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Thread: "Did you always like your name, Stephani?"

  1. #1
    Senior Member StephanieC's Avatar
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    "Did you always like your name, Stephani?"

    I love to sing. Until I went to college, I was in a number of choirs and singing groups. During college and after, I never had the occasion to be in an official group but enjoyed ad hoc opportunities to sing with others.

    Last year, as part of my new "journey", I joined a choir at the LGBT center. This was a renowned choir, who have sung as backup to Barry Manilow and others when they were in town and in need. Unfortunately, that choir decided to disband last year.

    Afterward, I kept hoping a new singing opportunity would arise. I know there are a number of groups in town, but they are less diverse: usually all men, all woman, all lesbian, etc. Frankly, as my old choir friends found other opportunities, I hoped they would give me a call:none came. At this point in my life, I don't really find myself squarely in any specific group: I can't be in the men's group and the women's groups have appeared cool to me (one person in one of those expressed the fact they really were for GGs only).

    This went on for a couple of months. Not only did I miss the singing but I missed a chance to be out with others...not only during practice and performances, but social occasions outside.

    As it turns out, the old choir director decided to accept a choir director job at one of the local churches (down the road). She extended an offer to me to join. I was ecstatic, though reserved because this was in my neighborhood whereas the previous choir was some distance away. And this choir was a plain straight choir, though I knew the denomination was known for it's diversity/acceptance.

    I'm very pleased by the chance to sing again. These people are quite good, and very friendly. At least one thinks they have seen me before (not likely). Some of my old choirmate women came to join so I know there are at least some non-straight people. I'm one of the taller people (the men are older and stoop a bit) but otherwise, I'm very comfortable with the group.

    One of the women is named Stephanie. She knows my name is Stephani(e) and we may greet each other but never really talk much. She is one of the older ladies and wears glasses. The other night at practice, as she passes me, she asks "did you always like your name, Stephani(e)?". I was a bit surprised but also pleased...both at her acceptance and her willingness to discuss something personal. She went on to say that she preferred "steph" and "stephi" when she was young and the various derivations through the years, finally appreciating the name "Stephanie" in her adulthood.

    At first, I didn't know how to respond. (How would you have reacted in that situation?) In this choir, I have not identified my background. Although some from the old choir know my situation, the majority do not. I do not see any purpose in going down that road. I closed my eyes, thought for a moment, and responded in a way I would had I always been this way.

    I don't know if this woman has trouble seeing or is so accepting. I'm not sure it makes a difference to me. Many days later, the though of this question still makes me happy. Yet another step.

    -stephani

  2. #2
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    I'm so glad you found a choir where you're free to express yourself in all respects. My guess is that the lady accepts you in your entirety too.

  3. #3
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephanieC View Post
    One of the women is named Stephanie. . . . She is one of the older ladies and wears glasses. . . . I don't know if this woman has trouble seeing or is so accepting. I'm not sure it makes a difference to me.
    It DOESN'T make any difference, and did you ever think that possibly it's neither that she can't see well or is accepting, but that you are blending well enough so that she sees a woman when she looks at you?
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  4. #4
    New Member christean's Avatar
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    I like your flickr photos all very sexy , and nocely done. My flikr photos are not so tame or I would add you as a freind, otherwise I might offend you.

  5. #5
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephanieC View Post
    I love to sing.....


    I can't be in the men's group
    and the question is why not? If they are "gay" men's choruses, they should see that acceptance is the way it should be. They have been down that road themselves. I think, personally, it would add a claasy style to the group. I assume you sing well enough that your voice would be an asset since it was before,so maybe, IF you want to be in one, you should point at the fact that the world is diverse, and your voice has a place in the choir.
    and the women's groups have appeared cool to me (one person in one of those expressed the fact they really were for GGs only).
    again, if this was a lesbian gruop, they are very rude and they have lost sight of the whole reason they can BE out now. It wasn't them alone but everyone in the community, otherwise they would still be the two maiden cousins living down the street. If it is a women's group, it is still rude but you can't control the 'Muggles" point of view


    as for the rest I know some churches who even if they are more straight than LGBT, truly welcome "us" The woman who talked to you...that is a good thing. I would not put it off to not seeing well or being old or whatever, she is just a nice lady who likes you as you are. Run with that.

    Glad you found a place to sing. If more of us got out there this would not even be an issue. We have talent just like the "others" Sing Out Louise!
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

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