Just got back from 2 AM Wal-Mart glam shopping; something always seems to go wrong...

[twistedkatie]

I live in a small town. There's only a single Wal-Mart and it's one of the major hubs of activity in this little place (yeah, that small of a town).

And I've got a job that requires me to be in charge of others. So yeah, 2 AM glam shopping at Wal-Mart (when I'm too lazy to just drive to the next town over).

So what's the first thing? Stop at the men's room to pee before we embark into the aisles... and my button from my worn out shorts promptly falls off and into the toilet. Are you kidding me right now?

Adapt and overcome? yes.
Took a string from my pocket and made a makeshift belt. With zipper up, and shirt over waistband, I don't have to go home to change clothes. I'm a boss.

Second step? Wander other aisles to gather courage to enter glam sections. Stop by video games... then housewares, yeah, that's it: pretend I'm gonna buy a new dishrack. Hmmmm

Oh no. Alert, random semi-attractive stocking girl noticed me. And I'm not unattractive. But I'm not here for that: I'm not here for that! And then I swallow wrong so now I'm coughing. FML.

No time for this. MOVE ON TO GLAM SECTION QUICKLY.

>Wild fat chick appears!
>Wild fat chick uses 'Stares suspicious at you in makeup section!'
>ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE.

Screw it; I'm already here. Respond with effeminate glare.
Fat chick retreats!

Gather spoils of war! Collect 100 exp!
Nail polish, fake eyelashes, black liquid eyeliner, fake nails, oh no fake eyelash glue almost forgot that, a concealer stick, maybe this lipstick here, oh and this hairstyle magazine, and

[SIZE="5"]~~~ EPIC HAUL ~~~[/SIZE]

alright. keep it cool.
now to the self-checkout, like a BAAAAAUUUUUUS

ok, i'll be real slick. i'll get this pack of gum too. no one will ever suspect that i...

THE WEIGHT IS NOT CORRECT FOR THIS ITEM oh shi fack rfuc THE WEIGHT IS NOT CORRECT FOR THIS ITEM no i, but i just, "Sir, can I help you?" THE WEIGHT IS NOT CORRECT FOR THIS ITEM
shut up you digital *******!

>Random bearded man at next register is staring at me. "Can you please just fix this stupid machine?" I ask.

"Yes...." the lady says slyly and punches in her code. memorize manager's code so i can do this myself next time

>criminal mastermind

THE WEIGHT IS NOT COR...

>i'm going to crossdress so hard I go back in time. And then I'm going to reverse invent the computer.

Now I'm in the parking lot.... cruising to my car.

And..... done.

Victory Taco Bell and Absolut Vodka!

[sinderella]

TGIF Katie lmao! Like a BAAAUUUS indeed

[WifeofWrenchette]

OMG! that was the best Wal-Mart thread I've read in a long time!

Our Wal-Marts aren't open at 2 a.m. they are closed between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. for stocking.

My poor husband has to go during the daylight hours. Be thankful your Wal-mart is open at 2 a.m.

[STACY B]

Twisted ,,,,,,Listen Lady ,,,, Halloween ,,,,,Halloween,,,,,,, Excuse !! Don't let it get away that easy !! Use the Halloween excuse !! I thought I have already Schooled you lady's on that !!

[WifeofWrenchette]

Oh, that's a good idea! My husband LOVES October each year because he uses the Halloween excuse. today he went shopping and got the cutest pink nurses' outfit. I woke up this afternoon (I sleep late) and he was dressed to the nines with a pink leather nurses' uniform and pink and white nurses' hat and pink stilettos. The stores all sell some of the cutest stuff at Halloween.

[natalie_cheryl]

i bet you play a lot of video games? lol me too great thread made a random trip to wally world exciting

[Diane Maple]

Love this. Lol. Feels like I am there.

[Megan Briana]

sounds like an adventure... But it sounds like you should get some more exp points... I would definitely be looking for more points: the "Respond with effeminate glare" should be at least double! OH well, enjoy the spoils!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie, I'll be watching for you in the next ( People of WALMART* ) video.

[sonna]

lol.....but its walmart nothing seems to go right eighter.

i hope you write more still LMAO.

[Karren H]

lol.... and I thought I was the only one who had the random bearded guy staring at me when the self check out girl comes up and grabs one of my bras and yells "I need a price check on this bra"

[Nikki A.]

Murphy's Law but you got through it and got what you wanted. Also no one tarred and feathered you. Most people just don't care, they are in their own world.

[Beverley Sims]

It seems like the other early morning shoppers are always checking me out and wondering why I am out shopping early in the morning.
I wait till later in the day when the pace of shopping life increases and people don't care.

[Kerstin]

That was so funny, I was LOLing in real life You're gonna have to turn it into a My Walmart Adventures miniseries or something.

[Megan_Renee]

:-)

[dragdoll]

all of the wal-marts in my area close the self-checkouts at 11pm.

[Amanda_P]

Great story I really enjoyed it. Sounds like a fun adventure.

[~Joanne~]

That was a very nice break from the norm around here lol i loved every minute of it while you suffered in pain lol Next time, go on triple XP night lol

Oh, that's a good idea! My husband LOVES October each year because he uses the Halloween excuse. today he went shopping and got the cutest pink nurses' outfit. I woke up this afternoon (I sleep late) and he was dressed to the nines with a pink leather nurses' uniform and pink and white nurses' hat and pink stilettos. The stores all sell some of the cutest stuff at Halloween.

Halloween is after all a CD's Christmas I assume your supportive so she has the wife that could be shopping for herself year round maybe even take a picture or two

[Jorja]

LOL..... reminds me of some of my adventures back when I first started. I can't believe that random bearded man is still hanging out there.

[Rachel Renee]

i bet you play a lot of video games?

Also possibly Reddit?

Please place item in the bagging area! I did! Just shut up and take my money!!!

[Plasibeau]

I actually laughed out loud. Epic post, thats exactly what it used to be like for me in the early days!

[paulaprimo]

mission impossible mr phelps...i don't think so. you pulled it off!! congrats on your victory!
just try to be more discriptive next time...


oops, my bad. just realized you are only in your twenties... so if you didn't understand the mr phelps reference i will be happy to explain,
a little before your time. when i was your age, i don't think walmart was even around...

[twistedkatie]

There's no way not to be creepy when it's late night at Wal-Mart.
Either you already had some gross physical deformity, and people will think: oh, of course they shop here after hours because there is something terribly wrong with them.
Or maybe you are 900 lbs. and use a scooter, and then you become one of **those**.

And if you're well dressed and looking good at Wal-Mart at 2AM?
Instant axe murderer.
That's seriously how everyone will look at you.

[Stephanie47]

Rather than loading up on every possible makeup item, I'd suggest just buying one or two items along with half a dozen grocery items. When I felt threatened I had it written in very specific language what 'my wife' wanted. Just about every makeup manufacturer has a website displaying their products. I also make sure I clip the coupons from the Sunday newspaper. This process actually helped me build confidence. I've even have asked for assistance looking for an item I could not locate. Of course, the exact color number of the product is written on the coupon. And, yes, Halloween is the time of year to stock up on false eyelashes.

Worse than the weight not ringing up wrong is when the item is not even in the computer database. Then, it's call a mini manager for a price check. I recommend whenever in doubt or fearful run the item under the price checker in the store.

[Tracii G]

Holy Crow!!!! Soo funny my early days were just like that LMAO.