Supportive Wife Question

[Eryn]

Rachel, you look just fine in your profile picture. Under what circumstances are people laughing at you?

[Jorja]

From your profile picture, I see nothing to laugh at. I see a good looking woman.

[Marleena]

I don't see anything wrong either. Something doesn't add up.

[Rachel E Lee]

Yes. Something doesn't add up....



Yeah, what circumstances?!?

Mostly my wife has problems when we first enter a room when people see how tall I am. Sometimes a kid's comment will set it off: We went to a restaurant when we were out of town with another CD couple. A 4 year old kid pointed at me and said, "Mama! That's a BIG lady!".

I took the laughter in stride, but I could tell my wife was embarrassed.

Sometimes, someone in another group will bring up my height in a derogatory manner. Once, I had a man who was standing in a theatre line with my wife and me. He asked, "Why do you do this! Answer that one question, WHY DO YOU DO THIS!"

My reply, "It's not my fault! I was raised by poodles!"

[heatherdress]

Rachel -
Mabe you should simply go to less discrete places and you will not attract any attention due to your height.

[ReineD]

How my wife would define the laughing, is they are also laughing at her. so she is embarrassed and we may not be.

I've been all over the place with this over the years. My SO doesn't have particularly mannish facial features nor is she overly tall (we are only 1" apart in height when I wear 3" heels), and with her small hands and feet (same size as mine), natural mid-back hair (which she wears tied at the nape in guy mode), an absence of beard shadow (she's had laser to get rid of all the dark beard), her light eyebrows that are trimmed, good makeup skills and clothing choices, I felt that no one would read her. So in the very beginning I had no qualms about going out ... until we were going up an escalator while two women passed us on the down escalator. I turned my head and saw them nod at us, whisper and giggle. I was devastated.

It was as if they were laughing at both of us. I was very much concerned for my SO's feelings and I was surprised that I also felt a degree of shame. I did not expect to feel this and I don't understand why I did. So then I began a phase of not looking at anyone when we went out (this lasted about a year), for fear of detecting a sneer or a stare. And when I did notice someone staring, I just wanted to sink into the ground. I eventually got over it (lost the shame of being read) because we went out a lot, and then began phase 3 where I would get angry if anyone dared to look cross-eyed at us. lol. But, eventually I decided to tell myself that the people who do read us and stare, do not necessarily judge us negatively. They may just be curious. So then I entered phase 4. I no longer avoid meeting people's gazes, and when I feel they are staring, I smile. If I feel they are judging us, then I give them an icy stare until they look away. lol

Once, some teenagers yelled insults at my SO from a passing car and if I had had that young man in front of me, I would have spoken to him severely. I hated to see my SO's feelings being hurt. Another time we were at a clothing store. The SAs had not seen us walking in together and when they looked up, I was at a rack near them while my SO was further away. They started to whisper, nod, and giggle, and I had daggers coming out of my eyes directed at them. They caught my glance and immediately stopped. I'm glad that my SO did not see this.

I suppose that during my phase 2, I felt the same type of shame that I would have felt, had I been a M2F TG and someone read me as a "guy" in a dress. Even though I do not CDress, when I am with my SO, I think of us as one and rightly or wrongly, I took everything directed at her onto myself as well.

Edit - This was the aspect of the CDing that I found most difficult.

[Eryn]

Mostly my wife has problems when we first enter a room when people see how tall I am. Sometimes a kid's comment will set it off: We went to a restaurant when we were out of town with another CD couple. A 4 year old kid pointed at me and said, "Mama! That's a BIG lady!".

Note the key word: "lady!"

I took the laughter in stride, but I could tell my wife was embarrassed.

Sometimes, someone in another group will bring up my height in a derogatory manner. Once, I had a man who was standing in a theatre line with my wife and me. He asked, "Why do you do this! Answer that one question, WHY DO YOU DO THIS!"

My reply, "It's not my fault! I was raised by poodles!"

A better answer would be a deadpan "Do what?"

If he was stupid enough to reply "dress like a woman" you'd say "Because I *am* a woman. Do you know how hurtful it is for Neanderthals like you to pass judgment on me just because I'm tall?" No man wants to be seen as being mean to a woman.

Just out of curiosity, and only if you don't mind saying, how tall are you?

[WifeofWrenchette]

That sums it up well Even after 25 years I'm still very protective

Yep, me too Sandra. If anyone makes fun of my husband I won't be silent. I don't feel shame for me in any way, but I do feel protective over my husband like lioness with her cub.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Okay im one of those that has too much male facial features, so if it was about passing iv failed before i get out the door,

19 years ago i told Jos i was / am a woman. = female & not a dresser or trans, well that went down well....not so 8 years of ...HELL... trust me it was, so no way would Jos be seen with me had i gone down the road dressed,

Yet dispite what we went through we stayed together & yes even sat through two years of my getting my clothes makeup & every thing ready for where i was going & doing, remember im an intersexed woman even so its just as hard to get through. after the heat had died down i did go out dressed in my female clothes, for a few years,

After Jos had accepted that i was different & had some idear of my being intersex , Jos did help in many ways even with accepting my surgerys & that took a while for Jos to get used to.remember at that time we had many years together so know pretty much each other very well

About 4 years ago even though Jos was not really happy going out with me she did relent & got used to me , of cause over the last 3 years Jos would say well come on lets get going . well we are going out arnt we, now she is not bothered,

one concern was what will others say, oh that ? well after i went to air nation wide, viewed by some 3 millon people interviews for papers & the net, Jos said well every one will now know , so from then on we just live our lives as pretty normal people as i say the 7 day wonder is over, people still come up to me & say hi. they know my background,

so theres no what will they say detail ,

Yes people who dont know me will ...look.... well come on i am different so why not. even Jos thinks its funny people looking .

Jos is still the one i love & allways will ,we spend time to gether surport each other spend time with family we have 16 in our family our three & two wifes , we have two sons & one lass & 9 grandkids.

& to tell the truth what iv put them through i belive we have come through intack pretty well concidering my difference .so even though im intersex its still not easy .

My best friend though is far more than that is Jos & yes i only use our real names & if your interested put my name on the net & youll see my propfile of no-el to noeleena...

...noeleena...

[linda allen]

.............. Once, I had a man who was standing in a theatre line with my wife and me. He asked, "Why do you do this! Answer that one question, WHY DO YOU DO THIS!""

Well, that was uncalled for. Kind of like asking an amputee "What happened to your leg?"

Just ignoring the person might be the best response.

BTW: Your photo looks great. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[PetiteDuality]

This is the kind of posts that dissipates my pink fog.

My face has too many masculine features. My shoulders are broad. I'm V shaped. My legs look masculine even when shaved. Of course people will laugh at me.

Some of the people writing in this post look wonderful (at least in pictures), and obviously don't pass (I say that because of the stories here, not because of their looks). I have no chances at all.

Many would say that passing is overrated. How can it be overrated if my fantasy is exactly to look like a woman?

[meganmartin]

My wife has never been out with me but she has asked this question.
Just as your wife she just worried about you.

[ReineD]

Some of the people writing in this post look wonderful (at least in pictures), and obviously don't pass (I say that because of the stories here, not because of their looks). I have no chances at all.

A tiny picture (compared to life size) that shows only one angle with a static facial expression, and that is carefully chosen out of dozens, is no indication of an ability to pass (being taken as a genetic woman) in real life. In any given minute an onlooker sees dozens of subtle changes in facial angles and expressions, even if a CDer is just sitting at a table in a coffee shop reading a newspaper.

But, I agree that we have many very attractive members here.

[linda allen]

Mostly my wife has problems when we first enter a room when people see how tall I am. Sometimes a kid's comment will set it off: We went to a restaurant when we were out of town with another CD couple. A 4 year old kid pointed at me and said, "Mama! That's a BIG lady!".

I took the laughter in stride, but I could tell my wife was embarrassed.

Sometimes, someone in another group will bring up my height in a derogatory manner. Once, I had a man who was standing in a theatre line with my wife and me. He asked, "Why do you do this! Answer that one question, WHY DO YOU DO THIS!"

My reply, "It's not my fault! I was raised by poodles!"

These issues seem to be related to the situations you put yourself in so if you or your wife are uncomfortable with these comments, consider where and when you go out. Standing in a line with other people who have nothing to do but stare at you is going to cause issues. Eating in a restaurant with another CD couple could well be the same.

Walking in the park, window shopping downtown or in the mall, visiting a zoo or museum, these are activities where people are in continuous motion and have other things to occupy their minds. Be more selective where you go and you can minimize the chance of unpleasant incidents.