[SIZE="4"]Most often, we are on here celebrating our fem self, or our inner woman, or our fabulous shoes and clothes. But, is there a little stuffed away little boy, or man, who is damaged goods, that longs for attention, too? I tend to think we who dress, are in some ways more balanced, than macho men, but it IS a balance. for most, isn't it?[/SIZE]
50 years was his turn now it is her turn
I have never thought of my male side as being damaged! I like to dress as a lady, but I have never, in over 60 years of crossdressing, ever wanted to be a woman. I just like to dress as one. My late wife knew I was a CD when we married and we had almost 50 years together before cancer took her. And she supported my crossdressing all that time!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
For me, there's no male or female side. I'm always myself, I don't see it like two sides.
Another vote for my maleness being undamaged. He's quite alive and healthy, and I'm pretty sure he's checking out Kali when she's not looking!
"She ain't waiting 'til she gets older, her feet are makin' tracks in the winter snow.
She got a rainbow that touches her shoulder, she be headed where the thunder rolls."
-Van Halen, "Secrets"
I don't think my male side is damaged yet! BUT if ''he'' keeps noseing in her business all hell is gonna' break loose!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
Yeah, my male side has been greatly damaged by crossdressing. People think I'm gay or a nerd and it hurts in socializing and getting and keeping jobs. I wish I never started crossdressing but wearing a nice skirt suit or cheerleader outfit feels so nice!
Hi Alice, When I dress I;m a lady when not dressed I'm all guy totally undamaged.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Being 58, and still having to deal with, and help, my controlling father, pushes all my buttons, because he had similar, some of the same issues. It is eerie.
There's no hidden man to offend. I'm always a guy, even when appearance might not match expectations for one. My "feminine side" enhances my guy side, improving my ability to express my full self so I need not suppress in order to be sufficiently macho.
Miriam
Yes it is a balance for me. However, I do not grieve for my male side, as there has been no damage to grieve for. There has only been an addition of 'en femme' which has come to surface and is bringing a greater balance within. I am enjoying the feeling of the so long suppressed femme side and am glad it is coming out more and more. My wife does not understand it, but I am hoping in time, things will soften and she will let me be dressed in her presence. I told her that (and I believe this may be a key statement for many in this forum who have wives/SO's who don't want any involvment) "I am not trying to get her to see me dressed, but rather I am just trying to feel free around her to dress the way I want to be dressed and be comfortable within." I believe she took this on board and over the coming months she will give this consideration and we will have another open talk when she is ready. One thing I can say is that she has always been willing to listen when I have had the need to talk. She is a great wife and I could not have a better partner, as I can see she is adjusting to my admission of my need to CD, and I need to give her all the time she needs to adjust. I know I got a bit off the subject, but the initial discussion let me to this. I hope you all understand. Thank you for your post, Alice.
Di
Never realy thought about it ,,I am the same ,, Stupid in what ever I wear ,,, Can't fix Stupid ,,,Remember !!
Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,
Well, in my experience , my male side (Paul) and the female side(Paula) have melded together to become who I am today. This first became apparent when I was but a preteen......I no longer have the need to be male, I have nothing to prove now ,my female side is confidant,strong, and self reliant.My male side is no longer important to my being;mentally,spiritualy,I'm female...physically I have two male bits,but plan to have surgery to remove the "boys".At this stage of my life ,to undergo major surgery to gain a vagina is not feasable;both medically and financially.So I guess the short version is that I will not miss any part of my male persona.
Paula.
" I'm learning to fly"..............(Tom Petty).
Who says it's damaged?
Kathi
My males side is ok no damge. still love looking at girls and what not. So no both sides are ok.
You where born this way.
I think this is a very interesting question. I can see where some would get hung up on the word "damaged". I think the larger question is something like:
Do you grieve the things you have to give up to make room for the female side?
In some ways, yes. There's only so much time in a day. So do I miss not seeing a ball game because I had to redo my nails or play with makeup to perfect a look I am trying?
Only in retrospect and only because I end up in a thought loop like:
"I could be watching TV right now if I didn't have to take off all of this makeup"!
Kali asked a similar question about saying goodbye to pantyhose. As I noted in that thread, in order to evolve, we have to say goodbye to things we mistakenly thought we were. Not all of those goodbyes are pleasant. It's human nature to miss them.
There are tradeoffs wherever you look in life. It's nice that you are recognizing them. Most people don't take the time to appreciate this type of thing.
Meghan
"No matter how far you've gone down a wrong road, turn back."
~Turkish Proverb
I don't have a damaged male side, I am male first and foremost. Just love women's clothes
Oh, my! What a can of worms to open!
The damaged one was suzanne herself, but she is healing fast and very well, thanks to all my sisters on this forum and my wonderful SO. Come to think of it, my male half was also damaged, but in the sense of having something missing.
I spent the first two decades slavishly obeying my society-prescribed manhood training, suppressing my femme self out of the picture so well I didn't know she existed. Then one day, I discovered, much to the horror of the young man-in-training, my Mom's closet and lingerie drawer. The YMIT suppressed the femme urges as best he could until he had been married a few years when she came back with a vengeance. Many of you have told similar stories of failed suppression, so you know what I mean. Now, I have come to know I am both male and female, that I am not a complete, balanced person without Suzanne. My wife is coming to understand me that way too. She sees me as "Blended" and we do some girl things together, like mani/pedis!
Yes, Alice, I do grieve. I've rarely had anyone give me love or attention as a man. Actually, I've rarely had anyone give me love or attention at all, and I desperately crave it.
The start of it all was that, as a child, I had a problematic relationship with my father - def felt unloved by and unconnected to him. As a teen, I was socially awkward and had few friends, male or female. At 20, I rushed into an ill-advised marriage (having had only one GF previously), but there were so many problems that it did not give my male self/ego what it needed. Then, from the time the marriage ended until 2004, I had only a couple of relationships, and none lasted more than four months.
In 2004, I got into a relationship that gave me what I needed - or so it seemed. I even stopped cross-dressing for five years; I finally was getting positive strokes (no raunchy jokes intended when I say that) about being a man and having a woman who gave me love. But in 2010, she abandoned me emotionally (don't want to go into the details), and I finally realized she had never really been there for me. She had talked it up nicely about being there for me - but it never happened. She even admits she is incapable of giving or receiving love, having been too damaged in her own childhood; so I saw that I had been projecting my hopes onto her that whole time.
Feeling isolated and alone, Colleen once again became part of my life. Part of me hurts deeply that the only way to have a woman in my life is to pretend to be one. Meanwhile, I feel what I have always felt - that as a man, I am emotionally stunted at five years old.
If only our families and friends could be as supportive as our bras!
I wish I could kill him altogether!!!
I don't believe that my male side is damaged, I just favor my female side, which is my better self.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
I like that one. Step aside John here comes Amanda. Oh yeah I still have to be me.50 years was his turn now it is her turn
The perfect answer. so simple, so true.Originally Posted by Saffron
Another vote for Saffron's reply...
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I feel the same way - it is all just me.
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