Supportive Wife Question

[Rachel E Lee]

My wife has known about my CDing since we were dating and supports my feelings and needs (as of now, only about 3-4 times a year). The only problem she has is when people laugh at me. It doesn't bother me, as I enjoy giving people a good laugh as much as anyone, and I can laugh right along with them! But seeing people laugh at her husband distresses my wife deeply, and I want to be sensitive to her feelings.

Has anyone else here encountered a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it?

Thanks in advance!

Rachel

[Jenniferathome]

I've not had the same experience, but when my wife and I went out together the first time, she was on edge because she wanted ME to have a good time. Perhaps it is a bit of the same. If she knows you are ok, she may be less stressed.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rachel, That has to be a hard thing for your wife to accept
someone making fun of the one she loves.

[RADER]

Welcome to the Forum, In answer to your question, It all depends on how well you
transfer your looks from male to female. If you look like a man wearing a dress, you will get a few
Ho-Ho's. However, maybe with the help of your wife on make-up, wig styling, and dress in general,
Not to forget a real good shave, Your appearance would look more natural, and not get the
negative input you are now getting.
Surf around the forum, you will find some here that can change into a real beauty Queen, And you would
swear that they where a Female.
Try asking your wife for help to look more female, after all, she has had more practice than you.
Rader

[Eryn]

Rachel, my wife has said that her main concern when I started going out was that someone might ridicule me. Our wives, particularly accepting ones, are very protective of us. Think lionesses with cubs!

Now, I don't know you at all but my experience is that I've never had anyone laugh at me. If people are openly laughing at you, you might want to consider your presentation or perhaps the places to which you are taking your wife.

I'll agree with Rader that perhaps your wife might be of assistance, but remember that we often have to learn things for ourselves. My wife can look amazing with two or three products, but I need to wear twelve to appear acceptable in public. Possession of a second X chromosome does not mean that someone is a makeup expert! My wife helps me by checking my application, but I learned most of the techniques on my own.

[DonniDarkness]

Always remember our wives are "going out too". These are most likely their first times out as well, And they have anxieties even if they are different than our own, they effect both people in the relationship. The best thing to do when either of you get nervous is talk through it. It has helped me and my wifey, when we (mostly I) were having problems while out and about and/or dealing with anxieties about being seen as a crossdressing couple.

Best wishes,
-Donni-

[linda allen]

Welcome to the Forum, In answer to your question, It all depends on how well you
transfer your looks from male to female. If you look like a man wearing a dress, you will get a few
Ho-Ho's. However, maybe with the help of your wife on make-up, wig styling, and dress in general,
Not to forget a real good shave, Your appearance would look more natural, and not get the
negative input you are now getting.
Surf around the forum, you will find some here that can change into a real beauty Queen, And you would
swear that they where a Female.
Try asking your wife for help to look more female, after all, she has had more practice than you.
Rader

That pretty well sums it up. You've got to do a better job of looking like a female and your wife should be able to help.

Now if it's not at all possible (because you are a retired pro wrestler or footbal player, etc.), you'll just have to put up with the people or limit your dressing to provate places like your home or a hotel.

[Sandra]

Our wives, particularly accepting ones, are very protective of us. Think lionesses with cubs!

That sums it up well Even after 25 years I'm still very protective

[Kerigirl2009]

How my wife would define the laughing, is they are also laughing at her. so she is embarrassed and we may not be. This is one of her greatest fears. I don't have it but she does. But then again my wife is not the supportive type when it comes to her husband portraying a woman. My wife would rather run and hide and NEVR let me out as Keri.
I guess if I understood where she was coming from then I would not do it, but I do.

My suggestion is - take her to a dark place like a theater, this way the people cannot see you at all times. I have no clue, sorry
Good luck

[Rachel E Lee]

I don't have enough posts yet to upload a picture, when I reach the magic number, you all will be able to critique my look. Thanks again!

[linda allen]

I don't have enough posts yet to upload a picture, when I reach the magic number, you all will be able to critique my look. Thanks again!

That may help some, but it's hard to be totally honest to a stranger or even a new virtual friend. Your wife is in the best position to critique your look as well as help you improve it. And she is more apt to be totally honest.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

From a GG point of view, your wife may also be feeling that they are laughing at her too - you know the sort of thing people can say - "OMG, look at that guy in a dress, and his wife is with him too - fancy being married to him, she must be mad/stupid/etc. etc, doesnt she have any self respect"
if your wife feels that things like this are being said when people laugh at you, she will feel insulted, hurt and embarrassed as well as protective of you

If you are going out en femme you need to be fairly passable, not that you will fool everybody but at least so that you are not the subject of ridicule, and therefore by association your wife also gets ridiculed. If you can make yourself look presentable, passable and dont stand out, people shouldnt laugh

[Rachel E Lee]

i guess I should have mentioned that, while I work very diligently to be as feminine looking as possible, I'm also very tall, and there's very little I can do about that! I'm passable while sitting down or riding in a car, but when I stand up, all bets are off!

[StephanieJ]

Try asking your wife for help to look more female, after all, she has had more practice than you.

My wife was always okay(ish) with me wearing nylons and nighties, but she wasn't okay with dresses and makeup. Then one day out of the blue she agreed to help me ONE TIME. (That's the day my avatar picture was taken) I always thought that the more passable I was the more accepting she would be. Turns out that the exact opposite was true. The more feminine I looked the harder it was for her to be accepting. Apparently she preferred the man-in-a-dress over the "passable" CD.

[Rachel E Lee]

I do, believe me! There's nary a pair of heels in my wardrobe!

[Diversity]

Hi Rachel,This would be hard for your wife to deal with no doubt about it, because she obviously cares about you! Two suggestions which come to mind would be to a) check your look in the mirror to improve your 'passability', and b) change your outing times and locations. Even if it it means dressing at home, it may be the best alternative for your wife's sake.
Sometimes, no matter how hard one tries, one cannot make one's physical stature (male) look like a female! I wish you good luck!
Di

[Marleena]

I can't really add much to this. My wife is accepting and goes out with me too. She is more nervous than I am about other people's reactions. I'm not sure where you are going or where you live but people laughing at you doesn't sound right. I can only think it's the way you're dressed, or you don't look convincing enough to blend in (face) or it's your mannerisms. If you go out around teenage girls they will read you fast, they need to be avoided.

[Jorja]

i guess I should have mentioned that, while I work very diligently to be as feminine looking as possible, I'm also very tall, and there's very little I can do about that! I'm passable while sitting down or riding in a car, but when I stand up, all bets are off!

I want you to know, I dealt with a woman (a GG) today that was 6'8" and near 7' tall when she put on her heels. She was an absolute knock out. If her height bothered her she certianly didn't show it. Work with what you got.

[Rachel E Lee]

I want you to know, I dealt with a woman (a GG) today that was 6'8" and near 7' tall when she put on her heels. She was an absolute knock out. If her height bothered her she certianly didn't show it. Work with what you got.

I have this fantasy of going out to dinner with an entire women's basketball team, so I could "blend in"

[Rachel E Lee]

Right? When I was 19 I went out with a GG that was 6'5' tall...I wanted to see her in heels so we went to a store in Austin TX. I bought her some 4" heels and she was stunning. My CD'ism was on hold back then...but I KNEW I loved me some high heeled women...so we went with it.

I can still see her. She recently IM'd me on my FB page...

We're friends.

OMG...she still has those heels in her profile pix!

I showed her profile to my wife. My wife goes...so THAT'S her? She's beautiful!"

"Yep" I said...'That's her. She is. But your are more beautiful"

"How much more beautiful?" My wife asked..

"INFINITELY MORE SO!" I responded.

She smiled at my truism....

My wife is 5' 10" and I still tower over her even when she's in heels. Her best friends are a lesbian couple. I came out to them a few months ago, and now they're all excited about going out on the town with Rachel!

Right now, we're trying to figure out a date on the calendar when we're all free at the same time! I'll let y'all know how everything goes!

[Marleena]

Yes, I have to agree your height should not be a big issue Rachel. We have a lot of taller girls here that go out all of the time without any real problems. BTW nobody knows she's your wife, she could be a lady friend for all they know. I told my wife I'm her sister when we're out

[Eryn]

Regarding height: I'm 6'2" tall. 6'2" is the 95th percentile for men and the 99th percentile for women in the US. That means that one out of 100 women is my height or taller. That seems like a tiny number, but on a stroll through a mall one will probably see two or three women of that height so we're not all that unusual.

Now, let's look at the public perception of height. I can gauge it pretty well because I can say that anyone whose eyes are above my horizon are in the top percentile and therefore are really tall. What about a GG who is closer to the norm, say 5'6"? To her, half the women are taller than she is and to her there isn't a large visual difference between women who are 5'10", 6', or 6'2". They're all a lot taller than she is, and the common use of heels by even tall GGs confuses this even further.

I normally wear flats in mainstream situations, reserving heels for outings with CDing groups were blending isn't important. When encountering a tall GG while dressed in public the same thing always happens. Her eyes and mine both unconsciously drop to the other's feet to see if the other is wearing heels, then the eyes meet again and we both smile. I suppose that we could call it "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Legs!"

[Megan_Renee]

I do, believe me! There's nary a pair of heels in my wardrobe!

Someone need to go shopping! Laaaaaaa!

[mayacd7]

I agree with Donni, it is not only us that are nervous but also our wife's. It is definitely in a different way but they are nervous and the best way is to talk through. Great advise Donni.

[Rachel E Lee]

OK, my profile picture is observable now. Critiques are welcome!