My first purchase of anything women’s, was in H.S. when dad lent me the car and I went to Kohl’s to buy my first skirt. I didn’t know the size and ended up buying something too small for my waist. Anyway the first bad karma happened when I bought this skirt – it was like an angel or spy woman was following me and was gonna destroy my life for becoming a crossdresser, but a man angel was following her and telling her –“He’s just a kid! And the skirt’s not even his size!” My mom later confiscated the skirt.
Next time I tried buying women’s clothes was in Jr year college. I was driving to Champaign Urbana from Chicago and I knew there was a mall above Kankakee, maybe Bourbonaise? Well, I went into the JCPenny and had my eye on my first skirt suit. As I was guessing the size to buy I guess I heard a women’s [devil's] voice say, “Follow your heart’s desire.” Now at that moment I was thinking if I bought this skirt suit my future life of many friends and being rich would not happen, - that crossdressing would destroy my life. But I went ahead with the temptation to buy the skirt suit and I couldn’t believe that crossdressing would negatively affect my life. Then after I bought the skirt suit a car ahead of me with women – one of them took off their panties and threw it out the window – maybe that was a signal to me that I need panties plus it also was a bad omen – like somehow people would know I crossdress.
And in the end crossdressing in college did HURT ME. My SR Design project partners found my stash of women’s clothes in my Apt and then they started treating me as gay. Plus they also were trying to blackmail me into doing all the project work or else they’ll squeal on me to everyone. In the end they hurt my project work so badly that I got a C in Sr Design class project, and I feel jobs later in the industry look at that and then dismiss me as not being a capable engineer. Like I don’t know why when I interviewed at GE Healthcare in WI there was a man walking up and he said I was dumb… And two times in two other companies GERMAN Engineers called me stupid… I’m not stupid and I did some great engineering projects successfully in college, better than the other students but that’s a long story.
But now almost EVERY JOB after college - they all figured out I was “gay.” I don’t mess around or have sex with men, but simply because I crossdress – they call me gay. And being called gay really has hurt me in my social life as people ostracize me and it’s hard making new friends. I lost many jobs because low life factory workers would feel better to put me down and call me gay. I show respect to everyone and never gossip a bad word about anyone but when a factory worker does this to me I consider them a LOW LIFE.
It seemed every workplace I worked, either people gossiped about me or I suspect they had people spying on me after work and found out I buy women’s clothes. Now, currently, I’m 4 years unemployed and at those rare times I got an interview – there would be some people who thought I was a nerd or gay. I don’t have nerd mannerisms, - that’s another way they insult crossdressers.
So to avoid this big gay reputation I got, I think at the start I should have dressed up with a good wig and makeup to be very passable and shop as a woman. I discovered my passability and ability to shop and pass as a woman in August 2006. So then often if I went to shop for women’s clothes I would be dressed as a woman. I did this whenever I went to a new city. But then I got tired of this and went to shopping as a man. And if I dressed as a woman I couldn't hit on a pretty women so I went back to shopping as a man.
So now I’m half & half for shopping as a woman. When I was buying a nice woman’s swimsuit at Village two women far behind me were making fun of me. Other times it made me feel funny buying that nice Catholic Schoolgirl skirt and they just know it’s for your gay fetish… So I shopped my latest Village 50% Off Thrift Sale as a woman… Passed 95% off the time, but those rare 5% of people just know how to detect you and they said, “That’s a man!”
So here’s my advice to newbies… If you want to avoid a gay reputation… Work on being passable with your look ASAP and then shop as a woman.
How about you? What’s your reputation for buying a lot of women’s clothes? How did it affect jobs and your social life?
My life sucks now… Only happiness is in my big bike and women’s clothes collection.