it to be true. You could make the case that ALL human beings have male and female characteristics, so it is plausible to think that the female can be submerged against her will, and vice versa, but, since we are not allowed to blur gender boundaries to any great extent, any expression along those lines is stillborn. I don’t ever feel that a woman is inside me, rather I acknowledge my sensitive nature and emotional response to things, and I enjoy tactile sensation perhaps more than others do, but in an obviously male context. In other words, I am ME, and there is no “other” who is imprisoned in my soul. Oh, it’s a neat way to describe one’s penchant for crossdressing, but, in my case at least, it just doesn’t hold water. I just LIKE to dress...

Do I have to accept everyone’s assumption (in this community) that I, the MtF crossdresser, am transgendered? This is another heaping helping of questioning, or unwanted doubt, which cuts into precious time that I could be spending whilst cross-dressed. Goodness, what does it all mean? I like to dress as a woman, therefore I must be on some kind of journey to actually BECOME a woman! I have taken the first step towards my inevitable goal, and now I must burden myself with all sorts of serious thinking – what about my family, my friends, and my career? What bathroom do I go into? Oh, it weighs on the mind, my friends. Remember the good old days, when I could frolic as a girl for a little while and be happy? I was aware of no outside connotations back then, and I was FREE! I did this fun thing and derived great pleasure from it, but then I came up against the precepts of TG, and suddenly I had to get very serious about things. I thought about being transgendered for about a nano-second, and then I resumed my carefree frolicking as a girl. Can you hear me giggling? Don’t get me wrong - if you’re TG, I just want you to know that I’m not like you. Good luck on your journey from M to F...

Speaking of the “community,” in this case LGBT, or whatever order of those symbolic letters you prefer, do I have to be a part of something that I don’t feel a part of? The other day, September 23rd, was “Celebrate Bisexuality Day,” so I told my sister about it. She told me she’s not bisexual (duh), but she also told me she “supports” bisexuality. OK... I asked her how one would go about supporting bisexuality, and, since my crossdressing is allegedly a part of the same community, isn’t support for bisexuality a nod in favor of wearing the “wrong” clothes? She didn’t have an answer for that, which just made me feel (once again) like I’m outside of the community that I am supposed to be a part of. I mean, if I’m not “G,” and I’m not “B,” how can I truly be “T?” Is there ever going to be “Celebrate Being a Crossdresser Day?” Oh, never mind...

One more thing - do I have to support all other individuals who crossdress, for whatever reason, simply because I like to dress-up on occasion? Am I being supported, or am I being further marginalized? I know we’re a small segment of the population, so small in fact that I will never come in contact with a genuine TG, or even a MtF crossdresser like me, in the flesh. It’s OK, since I do this purely for myself, in a highly individualistic effort to deal with my accidental existence. Do I even have to explain myself? From my perspective, life is pretty interesting, and my crossdressing has a lot to do with the “pretty” aspect. I dress-up to feel good, and it gets me through the day – I really don’t have to think about the other aspects of crossdressing, which other people insist are there in force, and thus must be dealt with in some way. I’m not what people think I am, no matter what direction you may be coming from – I’m just a MtF crossdresser, and it doesn’t really have to mean anything...

Do you ever wonder if you HAVE to think about certain things, simply because you crossdress?

Of course, I didn’t HAVE to write this, but I did. Thanks for reading... [/SIZE]

[Marleena]

Another great thread Freddy! I'll answer as an MTF of sorts. As a Cder you don't have a thing to worry about. You can dress when you please or not. In all honest nobody really cares if you're gay, bi, or straight. You'll only get asked that if you walk out the door and somebody is brave or interested enough to ask you. There is no obligation to support LGBT or worry about being called transgender, you can reject it all. You can choose to keep crossdressing private and not worry about what others think. It is what you want to do with it. If you're not stressed by crossdressing therapists will tell you that you're normal. You can thumb your nose up at society and after dressing return to your guy self. It really is that simple. For others there may be other complications like a wife and family. So I say enjoy it all.

[TGMarla]

Like many, I weighed these issues from time to time when I was younger. I've since given up such thoughts, opting to just be me. There isn't a "real" me when I'm dressed any more than when I'm not dressed. I'm always, continually, perpetually only me within me, and I am me. I'm not exactly like other males, as I greatly enjoy female emulation. But I'll never be female, transexual or otherwise. I joined this forum at a time when these questions weighed greatly on my mind. This is why I put the "TG" in front of my name.....well, that and the fact some other $&^#% had already taken the name "Marla". In fact I believe there's been two "Marla"s that have come and gone in the time I've been here. I have many transgendered traits, but I have concluded that I'm not transexual, and likely not all that transgendered anymore either.

So I just stopped thinking about it so much, and life is much easier now.

[GaleWarning]

Good thread!
When I joined the forum, it was partly to figure out the WHY? of my hobby.
Now I know that it is simply because I enjoy wearing the things I do.
Simple as that.
Perhaps it explains why I am not that stressed about any need to further "the cause".

[Dree Yer Ane Weird]

no one HAS to do anything except the basic biological functions (breathing etc) and most of them are still to an extent optional. Everything else is a choice.

[Cynthia Anne]

There's an old song called; Life doesn't really have to mean anything! So what ever you do; do it well and remember when you can't please everyone, just please yourself! Hugs!

[denese]

a great thread. i could not have said it better myself. after reading many many threads here i realize that there is a wide spectrum that is cd. all you have to do is accept yourself and not conform to any label. i like frederique just like to wear what i want when i want. i feel that i do not have a problem, society has a problem because they do not like me to be me. guess i am just a square peg in a round hole. this is my opinion and nobody elses.

[Julie Gaum]

Frederique's self-analysis is certainly well thought out (as it always is) but the depth is way beyond the complexity of the CD condition although for every CD there is another trigger found and another explanation given. You're driving yourself nuts! There are less than a dozen components that could be involved from genes to chromosomes to mental condition before birth to environment in early age and so on. You are confident that you are hetero and enjoy dressing so enjoy life! You only pass this way once so take some advice from an 87 year-old and stop what I call brooding --- you will make yourself ill for what purpose?
Julie

[Barbara Ella]

Great thread that brings up many thoughts and thought processes many go through. A good one word answer is NO. You do not have to...anything. But given Frederique's mind, i know you will. Maybe only in passing, but you will. i do, I just do not dwell on them nor seek to find the inner truths, if any.

And on a journey. Yes, everyone of us here has entered into a journey. For some it is very short, for others it is very long. Freddy appears to have reached a goal, and is happy there for the most part. That is a good thing.

And no, you did not have to write, but we all are so very glad you did.

Barbara

[kimdl93]

No, you don't have to question yourself in any respect. If society assumes something erroneously about a person who CDs - such as the notion that one must be gay or bi - that's nothing for you to concern yourself with. We can't expect to disabuse every person of their mistaken beliefs. We don't have the time, the medium, nor the persuasive powers necessary to convince everyone. If someone asks, just say no.

You don't need to accept another persons definition of your gender identification. If you're satisfied with yourself, again, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If theorists offer something you don't agree with, then agree to disagree. We can't prove the point in general or specific. And similarly, if you don't want to be part of a community of LGBT individuals then don't. You have no legal or moral obligation.

[MsRenee]

I so agree with Kim.

[Joanne f]

You do not have to support anyone , you do not have to question anything ,you do not have to accept anything anyone says about you , and you do not have to wonder about things that other people may be thinking , all you need to do is believe in yourself then all the other things will just fall into place .

[elizabethamy]

Freddy, I'm listening to Warren Zevon's "The Worrier King," which I highly recommend to you. I fear that we are cut from the same cloth -- hard to let go and just enjoy, must consider the meaning of everything unto exhaustion. The gay/bi question is never too far away, not because I think about it internally, but because everyone outside the CD/TG/TS community talks about how that must be what we are. Walt Whitman, that great bi nurse who was also the true bard of America (hmm), said: "I contain multitudes." And so do you, which is the part you get to enjoy! Keep writing!

elizabethamy

[Brianna612]

I am who I am. Look deep inside, find yourself, accept it, and don't worry about what others think. When you can accept and be yourself then you can truly enjoy life.

[carhill2mn]

The simple answer to your many questions is: No, you don't have to! As most of us know, how one dresses has no relationship to one's sexual preferences. Unfortunately, this is not true for much of the general populace.

[Diversity]

Hi Frederique,
Thank you for your post. It was excellent and most enjoyable reading. I appreciate you taking the time to put down in words the very thoughts I have been having about my CD'ing. I recently came to the point that I am not going to feel I must justify my CD'ing to anyone. This is my space. I even told my wife that I am very happy with who I am and am enjoying this aspect of my life. I told her also that I have not changed from being the man she married and that I have no intention of being anyone other than the person I have always been. One good thing that happened the other night, when we were talking about this, she said to me that she loved me and that I have not changed in anyway. So, she was fine with things as they are for the time being and that perhaps as more time passes, she will 'soften' toward this practice I have engaged myself in. I felt there is hope, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.
Unfortunately I am still hesitant to go out in public, but am edging toward doing this, slowly, as my confidence increases. I feel compelled to do this, because I want to be free to do what makes me feel good! I am not hurting anyone, and it would be great to be free enough and confident enough to dress the way I want, when I want, and where I want for the simple reason that it makes me feel good.
Again, Frederique, I appreciated reading your post. Nicely done.
Di

[VeronicaMoonlit]

For instance, when I don women’s clothing, do I HAVE to question my sexuality?

Of course not, that's a facetious question You know your own sexuality, don't you? So why would you question it?

By this time in my life I know who I am, I know what I’m made of, and I know what the answer to “Are you gay?” is. And yet, when I crossdress, I can feel the fingers of society pointing at me in an accusatory manner

If you know who you are, then why is it a problem that others aren't quite up to snuff on the subject. You can't control what they know/think, but you CAN control how you think. It's really only a problem if YOU think being gay is wrong either on a conscious or subconscious level.

And besides, "Why" does some, but not all, people think that in the first place? It's because the only people who crossdress that they know of are drag queens, they don't know about crossdresers like you because you're all hiding in your closets! How can you blame them, if they've never met a crossdresser in their lives.

Besides, it's not everyone, it's only some.

this has been instilled like some kind of gender-specific stigmata, and it’s hard to understand, in fact it hurts.

Why does it hurt?

Do I have to contemplate possible bisexuality when I crossdress? There must be a reason why I do this, right? I must be secretly attracted to males, so I dress as a female now and then to “act out” a role-reversal of epic proportions, correct?

This is actually a part of the "gay" thing you wrote about above, same thing. You know who you are, so it's not a problem unless on a subconscious level you think something is wrong with being gay.

When I look in the mirror at my cross-dressed (and adorned) self, do I have to wonder if I’m some kind of pervert or deviant? I am, of course, since I am deviating in the extreme from any societal trappings, as well as perverting conformity on the fly, but you need to see these words in a GOOD light, and not how everyone else sees them.

First off, I think yourself using those words is a bad sign. It means you've absorbed too much of the cultural baggage. So the best thing to do is to stop using the words. Really, that's what you need to do, stop using them. You know who you are, so it doesn't matter if some people are ignorant. And besides..."why" are they ignorant...because there's too many transfolk in the closet that's why.

You’ll never convince anyone that a male dressing up as a woman is NOT some sort of sexual perversity,

Who says? There are people who already know it isn't. Lots of people. After all, transpeople have various protections in several states, plenty of cities and other jurisdictions. The problem here, I think, is that deep down, YOU think it's a sexual perversion because of the cultural baggage, which is why you use that word so often and use "society is against us and hates us, so lets stay in our closets" rhetoric so often.It's not your fault, but it's time to throw out the baggage I think.

Do I have to wonder if there is a female inside me, and she is trying to get out?

You don't have to, but I think it's a thing that should be pondered. Once you figure it out, you're good to go.

Do I have to accept everyone’s assumption (in this community) that I, the MtF crossdresser, am transgendered?

For this one, yes, it's just simply easier if you do. Yes, I know that non-transgendered crossdressers exist haveing seen them online and in offline support groups, and I mostly don't consider the fetish dressers trans, but most crossdressers do have some kind of trans-identity. It's no skin off your back if people consider you part of the community is it?

Goodness, what does it all mean? I like to dress as a woman, therefore I must be on some kind of journey to actually BECOME a woman!

Now hold on there, you're conflating the terms "transgender" with "transsexual", They're not equivalent and not the same thing. Transgender is the umbrella term, transsexual is a specific term for those becoming women. For example, I consider you transgendered, but not a transsexual. A transsexual is one kind of transgendered person.

I thought about being transgendered for about a nano-second, and then I resumed my carefree frolicking as a girl. Can you hear me giggling? Don’t get me wrong - if you’re TG, I just want you to know that I’m not like you. Good luck on your journey from M to F...

Why do you keep conflating the two terms, they're not equivalent. the "TG" and "transgendered" in the above utterance should be replaced with TS and Transsexual because that's what you really mean.

Speaking of the “community,” in this case LGBT, or whatever order of those symbolic letters you prefer, do I have to be a part of something that I don’t feel a part of?

Well you're considered part of it, why is that a problem? If you don't feel a part of it, why not try to start feeling like a part of it.

OK... I asked her how one would go about supporting bisexuality, and, since my crossdressing is allegedly a part of the same community, isn’t support for bisexuality a nod in favor of wearing the “wrong” clothes? She didn’t have an answer for that, which just made me feel (once again) like I’m outside of the community that I am supposed to be a part of.

You're over thinking it. Fly the rainbow flag, go to a "support" event.... gee, it's not rocket science. It's kind of like how "anyone" can go to a "take back the night rally", or march against pay disparity.

I mean, if I’m not “G,” and I’m not “B,” how can I truly be “T?”

You're over thinking it, you can be one letter without the others. so of course you're T.

Is there ever going to be “Celebrate Being a Crossdresser Day?”

Technically the "Transgender Day of Remembrance" is (November 20th), or Halloween if your'e a member here it seems, depending on your viewpoint.

One more thing - do I have to support all other individuals who crossdress, for whatever reason, simply because I like to dress-up on occasion?

Well you "should" but you don't have to.

I know we’re a small segment of the population, so small in fact that I will never come in contact with a genuine TG, or even a MtF crossdresser like me, in the flesh.

Who says? "Never" is an absolute, only Sith deal in absolutes. :-) You probably have already come in contact, you just don't know it because crossdressers are so closeted. Besides it's easy to come in contact, join a support group.

Do you ever wonder if you HAVE to think about certain things, simply because you crossdress?

"Have"? No. "Should" Yes.

Veronica

[Paulette]

Frederique, life can be complicated, we are who we are. Each and everyone of us on this forum is an individual and as such different form the rest in some way of ways. Everyone has a different perspective depending on their life's experiences. If the internet had been around when I was in my early twenties providing the knowledge that there were others just like me my life might have been different. But alas it was not yet invented and so I traveled a different path to get to today. I enjoy being able to experience both sides of gender clothing, and to some extent being able to be softer and gentler while presenting as female. Introspection is a very healthy pastime to ensure that you are living life to the fullest. It also requires you to recognize that there are other peoples concerns and feelings that you must consider as you go through life. Pleasing just yourself can lead to a very lonely life, but when you consider others equally as much as your self a natural balance can occur.

[Veronica27]

If you can honestly say that you do not care what others think of you, or what impressions about you they may form, then you do not HAVE to think about any of the things you have mentioned. However, it is human nature to want to be liked and respected by others unless we are a complete sociopath. Therefore, anything we do that is outside the boundaries of generally accepted normalcy, will usually give us pause to wonder what it all means in the grand scheme of human interaction. When that activity tends to lead to opinions that culturally and historically have had negative implications, regardless of how incorrect those opinions may be, then we HAVE to think about them to some extent. It is difficult to reconcile a lack of concern over what others think, with the basic human need for respect.

Crossdressing does have certain negative implications, even though there may be no valid reasons for such negativity. It depends upon an individual's personal situation, what impact that negativity can have on his life. Such things as the assumption of being gay or having transexual needs, even if unfounded, can create difficulties in a person's relationships. Worse, any assumptions of crossdressing being perverse, can be devastating. It is logical, then, that we would tend to think about the various elements within our community, and the terminology commonly used. Are we actually a CD; are we really transgendered; does associating T with LGB lead to incorrect assumptions? We are urged to be true to ourselves, which requires an understanding of the meaning of the various terms, and whether or not they are applicable to us. It also requires us to deny attempts by others to label us incorrectly.

So, yes, I have to.

Veronica

[Veronica27]

Of course not, that's a facetious question You know your own sexuality, don't you? So why would you question it?

Well you're considered part of it, (i.e. LGBT) why is that a problem? If you don't feel a part of it, why not try to start feeling like a part of it.

You contradict yourself with these two statements. In the first case, you are saying if we know we are not gay, why do we worry that we may be considered to be so by others. What we say rules. In the second you are implying that we are considered a part of LGBT and what we know about ourself to the contrary is irrelevant. What everyone else says rules.

If you know who you are, then why is it a problem that others aren't quite up to snuff on the subject. You can't control what they know/think, but you CAN control how you think. It's really only a problem if YOU think being gay is wrong either on a conscious or subconscious level.

And besides, "Why" does some, but not all, people think that in the first place? It's because the only people who crossdress that they know of are drag queens, they don't know about crossdresers like you because you're all hiding in your closets! How can you blame them, if they've never met a crossdresser in their lives.

Besides, it's not everyone, it's only some.

Crossdressing is not the only important aspect of our life, at least not mine. My relationships with many other people for a variety of other aspects of life can be far more important. I can't possibly know their beliefs about crossdressing or homosexuality, but major portions of my life and hence my happiness could be severly harmed. To imply that we "hide" in our closets is insulting, as it more often is the result of well considered discretion.

You have been very dismissive of the various observations and concerns that are wrapped up in the various questions asked by Frederique. A careful reading of many of the threads on this forum, shows that there are many questions about sexuality and crossdressing, the "inner woman", deviation, bisexuality, transgenderism, community support, and so on. A thinking person who reads these will naturally be led to some degree of self-questioning.

Veronica

[lauriep]

There are two sides to every coin. What is fact, and what some people believe to be the truth in their eyes.

I ask you these questions. If you like to drink, are you an alcoholic? If you get speeding tickets, are you a dangerous driver? If you like to shoot weapons, does this make you murderer. If you as an adult take your small child of the opposite sex into a public restroom, does this make you a molester? No. Yet I know of people who do these things and to them it is ok, until they see someone else do it, and then it is wrong.

I dont crossdress because of somekind of sexual fantansy. I do it because I like it. I like the way I feel. I am not a diffrent person when I do it. Because of social norms I am forced to portray someone else in an attempt not to be harrased while I am dressed.

The clothes I wear do not make me who I am. This is Me. no matter how I am dressed.

[sometimes_miss]

Freddy, first I need to tell you, that there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing. But there's lots of problems with the way you come across, so I feel the need to let you know. You're very articulate, so obviously you don't have any problem stating things, but sometimes what you write and what you think it means is kind of, well, stating one thing and then contradicting it with the next, or even the rest of the sentence. I'm not attacking you; but I think in your zeal to write a lot of things you wind up missing how others see it. Now then.....

Being a MtF crossdresser means dealing with many perplexing questions...

Just the presence of the 'eek' smilie may make you question your own sexuality. I've never heard a non-gay male say anything like it or use that in a written, well, in any type of document.

For instance, when I don women’s clothing, do I HAVE to question my sexuality? Why can’t I just wear a nice dress, some cute shoes, or my favorite unmentionables, and skip the associations that everyone insists I’m making crystal clear?

You can skip them. 'Everyone else' won't. If you're o.k. with most people thinking you're gay, well, that's fine.

I don’t question my sexuality. By this time in my life I know who I am, I know what I’m made of, and I know what the answer to “Are you gay?” is.

And yet, we still, even on this forum, see men in their middle ages 'just discovering' that they like to crossdress. So there's no reason to believe anyone might suppress cross gender thoughts and not see it in themselves for many decades. We grow and change throughout our lives, and never know until it happens what the future holds for us.

And yet, when I crossdress, I can feel the fingers of society pointing at me in an accusatory manner – this has been instilled like some kind of gender-specific stigmata, and it’s hard to understand, in fact it hurts.

Really, Freddy, after all the discussions here, you don't understand why society doesn't like us? I know the search engine here is kind of broken, but I think you're way smarter than that.

a run-of-the-mill MtF crossdresser, and nothing more, OK?

No such thing. There are so many reasons for crossdressing that we really can't assign the behavior to any one cause, so there are no run-of-the-mill crossdressers.

Do I have to contemplate possible bisexuality when I crossdress? There must be a reason why I do this, right?

Right. But first you have to become completely honest with yourself, then search for that reason, because you may not be happy with that reason when you find it. There's such a stigma attached when you discuss a male who embraces ANYTHING feminine, that I think most crossdressers, and a whole lot of gay men, suppress the real reason to the point that they can't imagine it could be true.

I must be secretly attracted to males, so I dress as a female now and then to “act out” a role-reversal of epic proportions, correct?

Nope. Again, you have to figure out why you feel the need to appear and perhaps also behave as a female.

Guess what? I’m much healthier than the non-perverts...

Hooooooow do you know? It's like being senile; you won't know it when you get there.

Do I have to wonder if there is a female inside me

Not likely. True multiple personality disorder is a very rare thing, and the personalities are usually distinct. Nearly all crossdressers simply suppress the female feelings and behavior in their day to day lives, and 'let loose' whenever they feel safe to do so. It's not a separate 'woman inside you trying to get out'; it's the constant use of your mind's resources to continually suppress the natural feelings you have that you don't feel comfortable expressing at the time that makes you so strongly desire to free those feelings.

You could make the case that ALL human beings have male and female characteristics, so it is plausible to think that the female can be submerged against her will, and vice versa, but, since we are not allowed to blur gender boundaries to any great extent, any expression along those lines is stillborn.

It's the 'against her will' thing I have a problem with. It's not 'against your will'. You're the one suppressing what you don't feel comfortable expressing. It's YOU'RE will to do so. The whole 'against your will' and the concept of two separate persons (male and female) is a mechanism to shift the responsibility for the feminine feelings and behavior to someone else, anyone else, because we are brought up to feel shameful about being feminine in any way.

I thought about being transgendered for about a nano-second, and then I resumed my carefree frolicking as a girl. Can you hear me giggling?

If it was just the clothes, you wouldn't be 'carefree frolicking as a girl' nor giggling. There's more to it than clothing no matter how much you say there is not.
Do you have to support the rest of us who cross the gender lines in whatever way? No, but it would be nice if you did.

LGBT is not one big community that supports itself. It's more like New York City, a community that for the most parts, just barely tolerates itself, but preaches that we all are different, and will respect the differences of others. Most of the gay people I've communicated with over the years ALL believe that I'm really just a homosexual who's in denial. I understand why they need to believe that. But then when I tell them that by dressing as a straight person, that they are all heterosexuals in denial, well, they have a problem with that!

[Celeste]

I like your use of the word emulation..it is the act and emulation for me primarily that spurs me forward in this.If there are any sexual connotations attached by anyone else then its pretty evident that they haven't expended any time trying to understand others. Do I really need people like this in my life?Not really,but then again I do take time out of my life to fully understand others irregardless of where they stand on issues.There are just no grey areas in my life where I stand up and insist that people cannot do what they want, choose or attempt to achieve the vision they desire.

I'm glad cding has served a genuine purpose for me...that being,it's not mine to question others personal motives unless they ask my opinion or choose to share. I for one shall hold my assumptions at bay and see people for who they are inside.

[jillleanne]

No, you don't have to question yourself in any respect. If society assumes something erroneously about a person who CDs - such as the notion that one must be gay or bi - that's nothing for you to concern yourself with. We can't expect to disabuse every person of their mistaken beliefs. We don't have the time, the medium, nor the persuasive powers necessary to convince everyone. If someone asks, just say no.

You don't need to accept another persons definition of your gender identification. If you're satisfied with yourself, again, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If theorists offer something you don't agree with, then agree to disagree. We can't prove the point in general or specific. And similarly, if you don't want to be part of a community of LGBT individuals then don't. You have no legal or moral obligation.

Agreed. People waste far too much time and energy worrying about many things they need not worry about. What they do need to worry about is why they worry about anything so trivial to begin with. Get on with your lives and celebrate what gifts were given to you at birth. Yesterday is gone and today will soon be also.

[Krististeph]

[SIZE=2]You make a pretty good point here Frédérique, something I know I've been guilty of many times- feeling that if I identify with something, I should be taking up the cause as well- doing something to help out, etc.

It is a noble thing, but is it misplaced? I think there is a certain amount of onus when one is part of a larger group- if one participates actively, and even, perhaps passively- but i can see from the way you put it- that the point of debt can often be obscured or manipulated.

Being on campus- there are many groups who want me to do things for their causes. One thing about it is- I'm 48, and I've done a hell of a lot for a lot of different people. Granted, I do make it a priority to make time for myself as well, but when at work- I'm working on the project. Lots of my free time is spent reading and learning about some of these various subjects or projects, and I can often see where just jumping in is not necessarily helping the cause, especially when it must be in a particular manner- as when someone else runs some kind of philanthropic effort to a cause.

They are not asking you to become a better person (they may think they are), they are asking you do do what _they_ want you to do.

But, have _they_ lived through all of your hardships? Pains? Fears? Where were _they_ then? Unfertilized cell, that's where. So who are you to recruit me? Even if you are an age peer, have you done the things i have? I highly doubt it. Now, you may be a good person and all, and have done some wonderful things in your life, but I have to agree with you on this on [SIZE=2]Frédérique: who is to say that I _Should_ become more public? Sure, I'd like to, all things being equal, but does it mean I should? How about I should do it if I want to?

By the way, this goes way beyond crossdressing- into the way our lives are manipulated daily by groups, leaders, advertisers and sellers... but that's off topic, and I feel as if I should respect the wishes of other as not post those things here, whether or not it is truly the correct thing to do or not.

-Kristi


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