I Hate the GAY Reputation I Got for Buying Many Women’s Clothes…

[KateSpade83]

My first purchase of anything women’s, was in H.S. when dad lent me the car and I went to Kohl’s to buy my first skirt. I didn’t know the size and ended up buying something too small for my waist. Anyway the first bad karma happened when I bought this skirt – it was like an angel or spy woman was following me and was gonna destroy my life for becoming a crossdresser, but a man angel was following her and telling her –“He’s just a kid! And the skirt’s not even his size!” My mom later confiscated the skirt.

Next time I tried buying women’s clothes was in Jr year college. I was driving to Champaign Urbana from Chicago and I knew there was a mall above Kankakee, maybe Bourbonaise? Well, I went into the JCPenny and had my eye on my first skirt suit. As I was guessing the size to buy I guess I heard a women’s [devil's] voice say, “Follow your heart’s desire.” Now at that moment I was thinking if I bought this skirt suit my future life of many friends and being rich would not happen, - that crossdressing would destroy my life. But I went ahead with the temptation to buy the skirt suit and I couldn’t believe that crossdressing would negatively affect my life. Then after I bought the skirt suit a car ahead of me with women – one of them took off their panties and threw it out the window – maybe that was a signal to me that I need panties plus it also was a bad omen – like somehow people would know I crossdress.

And in the end crossdressing in college did HURT ME. My SR Design project partners found my stash of women’s clothes in my Apt and then they started treating me as gay. Plus they also were trying to blackmail me into doing all the project work or else they’ll squeal on me to everyone. In the end they hurt my project work so badly that I got a C in Sr Design class project, and I feel jobs later in the industry look at that and then dismiss me as not being a capable engineer. Like I don’t know why when I interviewed at GE Healthcare in WI there was a man walking up and he said I was dumb… And two times in two other companies GERMAN Engineers called me stupid… I’m not stupid and I did some great engineering projects successfully in college, better than the other students but that’s a long story.

But now almost EVERY JOB after college - they all figured out I was “gay.” I don’t mess around or have sex with men, but simply because I crossdress – they call me gay. And being called gay really has hurt me in my social life as people ostracize me and it’s hard making new friends. I lost many jobs because low life factory workers would feel better to put me down and call me gay. I show respect to everyone and never gossip a bad word about anyone but when a factory worker does this to me I consider them a LOW LIFE.

It seemed every workplace I worked, either people gossiped about me or I suspect they had people spying on me after work and found out I buy women’s clothes. Now, currently, I’m 4 years unemployed and at those rare times I got an interview – there would be some people who thought I was a nerd or gay. I don’t have nerd mannerisms, - that’s another way they insult crossdressers.

So to avoid this big gay reputation I got, I think at the start I should have dressed up with a good wig and makeup to be very passable and shop as a woman. I discovered my passability and ability to shop and pass as a woman in August 2006. So then often if I went to shop for women’s clothes I would be dressed as a woman. I did this whenever I went to a new city. But then I got tired of this and went to shopping as a man. And if I dressed as a woman I couldn't hit on a pretty women so I went back to shopping as a man.

So now I’m half & half for shopping as a woman. When I was buying a nice woman’s swimsuit at Village two women far behind me were making fun of me. Other times it made me feel funny buying that nice Catholic Schoolgirl skirt and they just know it’s for your gay fetish… So I shopped my latest Village 50% Off Thrift Sale as a woman… Passed 95% off the time, but those rare 5% of people just know how to detect you and they said, “That’s a man!”

So here’s my advice to newbies… If you want to avoid a gay reputation… Work on being passable with your look ASAP and then shop as a woman.

How about you? What’s your reputation for buying a lot of women’s clothes? How did it affect jobs and your social life?

My life sucks now… Only happiness is in my big bike and women’s clothes collection.

[Jorja]

So, you have a voice and I would think you know how to speak up for yourself. Simply speak up and say, No I am not gay (if in fact you are not gay), I just like womens clothing. Simple as that.

[flatlander_48]

The thing is that the notion that crossdressers are necessarily gay is VERY entrenched in our society. However, the question is how much effort do we want to invest in debating the point?

[famousunknown]

And being called gay really has hurt me in my social life as people ostracize me and it’s hard making new friends. I lost many jobs because low life factory workers would feel better to put me down and call me gay.

Sounds like you have some serious issues with gay people or people thinking you might be gay. And four years unemployed? Might be time to lower your job standards and flip a few burgers.

[prettytoes]

I have never had any problems buying women's clothing. I buy very girly satin string bikinis, nighties, bras, knee high socks, nail polish, etc., etc., etc. I just pick out what I want and walk up the the register with confidence. If you act nervous and skittish, you will draw unwanted attention to yourself.

The only comment I ever had was from a very attractive (and young) SO at the register who said the pajama sets and panties I was buying were cute. I go to her register whenever she is there, and she always gives me a very nice smile...I'm pretty sure she knows; and she seems to think it's pretty cool.

It makes me happy to wear women's clothes. I feel relaxed and comfortable. I do keep it in the privacy of my home, other than underdressing (I only own women's underwear). Nobody needs to know besides my wife and me.

[Anne2345]

What do you care if people think you are gay or not? I mean, you have no problem going out dressed en femme in public, so you evidently don't care if people know you are a crossdresser. And probably most people who see you out you do not know, or will not ever meet and be around anyways. So why bother caring about it? Really, it's just as silly as a gay person worrying that others will think he or she is a crossdresser just because they are gay. So f'ing what??!! It's your life. From what I see, you are doing a fine job doing it your way, so why create negative energy and worry within yourself for something that doesn't matter anyways? Plus, I've got news for you: the gay community is much more accepted in society than the transgender community. I'm just saying. You're the low chick on the totem pole. Yet another reason not to care . . . .

[Cynthia Anne]

I let people think what they want! I can think of a lot of things that would be worst then being called gay! Even some of my redneck friends think I'm gay! They still come around and are still friends! I always dress as female when I shop!

[GeminaRenee]

You seem awfully fixated on gayness - for someone who isn't.

Being gay or bi or straight or wearing women's clothes or dressing up in furry animal suits aren't going to bring you bad luck in life, nor are they going to ruin your career. Elton John and Marv Albert seem to be doing just fine.

Maybe your crossdressing is just a convenient scapegoat for your mediocre academic performance, or your apparent lack of employability. I really doubt the greater Chicagoland area is bustling with a network of spies focused on observing your shopping activities, and then passing along the dirt to prospective employers.

If I were you, I'd take a long, hard look at the real reasons you seem to be failing to perform as expected. I'd also learn to love yourself a little more instead of simmering in all this guilt and self-loathing that your posts froth with.

And stop worrying so much about those abominable gays. They're doing just fine without you.

[Ressie]

I don't know if anyone knows and gossips about my shopping. I might be interesting to know what people say. It seems the more I dress, my personality becomes a little more fem. Anyway, what about shopping online if you're worried about it? Maybe look for employers that are gay or CD friendly?

[Paige Winslow]

I was recently answering questions from a male MAC employee. And one was how I dealt with all the gay crossdressers. I'm not sure he believed me when I said we generally are heterosexual.

[Amy R Lynn]

I think your mixing a couple different issues in your life with Cross Dressing. You do seem very worried that people think you are gay. People will always have opinions. The one thing that I have learned is to have a thick skin and own who you are. Don't let them bother you. If someone says something to you just say something smart back like "Why are you interested?" When they say no (Or an awkward yes) say "Well I'm certainly not interested in you!". You can't let the get to you and crush your self esteem. And so what if they think you're gay. Let em wonder! You know what turns you on. Just go after the pretty hottie, and let them wonder.

As for the job. If you are dressing at work I could see why that could be an issue. Especially if you aren't passing it off as a woman or only dressing part of the time. If you don't dress at work, then I don't see the connetion with your inability to gain employment.

I would say that if an eployer called me stupid in the interview, I wouldn't want to work for them anyway. That would be a sign of a hostile work environment. I would even consider calling the BBB on them. I also agree that you may need to lower your job expectations and maybe flip a burger or spin a pizza. You could even get a job at a retail store and get a discount on clothes (just shop at another branch on the far side of town). But having a job even a minimum wage job, looks far better than going into an interview with a four year gap of being unemployed.

I hope you don't think of me as being harsh. I really only give you my opinion to help. I wish you nothing but the best. Keep your head up and be proud of what you have done. You went to school (sounds like you graduated college), that is an accomplishent in of itself. You seem very accepting of your dressing, and that is something to be proud of as well! Look for the positives. They are there. Don't let the negative things derail you.

[Julie Gaum]

Kate: Without knowing all the details my summary upon reading your story is in a nutshell (in my opinion) is here is a CD with all the engineerng qualifications in that you earned your shingle, regardless of grades, with very low esteem. As noted above if you were gay and 6 feet tall with your degree in hand I bet you would have received job offers by now. You may do even better landing a job if you provided your qualifications, presented to a company as female and said you were in transition. So what? Many companies want to show their diversity standards are high and here is another reason to hire you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and count your numerous
blessings.
Julia

[Wildaboutheels]

Guess what. ALL Gays are Humans. And a recent Q seems to indicate that most seem to be quite normal people. WOW. Imagine that.

ALL CDers are also Humans now matter how far they go in dressing whether they leave their house or not.

Translated? IF you are presenting yourself "dressed" to the world, it's inevitable that someone, sooner or later, is going to ask you THE question. And their reason for asking makes no difference.

IF you are unable or unwilling to DEFEND Gay people you really shouldn't be hitting the streets "dressed" IMO.

[Karren H]

How about you? What’s your reputation for buying a lot of women’s clothes? How did it affect jobs and your social life?

My life sucks now… Only happiness is in my big bike and women’s clothes collection.

I never went and asked anyone when I was buying women's clothing..... like I give a $h!t what they think!.... ohh did I mention my son is gay..... he doesn't seem to have a problem with it.... from your posts.... it appears that you think your life sucks because you either make it suck or you want it to suck.... or both.... imho.....

[Paige Winslow]

I'd rather be gay. In today's world, it's something to brag about. People slap you on the back and say congratulations! At least you know who to sleep with and what to wear to bed.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The fact you can't get find a job probably has more to do the fact we are in a depression with a worldwide financial disaster looming than you being suspected of being gay. Big companies are not hiring because they are worried about what is going to happen in the near future, if I were in their position I would be scared to death to take on new people too. It is a buyer's market and if they have to hire it will be only the best of the best and at bargain prices.

However, I don't doubt you could be discriminated against if people think you are gay at work, it is one reason to keep one's personal life and work as separate as possible. Do you tell them you dress, or do they think you are gay because of your voice or mannerisms en drab?

[Beverley Sims]

Are you beating yourself around the head in self pity?
Hold your head up high and go out and do it.
You do not have to think you are not a success.

[Sharon B.]

When I first started to buy womans clothes for myself, I use the section in a JCPenny's or Sears catalog to figure out my size and went from there.
If that was my only problem people thinking I was gay I would take that as a complainant, as they are more accepted in the work place and community than crossdressers.

[Kimberlyfaye]

I just go into a shop and buy whatever I want. I've taken all sorts to the checkout. Lingerie, swimwear, dresses, tops, skirts, you name it. 99% of the time I look around the womens section. I will usually use the 'gift' excuse if asked. Generally they've never asked, most of the time they only say if it doesn't fit you can exchange it. Admittedly I've never shopped en femme but that's because I don't have the confidence to. I applaud any of you who do that.

Also, like others have said, you shouldn't care what other people think of you. Live the way you want to live and all that matters is how you see yourself. My SO tells me that. I only wish I could follow her advice.

As for being gay, I've spoken to a GG friend about this a few days ago. In my opinion if I wanted to attract a gay male (who is interested in males), would my plan be to dress as a woman? I might be wrong but I don't think alot of gay men would be interested in someone who appears to be female. Just my thoughts.

[Jamie Ann]

[SIZE="6"][/SIZE]My initial reaction is to wish that you hadn’t had all the trouble you apparently have had; however, my second reaction is to recall that the home to the annual Chicago Be-All is one of the LGBT-friendliest states in the US. Crossdressing per se is not likely to ruin someone’s life (see http://www.lambdalegal.org/states-re...FQTNnAodSwcAYw).

In addition, the premise that people will think you are bad because they think you are gay seems to reflect some anti-gay sentiments that you may need to work on. If you were gay, then you still could find plenty of employment and plenty of friends — unless there are other underlying problems. Of course, the US was losing 800,000 jobs per month in 2007 through 2009; so employment problems were serious and continue to be troublesome, whether one is a crossdresser or a non-crossdresser, female or male, gay or straight. That now shows signs of turning around — knock on wood! The point is that a crossdresser who loses a job may have been a victim of other factors over which she had little control — not of crossdressing.

If you go out in public crossdressed, then you almost certainly will be recognized as a crossdresser by many people. As a practical matter, the only answer is to smile, be friendly, treat people well, dress appropriately for the situation, and refuse to take offense if someone says, “Hey, that’s a man!” There are non-passable crossdressers who get along just fine. Accept yourself; accept others (even if they’re gay); treat people right; and you will win most people over.

[~Joanne~]

When I shop, I don't look around to see if there are spies following me, if there are I would ask them to come hold my items while I look or push my cart . In fact, there are not. I think your mind is playing head games with you and as others have stated it seems you have some personal issues , other than CDing, that you need to work out. I understand it may be depression and this may be the reason you are feeling this way. Maybe seeing a doctor or therapist may help you gain control of your well being and get your life back on track.

Buying your clothes, because I don't like calling them women's clothes, or wearing them freely has nothing to do with your run of bad luck. As Vickie stated, things are really bad out there and even worse thing to come on just on the horizon. Get a lower paying job as stated till you get the job you want. just because you take something that you feel is beneath you doesn't mean your stuck there or that you shouldn't keep looking.

As for the whole gay thing, I don't know. I think you do have a few phobias you need to over come. Look at it this way, what they think and what they know are two different things. Who cares what they think? certainly you shouldn't.

I wish you all the best

[kimdl93]

OK, so your life sucks - today. What are you going to do to change that?

[Marleena]

I rather have a gay reputation than a pervert in a dress reputation. If you out yourself you'll be called or thought of as gay. It goes with the territory. I think you brought a lot of this on yourself. You need to learn from it.

[Butterfly Bill]

Probably all the people in my neighborhood have concluded that I am gay, and they have all decided to tolerate that group of people, judging from the way they treat me. And I just let them go on thinking that.

And do you really have to live in Chicago? You could go to places like Austin or Asheville or numerous places in California, and find a more tolerant environment. (You could even move to Muskogee, where I live.) I agree with the others, it does look to me like your problems are more than just crossdressing.

[Alice Torn]

The problem with being unemployed, is not enough money to move away. Its a bummer. I, like you, tend to be very paranoid, and ultra sensitive, about people, and surroundings. You and i both need thicker skins, and teflon. We need therapy, or support, and help to overcome paranoia, and self defeat. It is not easy, but possible. You have more guts than i do! I still can't go out that door outside dressed, even though i did years ago. One day at a time.